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User
Posted 14 Oct 2014 at 22:37

I have wanted to start a post on this site for a long time but never seemed to find the right words. However today is my dads birthday he would of been 66 years old. Instead of the normal phone call or message I sat and had a quiet day thinking about him. It is hard to believe that you left us 133 days ago now. So much has happened since you have gone we talked about so many things over the years and now it all seems to be happening and i cant tell you. Someone said to me the the day that you were up in heaven making things happen after thinking about this that was a lovely comforting thought. If someone had told me this time last year I would be writing this I would never of believed them, I think about dad every day and all the other people affected by this awful disease and the familys. Dad is now in his final resting place which he spent alot of time in over the years and my next mission is to get over there to see him. I am also going to do all i can to fund raise for this cause. Miss you loads and love you forever happy birthday dad xxxxxxx

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 21:59

Hi Bonnie,


This is a lovely post you have written about your Dad remembering him on what would have been his birthday he would be very pleased I am sure to read your thoughts.


Time is a great healer I know this is said all too often but it is very true after my Dad passed for a long time I couldn't think back to happier times, it took many years but know I remember the fun and love not just the sad times.


Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 15:04

Hi Bonnie

All the excuses, male, didn't have that kind of parent relationship, etc so I just don't know what to say. However I most certainly feel, so picking up on Carol's words - Hello

Neighbour recently had 1st anniversary of her husband lost to PCa so she organised a garden party for new and old neighbours to meet and raise funds for this charity.

Ray

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 12:17
Hello Bonnie 72
Many people will read your post and will not know what to say when all you need is for someone just to say hi.I think they are frightened knowing that someday they will be going through this pain and feeling so alone.When all the friends and family leave you after the funeral that was the easy part its in the weeks and months to come are the hardest people will assume you are getting on with your life not the case.My husband Eric will also be 66 next Thursday my daughter will be 28 on the same day I feel it will be a hard day for her as like you it is still very raw for her(3months next week) I hope you can make his birthday into a celebration of his life.Not a sad day .
Carolann will pick his ashes up today and as we have always done will go for a meal and drink to celebrate their birthday yes she is taking her dad for a drink she said that is my Dads humour .I send my best wishes to youand you will be in my thoughts and next Thursday I will be remembering all the good men that were all taken to soon from us.
What I wanted to ge across to anyone reading Bonnie's post was it good just to say hello that's all.
Carol xx
User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 12:47

Hi Bonnie,


Just wanted to say 'Hi ' too. I lost Neil five weeks ago. As you say, you never know where you will be a year in the future with this wretched disease, I never imagined time would have been as short for Neil as it was. Carol. I carry Neil's ashes up and down the stairs, they are in the living room at the moment about to listen to The Archers.


Fiona. x


 

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 16:41

Hello Bonnie,


I lost my dad to PCa when he was just 55 years old.. ( I was then 35 )



 I wasn't particularly close to my dad, but his loss still had quite a big effect on me, although I didn't realise it at the time.



 I can understand how you must be feeling losing someone so close to you, especially at a comparatively young age.


Like many blokes I found it difficult to grieve openly but coped with things in my own way.

I am now 63 and was diagnosed with PCa in March this year, so in one way I'm following in my dad's footsteps.....
Hopefully my PCa has been diagnosed early enough and my recent treatment will enable me to enjoy my retirement.... a privilege that my father ( and yours )  unfortunately never had..


Best Wishes


Luther

Edited by member 15 Oct 2014 at 16:50  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 17 Oct 2014 at 07:33
hi KBO
once again the website techonolgy lets us down, I posted a response to you yesterday but it has disappeared.
You know who I am all I can say is hang on in there we both miss him so much
xx
User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 08:55
You rock baby girl Your Dad would be so very proud of you, I am sure you will get this job your dedication to the people you look after so amazingly well cannot have gone unnoticed. He would of course pick you up on spelling abd grammar (I got used to his perfectionism) but he never really got the concept of text or fb talk let's hope that if there is a budhist like 'new life' Dad will not come back as a rapper!!
Looking forward to shopping for your Lady manager wardrobe next week so fingers, toes etc all crossed for you.
xx
WSM
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 19:00

Fantastic - congratulations Karen xxxx What are you going to be managing?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 19:30
Haven't been on here for a while Karen as I keep losing my posts and it's driving me nuts. So pleased I popped in and saw this though. Congratulations on your promotion, well deserved without a doubt.

