I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error

Dad just diagnosed - so scared

User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 17:47
Hi,
I have posted a few times on here prior to diagnosis... we heard last Wednesday that my Dad does have PC that has spread outside his prostate to his left hip and lymph nodes. He was due a TURP today but it had to be cancelled because he developed a severe blood clot over the weekend.

It has all happened so suddenly I can’t take it in. He is relying on me a lot. My parents are divorced and my siblings leave a lot of it to me as I am self employed so can fit work around his appointments etc. He has came to stay with me as I think he needs the company at this stage.

I am already finding it hard to deal with the emotional side of things. My little boy broke his arm at the weekend and needed surgery so was going between two different hospitals to see them - I felt torn. As a single mum I don’t have anyone to share the load with.

There was no discussion over ‘time’ but I am presuming it is limited given the spread. Currently he is just having hormone treatment. I want to find a way to get myself in the best place emotionally to support Dad as much as I can - do you have any experience/advice? . It all feels very overwhelming currently.

Thank you
Kirsty
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 22:17

Hi Kirsty,


I don't post very often, but your post struck a chord with me.  There are others who are far more qualified to offer advice and support on Dad's diagnosis, such as Lynn who has huge experience, but from an emotional point of view I do understand what you are going through and wanted to reassure you that time will help and things will calm down.  My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive pca last August, just as I was coming to the end of treatment for breast cancer, so I have experience both as the cancer sufferer and the support to someone who has been diagnosed.  Emotionally I was a complete mess for almost six months after my diagnosis, like you having been a single parent for many years and having only been married to my husband for a year, just when life was going well it felt like things were falling apart.  


I found huge support from forums such as this one, but also the local MacMillan cancer support centre.  They were amazing and I got councelling and support which has been invaluable in getting me through a horrendous 8 months.  


As you say you need to be strong for your Dad and your little boy, but don't underestimate the toll this will have on you.  You need to take care of yourself and if you can get some support.  Do you have a local Maggie's or MacMillan centre?  They exist not just for patients, but for friends and carers too and will help and reassure you through this difficult time.


Take care and look after yourself.


 


Jox


 

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 18:26

Don’t think of the current treatment plan as “just” hormone therapy. The hormone will stop production of testosterone which will starve the cancer cells and prevent them from multiplying. This will reduce the tumours and symptoms very quickly. Some men live for 10 years even with a diagnosis like your dad’s and we have at least two members that have lived for 13/14 years so don’t panic. The fact that he only has one bone met in his hip is really good news although it won’t seem like it right now.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 18:42
Thank you so much, I think once it’s all settled in and we see the treatment reducing his PSA it will help us all feel positive.

It’s hard as I am being positive and encouraging to Dad but not feeling it inside. I don’t know enough about the condition yet and hearing ‘advanced’ is scary.

Thank you for replying and sharing your knowledge xx
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 19:19

Hello kirsty.
What a rotten time you are having.

I hope your little boy is recovering from his operation.

Poor you to be so torn but I am sure that your dad will acknowledge that distressing as his own situation is (although I'm hoping both dad and yourself are reassured by Lyn's post)your little boy won't have the same amount of understanding that an adult will.

We're here if you need answers or just to let off steam which does help sometimes :)

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 21:21
Thanks Sandra,
You are right and my son must come first. It’s been an overwhelming start to the year. I’m sure things will settle into some type of normal for us.
I am sure this group will prove to be invaluable, thank you so much for taking the time to reply xx
User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 22:17

Hi Kirsty,


I don't post very often, but your post struck a chord with me.  There are others who are far more qualified to offer advice and support on Dad's diagnosis, such as Lynn who has huge experience, but from an emotional point of view I do understand what you are going through and wanted to reassure you that time will help and things will calm down.  My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive pca last August, just as I was coming to the end of treatment for breast cancer, so I have experience both as the cancer sufferer and the support to someone who has been diagnosed.  Emotionally I was a complete mess for almost six months after my diagnosis, like you having been a single parent for many years and having only been married to my husband for a year, just when life was going well it felt like things were falling apart.  


I found huge support from forums such as this one, but also the local MacMillan cancer support centre.  They were amazing and I got councelling and support which has been invaluable in getting me through a horrendous 8 months.  


As you say you need to be strong for your Dad and your little boy, but don't underestimate the toll this will have on you.  You need to take care of yourself and if you can get some support.  Do you have a local Maggie's or MacMillan centre?  They exist not just for patients, but for friends and carers too and will help and reassure you through this difficult time.


Take care and look after yourself.


 


Jox


 

User
Posted 14 Feb 2018 at 22:51
Thank you so much Jo, and thank you for sharing your story too. I can understand how cruel it must have seemed after finding happiness so soon before. I’m sorry you have had such a tough time.

There is a great Macmillan centre at the hospital and we have been sent information. I will contact them for sure.

My Dad has always been so independent and lively, it’s hard to see him so in need of support and scared.

I know things will get easier as time passes, it’s all very new.

Thank you for your support, it is very appreciated.

Kirsty x

 
Forum Jump  
©2018 Prostate Cancer UK