Steve,
I have held back from posting on your thread but this latest twist for me defies normality why would you sabotage your own psa test ?
Your posts never have any regard for others, yes you are going through hard times.
No heating- Been there Got the T shirt
No money - Been there Got the T shirt
Speeding tickets - Been there got the T shirt
Heart Attack's - Been there got the T shirt
PC - Been there got the T- Shirt
Lost our home - Been there got the T shirt
Trevor's Stroke - Been there got the T shirt
Why you would feel the need to post your wife's intimate letter -sorry no T shirt. from your own admission she doesn't read your posts so that would be like me writing Trevor a personal letter on the forum. Sorry I don't get it .
We all have hardships in our lives that ride along with our pc diagnosis , you are not unique , live my life for a week I can assure you after a week you would count your blessings.
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Thanks everyone for your kind messages.
I've just had one of the best birthdays ever. So nice to be with my family especially our new addition , our little grandson.
Had a wonderful meal this evening and received some really special cards and presents. My wife gave me an engraved pocket watch which I will treasure forever.
I found it quite difficult to hide my emotions at times, especially when I spent a few moments to remember the forum members who sadly passed away this year. I didn't mention what I was thinking about at that moment because I knew my wife would be upset to be reminded of my illness and it's possible consequences. I quietly raised a glass in their memory.
So the end of a perfect day.
May I wish you all a very Happy Christmas.
Steve
User
Hi Steve, I am sorry that PC has brought you to the emotional position you are in, I think everyone touched by the disease can expect to have alien emotions to any healthy person. Do not beat your self up ever about how you feel as they are your feelings and you have every right to have them. As for your writings, I and many others would love to read them, captain Scott went to the South Pole, he chose to do it for glory, it was tough and sadly the return trip was too hard for him but his writings have been read by most British adults , I can recite them, they are inspirational and emotional. You my friend did not chose your challenge but like Amudsen have the advantage of using more modern ideas ( he used dogs, we use drugs) so there is no reason why you won't make that return trip, get the glory and have your writings read. I bet you have taken some inspirational, jaw dropping pictures in your time, I would love to see some, I have now Ida how I can see any but would love to, you must remember what you have achieved and what you are achieving now by helping newbys like me on my challenge, preparing me for some of what may be to come. As you know, I run, and stupidly have not cancelled my entry into this years Brighton maeathon despite being T4 N1M1a and starting chemo in 2 days, I shared that with a few friends last week and that has inspired them in that time to give £1800 to my just giving site for PC uk, I will get more and that gives me strength and purpose to get through the next few months. Your inspirational writing must do the same for you, share what you can, I for one would have less strength without you and others on this forum. Thoughts always with you Steve
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi,
I'm overwhelmed by the messages you have all posted. Thank you.
Sorry I haven't posted since this morning but I felt really tired following the angioplasty and trying to post, left handed, proved quite difficult. I'm very much a right handed person so I'm finding having to avoid any use of my right arm, a bit difficult (this is because during the procedure, your right wrist is cut and you have to give it chance to heal, keeping it straight for 24 hours, no heavy lifting for a week). I actually spent most of the day resting but not really being able to sleep much (which is what I really needed after a fairly sleepless night). I did keep checking on your messages though which helped a lot, as no visitors were allowed on the ward.
I was allowed home just before 5pm and went straight to bed until now. I must try and get back into normal sleep patterns.
Well, the angioplasty went well in unblocking the left coronary artery as planned. When it came to expanding the artery to put the metal stent in, I found it quiet painful this time, but that part barely lasted a couple of minutes. It's a procedure which I would happily do again if it was found to be necessary.
When I was reviewed by my consultant, he felt things had gone well but on later examination of the pictures, found that I had another problem with my heart which hadn't been detected before. He said that it appeared that part of the wall of one of my coronary arteries is thinner than it should be, so he is going to have to keep me on certain drugs longer than he expected to do (including one that doesn't allow you to drink alcohol, sob!). He also said he would do another angiogram in about a year and following that, may need to give me another operation to sort that out. Not sure what that would involve, I'll have to read up about it.
Apart from that, he said that I should make a good recovery and was quite happy that after a suitable rest, I could start running again. Unfortunately, not in time for me to run the Reading Half Marathon in March as I'd planned to.
I phoned my cardiac rehab nurse a few hours after the op and she was so relieved it had gone well. She said she had been quite concerned about my condition leading up to this point. She said she would have been sorry to "loose" me before she had chance to torture me with her exercise sessions. She told me she has already booked me in for her rehab fitness sessions starting on Tuesday, 3rd Feb. I'm looking forward to it. At least I can get fit while being closely monitored. She has really helped me get through this.
It's a shame to say this but I could have done with the same support from my uro oncology support nurses. I know they must be very busy but it's noticeable how much more supportive the cardiac care team are than the cancer team. I suppose it was probably that my heart problem was considered to more life threatening than my cancer at this stage. It could be a matter of funding and staffing levels too. The cardiac team have actually won an award for being the best centre in the country which I would fully agree with.
Well I feel much happier that particular heart problem is out of the way. I now have a sigmoidoscopy (look it up) to look forward to, a week on Friday (the 30th), having been finally referred by my oncologist to investigate possible radiotherapy damage. It's all good fun.
My 60th. birthday gift from the NHS was a screening test for possible bowel cancer, received in the post earlier this month thought when I have the sigmoidoscopy, it may not be necessary to do the test sent to me as that will have a better chance of detecting any possible cancer.
Anyway, thanks again for the support you have shown me, I hope I'm able to the same for others.
"Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life".
Steve
Edited by member 20 Jan 2015 at 03:08
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hello Steve,
I have been following your posts with both interest and empathy. You have every reason to be feeling fed up, and financial concerns don't help. I am thinking you might quite like some benefits input from my friend and colleague at Maggie's online centre. You'd need to google it, then join as a member. We are a cancer charity providing psychological and practical info. Tom, my colleague is good at getting to the nitty gritty of what people can claim. You can even say SusieQ recommended you ( that's my username in my day job).
You sound a fantastic man, simply being hit by too many challenges at once. Please don't beat yourself up. The fatigue and problems, both cardiac and prostate cancer treatment related, are taking their toll. They are survivable, but it may not feel like it today.
This is where we all pull together, to lift your spirits and get you through...
Warmest wishes
Sue
User
OH Steve,
I have seen you logged on and also noted that you hadn't posted and I had thought that you must be very low and your post has confirmed my thoughts.
I hope you don't mind me saying but I think you are very depressed and need to see your GP about this, you have been through such a lot and with each blow it knocks you down further , we all need a helping hand back up the ladder and it is now time to ask for that help from your GP. Tiredness and a feeling of not being able to cope are classic signs.
Your wife has also been going through this and sometimes things can get so emotional that we don't or can't give each other the support that is needed , we can all help you on the forum but sometimes extra medical help is needed. I have been there and lost our home Steve and also faced huge hardship financially and emotionally and most importantly with Trevor's health , the main thing is that you know seek the help that you need . Life will get better because when you hit rock bottom the only way is up.
Go see your Dr and open up to him or her, you need that extra bit of help.
Thinking of you.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
A lovely heartfelt piece of writing Steve. You talked about your wife at Newark and it feels as if that issue remains alive. Yet sometimes you have to be selfish and sort yourself out first. If your wife cannot give you the support you need seek it elsewhere so you can eventually be strong for her too. You feel zapped of energy and you are not used to the inactivity. It would help to talk this through and seeking professional help is a starting point. Although we can listen and this site is supportive sometimes that is not enough to get on top of some of the feelings the events of the last nine months have generated for you.
Hoping to hear better news of your heart problems this week and that you have sought some help. You will get there eventually but now is not the time to go inward and try and do it yourself, take your problems to someone who can help.
User
Hi Steve,
Sorry i'm late with this, I had to find an old post of mine to paste here.
I thoroughly understand how badly you've been feeling.I have been there, and (damn it all...still visit there sometimes!)
This was my reply to someone undergoing the same dark times a while back:
I am so glad you posted about your depression.
So many guys won't admit it, but it is very common amongst members here.
When I was diagnosed in 2005 I was told I had only two or three years left, yet it didn't bring me down at all.
In fact, quite the opposite. I had a fire in my belly and an absolute determination to get through everything and prove that one particular doctor was a sadistic tosser.
I became as pro-active as you could possibly be in my treatment and in my dealings with consultants.
Yet, four years later, when all my results were good, RT had been a doddle, I'd finished HT after just 2 years, and life was good......I suddenly slid down into a deep black hole of depression.
Being the stubborn git that I am, I did NOT want to see any doctor about it, figuring I would find my own way out of the darkness.
I was wrong.
I endured 14 months of very deep depression. I didn't want to socialise, didn't even want to answer the phone, became very withdrawn and quiet. I couldn't even arrange our Leicester 'do' in 2009.
Finally I spoke to my oncologist (who is a good friend) and he wasn't at all surprised. He said he had expected depression to hit me much earlier. He recommended I see a pyschologist who specialised in cancer patients & depression.
I met her a few times, and she did get me to talk a little, but I felt more sessions wouldn't help.
Finally, I took the meds route. I got my GP to let me try four different types of anti-depressants over about six months, and finally I found one which actually worked for me.
Within a month of starting those pills, I felt myself coming back into the light.
It was like a miracle.
I didn't stay on them too long, but I do return to them every 18 months or so, because I am still prone to bouts of that damn depression.
But at least now, I recognise the signs soon, and I don't let it bring me down for long.
I think it's like our reaction to our cancer and our treatments - each one of is is unique.
Some people are able to throw themselves into activities and get through depression, other do find counselling works, but when you find yourself so deep down a dark hole that you can't function properly any more, it's time to do something.
Don't be stubborn like I was, go and actively seek a cure.
But most important of all, please don't try and cope with it alone if you find the dark periods lasting too long.
Our life is far too short to waste in in gloom, innit?
Start smiling soon, kiddo!
George
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George, I thought I knew you but had no idea that you have had this struggle. What a wonderful post x
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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As George has openly admitted his own struggles I think you can see Steve it's far more common than people think. I don't believe anyone can go through a diagnosis of Cancer and not feel depressed lets face it that hardly make you feel good. You have had one blow after another and as Mo has said your feelings are completely normal. Trust me there are many days when I am so low it is hard to function and the same for Trevor. I think everyone on the forum deserves a WHY ME MOMENT.
The only person I can think of who never really spoke of those feelings was TG but I am sure that he had them , in fact I know he did. I once sent him the song Moon River, it seems like a life time ago know. Any way before I get all maudlin here is my song to you.
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ther'll be sun
Just thinking about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till there's none
when I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely , I just stick up my chin and say OH
The sun'll come out tomorrow , so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya your always a day away.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Hi Steve,
It is good that you have had the angioplasty. But you are still not yet in a good place.
Looking at your recent posts about your reduced flow I see that your Cardiac Rehabilitation Nurse has not seen this situation before and advised you to wait and see how it goes! Your cardiac unit has now told you to contact your GP for an urgent appointment. You will be seeing your GP this afternoon but based on what you have said you always have the option to phone your Urologist or her Secretary straight away and tell her about your retention problem and the advice from your cardiac unit. Ask if she or someone could speak to your Urologist about your waterworks problem. If you cannot raise anyone in your Uro Team try to speak directly to your Urologist's Secretary.
You mentioned that your Oncologist has arranged for you to have a sigmoidoscopy to find out what is causing your bleeding. You have now received a bowel cancer screening kit and you are wondering whether you need to use kit if you are having a sigmoidoscopy. The short answer is that these two procedures serve a different purpose. You have the test kit so why not use it?
You may not know that the Bowel Cancer Screening Programme now includes a once only Bowel Scope Screening test at age 55. Bowel Scope Screening uses a flexible sigmoidoscopy procedure carried out in the same way as the sigmoidoscopy procedure which your Oncologist has arranged for you because of your rectal bleeding. Bowel Scope Screening looks for polyps, some of which may be pre cancerous, as well as any other condition which may need to be investigated further.
Have a look at the Bowel Cancer Screening website at the link below.
http://www.cancerscreening.nhs.uk/bowel/index.html
Open the leaflet “Bowel Scope Screening” at the bottom of the page. On page 5 of the leaflet there is a warning that anyone who has certain health problems may not be able to have a sigmoidoscopy under the Bowel Scope Screening arrangements The 3rd bullet point shows that one of the health problems is if you “are waiting for heart surgery or have had heart surgery in the last three months.”
It looks to me that this warning applies to the sigmoidoscopy procedure and not for the clinical reason for which it is used. Your Oncologist may already have considered this with your cardiologist, but perhaps you may wish confirm the position with your Oncologist and that it is OK for you to have the procedure. I have not heard of this restriction before and I cannot find an equivalent warning about having flexible sigmoidoscopy on other websites.
The sigmoidoscopy is usually performed by a General Surgeon. I don’t wish to be alarmist over this but when you have medics from a number different specialisms looking after you it is best to be sure that everyone knows what is going on.. ... perhaps they do in which case there will not be a problem with having a sigmoidoscopy.
I have had a couple of sigmoidoscopy’s and for me this is a very straightforward procedure.
I hope this is useful for you and you get things sorted quickly.
Alan
Edited by member 22 Jan 2015 at 14:38
| Reason: Not specified
User
Take your own advice Steve and you will get back to work. Rush it and you will be on the revolving door of A&E! I know getting back to normal is the goal and I have been lucky that I can continue to work with some adjustments for fatique. But this is a new normal for you and one complicated by the heart problems. You talked of writing recently and why not start blogging, occupying your mind but resting your body. Good luck you will soon be back to normal, if you give it chance!
User
Hi,
The assessment session went well today. Mainly just giving information and starting properly on Thursday. Had a six minute walking test. Pretty easy, maintained a consistent heart rate throughout.
My cardiac nurse said that I probably ought to consider going back to work after the course is over because I've had to cope with so much in recent months and I'm still breathless at times. She said that others who do the course tend to do that. She thought I would benefit from it. That would be another six weeks. I hadn't prepared for that possibility.
Anyway, the rest of the day I helped to look after our grandson, who we were babysitting today. A real pleasure. He was three months old today so it was a special day. He's so cute.
Well, looking forward to starting the course on Thursday.
Steve
Edited by member 03 Feb 2015 at 20:09
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi,
Great news at last. So pleased that my wife's health problem wasn't cancer. I'm so relieved. So was my wife. My prayers were answered for once.
Thank you for all your kind messages of support.
Steve
User
Hi Steve,
Sorry I cannot help with the heating issue, need to be Gas Safe registered these days.
Has anyone else been using your account or sign in details here these last few days? I know you have not posted a lot recently, but the site membership list shows that your log in and name etc has been logged on here every day. If this was not you, it may be worth reporting this to the admin team?
Hope things improve for you sooner rather than later. At least it is getting warmer now, thank goodness, spring may have finally sprung?
atb
dave
User
Nothing to apologise for Steve ..... and look how good we all are at caring about each other! Ah, some day we will all look back at this and laugh :-E
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Morning Steve,
Hope you had peaceful night with not too many disturbances. Thinking of you today, and hope your results are ok and you get to go home. Hopefully you have found someone good to explain how you have been feeling lately, so that you can get some support and reassurance.
Go steady and take things easy,
Miss x
User
Thank you for your reply Steve. Sorry I hadn't read your profile completely. I still think you should have a look at the PIP on the dwp site because you may be eligible due to your heart condition.
Fifteen years ago my hubby was dx with multiple sclerosis and luckily that didn't progress much, then just before Christmas my beautiful daughter was dx with it but again fingers crossed she has the same one as her dad. I also lost my mon last year to pancreatic cancer and now have my dad living with us. I am not a regular church person but I do believe. Many years ago when my daughter was a baby and very poorly the specialist said try to think we are sent these things to cope with because we are strong and others may not be able to cope with it we are chosen. I know that sounds strange but I took comfort from it at a bad time. For my part I think protecting your wife is admirable, but she may wish to share with you. Us women do like looking after our men, give her that opportunity.
Please stay strong and heed mo,s advice writing is therapeutic.
My hubby has just had his first cycle of Cabazataxel today so I will update my post soon.
Take care
Joy xxxx
User
I agree with mo. There are positives everywhere look for them, find them, then we'll go sing it on the mountains .
