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User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 00:21
Hi,

My dad is 59 and was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few days before Christmas. He has been told they think it is treatable via radiotherapy or an operation to remove the prostate but this is all dependent on an MRI and bone scan. Everyone in my family seems to have reacted emotionally initially but have now accepted it and are able to move on to the next step. My dad is being optimistic. I, on the other hand suffer from anxiety and worry and can't stop thinking about it and wondering how long I have left with dad. I don't mean to seem dramatic but we lost my Grandmother to liver cancer very quickly a few years ago and it was so unexpected. I'm so scared this is going to happen again but don't want to upset my family by talking about. I just need some advice on how to cope with this all.

Thanks.

User
Posted 29 Dec 2014 at 02:04

Firstly, I have reported immunical's post - Carole, this poster is no expert but someone trying to sell something. It would not be a good idea for your dad to change his diet at all right now, at least until he has his full diagnosis and some decision about what treatment he is going to choose.

Having said that, you may be cheered to know that my dad was diagnosed 13 years ago and had surgery, he got a letter at the 10 year point confirming he was in remission. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago and although he did have a recurrence a couple of years after the op, he is now absolutely fine. It is not always doom and gloom.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 29 Dec 2014 at 21:47
Thank you all so much for your responses and kindness. I am overwhelmed by the support offered on this forum and it has really helped me deal with the emotions I am currently experiencing knowing that others understand. My Dad has managed to get his MRI and bone scan appointments very quickly and they both take place this week so hopefully we will know which path we are taking next. For those that have asked, his PSA was 10.8 and his Gleason score was 7.

Thanks again for the all the kind words :)

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 20:47
Hi Leslie , I am 49 and was diagnosed on 6th November with quite advanced PC. All I can say is that the forum is a great way to find out reality as I was given time between 1 year and 10 depending which consultant I was talking to. What is clear from here is that yes there are a very few sad cases but most posts show just how resilient blokes are when they have a good consultant, GP, supportive family and (if applicable)supportive work. The forum has taken me from doom and gloom to how I can best get on with it with the best outcome so do read the bio's of people here as it shows that with resolve u can get through it. My daughter is only 16 and whilst on day 1 she was (like me) a mess, she has read loads and now understands like me that we could/should have many years. To make sure you are happy with where your dad is at any time ask the oncologist/urologist/consultant/GP/this forum everything that comes into your head. There are no silly questions and don't be afraid to get a second or even third opinion if you don't like what is said as ther is definitely more than one way to skin the PC cat. My thoughts are with you and your dad, best wishes and a good new year.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 12:55

Leslie
It's always very difficult when first diagnosed. Hopefully the MRI and bone scan will be clear and they can start looking at the treatments which hopefully will be curative. However, even if your dad's cancer is not curative in doesn't necessarily mean there is no hope. With today's treatments men can live a 'normal' life for many years.
It may help to order or download the toolkit from PCUK website (publications). This will explain all the different treatments that are available.
If you can share as much info as possible about your dad's diagnosis it will help people on here to offer support and advice. Do you know what your dad's PSA was. What was his Gleaston score eg , 6, 7, 8 usually described as two numbers eg 3,4.

It's very early days and it's a lot to take in but try not to worry, things will become clearer as your dad gets his results from his scans.

Please ask any questions and check our profiles which will hopefully give you some reassurance

Bri

User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 13:57

Leslie,  

When your dad visits the specialist I suggest that someone goes with him as he might not remember all that was said to him or remember what questions to ask.  My wife came with me and it helped as she picked up on things I didn't.  I was in hospital with chronic renal failure December 2012, had MRI, bone scan and biopsy but had to wait for the biopsy results until January 2013.  Had a TURP operation in June 2013 and radiotherapy from October 2013.  Have a look at my profile and hopefully it will encourage you and your Dad.  

As Brian says keep looking at this site as you can get a lot of help and support here.

Arthur

User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 14:42

Hello HLeslie and welcome to this site.