Give the WSM a big hug from me,

Love Allison xx
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 20:00

Well done Karen....the care sector needs good managers with the right values

Bri x

Edited by member 25 Oct 2014 at 20:00  | Reason: Not specified

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User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 12:17
Hello Bonnie 72
Many people will read your post and will not know what to say when all you need is for someone just to say hi.I think they are frightened knowing that someday they will be going through this pain and feeling so alone.When all the friends and family leave you after the funeral that was the easy part its in the weeks and months to come are the hardest people will assume you are getting on with your life not the case.My husband Eric will also be 66 next Thursday my daughter will be 28 on the same day I feel it will be a hard day for her as like you it is still very raw for her(3months next week) I hope you can make his birthday into a celebration of his life.Not a sad day .
Carolann will pick his ashes up today and as we have always done will go for a meal and drink to celebrate their birthday yes she is taking her dad for a drink she said that is my Dads humour .I send my best wishes to youand you will be in my thoughts and next Thursday I will be remembering all the good men that were all taken to soon from us.
What I wanted to ge across to anyone reading Bonnie's post was it good just to say hello that's all.
Carol xx
User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 12:47

Hi Bonnie,


Just wanted to say 'Hi ' too. I lost Neil five weeks ago. As you say, you never know where you will be a year in the future with this wretched disease, I never imagined time would have been as short for Neil as it was. Carol. I carry Neil's ashes up and down the stairs, they are in the living room at the moment about to listen to The Archers.


Fiona. x


 

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 15:04

Hi Bonnie

All the excuses, male, didn't have that kind of parent relationship, etc so I just don't know what to say. However I most certainly feel, so picking up on Carol's words - Hello

Neighbour recently had 1st anniversary of her husband lost to PCa so she organised a garden party for new and old neighbours to meet and raise funds for this charity.

Ray

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 16:41

Hello Bonnie,


I lost my dad to PCa when he was just 55 years old.. ( I was then 35 )



 I wasn't particularly close to my dad, but his loss still had quite a big effect on me, although I didn't realise it at the time.



 I can understand how you must be feeling losing someone so close to you, especially at a comparatively young age.


Like many blokes I found it difficult to grieve openly but coped with things in my own way.

I am now 63 and was diagnosed with PCa in March this year, so in one way I'm following in my dad's footsteps.....
Hopefully my PCa has been diagnosed early enough and my recent treatment will enable me to enjoy my retirement.... a privilege that my father ( and yours )  unfortunately never had..


Best Wishes


Luther

Edited by member 15 Oct 2014 at 16:50  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 21:59

Hi Bonnie,


This is a lovely post you have written about your Dad remembering him on what would have been his birthday he would be very pleased I am sure to read your thoughts.


Time is a great healer I know this is said all too often but it is very true after my Dad passed for a long time I couldn't think back to happier times, it took many years but know I remember the fun and love not just the sad times.


Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 15 Oct 2014 at 23:00

Thank you all for your kind messages, When dad was ill I followed lots of your stories and still am however i didn't post, I am glad i have now the support is amazing. Each and everyone one of you on here understands.


Carol yes you are right when the funeral etc is over its very quiet I am very lucky to have daily support from my stepmother and husband it has been a very hard and emotional few months of key events in my life and we have been there every step to support each other. My birthday was 5 days before my dads so I will be thinking of you and your daughter on Thursday.Fiona I have found that lots of people find comfort in possession of the ashes, dads was at home for a few weeks too, you just have to do whatever to get you through.Ray I have made it my goal to raise as much money as possible next year for everyone with and affected by this awful disease, this will be in memory of my dad.Luther I can also relate to what you have said I go to work everyday hiding my grief however this is not a subject I feel I can talk to with anyone, I am lucky that I have fantastic friends who are there for me when I need them and there support. Julie your right time will heal its still so raw however I am constantly looking through emails, video clips and photos and through the tears there is quite often a chuckle for my crazy wonderful dad xxx

User
Posted 17 Oct 2014 at 07:33
hi KBO
once again the website techonolgy lets us down, I posted a response to you yesterday but it has disappeared.
You know who I am all I can say is hang on in there we both miss him so much
xx
User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 07:13