Night night
Joy xx
User
Well I have no idea what has been going on I just nipped of to the vet, paid the vethttp://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif cooked, cleaned, cleaned, cooked and then cleaned again you have know idea how mucky puppies can be. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif
So lots of good advice, some very deep open posts and good news it is not a Heart ATTACK. I did pick up on a few things that Carol said earlier and I must admit that this thought had occurd to me, if every thing comes back normal on the heart issues it might be worthwhile checking that these issues are not stress related, I am saying this not only because you have been through such a lot but my friend who I mentioned earlier her tests are all coming back normal and the next step will be to test if she is having panic attacks. Sometimes when there doesn't seem to be an obvious answer it is very easy to give up and not pursue or push for a dx . Keep going Steve you could always do a Trevor and refuse to leave until you get an answer. You would have to be prepared for A Hospital food for a week and B lots of clean JIM JAMS.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif
As for talking with your wife, not everybody has the perfect partnership , and not every partnership is perfect. My friends fill the gap and can relate far better than Trevor in a lot of hard times, in fact he is pretty useless at any deep meaningful, emotional conversation so I have a back up of girl friends . I suppose what I am trying to say is if the forum is your back up then that is just as good , recognising the weakness in our partners is just as important as seeing there strength's .
I would PM you but I have heard through the grape vine that your IN BOX is full http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif
Stay strong.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Now, I have tolerated a lot of silliness on here over the years but you have simply gone too far this time. Ignore the cardiologist and do it anyway???? You had better think again, my friend. If necessary, I will contact the organisers or perhaps even your wife again!
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Hi Steve
think you are feeling down again
Edited by member 18 Apr 2015 at 09:38
| Reason: Not specified
User
Steve
That Mountain you are looking at is a hill no not even a hill a bump. It looks like a mountain to you because of the scale of the battle you are fighting and because you are looking at the top and you want to get there yesterday. That is because you are used to getting results quickly, moving quickly and thinking quickly. Well as of a while ago you have to think differently. Look at the bottom of the mountain and try to see just a bump. You stepped up onto the bump when you went back to work. Now you are resting and taking time to reflect on what an achievement that was. Tomorrow or the next day or next week you will move up a bit more for any reason you like ,another job done, a sunny day, finding a fiver stuffed down the back of the sofa ...anything positive no matter how small it may seem to you.
Remember what your priorities were when you were facing decisions about your PCa, Living first and foremost. You have come such a long way and depsite everything you are getting better every day. So every day when you open your eyes for the first time remember your primary goal LIVING then go out there and make yourself proud.
xx
Mo
User
One good snap is all it takes Steve. Are you a "pap" now then?
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Hello Steve,
I hesitated a long time before posting on this thread again and I’ve thought very hard about what to say.
I hope you are still reading, even if you have been hurt by some of our comments.
I tend to think of this website as an extended family, even though I know I am never going to meet any of you in real life.
Sometimes, as a family, we speak our mind, I’m sure you’ve had that in your own “terrestrial” family.
Words are said because somebody in the family feels their thoughts need to be out in the open.
We get impatient with people we care about, perhaps because we feel they could do better or more to help themselves.
We want the best for them and get stressed on that member’s behalf if it appears they aren’t doing the best for themselves.
I think part of your problems have been that you have used the site as a personal diary, using it to reflect your mood or unhappiness and you’ve shared things with us that you wouldn’t have dreamt of doing pre PCa.
When you read back over what you wrote in this diary you’ve realised that the comment was either unfair or unkind and so have altered it, without first considering that the “dialogue” would then appear disjointed to anyone else reading it as well as making another member’s comment either superfluous or nonsense.
I know that was never your intention, you wouldn’t knowingly want to hurt any of your online “family” but that was the result.
As far as the discrepancy of whether it was you or Mrs Steve wanting her list posted, I can see that it could happen either way. She gives you a list, you ask if you can post it to show you are sorry and that you love her and she says she hopes you will as that was what she intended to happen. As far as she is concerned, you've posted everything else.
It doesn’t really matter does it, who said what to whom. She loves you, she’s hurting and so are you because you caused it.
Thistledubh calls it “Tough Love” and it is.
What has been written is because your Prostate family DOES care.
Don’t desert us because a few home truths might have hurt. Accept it all as a gently chiding. We want the best for you so now go out and do your best to get it!!
Let this post die a natural death. It is 11 pages long and has 518 comments on it, practically all of it supportive when you needed us most.
Stay with us Steve, and Mrs Steve if she feels she can bear to be part of us, but start another chapter of your story.
Much of what you have experienced and gone through will be unique to you (Although Julie understands very well what it has been like) and you have much to offer new members in the future who may suffer in the same way.
You can’t give back to other people if you are not on here taking part.
You have been given back your life, twice now, and you have to live it to the best of your ability or it was all pointless.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
There you are, a line drawn
Start again.
Keep us up to date with your progress, because there will be some.
Keep us up to date with work, because there will be some.
Keep us up to date with the brand new members of your family.
Live for them, if you can't do it for us.
All the best
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi,
Today is an important day in my life, I celebrate my 60th. Birthday.
Earlier this year I wasn't looking forward to this birthday. I thought of it as leaving my fifties and entering another decade. I felt I would no longer be able to call myself middle aged and would be rapidly be approaching old age. The idea depressed me when I thought about it too much. I still felt young, wanting to do things such as riding extreme rides at theme parks with my fourteen year old daughter, running a half marathon and fell walking. My wife asked me at that time what I would like for my 60th birthday and I said a parachute jump.
I never really worried about my health, probably because I'd never had any health problems. I suppose I believed things always happened to other people, not me. I've spent the last forty years photographing things happening to other people, not me. I think this is why I've been so affected by my diagnosis of cancer. As far as I know, I am the first member of our family to get cancer, so it's not something I was expecting. My GP said when I was diagnosed that if I'd been to see him more regularly, he would have probably sent me for a PSA test much earlier. That could have given me a greater chance of a cure.
When my diagnosis happened, it shattered my confidence. I'd ignored symptoms, believing it couldn't possibly be anything like cancer. When I was told the bad news, I was shocked as I'm sure most people are. Starting hormone treatment and then radiotherapy I felt as if something was being done to cure it but at the
same time felt pretty helpless.
I needed to do something myself to improve my chances, so as soon as I'd had my diagnosis, I dramatically changed my diet. Since the beginning of June I have eaten no chocolate, cakes, biscuits, crisps, chips or anything I consider to be unhealthy. I eat very little red meat and have cut down on diary products. I eat fish more regularly than meat having got a bit fed up of chicken. My oncologist said that cutting out the things I have completely isn't something I need to do but I told her that it helped me to feel as if I was doing something. She agreed the diet I eat is a balanced one and can only help my fight against my cancer. It's helped me loose a couple of stone too in spite of my hormone treatment trying to make me gain weight.
As most of you know, following radiotherapy, I had certain issues with side effects but seemed to be getting over most of those and was fairly confident things were going as well as could be expected. What happened just over four weeks ago, came as just as much of a shock as the cancer diagnosis back in June. I had joked with several people prior to that, that "If I suddenly died from a heart attack it would certainly bugger up my cancer treatment plan" (sorry for the "b" word, to have to make allowances, it is my birthday). As I lay there in the cardiac care unit, I had a lot of time to think about what a close call I'd had. It could have been all over for me there and then if I'd not been able to get such early treatment.
If I wasn't aware of how precious life was after I had my cancer diagnosis (which I was), I certainly have no illusions about that now.
This is why I say that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I feel I can put up with most things if it means that I will be here for my family. I do feel sad when I hold my grandchild in my arms because I want to be here to see him grow up but I also feel lucky that I've been given the chance to do that when I think about what could have happened.
So I'm going to enjoy myself and looking forward to things getting better next year. If they don't, I will still be grateful for the life I've had, and my wonderful family and friends.
As far as my diet is concerned, I am giving myself time off over the next few days. I've already started on a tin of Roses chocolates. I plan on having steak and chips when we have a celebration family meal later and certainly a piece of birthday cake. Just hope I can return to my healthy diet when Christmas is over.
Thank you for all the help you've been to me over the past six months.
May I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Steve
Edited by member 27 Dec 2014 at 22:46
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve,
Well you've rather had a year to remember for all the wrong reasons in 2014. And discovering you have cancer is rather like a severe kick in the hollyhocks. It DOES rattle you - it sure as f@&$ rattled me (and my OH too).
However, they say that every cloud has (some sort of) a silver lining, and I must admit my experience this year has kind of changed my view on life a bit too.
I'm trying (and succeeding more and more) to wait until the "cards are on the table" before I decide how to play them. I've found it is just SO easy to worry and fret about the what-might-happen things which sometimes (and perhaps even quite often) don't actully happenat all. On the other hand, it's also SO easy to see the warning signs iof problems and blatantly ignore them. So, for me, I'm trying to just take relaxed, sensible, informed decisions and not either beat myself up with anxiet,y nor be daftly blase about things either.
A merry Christmas and a great 2015 to you and everyone else on this blog.
Best Regards,
Patrick.
Life is a journey. You can't move forward on a journey AND stay in the same place. |
User
Happy birthday Steve
May there be plenty more.
A little of what you fancy over the next few days should not do you any harm. ;-)
ATB
Dave
User
Hi Steve,
Happy Birthday!
I think you have faced up to your situation and come to terms with it as we have to in order to move on. We may regret our limitations but age forces some of these on us regardless of our health. issues. Nevertheless, there are still many things most of us can enjoy and look forward to, perhaps things we never had the time or motivation to do, then there is more family time as we head towards and into retirement without work pressure - found this great! Sadly, as we are well aware, not all our members reach retirement so even more important that they live their lives to the full as best they can. T
Edited by member 24 Dec 2014 at 11:36
| Reason: Not specified
Barry |
User
Enjoy your birthday and a Jolly Xmas to you!
Jacey
User
WISHING YOU A VERY HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY STEVE
WITH MANY MORE TO COME!
Rude card awaiting you over in the 'Nut House' : )
Have a Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat Day Mate!
|
User
Appy Burfday Steve,
Enjoy your day http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif
Best Wishes
Luther
User
Loved your post Steve.
Have a very happy extra special birthday
Best Wishes for today and the rest of your life
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Happy 60th Birthday Steve, and many more of them. Thanks for all your postings, truly inspiring in many ways. Best wishes for Christmas and a Happy New Year. Arthur
User
Well done Steve - great post. Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas.
My birthday is in a week's time, on New Year's Eve, when I will hit 63. I don't feel old and I don't intend to act as old.
Many years before I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I decided that I would treat each day as the first day of the rest of my life. This was largely precipitated by the fact that my wife's younger sister, at the age of 48, was diagnosed with a very rare type of spinal cancer and died within 6 months. Then, three years ago, my younger sister at the age of 58 was diagnosed with lung cancer (she was a heavy smoker) and died fairly quickly thereafter.
Those two factors made us decide that we needed to live life to the full - and for us, that means as much travel as possible. I was lucky to be made redundant and given early retirement with a decent pension, so we have been able to see a lot of the world.
My diagnosis at the beginning of this year was a shock but, very fortunately as you will have seen from my other posts, 6 months after the op all is going as well as it could. I am not deluding myself about the possibility of recurrence but nor am I worrying about it. Instead, I continue to treat each day as the first day of the rest of my life.
Happy Christmas and the best possible New Year to you all.
User
Great post, Steve. Hope you're having a great birthday, and can I wish you, plus everyone on this site and your families all the best for Christmas and the New Year.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Happy Birthday...60 is middle aged!
Steve
User
Happy birthday Steve and a great attitude! 2014, forgetting it already!
Flexi
User
User
Happy birthday Steve all the best Andy
User
Sixty is the new forty! Have a great day, a great Christmas and enjoy everything you want. That,s what celebrating is for! I spent my 60th on my way to hospital but two and a half years on, still here and going strong. We never know what is next for us so let the future take care of itself and enjoy the present, after all we are here now so let's make the most of it.
User
Happy birthday Steve!
Wishing you the very best.
User
Happy birthday Steve....I remember someone's post on here when I was first dx...they'd realised they had been drifting through life..Their dx made them re-evaluate and their lives changed for the better despite their dx...
To some degree our lives have turned around, don't get me wrong we have had our moments and I'm sure there will be more but we now try and enjoy our lives as I too think we were drifting.
Have a great xmas and enjoy the steak, chips, chocolates and maybe a tipple...I shall raise a glass for you and others later...I think 8.35 has been suggested
Bri
User
Happy birthday,Steve and many more of them. Merry Christmas to everyone .Hope Santa brings you what you want. El.
User
Hi Steve sorry I did not meet you in London last month as I know from your posts we would have got on like a house in fire, at 49 with T4M1Na I hope I can post something when I am 60 but for now like you it's about just being the best you can be for you and everyone else every day, you are an inspiration. Happy Xmas to you and family, Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Steve,
happy birthday mate, may you have many more.
Sorry this is is a bit on the cusp but been a bit busy today.
Hope you had a great one!
Kevin
User
Belated birthday wishes Steve , and have a lovely Christmas. Diesel x
User
Happy Belated birthday Steve.
A fantastic post. Hope you finished off those chocolates & had a few more treats too.
Thanks for all your support too & best wishes for 2015.
Carlos
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
User
Hi Steve and happy birthday.
I was very pleased to read this post from you it is a long time since you have been able to be positive about yourself, you normally reserve this positivity for the encouragement of others. I wish you a less eventful start to the new year and may there be many more perfect days to raise a glass to.
John
User
Happy Belated Birthday Steve, your post sounds so much more positive than of late. Keep those positive thoughts and good feelings to the front.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Hi Steve,
Sorry to hear that you have had quite a lot of rectal bleeding over the past week.
In my posting on 10 December on your other thread I suggested that if I were in your position with regular heavy bleeding I would ask my oncologist about having a sigmoidoscopy to find out exactly what is going on. Did you ask your Onco whether she thought that a sigmoidoscopy would be worth doing?
Inflamation from RT sometimes causes rectal discomfort and bleeding and suppositories may be prescribed – one good one is proctosedyl. These suppositories relieve pain and reduce inflammation, itching and discharge. I understand that other brands do a similar job. As a layman in all of this, these treatments are fine for discomfort or minor shows of blood following RT. But if the cause of the bleeding is due to more severe damage to the tissue in the rectum then they may not be much help in sorting out the real problem long term. This gets back to thinking that a sigmoidoscopy may be useful to find out if cauterisation to treat the damaged tissue in the rectum would be the answer.
This a non clinical personal observation but if you wish to avoid having a double bypass operation it may be useful to speak to your Onco about whether having a sigmoidoscopy is an option for you now, if you have not already done so. This may be a non starter for you for whatever reason but at least you will have explored this option.
I hope this is useful.
Alan
User
Hi Steve,
Over eating - surely not. Chocolates, cake, biscuits = 1/2 stone
You should have taken a leaf out of my book -
Oh hang on a minute - you did.
1/2 stone - I wished!! Daren't even think about scales.
I wouldn't normally eat chocolate but IT WAS THERE - what was I supposed to do. It was Christmas.
Got an arthritic foot which is stopping me walking and causing a funny hip so not much chance of exercise at the moment.
Looks like I'm going to have to cut back on the food !!!
Roll on New Year when I can make myself promises which this year I really really mean to keep. Honest!
Good luck with the bleeding. Hope you get it sorted soon. New Year, New start.
Heart with its bits and pieces in working order and doing its job.
Cancer with it's backside kicked.
Good luck and best wishes.
Sandra
Edited by member 29 Dec 2014 at 19:45
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi, Steve I am new to this site so you don,t know me although I have been reading yours and others on here for awhile when waiting for the results of my OH tests. He has prostate cancer and we are waiting on his urologist to resume after the Christmas break for advice re treatment, prognosis etc. You have been through so much lately I am not surprised you are sometimes feeling down and exhausted. Be kind on yourself and take it as easy as you need to. Best wishes. Georgina
User
Steve,
I can sort of understand what you are going through, I went through the same thought pathways regarding my grandchildren a few months back.
Wouldn't see them grow up / get married / have kids of their own.
Seemed so unfair and cruel.
It also felt unnecessary, why me - that old chestnut.
All I can tell you is that I did get back on top of it, it just took time.
Just to remind you, I documented it on the dark side.
With all that you are facing up to at the moment I'm not surprised you have been bitten with the black beast.
Well, we are all here for you, so get it all out and we will support you all we can.
All the best
Kevin
User
Oh Steve, Steve, Steve, will it never end for you.
As far as being emotional at the Christening I find perfectly understandable - a new young life being promised eternal life.
Yes for you it was even more emotional than for others because you think you can see your future, or lack of it.
You are in pain, you have job worries therefore financial woes, and Christmas and New Year are traditionally the times when we look back over our lives and then forward to making plans for the future, telling ourselves it will all be different this year.
Unfortunately, for a lot of people who aren't even going through what you are going through, this aftermath of excitement and festivities produces a horrible flatness and anxiety. We can sometimes feel we have nothing to look forward to except more of the same
Well it will be different for you this year won't it and all you can focus on is what is happening now.
You have depression at the moment caused by the mountain that is weighing down on your shoulders.