I can understand your fear and frustration but please try not to worry at this stage, until you know what there is to worry about.

Dad has Prostate cancer. The words strike fear into all of us at the start but it doesn't mean that it isn't treatable.

Please do as has already been suggested and download the Toolkit from this site. They are a set of booklets which deals with Prostate Cancer, from diagnosis to the various treatments.

To obtain the kit go back to the HOME page, then the INFORMATION tab and slightly down from there is the PUBLICATIONS tab. They are sent free of charge.

The more you know, the better prepared you are and the more supportive you can be.

Fretting before you know the seriousness will only wear you out. There are many treatments for Prostate cancer now, even for those of us with aggressive forms.

There is no need for despair at this stage. Fear - yes, that's understandable. Fear of the unknown always is. Knowledge is power
Please come back to us once you know the Gleeson score or the MRI results and people will be able to offer their support.

Keep strong. Your dad needs you to be that for him.
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 17:23
Hi HLeslie

Welcome to the forum, hopefully you will be able to gain a clearer insight into this disease from reading the toolkit and from looking through the posts on this forum. From what you've been told so far it's looking good for your dad, obviously much depends on the outcome of his scans. Even so, Prostate cancer tends to be more slow growing than some other cancers (note the word "tend" some do have a more aggressive form. Even in those cases the disease is not always predictable, in my husband's case he has a Gleason score of 10 and spread and yet four years in he is in reasonable shape, all things considered.

I find myself getting more worried about what I don't know than what I do know, some of us need information and that makes us feel better. Hopefully the toolkit will answer any questions you may have, but if not, ask away as there are many experienced voices on this forum.

Try not to despair, there may well be more light at the end of that tunnel than you suppose.

Love

Allison xxx

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 13:12
Hi Lesley.

Sorry about your dads diagnosis. I was told on xmas eve 2013 that something wasn't right with my PSA levels & I might have prostate cancer. I had the final diagnosis in May then the roller coaster of treatments.

12 months on, it's a better xmas with things getting back to normal & hopefully the Cancer gone.

Try not to get too anxious. He will be in the hands of very experienced & competent people with the best possible treatment.

If you can, could you go with Dad to his consultations with a list of questions for the consultant. My daughter came with me to one or two & it helped put her mind at rest.

Have a good xmas, face it up in the new year & keep close to the guys on here who are or have been through similar things.

Very best wishes

Life's a Marathon. Run in peace.

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 15:51
Hi Lesley

Not a lot more to say other than to reaffirm everything that the others have said. When we first told I had Prostate cancer both my daughters were like you, very scarred. Time have moved on, and the future looks way brighter, the girls have seen me through the operation and recovery and been tremendously supportive.

Keep your chin up, take everyday as it comes, get the information you need.

Hoeing you can have a super rest of Christmas, and that 2015 starts positively. We have fingers crossed for you.

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 19:15

Hi HLeslie

Welcome to the forum!

Some good advice has already been provided by forum friends so I won't repeat it.  The purpose of my reply is to try and give you some hope.

I was 60, one year older than your dad, when i was diagnosed with PCa - over 2 years ago.  I was exactly in the same position as your dad at one time - diagnosed and then had to wait for MRI scan etc.

To cut a long story short it transpired the PCa was confined within the prostate.  I opted for surgery to have prostate removed and here i am still alive and generally quite well.  The choice of treatment will be down to your dad so i am not suggesting surgery will be right for him but what i really want to emphasise is that all is not lost.  Your dad will be in good hands.

It is good you have found this forum.  There are other daughters and wives on here and for me as a man it is good to hear things from a woman's point of view. If you express here all your fears and doubts i am confident someone will come along to try and give some words of comfort and support.

I get the impression you have a close bond with your dad.  If i am right, then i can very much relate to your situation as i have a daughter too and she is the apple of my eye.  My guess is your dad is putting on a brave face as that is what dad's do.  When i was diagnosed whilst of course i was scared the thought did occur to me that it was better that i had cancer rather than my wife or daughter - i would have found that harder to deal with.  That doesnt make me a saint - just a husband and dad!

