Surr33(John) and the others of you, well what can I say.
Any woman who has/is going through the menopause will understand fully about the emotional havoc it wreaks and the teariness, and the mood changes, and the skin changes, and (sometimes ) the desire to thump somebody !!
Horrible as it is for us women to go through, we do know that it is part and parcel of our ageing process and just something we have to get through, with or without medical help.
For you men though, to know what you have to go through in order to still be around to be teary and emotional, well it takes guts doesn't it.
I wont make a sweeping statement and say that all women love their other halves, since I'm sure there are members on here who could say that isn't so as theirs couldn't cope with the changes.
For a lot of us though I'm sure that you are still you, even with a big wet hanky stuck to your face or dark glasses to hide the puffiness of your tears, or the fact that you now cry easily at the sad bits in a TV programme !
We loved you before, and we love you still, in the knowledge that the parts of you that are now different were beyond your control and the new you is the current normal. Trust us and believe us, even when you feel so low that you think we can't possibly love you anymore.
We did, we do, we will !!
Edited by member 16 Feb 2016 at 16:19
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
My three men have all been easy to tears all their lives, with or without hormones! Stan used to cry when he was happy, when he was sad, when he was proud. My dad cries when he sees his grandchildren. John cries when England win, when they lose and especially when I buy new shoes! It is all part of who they are and why I love them.
Cry with pride, my friend 😥
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Ok , there are the hot flushes and night sweats, sometimes bearable and sometimes not.
I have to and can live with them.
But I've really noticed an increase in the amount of teariness over the past couple of months. So much so my family despair of me.
Eyeballs roll when " Dad's having another of his moments again " or " you don't do this in public do you ?" ( no , I don't - try not to anyway).
And it's over stupid things , both happy and sad. It's not all the time , I hasten to add.
It's just annoying when it happens.
It can have its benefits too. My wife seeing the teariness on Sunday pm (14/02) came up to me and gave me a huge hug and said she worries about me and that she loved me. That set me off.
In previous times the subsequent situation would have been so so different ! But thanks to HT and no libido ....... Well ,nothing.
I ask myself if the increase in teariness is a normal s/e after HT for many months or am I just unlucky ?
Just as I am in having this cancer.
I am smiling as I type this - no tears .... And no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just bemused , but I know that my wife loves me as I her.
Surr33,
I am not in your position, yet! The stats suggest that one day I may be.
Your teariness, or heightened emotional state is not a choice you made. If you broke your leg or foot would you family moan if you limped? If they knew that to forego the HT might shorten your life would they prefer that?
I get teary, never used to despite having a job that involved dealing with deaths and bodies. All that changed when Number 1 son arrived. Cried like a baby at his birth. Number 2 son arrived, and I cried like a baby at his birth. Got PCa, had the op, spent a year drinking ti cope and al with the after affects, and cried every time some songs come on the stereo gramme or the wireless. I am an old person!
I am glad that you are here to cry, and I hope that your family can somehow be made aware that they maybe ought to be as well.
atb
dave
PS MU is for pussies. Real men show their motions to anyone and everyone! ;-)
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
I really thought that I'd messed up here after I posted this morning as there were no early responses. Is it possible to retract a post I was wondering ?
So I was very grateful for Bazza's usual outstanding reply and that from Chris immediately after.
I didn't know what to call this conversation so I just went straight from the heart.
My family and friends know what I'm going through and are very good about it all. I shall try to behave at my wife's birthday bash next week but as you know HT seems to, well, just overtake my emotions ! I'll be banned from any public speeches ....
Well, the replies have been amazing. It seems that there is much emotion amongst us all. Patient or supporter.
Country boy I'm afraid that your reply sent me again. I feel unsure as to what the future holds for me but I'm really pleased for your good results.
It's all relative I know, and there are many others here with more uncertainty. I just wish them well.
And Puffingbilly, yes, we seem to be in a similar emotional position. Don't forget I'm chasing your Psa score! And your ability to have a good nights sleep.
This last weekend showed the power of this site and the unity shown by so many . It was difficult but it reinforced how much it meant to me and I'm sure each of you too.
And Lyn , you missed all the 'fun' !