Please don't give up on yourself. You know that your breathlessness is due to your heart and that is going to be sorted, in whatever way the experts feel best for your situation.
Look how much better you felt when you had the stent put in and you didn't even know you had a heart problem before the attack.
You said then how much more energy you had and tiredness can sap your will and energy. Everything is so much more of an effort.
Try not to focus on thinking of your grandson's future without you. You can't say that at this stage.
I'm not going to say you need to be positive, you already know that, but it is hard isn't when you feel like you do.
You don't want to be sad anymore, who does.
There are many on here Steve with the mantra of live life to the full.
Once you get this heart business sorted out you'll have the energy to reflect and perhaps find peace in the moments you are living ie with every hug you give that new little fellow in your life.
He still has you and I am sure will do for many years to come yet.
OK perhaps you maybe won't be the footballing granddad but you'll be the one taking him to the park, showing him the beauty in all that is around him. Getting him interested in a hobby like photography eh?
I have no medical knowledge of depression only anecdotal info from many members of my family as it is a strong trait among us, but I do know how debilitating it can be.
Perhaps you could go to your GP and discuss with him how you feel with a view to a different drug, or what about contacting your designated nurse at the hospital.
Don't curl up in a ball and wish the rest of your life over Steve. It would be such a waste.
None of us can predict when our end will come even those among us with terminal cancer can and will defy the odds that have been given to them.
That heart attack came out of the blue. You could have left us then but you didn't because you still have more to offer.
You have many friends on here Steve, willing you on. We can't offer a physical shoulder but on a virtual level we can try and give you a lift up.
You know were all here for you.
If you feel like crying then have a cry. What you feel like now is not how you will feel when you are stronger.
Best Wishes and a big virtual hug (but don't tell my husband - he wouldn't understand !!!) Sandra
Edited by member 05 Jan 2015 at 10:07
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi Steve,
So sorry to hear the problems that you are going through but just to let you know you are not on your own with this.
I went through all of this early on, would i see the twins go to secondary school etc but it does get better.
Now i just read your post on the meet up at Newark, i didn't realize Newark was your home town, well i believe that the Advertiser is still in the same building so if you fancy a trip down memory lane my mate is MD there so i can arrange a visit and we can have a good chat a few beers and lunch.
Happy to collect you from the train station, will have to be a weekday but i guarantee to send you home with a smile on your face.
Best Wishes
Si
Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict |
User
Steve I want to reach out and give you a great big hug, the way you feel right now is normal, yes normal. The emotions at your grandsons christening normal, your sad reflections normal,the dread of what might happen, normal.
What you are experiencing is a phase of your new normal, it is a depressing phase made worse by the complications after all as Sandra has said in her lovely post, the heart attack could have taken you away from us all but it didn't because you are needed and wanted here.
Certain things spark our emotions, I lost it at the hospice singing Xmas carols Of course location and hormones play a big part in that too.
My raw emotions are caused by grief and yours are probably caused by being confronted by your own mortality it is all well and good people saying we all have to die sometime but it becomes a frightening and distressing thing when first cancer and then a heart attack give you a glimpse at the grim reaper. Fortunately you have given him the message loud and clear that this is not your time.
We will both overcome these emotional moments but it takes time and nobody can tell how long that will take. Once you get through the depressing phase into acceptance then you will feel a stronger and calmer New normal.
In the meantime looking towards something positive like having a successful treatment for your heart problem and the further progress away from RT side effects might help a bit.
Seeing New friends at Newark might be something to look forward to as well
We are all here for you
Xxx
Mandy Mo
User
Many have already given so much sage advice I won't repeat that now. I think we all go through shock when we are diagnosed and you have had a double whammy which is bound to hit you hard. Therefore all the emotions you are feeling are expected and you have to let them happen. Tears do help, though as men sometimes we want to hide our tears but they are there for a reason and are cathartic.
You must still be coming to terms with your new 'normal' and this will take time. I know though that if you feel you are slipping into clinical depression please see the doctor and talk it through. But I suspect you will get your head around this. You have discussed these issues so articulately already on this forum and that in itself is important to help you make sense, take stock and adjust your reality.
It would be great to see you at Newark. It is a small intimate group and has been helpful to share and explore where we all are. There are some great people who live around that area so it will be a good day out. I want to pick your photography skills anyway!
User
Steve
The best remedy for your feelings must be to speak and write about them. Doing so will help you analyse where you are. I hope that what you are feeling will be short term, and you are doing exactly the right thing by articulating your situation on this forum.
Please keep posting - not only are you helping yourself, but others present and future to whom your writing will be of great assistance.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Steve,
You have been given lot's of good advice from the other forum members so I won't repeat it all, but would like to say the following.
You have come through your cancer diagnosis, you have come through your RT treatment, you have come through your heart scare and you will get through this bad bout of depression. I do have to so say though you must see your doctor about this, pills do not sort everything and I think you really need the help of an experienced counsellor who specialises in depression, you need professional help so make sure you get it before things get any worse.
Best wishes, hope things improve soon for you.
Good luck to ALL who are fighting or affected by cancer.
Regards,
Gerry
Edited by member 05 Jan 2015 at 19:01
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve, I am still a newby and was sorry that we never met at kings x this Xmas. i think where you are may be where I will be one day however don't be cross about having those thoughts it's totally understandable and natural, I won't offer ways to compensate as that has been done earlier. I did have one thought for you ( forgive me if this is not the kind of photographer that you are) , assuming you have been taking a wide variety of pictures for years and you own the copyright have you considered cataloging them and in some way looking to sell certain images as that may allow you to 1) have something positive to do, 2) get your catalogue on the computer and 3) maybe make a few quid whilst working from home. I am sure this is not as easy as I make it sound but perhaps just put your mind to it for a bit as a distraction. Perhaps approach a local gallery to see if they will display some of your work? Apologies if this is teaching you to suck eggs. Look forward as ever to hearing more from you as like others have said it gives you a chance to get it off your chest. Sleep well, Kevin
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Steve
Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way it happens to many of us, especially if you are on hormones. During your years of marriage how many times have you wondered why your wife would burst into tears and think to yourself "what have I done" well welcome to her world. I Found that when I was being chemically castrated I turn into a person I didn't recognise and didn't particularly like, I couldn't socialise as I didn't trust myself not to cry, nothing helped until I came off the dreaded Decapytyl, even then it took months to return to some type of normality. Since then I have been back on hormones for 6 months (Casodex 150) and found this a lot easier as it doesn't castrate you, in fact my testosterone went sky high, but I developed man boobs, but these are reducing somewhat, I have just had my bloods taken today and i am dreading the outcome because a rise could signal going back on the dreaded hormones, but if so I will ask for Casodex again or similar. Unfortunately there is no free ride on hormones unless you are very lucky, they all seem to have their drawbacks. So given the hormones and all the extra C**P you have had to endure it's hardly surprising you feel this way mate.
All the best
Roy
User
User
QUOTE
"I'm not pleased with myself when I think about others on this site who have far worse situations than me and seem to be far more positive about things. I expect, deep down, I'm worried about the heart op and just hope everything is sorted. I look forward to getting that done and being able to return to a more normal life. I feel as if I can't do anything just now. I think that it doesn't make it any easier having all the time in the world to think about things, when I was working, there was usually wasn't that time.
Anyway, thanks once again for all the messages you've posted, I think you've really helped me when everything seemed so bleak.
Steve "
I am glad that the flurry of support for you has helped. It's what we do and what we are here for after all.
You would have/have done, the same for others when they've been down.
As for not feeling pleased with yourself, what makes you think that you in particular have to be superman.
No two people are alike or react to things in the same way. It doesn't make one of them weak - just different.
If you could stop beating yourself up about how you are behaving or reacting you might have more energy!!
I won't make a sweeping statement since I don't know the facts, but I am sure there are many men on here who are struggling with cancer and don't also have a debilitating heart condition to contend with. Remember, your problems in that respect are serious enough for your heart team to advise that you go in before the angioplasty.
Keep writing. It's very therapeutic.
All the best
Sandra
PS that's a lovely post by IRUN and so true. See more inspiration for you. Instead of laying/sitting there thinking what have you achieved in life start thinking about some of the amazing/funny/touching shots you must have taken in your time.
Capture the memory of those in your writing, ready for when you put your collection together for viewing!!
Edited by member 11 Jan 2015 at 09:18
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Steve
Please, please never beat yourself up for feeling down or try to compare yourself with others on the Cancer scale (if there is one). You are you and you are a heck of a good guy who has been laid low by a number of horrible things, not least the worry about work and money. I think it is very brave of you to be so open about things, and look what it has done. It has brought many others to your aid and in doing so, they have revealed their own depths of despair. You wouldn't be human if you didn't find all this hard going. I know from four years of living with this disease that I am not the same person I was when it started. I no longer feel anything regarding my job and wish to leave. I try hard not to be that person and to change myself back but how can I? The person I was four years ago hadn't been through this ordeal and it's not even me who's sick. So I would say, let's get your heart problem dealt with, it will make you feel a whole lot better once you have started on the road to recovery and if you still feel bad, don't be afraid to get support from your GP (and your friends here) and Macmillan can help too.
You come across as a really nice bloke, good luck for the op, I hope all goes well and you are feeling much, much better soon.
Lots of love
Allison
User
Steve,
I can only echo the sentiments expressed so well by Kevin, Sandra and Allison.
What else can i say, except, get well, good luck, and remember that you have a host of real friends here who care and are always willing to listen and help.
Let's see a fit, well, and chirpy 'Snapper Steve' at the big B2Pca 'do' on June 20th, where you'll get to meet in person so many of the kind people you've met online here.
Very best wishes,
George
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User
Thanks Kevin, Sandra, Allison and George for your messages, they mean a lot to me.
Starting to feel a bit better now as my heart problems look as if they could be solved soon with my op next Monday. Just hope that works ok.
My OH is really worried, especially when she read the high risks involved with the procedure in the British Heart Foundation info. They put the chances of it causing another heart attack, a stroke or death, at one in every hundred procedures. Perhaps I should say my "Goodbyes" now after my recent run of bad luck (only joking !).
Better try and sleep now, I have my next Zoladex injection at 9.10 this morning.
Thanks again.
Steve
Edited by member 13 Jan 2015 at 02:26
| Reason: Not specified
User
You were up late Steve,
Hope you get back to natural sleeping times.
Don't feel bad that you are suffering less than some here or elsewhere. Your condition is still your problem that you are dealing with, so no less of a problem for you. You have a lot on your plate at the moment and I wish you well this morning and for Monday.
atb
Dave
PS the chance of a problem may be 1 in 100.
So, the chances of success are 99 in every 100. Sounds better when you look at it like that I think?
User
Good luck next week steve and Dave is right 99% odds in favour are very good odds
Take care
Bri
User
Hi,
Thanks guys.
Dave, very good point, lateral thinking puts things into a very different light. I much prefer the look of 99% chance of surviving the op rather than 1% chance of dying from it.
I'm actually looking forward to having it done and getting my heart sorted. It can be very distracting having to worry about another heart attack when you're trying to worry about cancer [img=http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif]
.
I had my Zoladex implant this morning, went pretty much to plan apart from the fact that it took a while to stop the bleeding afterwards. Never had the problem with the previous ones. Decided it was due the blood thinning treatment I'm on for my heart problem. They said my blood would be less likely to clot while I was on these drugs.
Anyway, only 5 days to go before I get my wrist slashed (as part of the operation), though I felt like a bit like doing that myself recently. Good job I didn't.
Steve
Edited by member 14 Jan 2015 at 02:59
| Reason: Not specified
User
Steve go and ace it totally next week,then when you feel the confidence rushing back message me and tell me to add you and your good lady wife to the Newark gathering. I and others going so want to meet you. Please bring some of your photography with you I love action shots and also ones that capture the innocence and joy of life
Xxx
Mo
User
Hi Steve,
I am a bit late joining this thread so sending you good wishes for your angioplastly on the 19th, don't worry about it honestly it will be a breeze Trevor has had ( I have lost count) quite a few . He know has 8 stents and had a couple re inflated I nick named him Metal Mickyhttp://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-wink.gif. Once you have had this done you will feel emotionally and physically more like your old self. 99% success rate hold that thought hundreds of these procedures are done across the country everyday and Trust Me you will be FINE.
Please don't feel bad about others on here in a worse situation than you everyone on this forum has there own unique set of Mountains to climb.
As Mo say's make sure you are well enough for the Newark Do. I am sure you will be OK maybe not well enough to drink Si and Bri under the table but then most people can't do that.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-wink.gif
GO GET EM ON THE 19TH.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Am also sending my best wishes, Steve. Never be afraid to be who you are, your feelings are important and not necessarily being able to be positive doesn't make you a lesser person. Remember there are many on the forum who are thinking of you !
Fiona.
User
Steve
Best wishes for Monday and look forward to seeing you on the 7th.
Thanks Chris
User
QUEUE JUMPER 😉 seriously though, take care of yourself and try to stop fretting you will be running that marathon in no time.
All the best
Roy
User
Thanks for the messages.
Chris... me...posting during the op ! Surely not. Well, yes probably would if I could, even if it only took my mind off what they were doing to me. Unfortunately, they will be slicing my right wrist during the op so my writing hand will be out of action. In fact, I'm supposed to keep my right arm straight for 24hours so posting will be a bit difficult.
Allison, I totally agree with you that everyone should write their autobiography. I think people's lives are so interesting even if they haven't done lots of different things, it helps understand them better. I'm a great believer in the phrase "Do not judge me, unless you have lived my life".
I have been so privileged to meet so many interesting people during the course of my work. Fortunately, I have usually got on ok with most of them. I may post later with a few stories of some of those who I have a special place in my memories.
Keep in touch.
Steve
Edited by member 17 Jan 2015 at 11:11
| Reason: Not specified
User
All the best for tomorrow Steve.
Will be thinking of you.
Kevin
User
Good luck for tomorrow Steve.
While you are having the procedure done concentrate on your writing and the new you afterwards.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
I will be thinking of you tomorrow Steve hope all goes well and I am sure you will post as soon as you can to let us know how you are diddling.
xx
MandyMo
User
Good luck for tomorrow Steve, I'm sure they will have you up and running that marathon in no time.
All the best
Roy
User
Before I go to sleep I just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow Steve.
Praying it all goes well and you are back to good health really soon.
Lots of love
Allison
User
Best wishes for tomorrow and this will another hurdle overcome.
Barry |
User
Well it looks like you have not lost your sense of humour Steve.
Make sure he has had his coffee before he comes anywhere near you... :)
All the best
Kevin
User
Best of luck today Steve, hope it all goes well
Si
Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict |
User
Brilliant news Steve,
Know get your strength back up and come back fighting. Watch out for those rehab Nurses they are a bit on the harsh side.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Steve
Great news, now just get better and keep posting.
Thanks Chris
User
yippee
you have no idea how many of us are going Phew! right now.
I know you will want to be making up for some lost time and probably money but you must take it easy to start with and get this problem behind you so that you can concentrate on giving the cancer a hell of a kicking. Hope you are going to make it to Newark we are all so looking forward to meeting you and your wife having missed you at the Flyer.
xx
Mandy Mo
User
Great news, Steve. Give yourself a bit of time now.
User
Steve,
Phew! That's the news we've all been waiting for.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif
After so much worry and sadness here lately, we're looking forward to seeing the fit new Steve running on all cylinders again.
Rest up, take a deep breath, then back to the battle with renewed vigour.
Wishing you a quick, full recovery.
George
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User
Excellent news. Now go and win round 2!
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
That what we wanted to hear Steve.
Kick back, get yourself sorted and enjoy life!
Kevin
User
I really hope the effect of this is that it sorts out your heart problems and you get your strength back. Good news.
Steve
User
that's great Steve, we will have that drink in this world still then! Now bash the C , thrilled to bits, Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Steve,
Glad to hear everything went well for you, a good start to the new year, hope you go from strength to strength now. The good news will also take the worry and stress off your family for a bit and you can all rest a bit easier now.
Gerry.
User
Wish you a good and uneventful recovery.
Regards,
Jacey
User
Onward and upward Steve may see you at Newark Andy
User
That's great news Steve, I'm so pleased everything went well for you. Take it easy and enjoy reading all your messages of support from this amazingly positive forum!
Miss x
User
Great news Steve....but don't rush things too soon
Bri
User
Great news Steve, been thinking about you all day and clock watching, wondering how you are getting on.
One thing at a time now.
Alison x
User
Hello Steve!
Glad that you are home and may you continue to improve!
Don't feel the need to apologise because you have not been able to post for a few hours (especially considering what you have been through!!).
Yes - we want to hear from you, but as and when you feel like it! These forums can get addictive (me myself checking how everyone is getting on several times a day!) and are a fabulous help I know.