Whatever treatment your dad chooses will possibly leave him with some side effects - eg urinary leakage.  My sense of humour helped me deal with this within my family.  There is one side effect that men find difficult to accept that your dad will likely keep very quiet from his daughter but if you search through the posts on this forum it will become clear what i am talking about.

I very much hope the outcome of the MRI scans etc are good.

I also wish you, your dad and family all the best as you travel this PCa journey together.  It is easy to say but you are not alone.  All on this forum have travelled a similar path and understand all the human emotions involved.

User
Posted 07 Jan 2015 at 20:24

Have you had the scan results yet?

Lots of good advice already given. Your concerns and fears about Dad's diagnosis and prognosis are entirely understandable and something that we most of us go through, went through eerily on. If you google Kubler Ross and the stages of grief, you will get an idea of the range of emotions and the order that you and he might go through them in.

As many have said the future is still looking good for Dad, different maybe, but good and for many years to come. Bear in mind that this forum has a fraction of this that go through the PCa experiences, and by nature tend to have more of the issues than success stories. It is a pity that those who do well do not post here, but then they don't need to so why would they?

Anyway, let us know what the results were, and keep positive?

atb

Dave

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 12:55

Leslie
It's always very difficult when first diagnosed. Hopefully the MRI and bone scan will be clear and they can start looking at the treatments which hopefully will be curative. However, even if your dad's cancer is not curative in doesn't necessarily mean there is no hope. With today's treatments men can live a 'normal' life for many years.
It may help to order or download the toolkit from PCUK website (publications). This will explain all the different treatments that are available.
If you can share as much info as possible about your dad's diagnosis it will help people on here to offer support and advice. Do you know what your dad's PSA was. What was his Gleaston score eg , 6, 7, 8 usually described as two numbers eg 3,4.

It's very early days and it's a lot to take in but try not to worry, things will become clearer as your dad gets his results from his scans.

Please ask any questions and check our profiles which will hopefully give you some reassurance

Bri

User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 13:57

Leslie,  

When your dad visits the specialist I suggest that someone goes with him as he might not remember all that was said to him or remember what questions to ask.  My wife came with me and it helped as she picked up on things I didn't.  I was in hospital with chronic renal failure December 2012, had MRI, bone scan and biopsy but had to wait for the biopsy results until January 2013.  Had a TURP operation in June 2013 and radiotherapy from October 2013.  Have a look at my profile and hopefully it will encourage you and your Dad.  

As Brian says keep looking at this site as you can get a lot of help and support here.

Arthur

User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 14:42

Hello HLeslie and welcome to this site.

I can understand your fear and frustration but please try not to worry at this stage, until you know what there is to worry about.

Dad has Prostate cancer. The words strike fear into all of us at the start but it doesn't mean that it isn't treatable.

Please do as has already been suggested and download the Toolkit from this site. They are a set of booklets which deals with Prostate Cancer, from diagnosis to the various treatments.

To obtain the kit go back to the HOME page, then the INFORMATION tab and slightly down from there is the PUBLICATIONS tab. They are sent free of charge.

The more you know, the better prepared you are and the more supportive you can be.

Fretting before you know the seriousness will only wear you out. There are many treatments for Prostate cancer now, even for those of us with aggressive forms.

There is no need for despair at this stage. Fear - yes, that's understandable. Fear of the unknown always is. Knowledge is power
Please come back to us once you know the Gleeson score or the MRI results and people will be able to offer their support.

Keep strong. Your dad needs you to be that for him.
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 27 Dec 2014 at 17:23
Hi HLeslie

Welcome to the forum, hopefully you will be able to gain a clearer insight into this disease from reading the toolkit and from looking through the posts on this forum. From what you've been told so far it's looking good for your dad, obviously much depends on the outcome of his scans. Even so, Prostate cancer tends to be more slow growing than some other cancers (note the word "tend" some do have a more aggressive form. Even in those cases the disease is not always predictable, in my husband's case he has a Gleason score of 10 and spread and yet four years in he is in reasonable shape, all things considered.