John
User
Lovely post by Bazza (again). I too am very emotional but only 4 months in . I'm not sure how long I have to stay on it. But yeh I'm crying a bit here and there . Fatigue more than anything else though -- dog tired by 5pm .
Elaine and I are close , maybe closer . She is there for me 100% . We both realise our love has changed in many ways. In fact it has evolved with us on the journey . But we are in it together. I know she's still mine. Your body normally gets used to meds and you establish a new norm I suppose. Tears are ok -- it makes me feel better
Best wishes
Chris
User
Hi
I have been on HT for nearly a year found that early on i was very emotional could break down at any moment any where
Now a year on still get emotional but no where near as bad and i can tell 99% of time when i am welling up
Theirs not a lot u can do about it but the sunglasses are a great suggestion
Oh and i dont have any boobs of my own
Regards
Nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
User
Johsan, with tears in my eyes (!) I thank you for your kind and supportive comments.
And Nidge, my own upper chest hasn't changed that much , a little but not that noticeable.
I think of the 10cc song " I'm not in love " with the chorus " BIG BOYS DON'T CRY " , well they might do if they have PCa !
User
I read your post this morning and to be honest I was to emotional (teary eyed to reply straight away) it has been a emotional day for us T has been for his scans today and I was already feeling kind of topsy turvey. Then I saw your post and well that just pushed me over the edge , BUT maybe I needed to be over the edge.
I honestly thought your post was lovely. It is honest and truthful two of the best accolades that I can think of.
I have to say though that I am feeling a bit cheated , Trevor never cries, HT know for 3 years , he is obviously not human ( I have long suspected this ) or it could be the turmeric.😛
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Great post John, as we have said before your symptoms are identical in every way to mine. I haven't been told to man up yet and all family and friends know what to expect from me now.
I also have a terrific wife that has gone and is going through everything with me from the moment we wake up to falling asleep and she understands what I am going through, there are often comments of " don't think about it you know what happens" or " I knew that would happen" just before the tears.
I think I have the moobs John but not sure if they would have come anyway with age, is there a way of testing? Can we sue the tablet manufacturers?
Now that I have an undetectable PSA reading of 0.01 it has lifted a great weight and I have been attacking the garden with a new enthusiasm whereas I was avoiding doing small jobs through the general lethargy that goes with HT, I still start head banging from 6-00 pm or anytime after that when I sit down for the evening.
For the first time in three years I only got up once in the night and had a really good nights sleep, Yubba dubba doo!!
Now everyone you will probably be so pleased for me that the tears will be flowing quite freely by now.
Cheers all, Chris/Woody
Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint
User
John
when somebody truly loves another, really madly deeply then that love is unconditional.
I have always been an emotional person, often I suppressed the need to cry but felt worse for doing so.
As Sandra says our normal female ageing process means that many women go through a relatively temporary roller coaster of emotions but those come at the end of many years of monthly fluctuations too!. However that is part of what is the natural progression for a woman so most of us have a coping mechanism built in. That is a hormonal balancing act.
For a Man to have this inflicted upon him and possibly forever, or for long periods of time must be very confusing and with no natural counter balance then things are likely to go a bit haywire emotionally.
I happily admit I cry a lot, every TV show that has anything sad, happy, surprising is fair game for a blurt. Looking at old photos or reading old diaries of mine or my Nan's, a good slushy novel, any film with anything vaguely sad, overwhelmingly happy or miraculous in it, a good sporting occasion, weddings, funerals, music they all involve me crying. I have tissues in every room in my house and in reach of every seat in my car.
so you are not alone it is absolutely OK to cry.
Real men can wear pink and they can carry tissues too
my very best wishes and a teary hug
xxx
Mo
User
It's more readily accepted that women cry and men from fairly age are brought up to hide such emotion, "Big boys don't Cry" to quote the song. But men can naturally be emotional, certainly in my case when certain music brings tears to my eyes among other things. The fact that some men show their emotions more readily should not be taken as weakness. I think HT can heighten emotional sensitivity.
Barry |
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Country boy I'm afraid that your reply sent me again. I feel unsure as to what the future holds for me but I'm really pleased for your good results.