Get yourself through this bad patch and look forward to spending time with that little baby grandson of yours.
Must be a big relief for your wife too to have you home.
all the best
Alison x
User
Glad you're home Steve.
Rest up now like a good boy ready for that cardio nurse to really put you through your torture, ahem, I meant exercises.
Not many of us has a personal trainer!!
Get well soon
All the best
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Great to hear you are doing well Steve.
Sigmoidoscopy, ouch - I did look it up :)
Kick back, chill out and get well my friend.
..and don't clench during your sigmoidoscopy.
All the best
Kevin
User
Hi Steve,
Glad to hear everything went so well and you are back at home so soon. Good that they've set you up with some post-operative stuff to help you back to full fitness. Keep posting - yours are always the first posts i read!
Arthur
User
Hi Steve,
Very pleased to read that your heart procedure went well and you will be at last able to concentrate on your recovery program.
I had a sigmoidoscopy a few years ago.... a simple procedure and nothing to worry about.
I was advised not to bother with the National Bowel Screening Program that was due at that time, but to participate in it when screening was due again 2 years later...
Of course that advice may not be appropriate for you...
Best Wishes
Luther
Edited by member 20 Jan 2015 at 13:40
| Reason: Not specified
User
Interestingly the bowel screening is a very good test and if you have this option to do it now well worth it. A late friend of mine had it done when he received the package through the post at 60 and it did lead to diagnosis of Bowen Cancer but too late to help him survive and he died within eight months. So if the opportunity is there certainly consider it!
User
So glad you have had your op and things are looking up. I will continue to think of you ! We had the same with the onco-urology nurses here, a great idea in principle but always me telling them what was happening and asking if they could do something !! But pleased the cardiac people are supportive !
All the best, Fiona.
User
Funny you should say that about the Cardiac Team we have been to different ones all across the Country and are now at Pappworth and have found them all plus the follow up Rehab Nurses to be excellent I think Oncology could learn a thing or two from them.
Trevor had his Bowel screening kit around 3 years ago which he dutifully did, (came back normal ) and has just had a new one sent to him. We decided to throw it in the bin, don't get me wrong this is not something I would advise anyone else to do . I am all in favour of screening but we felt heck with our luck that might be a bridge too far.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-surprised.gif
Brilliant news you are home, 24hrs and you will be typing away again.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Glad you're feeling better Steve (I told you so...!)
Don't be fed up - I'm glad you are still around to have that annoyance!!
Hope the results today are what you want.
All the best
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Good news Steve.
Join the club - I have an bladder infection at the moment too!
Hope you can root out the problem today and set it sorted quickly!!
All the best
Alison x
User
Hi, Glad you are getting things sorted and hopefully will feel better soon. Great post from Alan as well. El.
User
Hi,
Went to the hospital by bus (not allowed to drive in the week after my op) first thing this morning for my blood test and to hand in my urine sample. On the way back, made the mistake of calling in town to go shopping with my wife. I say mistake because I didn't realise how tired it would make me. It resulted in me falling asleep for most of the evening, now waking up and not feeling tired. I think I realise why they recommend you should rest following any hospital procedure. It does take it out of you.
The medications I'm on don't help either. I'm having to cope with the fatigue created by the hormone therapy and the cardiac medications that are slowing down my heart. Unfortunately, I'll have to put up with those for another year, now they've found the problem with the thinness of my coronary artery walls.
I've now not worked for nine weeks and I'm wondering if I'm going to be able cope with the workload when I start again. I'm shattered even after a short time when I try to do anything. I would have thought, unblocking my heart would have given me much more energy but it's a real struggle at the moment. I feel tired a lot of the time.
Anyway, my pee flow is still very weak, I hope the test results will show that there's nothing to worry about. I may have to be patient and wait for things to return to normal.
Well, have a good weekend everyone.
Steve
User
Steve, I am just glad you could get the bus mate. There are lots of positives in what you say and you will only get stronger. I guess you may have to save all your energy for work at first but hopefully that will put you back doing what you love ( and bring a few quid in). Take care, Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi,
Just had my test results from Friday, blood and urine tests clear and the really good news is that my PSA result was 0.466, down from 1.63 in November. Very pleased it's heading in the right direction!
My pee flow is slightly better now, though still not good, but the tests show I haven't got an infection, so it's a bit of a mystery.
Oh well, nothing's ever straight forward with me.
Steve
Edited by member 26 Jan 2015 at 19:29
| Reason: Not specified
User
Great news on the numbers front! Congratulations Steve.
Kevin
User
Great PSA result Steve, pee flow is probably just a hangover from RT which keps doing its thing for some time it should improve slowly just givt it time.
xx
Mandy Mo
User
Hi Kevin,
Thanks.
How's the holiday going, hangovers not too bad? They can be a killer in hot weather!
Will look out for the pics if you send any to George. Don't scare us too much! I've got a weak heart you know.
Take care.
Steve
Edited by member 26 Jan 2015 at 16:55
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi,
Sorry I didn't update yesterday when I got home from the hospital but I was sorting out my dreaded tax return.
Everything seemed to go well and at least I have answers now.
The day started with me having my first ever enema. Fortunately, I chose to do this in the bathroom, a wise move. I do regard myself as being able to move quickly but this would beaten me.
Once at hospital, I was faced with an hour's delay though my twenty minute pre procedure meeting with a young nurse to check medical history, medications etc, ended up lasting much longer. She had just moved from Portugal last year and so it was interesting to hear her story.
Anyway, the sigmoidoscopy went ahead ok. Only took less than 15 minutes, painless apart from a slight discomfort when they reached the furthest point but that nothing I couldn't handle. I had a monitor screen that I watched the whole process on in full colour. I now know what it's like to go potholing. It's not quite how you would imagine it would be up there though they said the enema had worked very well.
Anyway, the result was that I have radiation proctitis as a result of my radiotherapy but it's not too bad now and should improve over the next few months.
So, pleased that is out of the way.
Steve
Edited by member 31 Jan 2015 at 11:01
| Reason: Not specified
User
Well, at least you have answers now and can relax a bit.
Very pleased for you.
My other half has a small problem in the same area caused by the radiation from Brachy and has some discomfort, so I can appreciate how you feel.
Get on with that writing and/or blogging now - you have run out of excuses!!!!!
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Good to now know what he bleeding was caused by, and is nothing more sinister.
This should give you a well deserved boost now Steve.
All the best
Alison
User
Another bit of understanding and progress in where you are at the moment. Hopefully you can now relax for a while.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Great news Steve,
Another piece of the jigsaw in place and it looks like that was a key corner piece.
Deep breath, relax and give the family a hug.
All the best
Kevin
User
Glad to have you back on the forum Steve. What an 'adventure' you're on!
All the best Arthur
User
Steve, research says zoladex causes breathlessness for 5% of men but this rises to 20% at 6-12 months after they started taking it. From 12 months on, it seems to resolve itself. Stay strong x
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Everyone reacts differently to HT but fatique is definitely a potential side effect. I wonder though whether you are trying to rush your body back to full health. You have taken such a knocking lately you are bound to feel out of kilter whatever the precise cause. You have to give yourself time. I have learnt after three years on HT that if I am to continue work, which I love, I have to manage periods when I feel fatigued, sometimes out of the blue! I am having a holiday this week and doing some writing and you would think that I would be able to control how I feel. For two days worked really well, then had two days when I could do nothing. I just had to rest. Today I feel great again. I think I am understanding my body better as I go along but it takes time.
Give yourself a break, Steve, we want to see you at Newark and beyond!
User
Hi,
I started my cardiac rehab course last Thursday morning. It began with a blood pressure and heart rate check. My cardiac rehab nurse was immediately concerned as my heart rate only registered in the thirties instead of the normal 60 to 70 bpm. She gave me an ECG to check what my heart was doing but decided that I was OK to continue with the morning's fitness course.
It began with warm up exercises followed by circuit training (if anyone's done that you know what I went through) which was not too bad for a first session. It will get harder throughout the course. Anyway, I enjoyed the idea that I was doing something to try and regain my fitness.
I had the second session this morning (Tuesday) and took the opportunity to mention to my rehab nurse that my heart rate was only 39 bpm on Monday evening and has been around that figure several times over the last few weeks. She asked me how I was checking these figures and I told her that it was with my small blood pressure monitor. She said that these machines were not very accurate when it comes to measuring heart rates and not to worry. When she did her own test my blood pressure and heart rate were in normal range.
The session went ok apart from a couple of periods of dizziness when doing certain exercises and ended with the nurses teaching us relaxation technics. Five minutes after the exercise session finished and before the relaxation talk began we all had our heart rate checked to see how we'd recovered from the activities. When it came to having mine checked, it read as 40 bpm. It was double checked and was still the same.
After the session, I was kept behind and my nurse said she thought I should have more investigations into why this was happening. She's going to discuss the situation with my consultant to see if I should be fitted with a portable heart monitor for 24 hours to try and see what's happening with my heart. I do have a problem that I suffer dizziness and breathlessness (still) quite often. I'm hoping that if this monitoring happens, it will provide a few answers as to why things are happening. I just want to get back to being normal.
I slept for three hours this afternoon when I got home, I'm just so tired all the time. I'm sure my Zoladex treatment must add to the effects of my poor heart performance.
I thought my heart problem would disappear after my second op, I have to admit to being a little fed up now.
Steve
Edited by member 11 Feb 2015 at 12:53
| Reason: Not specified
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community MemberEight months today when my life changed forever: Diagnosed Wednesday 11th. June. I lost so much that day that I will never get back. I can't explain why I should suddenly feel this way today. I feel sad but I know I shouldn't, I'm supposed to be positive.
I'm tired.
You can feel both emotions Steve, it is allowed. Hang on, "Positively sad"? NO, that is not what I meant. I doubt that anyone looking back to their "D" date, their diagnosis date, looks back with any degree of fondness or joy? Maybe some, at the time misplaced, relief if they were told "Ah your lucky, it is only prostate cancer, that's a good one to get"? How many time have I heard that said, and even said it myself when telling people about my condition? The fact is that for all of use love changed, life expectancies changed, hopes and dreams were replaced by fears and anxieties that we never even knew existed.
But, we do have a choice in what emotion takes precedence in our lives and thoughts, although that choice may take longer to be made depending on what stage you are at in your "journey" or nightmare?
Having posed for you, and having been rearranged by you, you are a quite bossy reggub when you heft that Nikon body up you know, I feel free to advise, feel sad but feel glad that you are still here, and although you have had a plethora of issues recently you are still being given treatments to deal with them.
Things could be worse? I know that is little comfort, but no matter how much tihs has hit your fan recently there could be more, so hang on in there and keep believing, keep fighting and keep snapping.
atb
dave
shall I pout a bit, or look like this, lick my lips or stick my butt out?
User
Hi Steve, sorry that the memory clearly has kept you awake but look on the bright side if we were both not in this club we never would have known each other, lol .
For me the actual date of results rather than my initial PSA is the date I remember as everyone kept telling me how curable PC was in between and although I had my fears it was unknown, I still can picture a certain consultants smiling face ( who I never saw again) telling me how imminently cureable my condition was after just the PSA and a sweep unlike the next one 3 weeks later who had no smile and nothing good to say. So my date is 6/11/2014, a double sad day as one of my good clients died of cancer that day.
So as has been posted above, you have every right to have whatever emotion you have, knowing you Steve briefly as I do ( so far) you will have a lighter emotion soon if not already, you have lots of " friends" here rooting for you.
Today is a good day, Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
We're all human and being 'UP' all the time isn't achievable. When I feel down I play my guitar and sing Beatles songs and I soon feel better.
Here comes the sun, do do do do
Here comes the sun and I say
It's all right
User
Good evening Steve
We all feel like this on some days. My OH is quite 'down' at the moment too and it does affect the whole family as he has no patience with the children and does not want to do anything except sit down/snooze all day which is frustrating for me as I have so much to do.... (although I do not mean to feel this way).
I end up trying to focus on being thankful that we were diagnosed - afterall we could have carried on in blissful ignorance of this disease which eventually would catch up with us and possibly present with a far worse diagnosis.
From what I recall you are still in the 'cure' camp, keep reminding yourself of this, as it is something to be really thankful for and gives you hope.
Best of luck sorting out the heart problems too - not easy but you will get through it as you are getting one to one treatment.
We have had lots of other medical problems too like pain in shoulder, swollen ankles, tinnitus, hearing loss etc which have meant loads of additional tests and worry that it is somehow connected. It seems like we can (sort of) cope with fighting one problem/illness but when other issues are brought in to the mix too, it becomes really difficult to cope as we don't know what to worry about next. It seems like this is how you are feeling too at the moment and hopefully once this heart problem is sorted you can get back to the job in hand of fighting this damn PCa.
Stay strong...
Alison x
Edited by member 12 Feb 2015 at 17:32
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hello Steve life is certainly often full of uncertainty . This is the hardest thing to cope with I think with health issues. I am just starting to realise that our lives will never be the same since my OH was diagnosed with Pca. I think what makes it harder is his naivety . He will just take the word of the doctor and do everything he is told and disregards my research . I hope things soon pick up for you. Getting back to work may be good for your morale as long as it is not too exhausting for you.. I can tell you are worried about this. If you don't mind me saying I think you sound depressed and some of your fatigue may be attributed to this. Hope your wife is ok.. Georgina
User
Hi Steve
I'm almost lost for words but feel I must offer some support if only here. I hope and pray that any fears over your wife's situation are unfounded. You've been through so much together over the past 6 months and what you've shared openly and honestly with us all has been an encouragement. You have never held back whatever situation you've been in up or down, it's been inspiring. Keep going!
Arthur
User
Dear Steve
I am sorry to hear of the latest problems, not least your wife having the cancer tests.
(I had a breast lump last year, removed the day of the consultant finding it - and an agonising week wait for the pathology) so I really do understand how you feel and that you cant possibly take any more worry. I was certain it was cancer. Mercifully it was not. I hope the same goes for your wife.
There is no easy way through this difficult time waiting, you just have to stick it out.
I hope the heart issues are solved soon.
You have friends here who are thinking of you.
Alison x
User
Ah Steve. Thinking of you both.
Fingers crosses for your wife and you.
Best Wishes
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi Steve, sorry the rain has become a monsoon.
I don't really know you or your real situation only what you post but Rome was not built in a day mate. Please don't focus on what you used to do for now as that hopefully will return in time. Jack the exercise in and work for 2 hours in the morning and another couple in the afternoon at first with a good snooze in between. Then if you have any energy left in the evening do the exercise.
I know it's easy for me to say but small steps is what you need to do, I have only been off work for 4 weeks but I know that I could not go back to 12+ hour days and after chemo/RT I will be on short hours for ages.
I know I am lucky that I can still run at the moment, I am delighted with 55 minute 10ks, I used to do them in 37 minutes, I am happy that I can still do them at all.
It also sounds like you will sadly need to support your wife, do what's important in small steps in every direction.
Rooting for you
Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Steve, ESA may not be very much but going back to work too soon and accidentally killing yourself would not help the situation! Someone here will know more about available benefits - could your wife claim as your carer for the time being? Have you spoken to your mortgage provider and other services about a temporary payment agreement?
I hope that her results turn out to be okay but knowing that it probably will be fine doesn't reduce the anxiety, and anxiety is NOT good for you. Let's all hope she hears soon xxx
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
" Looking at the carers allowance it seems as if you have to be in a position where you can't feed or dress yourself for my wife to claim that. I've looked at disability living allowance and that seems to be a similar situation, I would never qualify. "
I'm not sure about that Steve. I know of two lots of folk who receive carers allowance. One does have a serious heart problem, including a pacemaker, but she can certainly bathe and clothe herself and can even cook a meal and on a good day can even do small garden chores.
I don't know how much they "tweaked" the paperwork though. I just assumed they had answered the questions honestly.
It could be that I am very naïve though and vey trusting!!
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
For Carers Allowance see: https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility
Alan
User
What about Attendance Allowance? I believe this is payable if you have moderate needs eg need help with housework. It should be possible to ask about this . Find out from Social worker attached to local council who will make an assesssment of your needs. This benefit is payable even if you have other income. You know you are worth it! Take care and I hope your Wife's results are favourable.El.
Sorry cant do linky thingy but putting Attendance Allowance in Google works.
User
Ah the maze of the benfit world.
You will be entiled to Attendance Allowance and your wife or anyone else in the family can claim carers with this benefit.I had to claim benefits for Eric when I had to give up my job to look after him.You can claim online or over the phone rather than fill in all the forms its a quick call and normaly decision is given straight away.
Carol
User
Hi,
Fifth cardiac rehab session today.
