Is that the end of sex for me and my partner

Hi Graham
Well it's the end of your sex life as you knew it , but the beginning of a journey which isn't all bad if you have a loving fun caring understanding partner. It's definite if he removes the bundles that you will suffer with ED maybe with no recovery, but it does NOT mean necessarily that you will lose all feeling. My pubic area is numb 8 months on but my penis is sensitive and I can reach orgasm no problem. It was weak to start with after op but now pretty good again.
My strongest advice to you is CHASE YOUR OWN ERECTILE RECOVERY and never give up. You will need a pump from approx 8 weeks. Use it every day to obtain an erection to maintain your penis's health and bloodways. After a while you may use the rings and achieve penetration. It's highly unlikely with nerve removal that viagra and Cialis and Levitra etc will work. You will probably need Alprostadil which is injected into the penis or applied into the urethral tube.
I found it all really really sad. Grieving really I suppose , but now things are getting far better. If you have the right partner this cancer can make you closer in and out of the bedroom. Go back to plenty of intimacy , manual and oral stimulation etc. You might find you were both getting a bit lazy with all that. There are plenty of posts on here about sex and many men and women happy to help both of you. If you prefer you can private message people if you are embarrassed.
I really wish you luck next week. Very tough I know. But you can and will , with patience , reach a new normal that can actually be better than many normal couples.
Stay strong
Chris

G

"Is this the end of sex for me and my partner" Not at all, I jokingly say to men I know have your prostate removed for a better sex life.

Not sure if L was referring to me but I describe my self as  " supposedly " non nerve sparing because my operation was described as "non nerve sparing" but my surgeon thinks that some nerves may have survived which he thinks explains the tumescence. Even without any medication I get semi tumescence, with daily 100 mg Sildenafil I was getting 50 to 70 per cent tumescence.  I still get stirrings but things have not progressed quite as I had wished, but recovery has been known to take three years  I have tried Muse on a few occasions with 100 percent success on some occasions and not so good other times but I think we were not concentrating.

As C and L say penile rehabilitation is important. Make sure you get appointments etc with an ED nurse/ consultant.

Have a read of the Erecting-the-Erection conversation there are some encouraging stories on there and you do not need an erection for intercourse. Rather than losing any feeling the sensitivity of my penis has increased enormously and the orgasms are many times more intense. The prostate cancer experience has brought my OH and I closer together and we have had some fun trying different things. 

My surgery journey has been a bit bumpy and quite rare but I would do exactly the same thing again.

Thanks Chris

Edited by member 27 Feb 2016 at 15:05  | Reason: Not specified

Christoff, you are doing fine. Your post echos show I felt at 4 months post op but I am now at 8 months. I've had periods of total despair and feelings of utter impotency and inadequacy. I was scared to even " window shop " as I thought haha what's the point with no chance of an erection. But things have improved. He's not cold anymore , now the same size , orgasms improving, injection therapy working. I'm on HT too and very tired but still up for it. I am only 48.
I personally dislike the whole " dead men don't get erections" and " there's no sex in the graveyard comments". They are not helpful. We are all different and are of different ages and have different sex drives. The difference is that when you are dead you don't give a s••t whether you can get an erection or not. When you are alive , and if you are of that disposition, not being able to get an erection can have an appalling effect on your mental health , self-esteem and confidence.
Don't give up.

I worry that it isn't always explained to men that the pump has two purposes - and in my view is much more important for penile health than for penetration so it really doesn't need to be sexy to be useful.

Any man who is not having any erections (ie not even the wake up in the morning / lazy lob / pretty lady on TV ones) should be using a pump to prevent atrophy (permanent shrinkage) - ideally, the pump should be used a number of times each day so perhaps 3 sets of 5 engorgements (waking up, getting in from work, going to bed for example). You don't need to be randy or have a partner or take tablets, it is simply keeping the cells of the cavernous nervosa alive. If they die, they don't come back - aka 'use it or lose it'.

Pump for penetration - different ball game. You still don't need to feel sexy for it to work but it helps. Cialis, viagra etc will help with getting good engorgement using a pump but may prevent the erection from lasting as the constriction rings prevent flow in both directions :-( Instruction leaflets say never to use the pump with Caverject because it substantially increases the risk of priapism so I imagine the same would be said of Muse etc. Alprostadil needs to get into the blood stream and be dispersed around the body fairly rapidly which is why a man with a prolonged erection is advised to climb up and down the stairs or walk briskly round the block before going to A&E. Using the rings may prevent the chemicals from dispersing.

If Caverject, Muse, tablets, pump are not working and you are considering using them in combination, I would get advice from your ED nurse first to ensure what you are planning is safe.