Hi,


I've had a funny past few days this week with mixed emotions. The week started with the return of my lovely step mum however this has also bought the end of her epic journey of leaving my dad in his final resting place. I am so glad she is home it was hard for both of us while she was away, even though we spoke alot. On Wednesday I spent the day preparing for a job interview for a position of manager within the company I currently work for. Every day I think about my dad but today was even more, I've spent the last ten years studying and during that time gained many qualifications for management ending with obtaining my degree 4 weeks after dad passed away. Over the years myself and dad had many conversations about this he gave me advice and guidance throughout. He always said to me when i gained my degree he would have to enroll on another course himself as it would mean I had an education equal to him !!!! So during Wednesday while I am writing my notes his words of advice where there to help me. Thursday i was awake at 5.30am I got ready in my smart clothes left in plenty of time and off i went to Oxford our head office for my interview, my home to Oxford at that time of the morning is a nitemare however I did think to myself when I arrived 1 hour and 20 mins early I could see dads look pulling a funny face at me and rolling his eyes. They did briefly mention my dad in the interview but I just asked them to carry on I didn't want to come across as unprofessional and if dad thought I was crying over him in a interview for a job he has waited for years for me to get, well he would not want that. So here we are its Friday again I have to go to Oxford (training day) and while I am sat in my training I will be waiting for my area manager who incidentally is in the building opposite to ring me and let me know if I have been successful. I HATE WAITING !!!!!!!


 


Happy Friday everyone xx


Karen xxxx

User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 07:52

Hi Karen,


Happy Friday to you.


Best wishes with the job, hope to see you soon.


Si xx

Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict
User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 07:57
Hi Karen,

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Steve
User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 08:55
You rock baby girl Your Dad would be so very proud of you, I am sure you will get this job your dedication to the people you look after so amazingly well cannot have gone unnoticed. He would of course pick you up on spelling abd grammar (I got used to his perfectionism) but he never really got the concept of text or fb talk let's hope that if there is a budhist like 'new life' Dad will not come back as a rapper!!
Looking forward to shopping for your Lady manager wardrobe next week so fingers, toes etc all crossed for you.
xx
WSM
User
Posted 24 Oct 2014 at 19:54

Karen, he will be cheering you on and willing you to get that job. I do hope you get good news next week.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 17:53

Hello everyone,


Thank you so much for your messages of support. So Friday again I set off to go to my training session (again arrived an hour early) however this gave me time to take 5 minutes and get a cup of tea. Throughout the whole day I was sat with my mobile in my hand checking it every two minutes, luckily the trainers were very good a humorous double act so this kept everyone engaged and alert. My boss was constantly calling and texting have you heard anything. Training finished and still nothing I left oxford at 2.50pm, my journey home took 2 hours at 4.30pm I even pulled into a lay by for a few minutes thinking the area manager would be leaving the office soon and as she said she would let me know by end of the day on Friday i thought i would wait. Nothing so set off again to get home just as I came off the M40 she rang, I screamed YES down the phone when she informed me that I had given a good interview and had been offered the job. I was so happy however anyone driving past me may have questioned my sanity as i am laughing and talking to the phone on hands free!!!!!!!!!. Yet again something really big in my life has happened i know have got my promotion to manager something dad always wanted to see. I would like to think he does know and he would of been proud as he knew hw hard i have worked to get this. So now this brings another happy event i have 5 days off wok last night i had a few wines to celebrate with my husband. On Monday i will be going to stay for a couple of days with my lovey step mum, this will consist of girlie days shopping (as i need some new clothes managers are not allowed to wear jog pants and hoodies apparently) and I cant wait. I feel that things are getting better i will never get over the fact i will never see my dad again and think about him constantly, but life does go on. 


 


Have a happy Saturday everyone


 


Karen xxx

User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 19:00

Fantastic - congratulations Karen xxxx What are you going to be managing?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 19:30
Haven't been on here for a while Karen as I keep losing my posts and it's driving me nuts. So pleased I popped in and saw this though. Congratulations on your promotion, well deserved without a doubt.