I get the impression I'm more out of condition than I was at the start of the course. Had to really hold back from pushing myself too hard in case I felt too dizzy again. I didn't want to have to pull out of the session like I had to on Tuesday. I don't feel as if I'm making the most of the course unless I can properly take part. My heart rate had dropped to 39 bpm again at the end of the session. It should be above 60 bpm. Continue to feel tired all the time.
I'm due to have an echocardiography on the 3rd March. I hope that provides some answers.
Steve
User
Hi Steve,
I know we'll all be thinking of you and hoping the tests go the way you and your wife would wish for today. The last few months have been full of turmoil for you....with emergency medicine thrown...so the cumulative effect is that you' be been swamped physically and psychologically.
No chance to pick yourself up from one thing, before something else comes along.
Hope the tests today go OK. You or your wife can always pm me if there are things about her own health, tests, worries etc, as its an anxious time.
Warm wishes
Sue
User
Thinking of you today Mr and Mrs Steve.
Fingers (everything in fact) crossed for a happy outcome.
Best Wishes
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Good luck today, I hope you get the best news Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hope all goes well for you both today.
dave
User
Fingers crossed alls well today Steve
Bri
User
Best of luck mate, hope all goes well.
Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict |
User
Good luck today, Steve. I pray it's good news, which you deserve after all that's happened.
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Positive vibes sent to you and your wife today Steve.
Best Wishes
Luther
User
Steve
Hope all goes well,
Thanks Chris
User
Looking for good news later.
User
Great to hear the good news. Always a relief.
Great stuff!
User
Steve
first cloud with a silver lining, I hope they keep coming for you.
xx
Mo
User
Brilliant. Let's hope this is the start of better things for you, too!
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
So pleased - you were on my mind most of the day. Now hopefully you can concentrate on getting back on your feet.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
User
That's great news Steve, you deserve some good stuff for a change, let's hope it's the start if a goid roll for you. Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Excellent result.
Now, enjoy the weekend.
dave
User
Let's hope you have more good news, you've been so unlucky so far.
Barry |
User
So pleased for you both.
http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif
Edited by member 22 Feb 2015 at 09:34
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Steve
Great news, let's hope that sets a trend for the future.
Thanks Chris
User
Huge relief.
Thank God.
Alison
User
Hi Steve, sounds like things are not getting any easier for you at the moment, I can only imagine how this makes you feel.
Please keep your spirits up, you are so important to so many people both at home and on this forum, everyone is rooting for you and are looking forward to you being back working again, it's clearly just gonna take some time.
Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
If your body is telling you you need sleep, then sleep. Hope all goes well with the stopping of the beta blockers. Have a good weekend.
dave
User
Sleep is supposed to be a great healer Steve so go with it.
I think you should change your name to Job!! You've had as many trials and tribulations as he did/
Rest up young man. Don't challenge your body because you think it should be doing something else.
I know how disappointed you must have been to have missed the visit but it was the wisest choice, not just for you but your daughters and baby too.
Keep warm and snug and rest.
All the best
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
It turned out right for Job in the end and he had twice as much more than he started with! That's good things not bad! The latter part of his life was better that the first part. Hoping this for you Steve.
Arthur
Edited by member 27 Feb 2015 at 09:12
| Reason: Not specified
User
Steve
I got your PM and have just replied.
There are so many bugs doing the rounds at the moment, when you are already ill your immune system is in overload and so you become prone to everything.
Stopping the beta blockers sounds sensible if your heart rate is so low you probably should not be taking them.
I agree with the advice already given, sleep when you want to it is the 2nd best healer after loads of kisses,hugs and cuddles no matter how they come in real person from your Wife and family or virtually from us.
I am not a religious person but I do remember from school RE that Job had a tough time, as an aside and one to prod the memories of local knowledge, I spent my very early childhood in Didcot Berks and our local dairy was called Jobs Dairy. If I remember well (and this was over 50 years ago)they had a huge milk bottle which to a 4 year old seemed like 100 feet tall outside the gate to the yard, you could see it for miles as you came into Didcot from the A34 area.
xxx
Mo
Edited by member 27 Feb 2015 at 09:38
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi,
Coming off Beta blockers can make you feel very rough. Surprised you were not told to reduce dose gradually. Hope you feel better today and its just manflu.!
ATB,El.
User
Sleep and rest are vital to your recovery. I'm sure there is lots of family support. Not easy, but keep positive for the future. Believing there will be a light at the end of the tunnel will help you reach that daylight more quickly.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Hi Mo
Ref Jobs dairy my wife and I both worked for the company that made bottles for them. They had a dairy at Hanworth that had a huge cow (not real!!) on the roof. My wife went there on a school trip and had to write about the life of a milk bottle.
Arthur
User
Hi Steve great result today hope that's made you feel better! Arthur
User
Hi,
Sorry if my absence from the site has caused any concern. I don't really feel if I can post just at the moment. Things just get too much sometimes.
Steve
User
Keep believing, Steve. Things must get better. Id'd like to give you a man hug, but hope a virtual one will suffice!
Paul
Edited by member 06 Mar 2015 at 16:22
| Reason: Not specified
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Hi Steve, sorry you are in a dark place, just remember there are loads of people here who really care about you, look forward to seeing you back to your old self again soon. If I can help you in any way pm me. Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hello Steve.
http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gifHugshttp://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif
Edited by member 06 Mar 2015 at 17:46
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Steve
I am sure many of us are wondering just what to say, and in all honesty, there seems very little when you have arrived at such a low ebb. You find yourself not fit for work, needing cash, and the stress is causing relationship difficulties at the time when you least need them.
Please seek all the local help you can. GP, Citizen's Advice, extended family etc. (I am sure Steve would be grateful for other suggestions.) Pour out everything to them with your wife. Do not hold back, because being ill should not bring about such hardship. There must be solutions that can begin to help with your worries.
Do not give in. Stay strong. Get plenty of rest, but use the energy you have left positively.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Sorry to read this Steve,
I can only echo what has been said about seeing your GP asap. The symptoms and behaviour you are describing as going through are typical of, and can be an indicator of depression.
As for your fiancées, have you considered speaking with someone at your local CAB about getting help in sorting out your finances with regard to arranging repayment holidays or reducing some or all payments for a while?
GP has to be your first consideration.
atb
dave
User
Steve sadly you have found yourself in a very bad place. This is understandable with all you have been through. However, you recognise that missing hours and days may be regretted in better times. Julie and others here have summed it all up I think and given sound suggestions. The point appears to have come to bare all to your doctor and ask and if needed demand help regarding your protracted low mood. Hopefully this can also involve your wife. Depression is a devastating condition and is hard for loved ones to understand . I suffered from Depression when my children were growing up and I am sad that I missed some of the joy of their childhood. Having this history I have also been quite down at times of my OH's journey with Pca. I truly believe that if you get this condition treated appropriately you may bounce back to the positive bloke that is the real you.. Cheers Georgina from Oz.
Edited by member 12 Mar 2015 at 23:17
| Reason: Not specified
User
Just a few extra thoughts Steve, I don't know if you have debts but these all add to worries and extra pressure which you don't need at the moment.
Debt management have down loadable forms that you can print you then fill these in and offer £1.00 per month to anyone that you owe monies to and they have to accept this, so there is help out there. I know that you are not feeling well enough to organise this but as Dave has suggested the CAB can organise this for you.
Hope this helps
X
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Hi Steve, like others, I am sorry that you are somewhere where we all could be at some stage. I have no experience of what doctors can do but have worked in the finance industry all my life and all that has taught me is absolute honesty normally brings out the reasonableness in people. By absolute I mean everything, some people may not care but the human side in most does come out normally. I like everyone else on this forum really care Steve so don't give up. Kev.
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
In life many events happen which are out of our control, you are 60+ years old I believe, you must have made many good decisions to get to where your are now, provided for your family built a home etc,
your not being singled out by some unforseen power at work ,this difficult period will pass in time, consider confiding in your family members as they know you best ,they care and love you, if thats possible and if you can return to work maybe thats what you need to do sooner rather than later,
being at home with an illness no income , seeing your savings ebbing away, is a soul distroying experience, not many people really know whats its like,all what you worked for is now being taken away
Being self employed is no fun when work stops, its a painful experience, I know this from personal experience, the passed 4 years I lost my businees, my income, and my savings, because of Illness, I'm not blaming anyone ,I got no state benefit apart from state pension,
my wife works part time, we get by, my salvation has been my family and friends.
User
Hello Steve.
I've said it all in a personal message but young man your box if FULL and cannot accept anymore messages.
Obviously you have struck a cord with all of us and it shows from the messages above
Get reading Steve, we need you to know how we all care. XX
Best Wishes to you and your wife
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Steve, I can only agree with what everyone else has said but would it be possible to sit down with your wife, take stock, list all the suggestions above and work through them one at a time in order of importance. Once you start ticking things off you will feel better, seeing what you've done and achieved.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Arthur
User
If your inbox is full, can not contact you there.
Any progress on the heating problem?
Regarding debts or payment agreements due to companies, it is in their interest to reach an arrangement with you to enable you to keep afloat and maintain payments even if at a reduced rate for a time.
You mentioned some time ago that your support and interest from your OH was, changeable. You are both dealing with a lot, she had her health scare. Has SHE seen anyone for support, her GP for example? Don't be slow talking to family about the issues you are facing? There may be help available in the family that you are not aware of and that family may not know you are in need of?
If you are both under all sorts of pressures you may not be able to manage just trying to support each other without additional external support of some kind?
Just a thought considering what you have posted awhile ago and recently.
dave
User
Steve, you sound so low, we are all worried about you.
You need to speak to someone who can help.
Have you thought of contacting the Samaritans? I have no experience of them but they will have known many others feeling as you do...and could suggest some help.
Please try them.
Alison x
User
Hi Steve, have no words of wisdom but cannot pass by your thread with no comment. You have many wonderful friends on this site who care very much about you and I agree with all the advice given.
You sound a truly wonderful guy, sending you Positive thoughts and hope that your visit to your gp will help.
Take care Steve.
Lesley x
User
Hi Steve,
I don't always respond to your posts mainly because your treatment path and health issues are very different to mine and I am unable to offer any advice...
I do however read all your posts and I can see and understand just what a difficult time you are going through at the moment.
I can't add to the advice already given, but just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, and I sincerely hope that you and your wife can get the help you both so very much deserve and need..
Best Wishes
Luther
User
Awww Steve
I think you know we all love you here, we know you've been to hell and back and it's taken its toll on you and yours. Great advice given, can I also suggest MacMillan for financial advice -they may be able to help too.
I don't know if you have done any military service but if you have then SAAFA could help or one of the service benevolent funds. It's so unfair that your life can be ripped apart by an illness like this. I wish I could help and I know everyone here is the same.
Steve, one of my friends did sell their house when her hubby got Pca, they then got a council bungalow and are pretty blooming happy to be honest. They have got cash in the bank and a nice place to call home. I wish I knew what they did to get this and can ask them if it would be of interest.
I hope you can feel this huge wave of love and concern washing over you.
Love and hugs
Allison
User
Selling the house maybe should be not necessary even to consider yet?
"Creative" borrowing, working the financial system, could provide a solution to any problems in the short to medium term, which may resolve the issues being faced?
Accepting that the principle can not borrow, it may be possible for associates of the principal to borrow on existing CC and then take out new CC on a zero % transfer basis, pay off the minimum each month. May help?
But, the point being made by Devonmaid about owning a house not necessarily being the "be all and end all" is a point well made.
dave
Edited by member 13 Mar 2015 at 20:42
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User
Hi Steve
Sorry to hear you have been going through a hard time at the moment.
Our forum friends have offered some good advice. Just wanted you to know you are also in my thoughts.
Please don't give up Steve. Things may be hard at the moment but you will get through this.
Sending you my best wishes.
User
Tiny steps, one at a time.
Go and see the GP as soon as you can - take a print out of this thread or write down how you have been feeling and give it to him or her.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Who knows more about Steve? Real name? Address or mobile number? Wife's name? Facebook account? Anything that can help us find out what has happened and how he is?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Thanks for replies via PM - I have left a message on Steve's home number and will let people know if I hear anything. I do hope that he is okay and I imagine that his family were very aware of how low he was feeling - perhaps the stress combined with reducing his medication caused his heart rate to dip too low again.
Thinking of you Steve x
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Pray you get the rest and care, physically and emotionally, you need.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
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Geez Steve,
You are certainly going through it mate, I feel for you.
Here's hoping that the pains are nowt too serious and you will be back home in the blink of an eye.
As always, I'm thinking of you,
Kevin
User
Steve
I sent you a PM the other day which made it before your inbox was full I think. I was worried that a recent new poster may have upset you.
While you are in the hospital seek their help and advice. You need everyone batting for you just now.
xx
Mo
User
Thinking of you Steve, you can come through this
Arthur
User
Steve, everyone wants you back to the way you were, we are all rooting for you, contact any if us if we can help. Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Just posting to send regards and love.
As others have posted, sometimes it is a good idea to really open up, there are lots of caring supportive people out there and there must be sources of help and advice for you. With regard to you saying you felt there was less energy in the family for you, I remember feeling so very negative about my partner many times. I loved him to bits it's just that I was so tired ! It's easy to see everything negatively if you are in a difficult place, your emotions are bound to be skewed by what is happening to you. Remember, so many on the forum are with you in spirit and care greatly about your situation !
Fiona. x
User
Rooting for you Steve, get better and get some help my friend xxxx
User
Hi Steve,
You are in the best place to get help. Make sure you tell them everything that is going on.
atb
dave
User
Phew - relieved to hear it might 'only' be a heart attack!!! From the wording of your last post, I thought you had harmed yourself. Your poor wife will have gone home to a message from me on the answering machine!
Previous advice still stands - if you don't know how to explain how you are feeling, show someone medically trained your last few posts on here.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Hi Steve really hope you get some good news from your tests all the best Andy
User
Hi Steve,
It's ok to have people worry about you, honest !!
Fiona. x
User
Steve.
Thinking of you , I know it is easier to say than do, but stay positive.
Thanks Chris
User
Steve
how strange that your ECGs are normal have the doctors got a theory on why that might be? Have you had a recording monitor fitted that you wear for 24 - 48 hours the data from it is then downloaded and analysed it is much more accuarate than the snapshot of an ECG.
Just a thought
It is impossible for you not to worry but please do seek some help from the staff at the hospital, ask if you can have a chat with a Macmillan nurse while you are there Most hospitals have them in residence and you may get some more specific help that way.
Bri if you are reading your PM box is full so I cannot reply to your message
xx
Mo
User
Steve, if it eased with an injection, is it perhaps angina? Hope so as I have friends who find life perfectly manageable once they have the little lozenges you put under your tongue at the first sign of an attack.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Hi Steve,
Lets hope that you hear some news soon on the Trop test, ECG are not really the best way to determine what is going on as they only give a yay or nay for that moment in time. Trevor has had several "normal " ECG readings with very abnormal Trop test results.
The injection in your tummy is a blood thinner so I am thinking maybe another blockage somewhere as the pain eased when this was given.
Do you have a GTN spray ? this really helps with Angina pain as it widens the arteries much as an inhaler works in Asthmatics.
This can't be helping with your stress levels. We are all rooting for you.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
You are not wasting anyone's time Steve, that is what they are there for and clearly there is a problem . Your Trop tests are not in normal range . I hope that you get some answers today. My friend has just had the new CT Angiogram done it is apparently the way forward and much less invasive than the old way but guess what she has too wait two weeks for the results , apparently it takes that long for the secretary to type the letter.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif
Stay strong, it will get sorted.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Hi teve,
Glad that you are able to communicate, that will help pass the time. One thing to consider, with al the pressure on hospital bed space at the moment, if there was not a clinical need for you to be there, you would not be there.
So, relax, let the experts find what is wrong, and sort you out.
atb
dave
User
I am so sorry you have all these problems. I am new to this thread but there are a few options I would like to offer. Please forgive me if you already know of these.
Macmillan offer grants which can help through tough times. Also have you heard of PIP, there are special rules for terminally I'll people and it is not means tested.
Macmillan nurses are great at helping people get what they are entitled to. If you want any further info let me know.
As others have said talk to your doctor there are things out there to help and we all need that sometimes.
Love to you xx
User
Steve,
I have been catching up on this thread which has moved fast in the last 24 hours. Nothing much to add other than to say you are in the right place whilst they find a solution and try and relax whilst you are there. The wider problems won't go away but can wait and I agree with others that it seems a good option to take some professional advice on how you feel. We are here for you but take all the professional help you can get. Thinking of you!
User
Dear Steve
Whilst you are in hospital, it might be a good time to raise the point about how low you have been feeling.
They might be able to refer you to the right person to speak to.
Please let someone know.