And Lyn , you missed all the 'fun' !
John
FFS John, man up pussy. It is okay to cry. It IS NOT "compulsory", not YET. Meanwhile, when it does become compulsory, you and me will be ahead of the game!
;-)
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
John,
I think it's great you are able to express emotion, with good reason given what you are going through ! I wish my partner had been a bit more that way inclined but everyone is different of course and I loved him to bits despite that ! So relieved to hear Mo cries over lots of things, for years I thought I was the only one like that that. I must keep some of the major paper tissue manufacturers in business ! Regards to you !
Fiona.
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Hi there
I've been on hormones for two years and experienced the whole gamut of side effects, emotional and otherwise. I have a pair of tits for my trouble so you're doing well compared to me. What I will tell you is that the last few words of your post are the most important, "but I know that my wife loves me, as I her." For love is all you ever need in life. Go with the flow, carry sunglasses on you for those days when you're more vulnerable. Do not, do not suppress your emotion. Go with the flow. You are lucky like me. Our wives will love us forever for the men we are and were, not the disease affected we became. That love is given freely each day we live with cancer. It shows true, genuine, deep and lasting love. The truest kind. We are blessed.
Keep fighting brother.
Bazza
User
Lovely post by Bazza (again). I too am very emotional but only 4 months in . I'm not sure how long I have to stay on it. But yeh I'm crying a bit here and there . Fatigue more than anything else though -- dog tired by 5pm .
Elaine and I are close , maybe closer . She is there for me 100% . We both realise our love has changed in many ways. In fact it has evolved with us on the journey . But we are in it together. I know she's still mine. Your body normally gets used to meds and you establish a new norm I suppose. Tears are ok -- it makes me feel better
Best wishes
Chris
User
I drafted this post last night and slept on the thought as to whether I should post it or not.
When I re-read it today it still made me smile even though the reasons behind it are unfortunate.
So I sent it through. I don't think it hurts to show your emotions.
I know that there's not much to say once it's read but it was great having your reply Bazza.
I felt particularly vulnerable on Sunday. It was Valentine's Day as well.
Following my last Onco visit at the end of January , I was disappointed that my levels had not fallen , but they hadn't risen either.
Told that they were not worried by this and would check trends over time, all I could remember was being told that I had many aggressive cancer cells upon dx.
I just have this feeling that I could be in for the long haul.
Fortunately my wife sensed this and we had a really good chat about it all.
Like you Chris I really think that my wife and I are closer now than ever. It's just accepting the new normal that's the pain.
And I don't mind the private crying . I see it as a release.
It's a beautiful day here in South East England and we've just been out for a walk.
We are taking every opportunity to enjoy our lives together.
And thank you both for replying.
John
User
Hi
I have been on HT for nearly a year found that early on i was very emotional could break down at any moment any where
Now a year on still get emotional but no where near as bad and i can tell 99% of time when i am welling up
Theirs not a lot u can do about it but the sunglasses are a great suggestion
Oh and i dont have any boobs of my own
Regards
Nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
User
Surr33(John) and the others of you, well what can I say.
Any woman who has/is going through the menopause will understand fully about the emotional havoc it wreaks and the teariness, and the mood changes, and the skin changes, and (sometimes ) the desire to thump somebody !!
Horrible as it is for us women to go through, we do know that it is part and parcel of our ageing process and just something we have to get through, with or without medical help.
For you men though, to know what you have to go through in order to still be around to be teary and emotional, well it takes guts doesn't it.
I wont make a sweeping statement and say that all women love their other halves, since I'm sure there are members on here who could say that isn't so as theirs couldn't cope with the changes.
For a lot of us though I'm sure that you are still you, even with a big wet hanky stuck to your face or dark glasses to hide the puffiness of your tears, or the fact that you now cry easily at the sad bits in a TV programme !
We loved you before, and we love you still, in the knowledge that the parts of you that are now different were beyond your control and the new you is the current normal. Trust us and believe us, even when you feel so low that you think we can't possibly love you anymore.
We did, we do, we will !!
Edited by member 16 Feb 2016 at 16:19
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Johsan, with tears in my eyes (!) I thank you for your kind and supportive comments.
