The Silent Assassin's Futile War
The assassin is silent and is ultimately, extremely effective. It crawls throughout, slowly at first then when enough strength is gathered, inexorably towards yours and its own destruction. Though it has no worthy purpose, during its course, it gets you, it really connects with you - your psyche, your mind, your thoughts, but every day you have your minor triumphs too.
This silent, molecular assassin slowly chips away at hope - but in a strange way fosters an inner strength that you never knew you had making you feel, albeit temporarily, invincible. It destroys complacency in a heartbeat as everything that mattered less before becomes more important and things that mattered more become less so than they were. It gives time to plan. It does not destroy in a day, in an instant as other assassins can. For that gift alone, it is such a huge blessing. It causes immense psychological harm but in a perverse kind of way, on good days, can fortify your mind to do, to see, to experience like nothing could ever motivate you to before.
It often makes you imagine and think of a world without you in it. Still silent, it's power is loud and echoes through your body - but you stand tall while you can because you can and you must - though some days you feel small and vulnerable and alone, on others you feel that you can take on the whole world, and should! The assassin brings out the measure of the word family and friends. Some run away. Some stand tall and show their true worth. However evil this assassin is, it brings out the true colours in people.
For although this is an often very lonely, personal and long nightmare, the silent assassin also brings out everything that is good and bad in equal measure of - about the human soul and of one's spirit. Ultimately, though it may win the war of the flesh, it can nor will it ever destroy the soul nor cloud or darken those days, months, years and memories made before its presence was known. It may ultimately be the kiss of death, but in its its final inglorious act, it too will die a worthless death whilst your life will have had value. In that respect, it will always be a poor loser, come second fiddle, remain that which did not break your spirit nor which defined you as a person but which ultimately redefined you in a way that is so fantastically unfathomable. That is the bitter irony of the silent assassin that is prostate cancer.
BMC 2015
Edited by member 23 Mar 2015 at 13:01
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