Lyn's idea of showing these threads was an excellent one and will make it easier for you to explain. You wont have to say much.
Please consider it and get the help that you need.
Does your wife know how you have been feeling? Could she raise the point for you?
Thinking of you.
Alison x
ps Looks like we were posting at the same time. I know it is awful being kept in, but best to get to the bottom of this once and for all. xxx
Edited by member 15 Mar 2015 at 19:58
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User
Ooo-er! Not that we think you are terminally ill, Steve! You will get better and get back to work eventually so perhaps organisations like BHF have similar grants for people who just need a helping hand?
Try to get some sleep - more sleeping time, less time to think and get stressed x
Edited by member 15 Mar 2015 at 20:22
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"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Hi Lyn,
Not planning to go just yet even though my rushed post when arriving at hospital yesterday may have suggested otherwise. A very kind post by Joy anyway.
It's difficult to keep track of people's diagnosis sometimes, especially when mine seems to change weekly. If it was written as a soap opera script it would probably be discounted as being too unlikely.
Anyway, thanks to you and everyone here, I'm feeling a bit more positive now, if I find out solutions to my heart problems tomorrow.
Steve x
User
Hi Steve,
Hope you get some sleep and rest tonight, and then some answers tomorrow. The 'Talking Therapy' sounds like a step in the right direction and I'm sure will offer you some relief. I'm glad you feel ok about staying in another night, tomorrow is another day .....
Take it easy,
Miss x
User
Hi
best place to be at this time.
I read you had taken your spray 5 times if you have to take a third its 999
Edited by member 18 Apr 2015 at 09:35
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User
Hi Steve
I thought of something yesterday when reading your posts and when you said you had pulled a muscle it reminded me again. Derek Redmond was running the 400M in the 1992 Olympics at Barcelona when he pulled a hamstring, you may remember it? He continued in spite of this and his dad plus the crowd cheering him on helped him over the line. There's lots of clips of this on YouTube.
Steve we're all here to "cheer you on and get you over the line!"
Best wishes, Arthur
User
Hi Steve
I think the above statement sum it all up, you have now taken your first step into putting this downward spiral in reverse and the only way is up mate.So let the Specialists do their job, and allow yourself time to concentrate on those important things you have identified.
All the best
Roy
Edited by member 16 Mar 2015 at 12:32
| Reason: Not specified
User
User
Steve
good afternoon, I hope you have had a better start to this week.
I like your last post it shows that you are starting to put the pieces together and as Roy highlighted your closing statement encourages me to think that you are on the right track.
I think you are ready to hear somethings from me. I am not very good at saying things in a conversation or face to face with a person so I use writing as my means of getting my feelings out there.
I am sure you will have done the same with photography.
I have rather unkowingly struggled just recently not so much from grief but from issues that go back a very long way. I could not see this but I was encouraged by a really good friend who could see it to find someone that I could talk to, I decided to give that a try and have sarted talking with a pastoral care specialist at work. I know her well enough to feel comfortable but not so well that I feel intimidated or embarrassed telling her very personal things. She now knows that I write when I am troubled so she has encouraged me to share some of my recent writing with her. Maybe you could try something similar you clearly enjoy writing and it is a great way to "spill" you don't have to share what you write but if you need to you can.
I admit I have had times recently when I began to wonder how you as one person could have so many things going wrong and I am so sorry that I thought that way. I just want you to know that I cannot help you in any other way than to be here for you and to let you know the depression you have is by no means unique or just yours.You are not alone.
xx
Mo
User
Steve
noticed that you changed your reply to me about your wife.
Edited by member 18 Apr 2015 at 09:18
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve,
You are not alone, but maybe now is the time for you to start talking to your wife openly and totally honestly about your health and situation? Having to lie to her about meeting up with the group at Newark is a terrible position to be in.
You may feel as though you are protecting her from whatever, but the sooner she knows how bad things are, the sooner she can start to come to terms with the issues that you are facing, and she will have to deal with. Just a thought?
Hope all is going well in the hospital for you? Is she able to visit you at all?
dave
User
Steve
the very insensitive post you are replying to seems to have been removed, so has my response to it. Not sure who by or how but probably it is for the best. I am not normally someone who bites when bait is dangled but that was really harsh and unnecessary not to mention misleading. If it helps I think it was actually just someone having a go at me. Not exactly something I need right now either.
xx
Mo
User
Steve
I've taken my post off...didnt want to appear offensive or uncaring ....did try to send you a PM but your box is full up
last year I had my prostate op, my father inlaw was in care, we were paying the princely sum of £900 pw I had not worked for some two year previous I as had cardiac problems, I could no longer work at my business as I was so ill, it was a difficult time emotionally and financially, I had the grim reaper on my shoulder for a few years, hes now gone elsewhere, it never rains it pours springs to mind
on both occassions I was fortunate to get medical treatment and I've turned a corner, so dont give up hope they can do wonderful things now days, it may take a while for them to diagnose your cardiac issues and hopefully they can offer your treatment..hang in there and chin up
User
Hi Titanic,
Sorry, haven't cleared my inbox not easy just at the moment in hospital.
I know things I write sometimes when I'm tired end up sounding wrong when I read them later. I deleted quite a few when I've reread them.
I'm sorry you've experienced really difficult times in the past. I think you can only do your best to work through things and hope things improve.
Thank you for removing the post. I think it was the best thing to do. I know you have sent me some really supportive messages in the past. They've always been welcome.
Life's too short to fall out with anyone, especially those going through what we're going through.
Steve
User
Steve
dont worry about the posts, they have been dealt with in the best possible way. You just focus on what is good for you right now.
I do think when you get home you need to have a really honest and open chat with your wife she may be feeling left out and a little helpless herself right now. This is all going to be a scary time for her too, as Carole and others have said support is sometimes just as critical for partners and family as it is for you.
You should also ask the consultant tomorrow if you should keep that monitor for an extra 24 hours so that it tracks on a more realistic day's activity.
I Hope you get a good nights sleep and feel much better tomorrow
x
Mo
User
Julie, sometimes I think you have absolutely no idea what a special person you are x
Steve, you sound brighter tonight but like me and Julie, you post far too late when you should be getting some sleep. Mo is a machine and runs on batteries
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Hi,
Arrived home about thirty minutes ago feeling rather frustrated. Going to have a bath and eat then sleep, feeling really tired after spending four days in bed, amazingly.
I'll give more details later.
Steve
User
Steve
I hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. Maybe I should lend you my batteries? I am not convinced I run on them entirely Lyn?!!
I am going to be travelling in a few days time and for a while Steve, so will only be checking in as and when I can.
I thought I would also let you know that I have signed up as a volunteer with PCUK for the study they are doing on SCC, you may recall all the issues Mick had when he had 2 incidents. I hope that all the events and issues I can remember so vividly will help others who are unfortunate enough to suffer an SCC.
I am telling you this as you may find with time on your hands that you might want to do some voluntary work, something that you can do from home with not too much physical effort. It does not bring money into the house but it can make you feel so much better about yourself and in some cases it can open doors of opportunity.
all the best
xx
Mo
User
Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say glad to hear you are back home. Catch up with us all on the forum in your own time, and in the mean time take things easy, no pressure and be kind to yourself.....
Miss x
User
Steve
Hope you're getting on OK at home, getting the physical and emotional support you need.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Hi,
Thanks. I will post and let you know what happened in hospital but I just feel too tired just now.
Hope everyone is well. I'm ok.
Steve
User
Glad you are o.k. Take care xxx
User
Steve
Good to see you back on here posting again.
Thanks Chris
User
Excellent news - are you registered as self-employed with HMRC?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Hello Steve,
I've been on holiday for a week with no wifi access so I am wading through all the postings whilst I was away.
Sorry to see you were "attacked" again but glad that you are back home and if not quite "raring" to go at least prepared to try out a bit of shift work.
If it's a nono, then at least you'll know where you stand and at least you will have tried.
Good luck and fingers crossed for you.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi Steve,
Glad to have you back with us again
Arthur
User
User
Dear Steve
I may be completely wrong (please forgive me if so) but I get the impression that you are not getting enough support at home?
If that is the case it is important that you keep posting here as we can all try to offer something, even if it is just for the sake of a chat and a moan!
I think we have all felt like you are feeling at times, but all handle matters differently, as we all have different sets of problems with the one common denominator being the PCa.
I wish I could win the lottery and then help you out of this financial mess, afterall we all have enough else to worry about!
I suppose I should at least buy a ticket then! :-)
Keep posting.
Alison x
User
Steve
good to hear you sounding positive again ...
xx
Mo
User
Nice to read you are back online Steve, and with heating! :-)
atb
dave
User
Hi Steve
It's lovely to see your thinking more positive thoughts. Hope you continue to move onwards and upwards through your own special unique life.
The cardiac rehab crowd sound like a good lot, enjoy your fitness course.
lesley
User
Wishing you all the best with your recovery.
User
Morning Steve,
Good news that there is more work coming in. Hopefully that will lead on to more work in due course?
But only 5 hours sleep a night! But if that's what works for you, good for you. And good news that you are exercising regularly.
Let's hope that you get good news from the consultant tomorrow?
atb
dave
User
Soundind positive,Steve Excellent.
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Steve
Glad to see that at least some of your issues are heading in the right direction.
Thanks Chris
User
Steve, Good to get some answers. Hope life picks up for you from now on.
User
Hi Steve,
I'm so glad you finally have your answers.
There is nothing worse than being in the dark.
All that does is stress the hell out of us.
By the way, I'm sure that if you listen to your body it will say 'Don't you dare to a half marathon!'.
Call me a lazy old so-and-so if you like (and a lot do), but I think too much exercise is bad for us.
That's my excuse for never doing anything more than a walk.
Stay well,
See you in June (and you won't need ladders!),
George
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Hi Steve , Glad that you have some answers at last and that you are listening to your consultant. After all they have a lot more training than us... Hope the financial problems are not insurmountable as you say being here is the most important thing for your family. ATB,El.
User
Hi,
We went to our son's 30th. Birthday party last night. Really nice.
Good to chat with friends I'd made on my son's stag weekend in Latvia early last year.
That was my chance to feel young again before my world was turned upside down with my PCa diagnosis.
Steve
User
Hi,
Been reflecting today on my son's 30th. Birthday party last night.
I thought how nice it would be if I saw all my children reach their 30th and share in the celebrations with them. My youngest has just had her 15th. birthday so that would mean I would have another 15 years.
I think, how wonderful it would be if I was lucky enough to have that time, given my present circumstances.
Steve
User
Hi Arthur,
I'll have to try and act on my positive thoughts while they're here. I find it so easy to be knocked off course by some bad news sometimes.
Steve
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community MemberHi Lyn,
I'm really sorry to hear your brother died so young, it makes my wish for another 15 years seem rather selfish.
I suppose I'm still trying to get used to a new way of looking at my life now.
This time last year, before diagnosis, I couldn't see anything preventing me from being around that long for my family. I still hope I make it to that goal, but if I don't (and I've said this before), I will be perfectly satisfied with the life I've had.
Steve
Steve, you don't have anything to apologise for and I certainly don't believe you have a selfish bone in your body - I think we all want to live forever and generally, the people who do not fear death are those who are suffering unimaginable loss, those with poor quality of life, the lonely and those whose illness or treatment is unbearable. I think of my lovely father-in-law who had the most amazing life and then decided that he was tired - at 83 he could see not only his children settled but also his grandchildren all sorted and he just felt it was time to go. I hope I am like him :-)
Edited by member 30 Mar 2015 at 17:18
| Reason: Not specified
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Hi Steve,
It would not be natural in your situation to have no emotions or "bucket list" desires. The fact that many of yours are about seeing your family get older just shows what a caring person you are.
As for wanting time, I share that one too but count myself lucky that I was not a passenger in that awful plane crash last week as I still have today and all the wonderful things that are around me.
If you read back your thread from start to finish you will see what you have had to endure but you are still here and are loved by many, some more because of what you are going through. You are stronger and more emotionally balanced than you realise.
Take care Steve, have a great day.
Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Thanks, Kev.
Hope everything's going well with the marathon training. I was really disappointed that the cardiac consultant didn't share my enthusiasm for the idea of me running a half marathon, so I will do it anyway. I'm fed up of being told what I can't do.
Steve
User
Lyn is so right Steve.
I may be running 60 miles a week still but that is because I was fit on dx and have no Heath issues apart from PC. Just go walking, it is really good for you and in due course if the heart man is happy with progress then consider running short distances amongst the walking BUT only when he says ok.
Read your thread again my friend, do you want to go back to where you were or worse!
Take care, Kev
Edited by member 31 Mar 2015 at 20:50
| Reason: Not specified
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Lyn,
Sorry, this is my reaction to a rotten, stressful day. I feel like kicking something at the moment, if I could find something I didn't mind damaging. I can't really explain but I'm sure we all have days like this sometimes.
In reality, I certainly wouldn't run the half marathon unless I was well prepared and someone from cardiology thought it was ok. I'm already walking up to nine miles some days and as the consultant said, I completed a very good treadmill test a week ago with no effect on my heart. It was even suggested to me that I should consider run one lamp post, walk one lamp post, by one of the doctors. The consultant also said that my heart was basically in good condition though slightly weaker than to prior to the heart attack. She told me the recent problems I've had are probably due to the combination of medications I've having to take. That's one reason why they are changing them so often.
So, not to worry, I have no intention of self inflicting a premature end to my life.
Steve
User
20 weeks of your body fighting to stay alive, 20 times more healing, 20 times better and better. Here's to the next 20 - 20 times more healed, 20 times further away from the frights, 20 times more able to cope, 20 times fewer injections, 20 times more able to see a future ...
x
User
Hi Steve, you are now exactly ( well hopefully without the heart issues) where I will be in 3 months. I can't offer you any advice other than like you I used to love work and now ( apart from the need for income) I find it so far down the priority list. Hopefully something will happen at work that gives you the buzz again and perhaps having that distraction may be a great thing too. I wish you well Steve but like me you need to be asleep after midnight!!!! Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
morning steve
just been reading some your posts, it must be tough going am only just setting off on my journey and finding the nights are very long, dont have the extra worry of working for myself the job I am in pays 6months full sick pay if I need it
not got a clue what the future holds but am trying to keep hold of what I know is in front of me, have the london marathon a week on sunday are you covering it for anyone, at least I am aware of someone I can ask re taking photos, am a canon man myself proper amatuer, like to try and take pics of wildlife, also hopeing to visit our grandkids in canada this year.
I keep reading lots of other peoples posts, still trying to get a good grip on what is happening, but the one thing I have realised is that I am not the only one, and no matter how harddone by or bad I may feel others are suffering as much if not more.
but this is a great place to come and air your concerns and worries, and people will offer help and support
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love' 'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
User
Morning Steve,
I can understand your anxiety about returning to work. Entirely natural feelings.
Hopefully your return to snapping will be like riding a bike, you never forget and before you know it you will be ordering people about and arranging them and objects to compose the best picture.
Hope it is a clear day when you are up the Tower? Good luck.
dave
User
Hello Steve,
It's good news that one you are able to go back to work and that you have some work. Hopefully you will ease yourself in after all you've been through and more work we result as you network again etc. and income will flow.
If they're moving back the date for your echocardiogram that sounds like good news that it's not required asap.
I had taken early retirement then this PCa caught up with me and I felt that I had wasted my retirement as I didn't go out and do all sorts of things I thought I would or should. I worked for a major defence company and after all the stresses and strains all I wanted to do was sit quietly for a while, I'm still here today even if people who saw me in hospital said afterwards they didn't think I was going to come out! You're still here today Steve, do what you can if you can't just take one thing at a time and at a pace you can manage. My wife is disabled so what we do is - I do what she can't and she does what I can't. Sharing the load helps. We all have the same 24 hours in a day it's what we do with it that matters but we still have to keep the wolf from the door.
Sorry if I've rambled on, it's about you Steve not me but I'm hoping you will get through this early phase of going back to work versus family and things will balance out for you.
You're an encouragement to us all with all you've come through, sometimes when I don't get something it feels that I have to go round the mountain again, let's hope that you're on the other side of the mountain and don't have to go round it again.
Blessings, Arthur
Edited by member 17 Apr 2015 at 15:09
| Reason: Not specified
User
Steve good morning
so glad you are bck to work, it will seem strange but what a great place to start up in the old PO tower, I remember it used to be a terrific view up there on a clear day. Not quite as spectacular as the Gherkin or the London Eye but still magical in its day. I will tell you a tale about me and heights at Leicester!!
The work will come in I am sure especially as you grow in confidence at your ability to deal with it.
Looking forward to seeing some new photos from you.
