Apologies for the very late reply
Thanks Lyn, you took the words right out of my mouth. Always nice to hear from someone who just gets it.
Larry, I am really glad to hear that the support group you attend is open minded and does not discriminate against people based on their protected characteristics. Unfortunately, not everyone is quite as open minded! A couple of our members have reported incidences of heterosexual men with prostate cancer coming out with extremely homophobic comments, but thankfully those are few and far between.
As Lyn has kindly pointed out there are some specific issues that can affect gay and bisexual men which they may not be comfortable discussing in front of a group of heterosexual men and conversely that heterosexual men may not be comfortable listening to.
How comfortable would most heterosexual men be listening to a gay or bisexual man discuss how prostate cancer and its treatments have affected their relationship with their partner and/or ability to give and/or receive anal sex and how equipped would they be to offer advice or support on these issues?
I would liken this to a woman with cervical cancer attending a general cancer support group that has male and female members. Would you expect a woman in this setting to feel comfortable discussing vaginal dilators and how her treatment has affected her sex life in front of both the male and female members?
Putting these specific issues to one side the vast majority of gay and bisexual men who are developing prostate cancer at the moment will have lived at a time when homosexuality was illegal and classed as a mental disorder, with the added danger of losing their job if outed. All of these men will also have lived through the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. This combined with their own individual experiences of coming out is likely to have resulted in feelings of stigma and shame which, once embedded, shapes lives and may therefore make it extremely difficult for these men to ‘out’ themselves to a group of heterosexual men in a support group setting.
I would argue that if you can’t be 100% yourself in a support group, no holds barred, warts and all, that this will be a barrier to you feeling completely supported in that environment.
I am sure that there are plenty of gay and bisexual men out there that with prostate cancer that would not feel the need or see the point of attending a support group specifically for them, but there are also plenty of men out there that do need this more targeted support and for them there are the three support groups, Out with Prostate Cancer North West, Out with Prostate Cancer Midlands and the METRO Walnut in London.
Thanks for your well wishes Larry and I wish you all the best for the future.
Best Wishes
Sean Ralph
Secretary/Treasurer
Out with Prostate Cancer
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