I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error
<12

Husband who won't talk about ED

Email this conversation Print this conversation
User
Posted 19 Jun 2015 at 13:51

Thank you for your message Lyn. He's not impatient, I must have got the wrong end of the stick. I thought that someone had told me that the 5mg daily wasn't for an event, just for repair to nerves. I would prefer him to stay on the one he's got used to. In any event, we have a month's supply of Viagra that he didn't use because he was swapped to cialis.

The query is mine not his. I have got used to asking opinions on here to make sure the nurse is telling me the right things!

I think his gp will prescribe him anything he asks for at the moment, just in case it gets pointed out to him that he probably wasn't as well up on current info as he should have been!

Chris- if it comes to that, we are happy to buy our own. In fact, we volunteered to pay for the daily dose cialis, but the GP seemed happy to prescribe, and it's on a repeat!

User
Posted 20 Jun 2015 at 22:51

Yes, I probably said it! The daily dose is for the purpose of repair, but taking a few together is the same as taking one bigger one for an event.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 23 Jun 2015 at 22:16

We all experience and view life in different ways, Before my op my wife and I had some good grown up conversations about sex, the meaning of life and so on. I had my op in April, life is 95% back to normal but I can't get an erection. At the moment I and we are not bothered about this. We both agreed that if it happened we would just accept it for what it is. The 'problem' has not been an issue for either of us, We know we cannot go backwards in time, what's done is done, so we decided to just get on with our lives. Whether I or my wife will continue to be this relaxed about it, only time will tell.

User
Posted 23 Jun 2015 at 22:57
I think we do all look at life differently and experience it differently , but our views and lifestyle change enormously with our age also. For me the horror has been my wife and I losing what we had at the age of 48. I can hand on heart say we would be less distressed if we were 68 . We would have had 20 more years of lovemaking behind us. That's a hell of a long time. And a marriage 20 yrs stronger hopefully.

It just seems so unfair at our age , and indeed at any age but more so.

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 00:16

Yes, John was 50 and I was 45 - it seemed unfair. On the other hand, my brother died at the age of 27 so I guess my sister-in-law wished she could have had him till his 40s and his children wish they could remember him

Edited by member 24 Jun 2015 at 08:43  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 08:37

I agree age and years together makes a big difference in terms of changes to our sex lives. I feel sad for those diagnosed early in their and their partners lives. My OH was aged 73 and I was 63 and the thought of no more erections was more daunting I think than the actual reality. At our ages there are lots of methods of maintaining intimacy and these seem to be enough for us at this time. If Erectile function returns it will be a bonus. For me the main thing is to have him alive and well. In saying this I am sure I would have felt upset and cheated if it had occurred when we were younger . Georgina

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 08:52

Louise, if he is feeling in the mood and decides to take a Viagra it is important not to take it too close to the Cialis. John always took the Cialis in the morning so on the occasions that he took a Viagra it was always in the evening and he didn't take the Cialis the next day. If he was planning on taking a Viagra later, he didn't take the Cialis that morning or the next.

Countryboy has taken both together and been fine but our ED nurse impressed on John that normally they would never allow a man to be on both prescriptions at the same time and when she closed John's case, it meant the GP could no longer prescribe both so John had to choose which to stick with.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 09:03
Ok thanks Lyn. I think he will probably stick with the Cialis for the time being- it seems to be the drug of choice, and he's not an 'event' man. It wouldn't occur to him to take a tablet in advance . But I take your points on board.

It is difficult me being so much younger (12 years) than my OH, but the difficulty is for my husband not me. He thinks I shouldn't have to be putting up with the side effects and ed (his words not mine) at my age (46). Whereas I'm just glad we caught it when we did, and that he's alive and hopefully cured. As someone posted on the forum not long ago, he's alive to complain about the incontinence and the ed.

I would rather live another thirty years with him without sex than another ten years with sex. At this moment in time, he doesn't see it like that. But maybe once the incontinence gets better (fingers crossed) he will start to realise he is more fortunate than he thinks.

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 09:55
It so reassures me when I hear from u ladies. Especially as I'm still stuck in hospital 10 days after op. Louise it gives me faith to hear u say at 46 u would still rather have 30 yrs with no sex. And Lyn has stood solidly by johns side right thru thick and thin. , and lovely words from Maureen and all the others. Elaine is 48 also and whilst I'm reasonably sure she will be true , she's not one for making that obvious. We men can be so destructive and as much as I'm determined to try , I know I will be distraught with ED and let it consume me , and then ultimately push her away and tell her to find a real man. I so so hope she never does that to me. It must hurt unimaginably when one is disabled effectively. Onwards and upwards hopefully xx

Edited by member 24 Jun 2015 at 10:02  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 24 Jun 2015 at 10:21

Well let's try to be upbeat Chris - you might get a stonking great hard on when the beautiful nurse comes to remove your catheter - positive thinking, eh!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 Jun 2015 at 13:53
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Well let's try to be upbeat Chris - you might get a stonking great hard on when the beautiful nurse comes to remove your catheter - positive thinking, eh!

Well I've just wiped my spat out coffee from my iPad screen, luckily no one was around to see! 😉

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 25 Jun 2015 at 15:34

Yes , thank you Lyn ! Sorry to rob your post Louise. I'll post on mine when I get home. I had my catheter out this morning painlessly. It's safe to say the raging hard-on didn't occur. More a submissive retiring wrinkle-on tbh.
But oh yes the potential was there. Young tanned beautiful Portuguese brown-eyed ....... Damn getting older and PCa Xx

User
Posted 25 Jun 2015 at 22:09
Please feel free to hijack the post Chris. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
User
Posted 26 Jun 2015 at 21:39

Some objectivity from a batchelor

 

Advice for the ladies:

 

No surer way to stimulate a sex urge than to ask your partner who he'd most like a threesome with.

 

Advise for the gentlemen

 

When your partner asks whom you'd most like a threesome with DO NOT offer two names.

 

 

 

 

 

I'll get me coat.

User
Posted 26 Jun 2015 at 22:47
My OH is a strictly one woman kinda bloke. So wouldn't work for him....
User
Posted 27 Jun 2015 at 09:54

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to suggest such a thing,, I was merely throwing some levity into the mix or thought I was.

User
Posted 27 Jun 2015 at 14:27

You were, you did !! I laughed anyway. and mine is a definite one woman man, couldn't manage any more than me in any case.
That's just talking to me !!

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 30 Jun 2015 at 11:03
Mike- you did! It was funny. And mine is the same as Sandra's - one is enough for him.

At least, it had better be!!

 
Forum Jump  
<12
Email this conversation Print this conversation

Join the online community now.

Click through to become a member and gain access to support, information and real time replies.




MenuTop ▲
©2024 Prostate Cancer UK