Good luck after all you have been through you so deserve a better run of it
Best wishes
xx
Mo
User
Good luck, Steve. Wishing you all the best.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Good luck with this new beginning to your life Steve.
You are a professional photographer. Those skills will not have left you at all. I bet you often look at something and plan in your mind how you would take that shot.
I assume you got your work through contacts and they wouldn't have given you work if they didn't think you were good enough to do it.
Tiredness you will just have to work round and accept for a while. Part of that tiredness may well be the stress of wondering if you are up to the job.
You are, you know it in your heart so go and do it. You'll be brilliant
Good luck and all the best
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi Steve
Just wanted to say good luck for today, but somehow I don't think you will need it, with all you have gone through you have proven to be a survivor, so today will be a doddle compared to everything else. One bit of advice I would give you is don't overdo it, ease yourself into working again and overall, achieve a good work/ life balance which I think you now know is important, as money is nice but quality time with the family is nicer.
All the best
Roy
User
Steve
All the best with your return to working.
Thanks Chris
User
Hi Steve,
Inevitable you feel ambivalent about returning to work, you will have lost confidence and impetus with your health issues and recent uncertainty ! Try to take it easy and just do what is feasible and confidence will likely return or there will be solutions to some of the concerns you have mentioned. I remember how long it took me to get familiar with work again after months off following my Dad's death years ago, my heart wasn't in it for a long time ! I am thinking of you ! I love photography, mainly of my dogs, huge satisfaction to be gained getting a really good picture !
Fiona. x
User
Good luck with your return to work Steve. I know what you mean about losing your confidence. I have reduced my working days from full time work to two days and I get nervous the first day I return. It soon becomes too familiar once I am there lol. Cheers Georgina
User
Steve,
Bad news Steve, but, at least you earned something to cover the fine or penalty. Could have been just on an errand with no pay coming in?
Maybe take this opportunity to review all your paperwork, insurances, etc?
In the BSOT life for you is actually getting better all the time.
You will overcome Steve, crack on.
dave
User
Something else you could do without, particularly in present financial situation. Might be worth writing to DVLA to see whether being hospitalized at the renewal time and associated stress could be taken in mitigation and fine be cancelled.
Hope you get steady supply of work but don't overdo it. You must put your health first even if for a time you have to be very frugal.
Barry |
User
I agree with Barry about your fine Steve. Write a letter outlining your issues and surely some compassion will be shown. I don't know the system in UK but this would very likely succeed in Australia . You could certainly do without this. I was fined $295 the day after Erwell came out of hospital for speeding in an 80 zone when I was sure I was still in the 100 zone. I had no excuses and could not bring myself to add to Erwell's stress so I did not tell him and paid up from my credit card.. Hope things improve for you Steve. Good to see you back in the usual humdrum of life .. Cheers Georgina
User
Alison,
It seems to happen when the number of messages reach around the 50, 100, 150 posts etc. It corrects itself when it gets a few messages beyond that point.
Steve
User
But there is an UPSIDE
you ARE alive
you ARE getting better.
you ARE earning
Be thankful, or if not thankful, at least appreciate how far you have progressed.
atb
dave
User
I agree Dave.
After all that you have been through Steve, you can cope with this lot now!
Best wishes
Alison x
User
And how can you falter when you have all of us wiling you on?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Good luck & best wishes for tomorrow Steve
Arthur
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Hope it went well today Steve and that you got something from it. Best Wishes Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hope you had a better day, you are achieving so much on the big step of starting work again. Keep it going. Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
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You've never done anything by halves since you've been posting have you Steve!
Arthur
User
Congratulations, Steve. Let's hope this is the beginning of the turn around you need!
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
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Congratulations to all the family on the good news Steve.
Get the camera ready!
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Great news something look forward to and be positive about- congratulations!
Arthur
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Steve
Many congratulations now you have something major to look forward to.
That mountain is not so big after all is it.?
Xx
Mo
User
Congratulations Steve,
A happy day when least expected, well done!
Kevin
User
User
Congratulations Steve these grandbabies are coming thick and fast . That will keep you busy.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Hi Steve. I add my congrats on your expected grand baby. Nothing like a little bubba to lift our spirits . Cheers Georgina
User
Congratulations Steve. Wishing you and all your family the very best.
User
Great to feel useful Steve and don't forget all the good stuff you post here supporting others too, that Is most useful when newbies come along, which we all were once. I will never forget the first few posts from you, Si, Bri and " the ladies" it did help me to get through the first few weeks. Stay strong, Kev
Edited by member 07 May 2015 at 06:52
| Reason: Not specified
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
I agree with Irun, you can be a real support to others on here Steve with your experiences so far.
Thats what we are all here for, to help each other.
Alison
User
Hi,
Home at last. Going to have a few hours sleep before my next job.
Steve
User
But , you are a year on and starting to get stronger. Yes you have had had horrible things to deal with but for now you are on an upward trend.
I am looking forward to hearing about a future half marathon ( when you are ready!!!!)
Stay strong Steve.
Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Steve
Good for you with starting the jogging and exercises and even thinking about a half marathon.
I find that setting an objective however far ahead is always motivational, it probably is spin off from my ex work when I had to complete 5 year and 1 year plans.
I'm sure you'll get there, your health sounds to be improving and so now to your physical strength and stamina.
Paul
User
Steve
It is clear that you have been suffering from depression, due to what has happened to you. Maybe your wife has to?
I don't recall you criticising your wife at all, infact the contrary. Everybody deals with this disease in different ways as we are all affected differently.
You have both had a lot to deal with.
The written word can be taken out of context and I am sure that she will understand that this forum is somewhere that you can chat, share your feelings with others who are in the same boat.
Maybe from now on, share the posts so that she does not feel excluded? Or perhaps she could join us too (this or another forum - I think there is one on facebook for wives?).
I hope that you are both okay. You obviously love each other so can get through this - it is just another symptom of this damn disease.
Alison
Edited by member 14 May 2015 at 23:58
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve,
That sounds like real progress to me, as you probably know exercise is good for the mind as well as the body, something to do with endorphins I think. I must admit when I was a member of a running club there were several people with various running related injuries, friends who didn't run were ok!
Weight gain isn't always a bad thing, I'd be concerned more about weight loss.
Regarding your appointment with the oncologist look at it as a positive that she only wants to see you every 6 months, I see my oncologist every 6 months as well and am hoping the time between appointments will increase but I'm not sure that it will but 6 months isn't too bad
Although I have met people like you Steve only on this site I really feel that I know them personally because of their honesty and openness In the way they share their issues, it's such a help a encouragement to many
Take care of yourself and keep updating us with your progress
All the best, Arthur
User
Steve
Is it possible you're turning fat to muscle, and hence the weight gain? Enjoy exercise for the sake of it. Setting yourself weight loss targets might be putting too much pressure on yourself.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
User
Steve,
there is no good working harder at the wrong thing. It will be a waste of time and perhaps become even more demoralising?
You hinted that you might be eating the wrong thing, so that may be where your first step needs to be, moving forward start to eat well and healthily.
I doubt that your weight increase will be due to muscle growth after only a week or so? and you would need some serious effort to start "replacing" fat tissue with muscle tissue, you do not "turn fat into muscle". You could start to measure your measurements as well as that will demonstrate if you are putting on volume and on what ratio to weight increase.
Keep a food diary, you might be surprised at how much you are actually tucking away through the day.
good luck
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
I am sure it won't matter Steve.
atb
dave
Edited by member 22 May 2015 at 00:58
| Reason: Not specified
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Steve
You must have read on here countless times about cycling and what it can do. I am at a loss.
I know you have a lot of issues so why do you do things that can make things worse.?
Nuff said from me other than I can empathise with Dave's post.
I am pleased to hear you are doing so well but please stop and think what your posts might mean to others who are trying to do everything by the book so to speak.
I really wish you well
Xx
Mo
User
A very thoughtful and pertinent post by Sandra.
Barry |
User
Glad you're still here and still reading Steve.
I look forward to your new, forward thinking, enthusiastic posts on a different page.
If you have your PSA results please post them. I'm sure there are many on here who are still interested.
You are further towards the light at the end of the tunnel Steve. Nearly there. Go for it. Best Wishes Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Steve, as you are on HT still, the cycling is unlikely to have had any impact on your PSA so you can put that out of your mind. You also need to try to remember that your body is behaving like a menopausal woman ... so it is harder to build muscle and extra calories go straight to the hips :-( Be stricter with your diet and stick to the exercise regime
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Hi Steve,
Well you've rather had a year to remember for all the wrong reasons in 2014. And discovering you have cancer is rather like a severe kick in the hollyhocks. It DOES rattle you - it sure as f@&$ rattled me (and my OH too).
However, they say that every cloud has (some sort of) a silver lining, and I must admit my experience this year has kind of changed my view on life a bit too.
I'm trying (and succeeding more and more) to wait until the "cards are on the table" before I decide how to play them. I've found it is just SO easy to worry and fret about the what-might-happen things which sometimes (and perhaps even quite often) don't actully happenat all. On the other hand, it's also SO easy to see the warning signs iof problems and blatantly ignore them. So, for me, I'm trying to just take relaxed, sensible, informed decisions and not either beat myself up with anxiet,y nor be daftly blase about things either.
A merry Christmas and a great 2015 to you and everyone else on this blog.
Best Regards,
Patrick.
Life is a journey. You can't move forward on a journey AND stay in the same place. |
User
Happy birthday Steve
May there be plenty more.
A little of what you fancy over the next few days should not do you any harm. ;-)
ATB
Dave
User
Hi Steve,
Happy Birthday!
I think you have faced up to your situation and come to terms with it as we have to in order to move on. We may regret our limitations but age forces some of these on us regardless of our health. issues. Nevertheless, there are still many things most of us can enjoy and look forward to, perhaps things we never had the time or motivation to do, then there is more family time as we head towards and into retirement without work pressure - found this great! Sadly, as we are well aware, not all our members reach retirement so even more important that they live their lives to the full as best they can. T
Edited by member 24 Dec 2014 at 11:36
| Reason: Not specified
Barry |
User
Enjoy your birthday and a Jolly Xmas to you!
Jacey
User
WISHING YOU A VERY HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY STEVE
WITH MANY MORE TO COME!
Rude card awaiting you over in the 'Nut House' : )
Have a Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat Day Mate!
|
User
Appy Burfday Steve,
Enjoy your day http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif
Best Wishes
Luther
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Loved your post Steve.
Have a very happy extra special birthday
Best Wishes for today and the rest of your life
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Happy 60th Birthday Steve, and many more of them. Thanks for all your postings, truly inspiring in many ways. Best wishes for Christmas and a Happy New Year. Arthur
User
Well done Steve - great post. Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas.
My birthday is in a week's time, on New Year's Eve, when I will hit 63. I don't feel old and I don't intend to act as old.
Many years before I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I decided that I would treat each day as the first day of the rest of my life. This was largely precipitated by the fact that my wife's younger sister, at the age of 48, was diagnosed with a very rare type of spinal cancer and died within 6 months. Then, three years ago, my younger sister at the age of 58 was diagnosed with lung cancer (she was a heavy smoker) and died fairly quickly thereafter.
Those two factors made us decide that we needed to live life to the full - and for us, that means as much travel as possible. I was lucky to be made redundant and given early retirement with a decent pension, so we have been able to see a lot of the world.
My diagnosis at the beginning of this year was a shock but, very fortunately as you will have seen from my other posts, 6 months after the op all is going as well as it could. I am not deluding myself about the possibility of recurrence but nor am I worrying about it. Instead, I continue to treat each day as the first day of the rest of my life.
Happy Christmas and the best possible New Year to you all.
User
Great post, Steve. Hope you're having a great birthday, and can I wish you, plus everyone on this site and your families all the best for Christmas and the New Year.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
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Happy Birthday...60 is middle aged!
Steve
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Happy birthday Steve and a great attitude! 2014, forgetting it already!
Flexi
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User
Happy birthday Steve all the best Andy
User
Sixty is the new forty! Have a great day, a great Christmas and enjoy everything you want. That,s what celebrating is for! I spent my 60th on my way to hospital but two and a half years on, still here and going strong. We never know what is next for us so let the future take care of itself and enjoy the present, after all we are here now so let's make the most of it.
User
Happy birthday Steve!
Wishing you the very best.
User
Happy birthday Steve....I remember someone's post on here when I was first dx...they'd realised they had been drifting through life..Their dx made them re-evaluate and their lives changed for the better despite their dx...
To some degree our lives have turned around, don't get me wrong we have had our moments and I'm sure there will be more but we now try and enjoy our lives as I too think we were drifting.
Have a great xmas and enjoy the steak, chips, chocolates and maybe a tipple...I shall raise a glass for you and others later...I think 8.35 has been suggested
Bri
User
Happy birthday,Steve and many more of them. Merry Christmas to everyone .Hope Santa brings you what you want. El.
User
Hi Steve sorry I did not meet you in London last month as I know from your posts we would have got on like a house in fire, at 49 with T4M1Na I hope I can post something when I am 60 but for now like you it's about just being the best you can be for you and everyone else every day, you are an inspiration. Happy Xmas to you and family, Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Hi Steve,
happy birthday mate, may you have many more.
Sorry this is is a bit on the cusp but been a bit busy today.
Hope you had a great one!
Kevin
User
Thanks everyone for your kind messages.
I've just had one of the best birthdays ever. So nice to be with my family especially our new addition , our little grandson.
Had a wonderful meal this evening and received some really special cards and presents. My wife gave me an engraved pocket watch which I will treasure forever.
I found it quite difficult to hide my emotions at times, especially when I spent a few moments to remember the forum members who sadly passed away this year. I didn't mention what I was thinking about at that moment because I knew my wife would be upset to be reminded of my illness and it's possible consequences. I quietly raised a glass in their memory.
So the end of a perfect day.
May I wish you all a very Happy Christmas.
Steve
User
Belated birthday wishes Steve , and have a lovely Christmas. Diesel x
User
Happy Belated birthday Steve.
A fantastic post. Hope you finished off those chocolates & had a few more treats too.
Thanks for all your support too & best wishes for 2015.
Carlos
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
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Hi Steve and happy birthday.
I was very pleased to read this post from you it is a long time since you have been able to be positive about yourself, you normally reserve this positivity for the encouragement of others. I wish you a less eventful start to the new year and may there be many more perfect days to raise a glass to.
John
User
Happy Belated Birthday Steve, your post sounds so much more positive than of late. Keep those positive thoughts and good feelings to the front.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
HELP!
Just checked my weight after five days Christmas overeating ( my first chocolate, cakes, biscuits etc for over six months) and I've gained half a stone! Can't believe I've gained so much.
Had a great Christmas though, hope you have too.
Thanks for your messages.
Best Wishes,
Steve
Edited by member 28 Dec 2014 at 21:39
| Reason: Not specified
User
Step away from the scales. If doesn't matter. A week or two sensible eating in January & it'll be gone.
Enjoy xmas & sod it.
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
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Hi Carlos,
That's what I feel. I just hope I can get back to my normal healthy diet. I think running out of money in January will help (I haven't worked since the 20th. November).
What I really need to do is take more exercise but it's difficult at the moment in my present condition. I've had three incidents of chest pains in the last ten days (including Christmas night) so I'm trying to be fairly careful. My other heart angioplasty is due three weeks tomorrow (Jan 19th) so as soon as that is out of the way I'm due to start a cardiac rehab programme. Only problem is that I've had quite a lot of rectal bleeding over the last week (the medication I was given to stop that seems to be failing now) which could force me into have a double bypass op instead. Hopefully, I can get things sorted before that has to happen. I'm sure I will.
I'm convinced 2015 will be a better year for us.
Steve
Edited by member 28 Dec 2014 at 23:05
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve,
Sorry to hear that you have had quite a lot of rectal bleeding over the past week.
In my posting on 10 December on your other thread I suggested that if I were in your position with regular heavy bleeding I would ask my oncologist about having a sigmoidoscopy to find out exactly what is going on. Did you ask your Onco whether she thought that a sigmoidoscopy would be worth doing?
Inflamation from RT sometimes causes rectal discomfort and bleeding and suppositories may be prescribed – one good one is proctosedyl. These suppositories relieve pain and reduce inflammation, itching and discharge. I understand that other brands do a similar job. As a layman in all of this, these treatments are fine for discomfort or minor shows of blood following RT. But if the cause of the bleeding is due to more severe damage to the tissue in the rectum then they may not be much help in sorting out the real problem long term. This gets back to thinking that a sigmoidoscopy may be useful to find out if cauterisation to treat the damaged tissue in the rectum would be the answer.
This a non clinical personal observation but if you wish to avoid having a double bypass operation it may be useful to speak to your Onco about whether having a sigmoidoscopy is an option for you now, if you have not already done so. This may be a non starter for you for whatever reason but at least you will have explored this option.