I find myself getting more worried about what I don't know than what I do know, some of us need information and that makes us feel better. Hopefully the toolkit will answer any questions you may have, but if not, ask away as there are many experienced voices on this forum.

Try not to despair, there may well be more light at the end of that tunnel than you suppose.

Love

Allison xxx

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 13:12
Hi Lesley.

Sorry about your dads diagnosis. I was told on xmas eve 2013 that something wasn't right with my PSA levels & I might have prostate cancer. I had the final diagnosis in May then the roller coaster of treatments.

12 months on, it's a better xmas with things getting back to normal & hopefully the Cancer gone.

Try not to get too anxious. He will be in the hands of very experienced & competent people with the best possible treatment.

If you can, could you go with Dad to his consultations with a list of questions for the consultant. My daughter came with me to one or two & it helped put her mind at rest.

Have a good xmas, face it up in the new year & keep close to the guys on here who are or have been through similar things.

Very best wishes

Life's a Marathon. Run in peace.

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 15:51
Hi Lesley

Not a lot more to say other than to reaffirm everything that the others have said. When we first told I had Prostate cancer both my daughters were like you, very scarred. Time have moved on, and the future looks way brighter, the girls have seen me through the operation and recovery and been tremendously supportive.

Keep your chin up, take everyday as it comes, get the information you need.

Hoeing you can have a super rest of Christmas, and that 2015 starts positively. We have fingers crossed for you.

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 19:15

Hi HLeslie

Welcome to the forum!

Some good advice has already been provided by forum friends so I won't repeat it.  The purpose of my reply is to try and give you some hope.

I was 60, one year older than your dad, when i was diagnosed with PCa - over 2 years ago.  I was exactly in the same position as your dad at one time - diagnosed and then had to wait for MRI scan etc.

To cut a long story short it transpired the PCa was confined within the prostate.  I opted for surgery to have prostate removed and here i am still alive and generally quite well.  The choice of treatment will be down to your dad so i am not suggesting surgery will be right for him but what i really want to emphasise is that all is not lost.  Your dad will be in good hands.

It is good you have found this forum.  There are other daughters and wives on here and for me as a man it is good to hear things from a woman's point of view. If you express here all your fears and doubts i am confident someone will come along to try and give some words of comfort and support.

I get the impression you have a close bond with your dad.  If i am right, then i can very much relate to your situation as i have a daughter too and she is the apple of my eye.  My guess is your dad is putting on a brave face as that is what dad's do.  When i was diagnosed whilst of course i was scared the thought did occur to me that it was better that i had cancer rather than my wife or daughter - i would have found that harder to deal with.  That doesnt make me a saint - just a husband and dad!

Whatever treatment your dad chooses will possibly leave him with some side effects - eg urinary leakage.  My sense of humour helped me deal with this within my family.  There is one side effect that men find difficult to accept that your dad will likely keep very quiet from his daughter but if you search through the posts on this forum it will become clear what i am talking about.

I very much hope the outcome of the MRI scans etc are good.

I also wish you, your dad and family all the best as you travel this PCa journey together.  It is easy to say but you are not alone.  All on this forum have travelled a similar path and understand all the human emotions involved.

User
Posted 28 Dec 2014 at 20:47
Hi Leslie , I am 49 and was diagnosed on 6th November with quite advanced PC. All I can say is that the forum is a great way to find out reality as I was given time between 1 year and 10 depending which consultant I was talking to. What is clear from here is that yes there are a very few sad cases but most posts show just how resilient blokes are when they have a good consultant, GP, supportive family and (if applicable)supportive work. The forum has taken me from doom and gloom to how I can best get on with it with the best outcome so do read the bio's of people here as it shows that with resolve u can get through it. My daughter is only 16 and whilst on day 1 she was (like me) a mess, she has read loads and now understands like me that we could/should have many years. To make sure you are happy with where your dad is at any time ask the oncologist/urologist/consultant/GP/this forum everything that comes into your head. There are no silly questions and don't be afraid to get a second or even third opinion if you don't like what is said as ther is definitely more than one way to skin the PC cat. My thoughts are with you and your dad, best wishes and a good new year.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 29 Dec 2014 at 02:04

