Just taking in the shock!

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User

Posted 21 Apr 2015 at 21:41

Enjoy your break and make the most of the opportunity to talk on neutral ground as you say.
I think you are going to be fine you worry about those closest to you but seem to have good coping strategies.
I will be thinking of you as you wait for all the tests and formal diagnosis.
I do hope that your daughter can be as level headed as you and will get all the support she needs with her major exams approaching.
Very best wishes
Xx
Mo

User

Posted 22 Apr 2015 at 18:43

Hope all goes well for you both.

Today was result day for my hubby who also didn't want to believe it was all happening.
We was told that it is cancer Gleason 3+4 (7)
And mri scan showed it is contained in the prostate. So while it's rubbish news it's the best news at the same time.
One day at a time Worry is a usles emotion and can make a rubbish situation feel much worse.
Positive thinking is the way forward I hope.
Good luck x

User

Posted 22 Apr 2015 at 20:47

Totally agree. When I got my diagnosos, (you can see my profile), it was just a case of dealing with it. I had da Vinci surgery. i just wanted rid of it asap. Make sure you explore all options and do what is right for you.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 22 Apr 2015 at 22:42

Hi M,
I think the beginning of a cancer journey is the worst, awaiting answers to all the unknowns is very difficult and affects all of us differently.
My husband similarly didn't want anybody to know about his investigations and cancer diagnosis initially. I personally found this extremely stressful as I felt I couldn't access the support I needed from friends and family. I did in fact let my work colleges know and they became my support. My husband did eventually open up to others when he had got his own head round his diagnosis and on a plan of treatment.
My kids were 12, 16, and 18 when Bob was diagnosed and we agreed they should be told everything from the start but were requested not to discuss with others( I think each of them may have chatted to a close friend). My 16 and 18 year old were both at 6th form, dealt very maturely with all info, and have done very well with there achievements. My 12 year old struggled more,perhaps she had added proB's of pubity. We told her all the facts but in a more simplified manner and answered any questions she asked honestly but I don't think she really understood the implications of what we told her. She's 16 now and doing ok and on an even keel (if 16yr old can be on an even keel!!Ha ha)
I dont think there's a right or wrong way of dealing with cancer worries, all our cancer situations are different,all our kids are different and however you deal with your situation will be right for you.
Hope all goes well for you, enjoy your break.
Lesley xx

User

Posted 25 Apr 2015 at 14:22

Well we all know that no matter how much planning we do things will always throw a spanner in the works!
Having mentally prepared myself to have a chat with my daughter about Steve's tests during our weekend away I ended up having the conversation last night as an ideal opportunity presented itself as she asked if Monday (it's biopsy day) was for more tests. I said yes, explained that it was common for men as they get older to have these problems but until the hospital get all of the results they can't tell us the outcome or prescribe treatment. She seemed ok, I didn't lie, but at least it's broken the ice if there is bad news to follow later.

I'm glad that's over, daughter is attending a microbiology and genetics lecture at Cambridge uni while Steve and myself are having a wander around the town enjoying the sunshine, unfortunately a lot of the colleges are closed for exams or graduation ceremonies.

It's cleared the air, she probably has her suspicions but there'll obviously be another conversation to be had in a few weeks.

Thanks for all of your advice and support, have a good weekend.

Maureen x

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne

User

Posted 25 Apr 2015 at 18:11

Hi Maureen,

You may have planned well and prepared well but you may well have not have allowed for Doctor Google? When my ex told me about her diagnosis for Pancreatic Cancer she told me "Don't bother Googling it up, there is nothing good online about it." So the first thing I did was Google it, she was quite right, and I think your kids will be just the same, such is the online world these days.

What ever you tell them now or later, the chances are they will be ahead of you, possibly way way ahead of you? Especially if she is into "microbiology and genetics", what the heck is that anyway?

I told my sons all the facts when I had them. Worked for me, and them. Maybe it would could work for you?

Anyway have a good weekend and I hope all for well with the tests.

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User

Posted 26 Apr 2015 at 14:28

Maureen
Mick and I found it very difficult telling his children, Mark was indifferent as usual but Karen was really taken aback. Google made it so much worse for her so when she called me in floods of tears I asked her to stay away from that and just work through everything with Mick and I.
We involved her in everything and that helped her to cope better. It also helped me so much, although she is my stepdaughter she has always been really close and very much a Daddy's girl.
Dave has a very valid point if your daughter is studying Microbiology and genetics she will almost certainly know how cells become cancerous and develop and if she goes down that same Google route it may be unnecesarily distressing for her.
Never an easy thing so I really wish you well
Xx
Mo

User

Posted 26 Apr 2015 at 15:57

Hi Maureen,
We have 2 boys age 19 and nearly 16, the younger one is doing his GCSE's starting 5th May. We got them prepared before we had the Template Biopsy by telling them Dad was having tests and that he was having lots of symptoms etc, we did say that we felt there may be something but had to wait for result. On Thursday when we got results we told them immediately, they are also bright boys and they asked lots of questions but seem to be taking everything in their stride. I think once we made it clear that Dad has a good 20-30 years in him and is not about to die that they felt more at ease about it, with regards to the op my hubby and I have decided that we will wait until after GCSE's as my younger one is quite sensitive and we want to concentrate on his exams as he works so hard at school that we didn't want Dad being in hospital or at home feeling unwell right in the middle of his exams. Your daughter sounds like a level headed girl and I hope she is getting her head around it all, I would say be honest with anything she asks and I hope she does well in her exams too. Not a nice time for any family and I wish you all well.

Love,
Trish

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