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Depression or just Lazy

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User

Posted 07 Oct 2017 at 14:09

I have been off work for a couple of months was due to go back last Monday but have to start chemo in a couple of weeks so doctor said best to take more time off, I'm on ESA and although not working is not a problem I can't seem to want to do anything around the house I only have painting to do but seems like I would rather site and watch telly I also need to loose some weight so exercise or walking would be good and I now have time but again can't be bothered. Is it my cancer returning and have to tell oncologists Monday I will start chemo or I'm just lazy. What thoughts does anyone have on this.

User

Posted 07 Oct 2017 at 20:59

Not sure it is depression Madworld - being depressed is usually seen as being of extremely low mood with no apparent cause. Being diagnosed with cancer, having treatment, discovering it has recurred, facing new treatments and knowing it is incurable are all pretty good reasons to feel sad or low. So it may be all of those things combined. It could also be down to the hormone treatment, a side effect of which can be lethargy and / or fatigue.

I certainly don't think you should be worrying that you are lazy - perhaps your body is telling you that it needs some time to prepare for the next lot of treatment!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 07 Oct 2017 at 23:12

Hi Mad world

You have every reason to have a whole host of emotions. I have had a couple of lightbulb moments on my journey, the one I urge you to consider is this:-

I run a lot, I was listening to Julian Lennon, Saltwater. There is a line that says "what will I think of me the day that I die". I heard that when I was just finishing chemo and I thought, you know, on my death bed, whenever that may be, I can not look back on my life'post cancer and say to myself that I wasted a day. That for me is enough to get me doing all sorts regardless of how I really feel. Whenever I feel sad or as you say lazy, that thought comes into my head and makes me go for it, whatever it may actually be It that day.

I hope no one hasn't regrets after the epiphany that cancer can bring, life's too short.

Take care, dream like you have forever, live like this day is your last.

Kev

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

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User

Posted 07 Oct 2017 at 20:59

I certainly don't think you should be worrying that you are lazy - perhaps your body is telling you that it needs some time to prepare for the next lot of treatment!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 07 Oct 2017 at 23:12

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User

Posted 08 Oct 2017 at 08:50

Thanks for that both of you. I think I will try to put some sort of routine into my day as at present I get up with no plan for the day and normally I think the day before about what I hope to do the next day. RICHARD.

User

Posted 08 Oct 2017 at 10:22

PCUK was running some research on fatigue - worth ringing the nurses at the number displayed at the top of this webpage for a chat?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 08 Oct 2017 at 14:47

Hi Mad World,

I echo what irun has said about the whole range of emotions.

I certainly have ridden the rollercoaster and I think it will carry on for a while. Like you I have, at times struggled with the "can't be bothered" feelings and it is not a nice place to be.

I have found what has been really useful for me has been to keep a journal of all that is happening, it is very personal and I often write down my feelings as well as all the other stuff like treatments etc. I have already found it so useful to look back on and have spotted patterns in the way I am feeling and coping.

The biggest problem I have found is finding the motivation, especially when you know that if you exercise you are going to feel shattered afterwards but if you can get your exercise mojo going then it will pay off, certainly that is what I have found. It is just a case of being sensible about it and taking it slowly to start with. I am half way through my six cycles of Chemo and I know that in the first week I just cannot do much at all, after that I build up and find that in the last week and a half I am pretty much exercising the way I did before PCa.

You really have to find what suits you and try and stick with it. I am sure there are things in your life that you can use as a motivator. For me it is the determination to see my Grandchildren grow and to get back to as normal as possible once the Chemo and Radiotherapy are over and done with.

I understand that this is all personal to me, but there may be something in this post that helps you find a way to get yourself up and feeling positive again. Little steps at a time!

Take care

Ian

Edited by member 10 Oct 2017 at 16:33 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 08 Oct 2017 at 14:54

Richard, if you want to get through this, and I assume you do, then you have every reason to plan for a future. That's positive thinking. Positive thinking is empowering and will speed your recovery. I found, especially in the early days after diagnosis, that a "to do list" helped. Progress was visible as I struck through each job completed. Only trouble was, I kept thinking of extra jobs that needed doing, so my list never seemed to shrink in size! But that fact gave a reason for carrying on. The jobs might be things around the house, gardening, trips to the shops, exercise commitments, or whatever suits your circumstances.

Try it. It just might provide that spur to get you actively involved in life again.

User

Posted 09 Oct 2017 at 18:00

Totally agree with Heenan73, my husband when n hormone therapy was diagnosed with depression and got both medication and excellent supportive counselling. It is a fine line between depression and fatigue and, sadly one really can't talk themselves out of it, you really need help and support, good luck

User

Posted 10 Oct 2017 at 23:14

Try and plan something, however small, for both the morning and afternoon each day and make sure you do them. It doesn't matter if you sit in front of the TV in between but you'll have a sense of achievement and will find little by little that you can plan and achieve bigger things. If it is painting you want to get done. Break it up into smaller chunks to get you going so that it's not so daunting to start.

User

Posted 14 Oct 2017 at 10:54

Thanks for all your help. I always went to bed with an idea of what i was going to do the next day but as this was 5 days of work only two to do what I wanted gardening sorting shed or TV etc it was easier but now I have 7 days I have to plan a little job for the next day this helps a lot and a list is being made and as said its getting longer. Thanks again for all your help.

Richard...s*** Happens

Edited by member 14 Oct 2017 at 10:54 | Reason: Not specified

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