Firstly, I have reported immunical's post - Carole, this poster is no expert but someone trying to sell something. It would not be a good idea for your dad to change his diet at all right now, at least until he has his full diagnosis and some decision about what treatment he is going to choose.

Having said that, you may be cheered to know that my dad was diagnosed 13 years ago and had surgery, he got a letter at the 10 year point confirming he was in remission. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago and although he did have a recurrence a couple of years after the op, he is now absolutely fine. It is not always doom and gloom.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 29 Dec 2014 at 21:47
Thank you all so much for your responses and kindness. I am overwhelmed by the support offered on this forum and it has really helped me deal with the emotions I am currently experiencing knowing that others understand. My Dad has managed to get his MRI and bone scan appointments very quickly and they both take place this week so hopefully we will know which path we are taking next. For those that have asked, his PSA was 10.8 and his Gleason score was 7.

Thanks again for the all the kind words :)

User
Posted 30 Dec 2014 at 10:08

Hi Lesley

Great news about the scans. Good luck this week.

User
Posted 07 Jan 2015 at 19:43
Hi Leslie

Reading your post was like a flashback for me to this time last year. 2 days after Christmas, we were given the devastating news that dad (54) had prostate cancer. That was it I thought. People were filling my head with jargon I did have a clue about...PSA, Gleason etc and all I wanted to know was 'Is he going to die?!' I know that sounds awful but people saying, "he'll be fine" and "everything will be ok" was not helping me at all. I just felt like screaming at them all! I am sharing this because you seem to be feeling the same as how I felt this time last year. However, I am delighted to say...dad is great! He was given a number of options and as a family we thought about the options long and hard. He chose to go with the prostectomy. His operation was hugely successful and dad is back to himself again with all risk of cancer completely eliminated. Don't get me wrong, there were ups and downs during his recovery etc and lots of worried waiting for test results etc but we're safe to say 'dad beat it!'

I know that, if like me, you read tonnes of stories - most of which are success stories you may wish to notice - you are probably overwhelmed. You need to stay positive (which is sooo hard to do) and talk talk talk about it with your family and especially with dad! Beat this horrible disease as a family just like ours did and with all the best wishes, you will be writing a similar post this one in the future!

Sending our thoughts and best wishes to you and your family,

Stacey x

User
Posted 07 Jan 2015 at 20:24

Have you had the scan results yet?

Lots of good advice already given. Your concerns and fears about Dad's diagnosis and prognosis are entirely understandable and something that we most of us go through, went through eerily on. If you google Kubler Ross and the stages of grief, you will get an idea of the range of emotions and the order that you and he might go through them in.

As many have said the future is still looking good for Dad, different maybe, but good and for many years to come. Bear in mind that this forum has a fraction of this that go through the PCa experiences, and by nature tend to have more of the issues than success stories. It is a pity that those who do well do not post here, but then they don't need to so why would they?

Anyway, let us know what the results were, and keep positive?

atb

Dave

User
Posted 08 Mar 2015 at 19:48

Hi Leslie

I was diagnosed 6 months ago by which time my cancer had metastasized to my bones. I was put on hormone tablets and 3 monthly injections. The good news for me was that my PSA went down from over 400 to less than 2 in six months and I feel positive so don't feel to despondent. Fortunately prostate cancer is one area where great improvements in treatments have been made in recent years. My father died when I was young so I have some idea of what you may be feeling. However i believe a positive mental attitude by all concerned goes a long way to getting the best outcome in these situations. Try and not get too anxious and be there for you Dad. Believe me he will appreciate it.

All the best

 
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