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He's gone

User
Posted 12 September 2017 21:29:43(UTC)
My dad died last week in the early hours of the morning with me asleep in chair and my nephew asleep on the floor.
I thought I was prepared and after these agonising last few weeks, was willing him to go but I'm absolutely devastated. It hasn't been a week yet and I can't stop crying.
How do you get over this?
User
Posted 13 September 2017 02:03:09(UTC)

Dear Beebee,
I am so sorry to see that you've lost your dad.

We all think that the knowledge that death is near has prepared us, that we have had time to get used to the idea and so think we will cope but  the reality just isn't the same as thinking it.

Perhaps at the back of our minds is the old adage "While there's life there's hope" and we cling onto that thought but the actual loss is so final we are left floundering even when we've seen our loved one in such devastating pain.

You wanted that pain to stop and the only way that could happen was for your dad to let go. He might be gone from the room with you but he hasn't left your heart and you will ache and cry for him because that's what grieving is.

It's not a sign of weakness or despair but a testament to how much you love somebody.

Cry your tears for as long as you need to. There is no right or wrong reaction to losing somebody so close to you. You will get over it, we all do even though at the moment you cannot see anyway forward.

I know you must have some support since your nephew was with you at the end and I just hope that together you will muddle through.

Life does get easier but it will take time so be kind to yourself. The current raw pain will dull and you will be able to remember your dad and all the fun times before PC took him from you.

Take care of yourself too because you have been through ( are still going through) a very emotional time and that can be so tiring.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 09:22:20(UTC)
Im so sorry for your loss, there is no set pattern for grief you just have to roll with it and the ups and downs, time is a healer its true,i used to think that id never stop crying when i lost my lovely mum when i was 28,im 48 now, i thought id feel this terrible sadness for ever wake up with a feeling of overwhelming sadness and pain in my chest, i sympathise and know how your feeling as many others do but i promise you you wont feel like this forever, as the days and weeks go by so does the intense sadness, you never stop thinking of your loved one or forget but can again think of the happier times, and you wanting to not see your dad suffering is called compassion and love for him and wanting him free from pain is all normal feelings, I know how that feels also when made the decision to turn my dads life support off 10 years ago.my thoughts are with you..grieve how you need to and take support from where its offered it helps a lot.xx
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User
Posted 18 September 2017 19:14:38(UTC)
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today
Avatar is northern lights whilst running in Iceland sept 2017
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 02:03:09(UTC)

Dear Beebee,
I am so sorry to see that you've lost your dad.

We all think that the knowledge that death is near has prepared us, that we have had time to get used to the idea and so think we will cope but  the reality just isn't the same as thinking it.

Perhaps at the back of our minds is the old adage "While there's life there's hope" and we cling onto that thought but the actual loss is so final we are left floundering even when we've seen our loved one in such devastating pain.

You wanted that pain to stop and the only way that could happen was for your dad to let go. He might be gone from the room with you but he hasn't left your heart and you will ache and cry for him because that's what grieving is.

It's not a sign of weakness or despair but a testament to how much you love somebody.

Cry your tears for as long as you need to. There is no right or wrong reaction to losing somebody so close to you. You will get over it, we all do even though at the moment you cannot see anyway forward.

I know you must have some support since your nephew was with you at the end and I just hope that together you will muddle through.

Life does get easier but it will take time so be kind to yourself. The current raw pain will dull and you will be able to remember your dad and all the fun times before PC took him from you.

Take care of yourself too because you have been through ( are still going through) a very emotional time and that can be so tiring.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 06:11:54(UTC)

Thinking of you at this sad time.
Best wishes
Debby

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User
Posted 13 September 2017 06:21:51(UTC)

So sorry to hear of your loss. Too many people men , women and children being broken by this disease. Easy for me to say , but your pain will subside eventually I'm sure xx




If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 06:28:54(UTC)
B

So sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my condolences. Let the tears flow, the passing of time will make the loss easier to bear.

Thanks Chris
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 08:11:27(UTC)

Dear BB, please accept my sincere condolences for your sad loss. Your dear father is no longer suffering from this nasty disease.
Tom

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User
Posted 13 September 2017 09:22:20(UTC)
Im so sorry for your loss, there is no set pattern for grief you just have to roll with it and the ups and downs, time is a healer its true,i used to think that id never stop crying when i lost my lovely mum when i was 28,im 48 now, i thought id feel this terrible sadness for ever wake up with a feeling of overwhelming sadness and pain in my chest, i sympathise and know how your feeling as many others do but i promise you you wont feel like this forever, as the days and weeks go by so does the intense sadness, you never stop thinking of your loved one or forget but can again think of the happier times, and you wanting to not see your dad suffering is called compassion and love for him and wanting him free from pain is all normal feelings, I know how that feels also when made the decision to turn my dads life support off 10 years ago.my thoughts are with you..grieve how you need to and take support from where its offered it helps a lot.xx
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 09:48:47(UTC)
Dear.BeeBee, I am so sorry to read this and wish to offer my sincere condolences.

I cannot add to the excellent words and advice Sandra and J.t have given you. I lost my husband to prostate cancer so I understand your wish to end your dad's suffering but the enormity of your loss even when it was expected.

Take care of you now, and take any help offered as you go through the painful early days.

Janet, x

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User
Posted 13 September 2017 17:19:18(UTC)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss

take care

Barry

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User
Posted 13 September 2017 20:33:51(UTC)
My thoughts are with you Bee bee and I would also like to add my condolences.
Another man taken with this awful disease .
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 21:42:25(UTC)

You can know it's going to happen but it hit's you hard when it does. My condolences.

Barry
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User
Posted 13 September 2017 23:41:49(UTC)

Hi Beebee

So very sorry for your loss. As others have said, the pain will lessen eventually but there's no way to speed up the process or bypass it. Whatever you do or feel is fine, but do be kind to yourself. It seems as if guilt and 'what-ifs' always accompany grief, but it's clear that you loved and cared for your dad right to the end and that's very special.

Take care.

Love

Ruth x

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User
Posted 14 September 2017 00:24:31(UTC)

Oh Bee, you are in my thoughts.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard


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User
Posted 14 September 2017 01:33:02(UTC)
So so sorry for your loss.
It has been 14 months since my husband lost his lovely dad to prostate cancer and some days the tears still come, some days he just wants to go to the grave to have a chat but also we laugh at memories of fun times, still do 'grandad impressions' and he will never be forgotten. Special dad's can live on in hearts, memories and laughter.

I know writing and delivering the eulogy at his dad's funeral helped. He felt he had done his dad proud with words from the heart and this gave him a certain amount of comfort.

With sincere condolences

Clare
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User
Posted 17 September 2017 18:52:09(UTC)
Dear Beebee
I'm so sorry for your loss. We each find that grief takes us differently and I think it helps to know that it will get better, but that time has to pass for that to happen. Where we love someone so much it's bound to be very painful to lose them, whatever the circumstances.

With love and hugs
Devonmaid xxx
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User
Posted 17 September 2017 20:17:50(UTC)
Much love at this sorrowful time, BeeBee

Ulsterman
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User
Posted 18 September 2017 09:09:51(UTC)

Sorry to be reading this sad post,
My thoughts are with you BeeBee


Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
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User
Posted 18 September 2017 19:14:38(UTC)
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today
Avatar is northern lights whilst running in Iceland sept 2017
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User
Posted 04 October 2017 11:52:52(UTC)
So sorry to hear this Beebee. Thinking of you x
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