And Nidge, my own upper chest hasn't changed that much , a little but not that noticeable.
I think of the 10cc song " I'm not in love " with the chorus " BIG BOYS DON'T CRY " , well they might do if they have PCa !
User
My three men have all been easy to tears all their lives, with or without hormones! Stan used to cry when he was happy, when he was sad, when he was proud. My dad cries when he sees his grandchildren. John cries when England win, when they lose and especially when I buy new shoes! It is all part of who they are and why I love them.
Cry with pride, my friend 😥
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
And all I was trying to say was that " I'd noticed an increase in teariness in the past few months "!
It's my wife's 60 birthday next week. Already I've been told that I have to ' MAN UP' and not embarrass not only myself , family but also friends.
Now you ask, is that possible with a chap on HT with PCa.
"It's my wife's party and I'll cry if I want to "... Sorry .
User
Ha ha ha ha ha - in my line of work I often have to explain why the phrase 'man up' is homophobic and unacceptable in a professional context. Perhaps I should also explain that it is derogatory to men on HT!
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Lyn, I am usually very PC as well as having PCa , so I'll accept your comments !
I worked with a transgender who taught us all the need for respect. She overcame many barriers and prejudices and eventually won the respect of everyone she worked with. My wife worked in Local Govt. possibly the most PC place of all.
But having PCa does mean of course that it can be difficult to M.. U. !
Saw your other post . Glad that there tears of joy in Italy .
John
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Ok , there are the hot flushes and night sweats, sometimes bearable and sometimes not.
I have to and can live with them.
But I've really noticed an increase in the amount of teariness over the past couple of months. So much so my family despair of me.
Eyeballs roll when " Dad's having another of his moments again " or " you don't do this in public do you ?" ( no , I don't - try not to anyway).
And it's over stupid things , both happy and sad. It's not all the time , I hasten to add.
It's just annoying when it happens.
It can have its benefits too. My wife seeing the teariness on Sunday pm (14/02) came up to me and gave me a huge hug and said she worries about me and that she loved me. That set me off.
In previous times the subsequent situation would have been so so different ! But thanks to HT and no libido ....... Well ,nothing.
I ask myself if the increase in teariness is a normal s/e after HT for many months or am I just unlucky ?
Just as I am in having this cancer.
I am smiling as I type this - no tears .... And no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just bemused , but I know that my wife loves me as I her.
Surr33,
I am not in your position, yet! The stats suggest that one day I may be.
Your teariness, or heightened emotional state is not a choice you made. If you broke your leg or foot would you family moan if you limped? If they knew that to forego the HT might shorten your life would they prefer that?
I get teary, never used to despite having a job that involved dealing with deaths and bodies. All that changed when Number 1 son arrived. Cried like a baby at his birth. Number 2 son arrived, and I cried like a baby at his birth. Got PCa, had the op, spent a year drinking ti cope and al with the after affects, and cried every time some songs come on the stereo gramme or the wireless. I am an old person!
I am glad that you are here to cry, and I hope that your family can somehow be made aware that they maybe ought to be as well.
atb
dave
PS MU is for pussies. Real men show their motions to anyone and everyone! ;-)
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
I read your post this morning and to be honest I was to emotional (teary eyed to reply straight away) it has been a emotional day for us T has been for his scans today and I was already feeling kind of topsy turvey. Then I saw your post and well that just pushed me over the edge , BUT maybe I needed to be over the edge.
I honestly thought your post was lovely. It is honest and truthful two of the best accolades that I can think of.
I have to say though that I am feeling a bit cheated , Trevor never cries, HT know for 3 years , he is obviously not human ( I have long suspected this ) or it could be the turmeric.😛
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
User
Ha ha ha - something else that comes with a diagnosis of PCa and / or as a side effect of getting old !!!!!
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
You get pissmelings but don't get eye ronny?
WTF*?
dave
x
* = flippetyfloppety NOT the other
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Great post John, as we have said before your symptoms are identical in every way to mine. I haven't been told to man up yet and all family and friends know what to expect from me now.
