Well we are still waiting for results but John seems to be a little better today. He still has to rest for most of the day and is shockingly breathless (that's standard now for many months). Quick question, does anyone else have the shakes? He has been shaky in his hands for a fair while and it's getting worse, I'm at a loss to say what's causing it. Any thoughts?
Yes Lyn that has occurred to me too, there is a feeling of bittersweet sadness in the joy and John has said a few times that he feels so angry about how he had hoped his retirement would pan out and how it has turned out. He often tells me that the illness has taken its toll, it has on me too.
I was talking to our HR lady today (she's lovely) her hubby had a tumour in his throat and is now "cured" after traumatic surgery, RT and chemo. He is half the man he was, no memory, personality change, very slow, in and out of hospital for life threatening pneumonia incidents (caused by uncontrolled vomiting and inhaling, poor man) and monthly procedures to keep his oesophageal open, all of which are hideous. They have three children, the youngest is eleven. Compared to that we are very happy indeed, count your blessings and all that. I'm pleased I had a chat with her, I was definately going down mentally but sharing our pain was cathartic, we truly understand each other. The inevitable exhaustion involved when you care for someone, the reality of long term incurable Illness,, the constant near panic at each new symptom, afraid to look into the future for what we might see, all of that and much, much more. We understand each other here too and that's why I am so grateful for your replies and support. It really does help to share and get advice here. I have some perspective back today, thank heavens.
I'll let you all know what happens with the kidney pain.
Lots of love
Allison xx