Give the WSM a big hug from me,

Love Allison xx
User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 20:00

Well done Karen....the care sector needs good managers with the right values

Bri x

Edited by member 25 Oct 2014 at 20:00  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 25 Oct 2014 at 20:19

Hi Lyn,


 


I will be managing 3 houses in a town about 15 miles from me think there is 7 or 8 service users, Ive not worked there before so will be completely new i cant wait really looking forward to it. xx

User
Posted 31 Oct 2014 at 13:17
Hi Karen
firstly well done on your promotion
now I feel a bit silly about my previous post to you penny just dropped who your Dad is the lovely Mick and your
S Mum Mandy Mo a lovely lady who helped me with questions about Eric even although her and your Dad were going through such an awful time but she still found time to help others.So when I asked about support there is no question that you do as Mo will have in you.Best Wishes
Carol
User
Posted 31 Oct 2014 at 19:44
Thank you Carol as you see we are in similar situations.

Hope all is going as well as possible for you too.
xx
Mo
User
Posted 31 Oct 2014 at 23:17

Well Bonnie Blueberry,


Know I know it's you I have two things to say, firstly WELCOME and secondly how is that gorgeous dog. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif Congratulations on your job your Dad would be so proud.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 04 Nov 2014 at 07:04

Hi everyone,


I see a few of you have now guessed who I am, I didn't need to keep myself anonymous because I am very proud of who I am and where I have come from, however I started this while Mo was away and I didn't want to encroach on any of her posts we have since talked after she got home and both our posts are the same story but from different angles, her as a wife and myself as a daughter. I also noticed on the site that there are not many (or I haven't found them yet) stories from my view. Its strange because I write my posts and it gives me a very positive feeling.


Anyway I have been very busy since my last post, I spent a few days with lovely Mo some tears and laughter, fizz to celebrate my job and girly shopping day. We also sorted some more of dads things in the loft, well I say sorted we got rid of the 40 odd empty boxes to we can see whats up there. Why he kept this stuff because he said there is a use for everything ha ha that's how dad was. The funniest bit was when I bought down a kettle box, mo said to me that was from the old house so this means dad would have moved an empty box!!!!!!!


Yesterday was my first day at my new job I got everything ready the night before ( hearing dads voice saying prior planning etc) arriving at oxford in plenty of time phew !! It was a strange day lots of bits and pieces my new manager is lovely however mad as a box of frogs bless her. WE went through all the bits of paperwork and i bought home a pile of work so big i could hardly carry it, im thinking im gonna need a bigger bag here. Anyway I left at 3pm to miss traffic and do some work at home. I felt a bit naughty leaving early (sneaking past the area managers office) but that's how it works now managing my own time.


Today I am off to the houses I will be managing to meet the staff and service users i think alot more will make sense today. I am looking forward to meeting with everyone. 


Last week one of my friends put on my Facebook page "may a sad year end and a gud'n begin" I thought this was lovely. Dad always encouraged me to get to this point, I can hear his advice in my head all the time and i am going to to everything to do this well and make him proud.


Anyway Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to work I go !!!!


Happy Tuesday everyone


Karen xx


 

User
Posted 04 Nov 2014 at 09:11
Nice post Karen xxxx
Mo
User
Posted 04 Nov 2014 at 10:23

Lovely update Bonnie and so pleased that your first day went well BUT ....

.... now that the charity has seen fit to make our forum open to googlers, I think you have maybe shared a little too much info here and could have made yourself identifiable :-( Perhaps delete the city or the comment about frogs ....

..... and buy a shopping trolley for carrying all that paperwork!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 04 Nov 2014 at 23:17
Lyn
not sure I understand your concern there and I am positive Karen doesn't maybe you should send her a pm as I am sure she is worried now. I know she looks up to you and Bri for your understanding of the environment she works in.
xx
Mo
User
Posted 04 Nov 2014 at 23:40

I've messaged Karen

Bri

User
Posted 12 Nov 2014 at 17:21

Thank you for this post, I read the lot.
I'm on "my" journey but your heartfelt messages, and the lovely humane replies of support, suddenly jolted me out of my dark place - typical bloke, wrapped up in my own fears. You've stopped me in my tracks and made me realise what the rest of the family and friends will be going through. My job now is to stop maundering about and make their journey as easy as I can.

For that wonderful wake-up call my sincerest thanks, and I never doubted you'd get the new job, congratulations.
b0b

User
Posted 12 Nov 2014 at 17:46

Lyn - when you say opened up to googlers? Could someone explain a little more please?


 


Alison

 
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