I also have a terrific wife that has gone and is going through everything with me from the moment we wake up to falling asleep and she understands what I am going through, there are often comments of " don't think about it you know what happens" or " I knew that would happen" just before the tears.
I think I have the moobs John but not sure if they would have come anyway with age, is there a way of testing? Can we sue the tablet manufacturers?
Now that I have an undetectable PSA reading of 0.01 it has lifted a great weight and I have been attacking the garden with a new enthusiasm whereas I was avoiding doing small jobs through the general lethargy that goes with HT, I still start head banging from 6-00 pm or anytime after that when I sit down for the evening.
For the first time in three years I only got up once in the night and had a really good nights sleep, Yubba dubba doo!!
Now everyone you will probably be so pleased for me that the tears will be flowing quite freely by now.
Cheers all, Chris/Woody
Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint
User
I really thought that I'd messed up here after I posted this morning as there were no early responses. Is it possible to retract a post I was wondering ?
So I was very grateful for Bazza's usual outstanding reply and that from Chris immediately after.
I didn't know what to call this conversation so I just went straight from the heart.
My family and friends know what I'm going through and are very good about it all. I shall try to behave at my wife's birthday bash next week but as you know HT seems to, well, just overtake my emotions ! I'll be banned from any public speeches ....
Well, the replies have been amazing. It seems that there is much emotion amongst us all. Patient or supporter.
Country boy I'm afraid that your reply sent me again. I feel unsure as to what the future holds for me but I'm really pleased for your good results.
It's all relative I know, and there are many others here with more uncertainty. I just wish them well.
And Puffingbilly, yes, we seem to be in a similar emotional position. Don't forget I'm chasing your Psa score! And your ability to have a good nights sleep.
This last weekend showed the power of this site and the unity shown by so many . It was difficult but it reinforced how much it meant to me and I'm sure each of you too.
And Lyn , you missed all the 'fun' !
John
User
John
when somebody truly loves another, really madly deeply then that love is unconditional.
I have always been an emotional person, often I suppressed the need to cry but felt worse for doing so.
As Sandra says our normal female ageing process means that many women go through a relatively temporary roller coaster of emotions but those come at the end of many years of monthly fluctuations too!. However that is part of what is the natural progression for a woman so most of us have a coping mechanism built in. That is a hormonal balancing act.
For a Man to have this inflicted upon him and possibly forever, or for long periods of time must be very confusing and with no natural counter balance then things are likely to go a bit haywire emotionally.
I happily admit I cry a lot, every TV show that has anything sad, happy, surprising is fair game for a blurt. Looking at old photos or reading old diaries of mine or my Nan's, a good slushy novel, any film with anything vaguely sad, overwhelmingly happy or miraculous in it, a good sporting occasion, weddings, funerals, music they all involve me crying. I have tissues in every room in my house and in reach of every seat in my car.
so you are not alone it is absolutely OK to cry.
Real men can wear pink and they can carry tissues too
my very best wishes and a teary hug
xxx
Mo
User
It's more readily accepted that women cry and men from fairly age are brought up to hide such emotion, "Big boys don't Cry" to quote the song. But men can naturally be emotional, certainly in my case when certain music brings tears to my eyes among other things. The fact that some men show their emotions more readily should not be taken as weakness. I think HT can heighten emotional sensitivity.
Barry |
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Country boy I'm afraid that your reply sent me again. I feel unsure as to what the future holds for me but I'm really pleased for your good results.
And Lyn , you missed all the 'fun' !
John
FFS John, man up pussy. It is okay to cry. It IS NOT "compulsory", not YET. Meanwhile, when it does become compulsory, you and me will be ahead of the game!
;-)
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Dave,
As you say we'll be ahead of the game when male crying is compulsory!
And Julie, I really hope that all goes well for both you and Trevor.
Thanks for your reply too.
John
User
John,
I think it's great you are able to express emotion, with good reason given what you are going through ! I wish my partner had been a bit more that way inclined but everyone is different of course and I loved him to bits despite that ! So relieved to hear Mo cries over lots of things, for years I thought I was the only one like that that. I must keep some of the major paper tissue manufacturers in business ! Regards to you !
Fiona.