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Support of Wives and Partners

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User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 11:04
I don't often mention my wife in my posts as I try not to bother her too much with my day to day SE's because they are not too bothersome.

She also has a very close sister with MND who might not last out this year.

But I know she is always there for me.

I find that whenever I talk about my condition I cry cos really I'm quite terrified of the whole thing.

So when she texts me at 02.20 in the morning (I'm asleep) to tell me she's thinking of me and is proud of how I'm coping with the side effects and is equally terrified of thinking about me dieing early then I'm back into tears again.

I know everyone is different but I do try to keep thing a bit seperate and use this site for advice on experiences etc and keep home as normal as possible for as long as possible.

I guess there's no right or wrong way but I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Edited by member 18 Jul 2015 at 12:30  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 18:00

Just a though Paul,

Maybe you are both trying to protect each other from problems associated with there PCa? Resulting in lack of communication. The good thing is that you are not being dishonest with one another, you are not misleading one another. You are both so very fortunate to be in a relationship where you have each have someone to lean on and depend on.

Hope you both have a great weekend, and a bottle of wine of it takes your fancy, and a lovely cuddle.

dave

x


All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 22:24
Paul

dont beat yourself up over this one, it can be hard for a man to show his emotions, it is probably the way we are brought up, you know all that Man is tough and only girls cry stuff. Then as you get a bit older hormones kick in and tend to do that job for you, so when we mess about with the hormone balance or change our emotional environment things can go haywire.

Sometimes gestures count so much more than words and the message in the early hours of the morning was one of those. I bet your wife wakes up every morning and the first 2 thoughts in her head will be of you and her sister the only thing that will change is the order depending on who she sees as having the greatest need at that moment in time.

Not much more I can add other than to say I feel for you and to let you knoe it is most definitely OK to cry. Yes we women, (well most of us anyway) have an incredible capacity for providing support and nurturing. Its almost like nature intended it that way.

big hug and my best wishes

xx

Mo

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 12:39

Do what ever works for you. You will get support, might be blunt and hard to swallow on occasion, but it will be well meant.

have a good weekend

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 12:53

Hmmm, as a wife I know that I would want to share with my man anything that bothers him. Like you though, mine isn't a big talker about how he feels and sometimes I seem to have to drag things into the conversation if I think he's under the weather. He's always been the same so having PC isn't any different.

Like your wife though, he knows I'm here for him and vice versa.

Did you mention the text to her? Do you tell her how much it means to have her support? I bet you do but.... in case not , now might be a good time to start.

She's proud of how you are coping with the side effects, but seeing you suffer means she is coping with them too

 

PS. Having just read your profile I'd be very proud of you too. !!http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif

Edited by member 18 Jul 2015 at 12:59  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 16:06
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Hmmm, as a wife I know that I would want to share with my man anything that bothers him. Like you though, mine isn't a big talker about how he feels and sometimes I seem to have to drag things into the conversation if I think he's under the weather. He's always been the same so having PC isn't any different.

Like your wife though, he knows I'm here for him and vice versa.

Did you mention the text to her? Do you tell her how much it means to have her support? I bet you do but.... in case not , now might be a good time to start.

She's proud of how you are coping with the side effects, but seeing you suffer means she is coping with them too

PS. Having just read your profile I'd be very proud of you too. !![img=http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif]

Sandra

Thank you for your reply and thoughts, I appreciate what you've said.

I do tell her how much her support means to but was surprised at the txt, I suppose I didn't really know how she is feeling about it all and didn't want to overload her at this time with the pain she is carrying about her sister but maybe I don't know a woman's capacity.

Paul

.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 16:27

Paul, there may well be overload at some stage but she'll cope for now because she has to/wants to.

Perhaps for her it was easier to send a text because speaking to you and telling you those things will make you emotional and then she'd feel guilty for upsetting you, and also, of course, she is carrying the burden of the serious illness of a loved sister.

She'll need you then and that's when your support of her kicks in.

A woman's capacity (in general) is huge because we are the carers and the home makers and we can multi task!!!!!

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 12:39

Do what ever works for you. You will get support, might be blunt and hard to swallow on occasion, but it will be well meant.

have a good weekend

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 12:53

Hmmm, as a wife I know that I would want to share with my man anything that bothers him. Like you though, mine isn't a big talker about how he feels and sometimes I seem to have to drag things into the conversation if I think he's under the weather. He's always been the same so having PC isn't any different.

Like your wife though, he knows I'm here for him and vice versa.

Did you mention the text to her? Do you tell her how much it means to have her support? I bet you do but.... in case not , now might be a good time to start.

She's proud of how you are coping with the side effects, but seeing you suffer means she is coping with them too

 

PS. Having just read your profile I'd be very proud of you too. !!http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif

Edited by member 18 Jul 2015 at 12:59  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 16:06
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Hmmm, as a wife I know that I would want to share with my man anything that bothers him. Like you though, mine isn't a big talker about how he feels and sometimes I seem to have to drag things into the conversation if I think he's under the weather. He's always been the same so having PC isn't any different.

Like your wife though, he knows I'm here for him and vice versa.

Did you mention the text to her? Do you tell her how much it means to have her support? I bet you do but.... in case not , now might be a good time to start.

She's proud of how you are coping with the side effects, but seeing you suffer means she is coping with them too

PS. Having just read your profile I'd be very proud of you too. !![img=http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-laughing.gif]

Sandra

Thank you for your reply and thoughts, I appreciate what you've said.

I do tell her how much her support means to but was surprised at the txt, I suppose I didn't really know how she is feeling about it all and didn't want to overload her at this time with the pain she is carrying about her sister but maybe I don't know a woman's capacity.

Paul

.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 16:27

Paul, there may well be overload at some stage but she'll cope for now because she has to/wants to.

Perhaps for her it was easier to send a text because speaking to you and telling you those things will make you emotional and then she'd feel guilty for upsetting you, and also, of course, she is carrying the burden of the serious illness of a loved sister.

She'll need you then and that's when your support of her kicks in.

A woman's capacity (in general) is huge because we are the carers and the home makers and we can multi task!!!!!

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 18:00

Just a though Paul,

Maybe you are both trying to protect each other from problems associated with there PCa? Resulting in lack of communication. The good thing is that you are not being dishonest with one another, you are not misleading one another. You are both so very fortunate to be in a relationship where you have each have someone to lean on and depend on.

Hope you both have a great weekend, and a bottle of wine of it takes your fancy, and a lovely cuddle.

dave

x


All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 22:24
Paul

dont beat yourself up over this one, it can be hard for a man to show his emotions, it is probably the way we are brought up, you know all that Man is tough and only girls cry stuff. Then as you get a bit older hormones kick in and tend to do that job for you, so when we mess about with the hormone balance or change our emotional environment things can go haywire.

Sometimes gestures count so much more than words and the message in the early hours of the morning was one of those. I bet your wife wakes up every morning and the first 2 thoughts in her head will be of you and her sister the only thing that will change is the order depending on who she sees as having the greatest need at that moment in time.

Not much more I can add other than to say I feel for you and to let you knoe it is most definitely OK to cry. Yes we women, (well most of us anyway) have an incredible capacity for providing support and nurturing. Its almost like nature intended it that way.

big hug and my best wishes

xx

Mo

 
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