I hope this is useful.
Alan
User
Hi Steve,
Over eating - surely not. Chocolates, cake, biscuits = 1/2 stone
You should have taken a leaf out of my book -
Oh hang on a minute - you did.
1/2 stone - I wished!! Daren't even think about scales.
I wouldn't normally eat chocolate but IT WAS THERE - what was I supposed to do. It was Christmas.
Got an arthritic foot which is stopping me walking and causing a funny hip so not much chance of exercise at the moment.
Looks like I'm going to have to cut back on the food !!!
Roll on New Year when I can make myself promises which this year I really really mean to keep. Honest!
Good luck with the bleeding. Hope you get it sorted soon. New Year, New start.
Heart with its bits and pieces in working order and doing its job.
Cancer with it's backside kicked.
Good luck and best wishes.
Sandra
Edited by member 29 Dec 2014 at 19:45
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi,
After having such a great birthday and Christmas, what's happened this last week has taken me totally by surprise.
It really started last Sunday at my grandson's christening. I found it difficult to get through the service. I found it difficult to hold things together, I was so emotional. Fortunately, only my wife really noticed what was happening because most people were behind me but it's not what I expected to happen.
During radiotherapy, I started to take some "happy pills" given to me by my GP as I'd been having real problems controlling my emotions (as mentioned in my other posts). This was probably my worst side effect of the hormone therapy I'm on.
The tablets worked a treat and totally evened out my moods, until this last week. I feel so low.
I was ok after the christening, things really only hit me during Sunday night. I couldn't sleep and I just started to think about my grandson growing up and not being there to see that. After feeling so positive around the Christmas period, just everything seemed to bring me down further. My post RT bleeding problem keeps re-appearing, now accompanied by quite a lot of pain when I try to go to the loo. I can't seem to do anything much without being breathless all the time. That has got worse in the last two weeks.
New Years Eve made me feel really sad because I'm scared of what this year will bring. A couple of months ago, I wasn't expecting to have my heart problems. I didn't expect to be struggling so much to cope with the recovery from that. It doesn't seem that I will be able to work until February at the earliest. I'm not sure if I will be able to cope with the workload I was doing, I just feel exhausted most of the time now even though I'm not doing much.
If I look back to last year's New Year's Eve, I didn't expect my life to turn out this way. That's why I felt so sad on Wednesday night, thinking my life could fall apart even more this year.
I haven't wanted to talk to anyone and feel as if I just want to go to sleep and not be sad anymore.
I'm finding it really hard to be positive, I just need something nice to come along to take the pressure off me. The tablets aren't working well enough.
Steve
User
Hi, Steve I am new to this site so you don,t know me although I have been reading yours and others on here for awhile when waiting for the results of my OH tests. He has prostate cancer and we are waiting on his urologist to resume after the Christmas break for advice re treatment, prognosis etc. You have been through so much lately I am not surprised you are sometimes feeling down and exhausted. Be kind on yourself and take it as easy as you need to. Best wishes. Georgina
User
Steve,
I can sort of understand what you are going through, I went through the same thought pathways regarding my grandchildren a few months back.
Wouldn't see them grow up / get married / have kids of their own.
Seemed so unfair and cruel.
It also felt unnecessary, why me - that old chestnut.
All I can tell you is that I did get back on top of it, it just took time.
Just to remind you, I documented it on the dark side.
With all that you are facing up to at the moment I'm not surprised you have been bitten with the black beast.
Well, we are all here for you, so get it all out and we will support you all we can.
All the best
Kevin
User
Oh Steve, Steve, Steve, will it never end for you.
As far as being emotional at the Christening I find perfectly understandable - a new young life being promised eternal life.
Yes for you it was even more emotional than for others because you think you can see your future, or lack of it.
You are in pain, you have job worries therefore financial woes, and Christmas and New Year are traditionally the times when we look back over our lives and then forward to making plans for the future, telling ourselves it will all be different this year.
Unfortunately, for a lot of people who aren't even going through what you are going through, this aftermath of excitement and festivities produces a horrible flatness and anxiety. We can sometimes feel we have nothing to look forward to except more of the same
Well it will be different for you this year won't it and all you can focus on is what is happening now.
You have depression at the moment caused by the mountain that is weighing down on your shoulders.
Please don't give up on yourself. You know that your breathlessness is due to your heart and that is going to be sorted, in whatever way the experts feel best for your situation.
Look how much better you felt when you had the stent put in and you didn't even know you had a heart problem before the attack.
You said then how much more energy you had and tiredness can sap your will and energy. Everything is so much more of an effort.
Try not to focus on thinking of your grandson's future without you. You can't say that at this stage.
I'm not going to say you need to be positive, you already know that, but it is hard isn't when you feel like you do.
You don't want to be sad anymore, who does.
There are many on here Steve with the mantra of live life to the full.
Once you get this heart business sorted out you'll have the energy to reflect and perhaps find peace in the moments you are living ie with every hug you give that new little fellow in your life.
He still has you and I am sure will do for many years to come yet.
OK perhaps you maybe won't be the footballing granddad but you'll be the one taking him to the park, showing him the beauty in all that is around him. Getting him interested in a hobby like photography eh?
I have no medical knowledge of depression only anecdotal info from many members of my family as it is a strong trait among us, but I do know how debilitating it can be.
Perhaps you could go to your GP and discuss with him how you feel with a view to a different drug, or what about contacting your designated nurse at the hospital.
Don't curl up in a ball and wish the rest of your life over Steve. It would be such a waste.
None of us can predict when our end will come even those among us with terminal cancer can and will defy the odds that have been given to them.
That heart attack came out of the blue. You could have left us then but you didn't because you still have more to offer.
You have many friends on here Steve, willing you on. We can't offer a physical shoulder but on a virtual level we can try and give you a lift up.
You know were all here for you.
If you feel like crying then have a cry. What you feel like now is not how you will feel when you are stronger.
Best Wishes and a big virtual hug (but don't tell my husband - he wouldn't understand !!!) Sandra
Edited by member 05 Jan 2015 at 10:07
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Hi Steve,
So sorry to hear the problems that you are going through but just to let you know you are not on your own with this.
I went through all of this early on, would i see the twins go to secondary school etc but it does get better.
Now i just read your post on the meet up at Newark, i didn't realize Newark was your home town, well i believe that the Advertiser is still in the same building so if you fancy a trip down memory lane my mate is MD there so i can arrange a visit and we can have a good chat a few beers and lunch.
Happy to collect you from the train station, will have to be a weekday but i guarantee to send you home with a smile on your face.
Best Wishes
Si
Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict |
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Steve
I have advanced and incurable PCA. This time last year, I was completely undetectable. I am natural born catastrophist and those that know me on this forum will know how much destruction the demon has done to my psyche since my diagnosis in 2009.
I fully understand exactly what you are going through and have no magical solutions. However, what I will say is that, despite the bleakness of my prognosis, I still try to grab a little joy from each day, however trivial or menial, even though I know I have no real long term future to look forward to. I have a daughter of 24 who is facing a double hip replacement and an elder daughter in a poor relationship who is just about to leave me and live in the USA. I have no grandchildren, only a new puppy and a wife I adore, so I think of that beautiful little creature and get as much joy out of bringing her up as I do being with my wife.
I have suffered from very real depression and know what Sandra has said makes tremendous good sense. To just want to end it all or give up is a waste. You have a grandchild. If you have nothing else, just try and focus on this beautiful new life and to impart all the love you can. Love, more than anything else, is the legacy of a true man. And that is exactly who you are.
God bless
Bazza (Barry)
User
Steve I want to reach out and give you a great big hug, the way you feel right now is normal, yes normal. The emotions at your grandsons christening normal, your sad reflections normal,the dread of what might happen, normal.
What you are experiencing is a phase of your new normal, it is a depressing phase made worse by the complications after all as Sandra has said in her lovely post, the heart attack could have taken you away from us all but it didn't because you are needed and wanted here.
Certain things spark our emotions, I lost it at the hospice singing Xmas carols Of course location and hormones play a big part in that too.
My raw emotions are caused by grief and yours are probably caused by being confronted by your own mortality it is all well and good people saying we all have to die sometime but it becomes a frightening and distressing thing when first cancer and then a heart attack give you a glimpse at the grim reaper. Fortunately you have given him the message loud and clear that this is not your time.
We will both overcome these emotional moments but it takes time and nobody can tell how long that will take. Once you get through the depressing phase into acceptance then you will feel a stronger and calmer New normal.
In the meantime looking towards something positive like having a successful treatment for your heart problem and the further progress away from RT side effects might help a bit.
Seeing New friends at Newark might be something to look forward to as well
We are all here for you
Xxx
Mandy Mo
User
Many have already given so much sage advice I won't repeat that now. I think we all go through shock when we are diagnosed and you have had a double whammy which is bound to hit you hard. Therefore all the emotions you are feeling are expected and you have to let them happen. Tears do help, though as men sometimes we want to hide our tears but they are there for a reason and are cathartic.
You must still be coming to terms with your new 'normal' and this will take time. I know though that if you feel you are slipping into clinical depression please see the doctor and talk it through. But I suspect you will get your head around this. You have discussed these issues so articulately already on this forum and that in itself is important to help you make sense, take stock and adjust your reality.
It would be great to see you at Newark. It is a small intimate group and has been helpful to share and explore where we all are. There are some great people who live around that area so it will be a good day out. I want to pick your photography skills anyway!
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Steve
The best remedy for your feelings must be to speak and write about them. Doing so will help you analyse where you are. I hope that what you are feeling will be short term, and you are doing exactly the right thing by articulating your situation on this forum.
Please keep posting - not only are you helping yourself, but others present and future to whom your writing will be of great assistance.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
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Steve,
You have been given lot's of good advice from the other forum members so I won't repeat it all, but would like to say the following.
You have come through your cancer diagnosis, you have come through your RT treatment, you have come through your heart scare and you will get through this bad bout of depression. I do have to so say though you must see your doctor about this, pills do not sort everything and I think you really need the help of an experienced counsellor who specialises in depression, you need professional help so make sure you get it before things get any worse.
Best wishes, hope things improve soon for you.
Good luck to ALL who are fighting or affected by cancer.
Regards,
Gerry
Edited by member 05 Jan 2015 at 19:01
| Reason: Not specified
User
Hi Steve, I am still a newby and was sorry that we never met at kings x this Xmas. i think where you are may be where I will be one day however don't be cross about having those thoughts it's totally understandable and natural, I won't offer ways to compensate as that has been done earlier. I did have one thought for you ( forgive me if this is not the kind of photographer that you are) , assuming you have been taking a wide variety of pictures for years and you own the copyright have you considered cataloging them and in some way looking to sell certain images as that may allow you to 1) have something positive to do, 2) get your catalogue on the computer and 3) maybe make a few quid whilst working from home. I am sure this is not as easy as I make it sound but perhaps just put your mind to it for a bit as a distraction. Perhaps approach a local gallery to see if they will display some of your work? Apologies if this is teaching you to suck eggs. Look forward as ever to hearing more from you as like others have said it gives you a chance to get it off your chest. Sleep well, Kevin
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
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Hi Steve
Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way it happens to many of us, especially if you are on hormones. During your years of marriage how many times have you wondered why your wife would burst into tears and think to yourself "what have I done" well welcome to her world. I Found that when I was being chemically castrated I turn into a person I didn't recognise and didn't particularly like, I couldn't socialise as I didn't trust myself not to cry, nothing helped until I came off the dreaded Decapytyl, even then it took months to return to some type of normality. Since then I have been back on hormones for 6 months (Casodex 150) and found this a lot easier as it doesn't castrate you, in fact my testosterone went sky high, but I developed man boobs, but these are reducing somewhat, I have just had my bloods taken today and i am dreading the outcome because a rise could signal going back on the dreaded hormones, but if so I will ask for Casodex again or similar. Unfortunately there is no free ride on hormones unless you are very lucky, they all seem to have their drawbacks. So given the hormones and all the extra C**P you have had to endure it's hardly surprising you feel this way mate.
All the best
Roy
User
Hi Steve,
Sorry i'm late with this, I had to find an old post of mine to paste here.
I thoroughly understand how badly you've been feeling.I have been there, and (damn it all...still visit there sometimes!)
This was my reply to someone undergoing the same dark times a while back:
I am so glad you posted about your depression.
So many guys won't admit it, but it is very common amongst members here.
When I was diagnosed in 2005 I was told I had only two or three years left, yet it didn't bring me down at all.
In fact, quite the opposite. I had a fire in my belly and an absolute determination to get through everything and prove that one particular doctor was a sadistic tosser.
I became as pro-active as you could possibly be in my treatment and in my dealings with consultants.
Yet, four years later, when all my results were good, RT had been a doddle, I'd finished HT after just 2 years, and life was good......I suddenly slid down into a deep black hole of depression.
Being the stubborn git that I am, I did NOT want to see any doctor about it, figuring I would find my own way out of the darkness.
I was wrong.
I endured 14 months of very deep depression. I didn't want to socialise, didn't even want to answer the phone, became very withdrawn and quiet. I couldn't even arrange our Leicester 'do' in 2009.
Finally I spoke to my oncologist (who is a good friend) and he wasn't at all surprised. He said he had expected depression to hit me much earlier. He recommended I see a pyschologist who specialised in cancer patients & depression.
I met her a few times, and she did get me to talk a little, but I felt more sessions wouldn't help.
Finally, I took the meds route. I got my GP to let me try four different types of anti-depressants over about six months, and finally I found one which actually worked for me.
Within a month of starting those pills, I felt myself coming back into the light.
It was like a miracle.
I didn't stay on them too long, but I do return to them every 18 months or so, because I am still prone to bouts of that damn depression.
But at least now, I recognise the signs soon, and I don't let it bring me down for long.
I think it's like our reaction to our cancer and our treatments - each one of is is unique.
Some people are able to throw themselves into activities and get through depression, other do find counselling works, but when you find yourself so deep down a dark hole that you can't function properly any more, it's time to do something.
Don't be stubborn like I was, go and actively seek a cure.
But most important of all, please don't try and cope with it alone if you find the dark periods lasting too long.
Our life is far too short to waste in in gloom, innit?
Start smiling soon, kiddo!
George
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George, I thought I knew you but had no idea that you have had this struggle. What a wonderful post x
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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As George has openly admitted his own struggles I think you can see Steve it's far more common than people think. I don't believe anyone can go through a diagnosis of Cancer and not feel depressed lets face it that hardly make you feel good. You have had one blow after another and as Mo has said your feelings are completely normal. Trust me there are many days when I am so low it is hard to function and the same for Trevor. I think everyone on the forum deserves a WHY ME MOMENT.
The only person I can think of who never really spoke of those feelings was TG but I am sure that he had them , in fact I know he did. I once sent him the song Moon River, it seems like a life time ago know. Any way before I get all maudlin here is my song to you.
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ther'll be sun
Just thinking about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till there's none
when I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely , I just stick up my chin and say OH
The sun'll come out tomorrow , so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya your always a day away.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
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Hi Julie and Lyn,
It's funny Barry (TG) was mentioned there.
When I first posted about my trouble on here all those years ago, Barry sent me an email, the first time we'd had direct contact.
He fully understood depression and his words were so comforting.
And so began a great friendship which lasted all the way through, and I'm privileged to count his wife Karen and son James as good friends to this day,and so many here can say the same.
Barry, We miss you mate.
George
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Dear Steve
What lovely, thoughtful posts you have received from your friends on this forum. People obviously think so much of you, and know you only via this site.
You must mean so much to those who live with you, your family and others who know you in person!
I hope this will give you the strength and encouragement to pull through these dark moments.
Thinking of you.
Alison x
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Nah Alison, we just have to be nice to George on here because Lynn and Catrina find him really irritating.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Sorry Steve, only just seen your post.
Please accept a man hug mate.
I'm on citolopram, have been for 12 months. They are a serotonin enhancer rather than anti depressant (Prozac) I tried before which didn't help at all. Made me a wreck. These help iron things out & take the edge of life. I'd struggle to function without them.
I hope this year is a year of positive change & recovery for you mate. I'm going to a friends funeral tomorrow. He has been a great support to me through the cancer but he died the week before Xmas in a freak accident on his drive with his car. It's hit home how fragile we all are and how important it is to look out & care for each other. I feel bad too that I've outlived him, when only a month or two ago he was visiting me to see if I was ok.
I've struggled showing emotions all through my life. I think it's a bloke thing. I'm not like that anymore. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'd be in bits at my grand child's christening too. It's a huge & fantastic occasion. You must be so proud.
It must be like walking through treacle at the moment Steve. I do hope the light grows brighter & warmer at the end of the Tunnel soon mate & they sort your health issues.
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |