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Husband age 54 stage 4

Posted 10 Aug 2018 at 23:17
I think in your situation the most supportive thing would be to have lube close by for unexpected moments. As long as you have lots of lube on your hand, you should be able to masturbate him to orgasm even if the erection starts to dwindle or disappears completely. Try to prevent him from looking or checking whether he is still hard - he doesn’t really need to know and if he isn’t panicking he is more likely to come.

There are cheaper lubes but you need one that stays slippery - I like the Durex ones easily purchased in supermarkets.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 11 Aug 2018 at 08:05
A little dab of the hand in a cup of warm water brings the lube all back to life again ..... Just don’t forget and drink the water later lol.

If I was in the same boat as your hubby I would be happy for my wife to take the lead in whatever way and see what happens without any pressure on me at all.

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

Posted 11 Aug 2018 at 11:00
Kentish, I hope that he gets that fluttery interest again and it goes well. But keep at the back of your mind that it might mean the hormones are no longer working properly or that he has had a blip month and has risen over castrate level. When you get the PSA result, ask is the testosterone level also tested?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 11 Aug 2018 at 13:09


Google flaccid insertion , if you can master the technique it can  be out of this world for both of you.

Thanks Chris

Posted 11 Aug 2018 at 14:06

Hi Lynn, 

That's exactly what I have been thinking, bittersweet eh?

I mentioned before that I don't know if his testosterone has been measured, I will add this to my list of questions for the onco as I didn't get an answer from the specialist urology nurse.

I may email the onco with why I'd like to know.

We had successful all be it swift sex last night. I'm fairly sure that the fellas on here will comment as to whether that level of erection is possible if you are castrate, I'm thinking not?

Hubby is feeling very pleased with himself and I don't want to burst his bubble :(

Posted 11 Aug 2018 at 14:48
Being at or below castrate doesn't prevent an erection from happening but it usually prevents the man from feeling any enjoyment in it. However, this revived interest isn't automatically bad news. There are or have been members here who never lost their libido at all despite being below castrate level - Alathays being the most notable but not the only one.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 13:16
Update 17/08/18

Blood test results back, PSA has risen to 14.7. Don't known the rest of the results as this is all the Secretary could give me. Secretary is going to pass on the results to onco today and ask what, if anything he wants OH to do.

Aviva life insurance have accepted our claim for terminal illness, bittersweet in that the mortgage gets paid, OH doesn't need to worry about the bills as I work full time but it means they agree with the consultant that this is looking a bit grim.

OH is understandably upset but it didn't take him long to suggest that we look at a VW Transporter camper van for pootling off to places for the weekend!

We are off on holiday tomorrow with lots of family. Enjoying the little things as much as the big.

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 13:58
Buy that motor-home and bugger off on your travels!

Aviva don’t consider a prostate cancer diagnosis of Gleason 3+3=6 as ‘life threatening’ and will not pay out on their Clitoral Illness policies. Of course, they never mention that when you sign up!

One bloke here thinks it’s to do with Jackie Gleason, whoever he is. I think he does know about the medical scale really, but he likes a laugh in the face of adversity, like me.

Unlike some correspondents here.

Enjoy your hols.

Cheers, John

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 14:41
Haha Clitoral Illness Bollinge.

Kentish I wish you both endless fun and being as happy as you can in the times ahead. I’m no Onco but I would be spending each day doing whatever made me happy and gave me pleasure. Very sad for you both and dread the future myself tbh but keep putting it to the back of my mind. Xx

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 15:11

Bollinge,  your irreverence around illness and death tickles my sense of humour, though I can understand occasions whereby it may be upsetting.

My husband and I do make jokes around the situation but this tends to be in private as not everybody gets it! There has been some awkward silences following an off the cuff remark from us, we have learnt to gauge our audience ;)

I can't think of anything more boring than car shopping but I know that it will keep OH and our son busy for weeks.

In OH's words regarding the payout..."every cloud..."

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 15:23

Chris, I reread "clitoral" several times to make sure that's what it said 😂and it very briefly crossed my mind that Bollinge's autocorrect had some very interesting suggestions!

Oh has moments in every day where the enormity of what is happening overwhelms him, I am thankful he is a stoical man and that after having a cry or grumble he seems to tuck the situation away and get on with whatever he can, which mostly consists of popping to the shops, doing the washing or making coffee. 

He's just said it's a relief knowing he can just be at home with us, doing the every day things and that he might even take over the cooking (Fray Bentos,  mash & beans) ,  I hope not.

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 15:30

I suppose I am lucky enough to have cancer where there is nothing wrong with me - except I have cancer - and I have looked at the statistical predictions of demise and they are very slim as a result of my disease.

I am 62 years old and am of the opinion that there has to be something written on your death certificate. Hence my flippant attitude to it all. Others in more unfortunate situations to me might not appreciate such levity.

All I say is keep breathing, in-out, in-out.

Cheers, John

Edited by member 16 Aug 2018 at 15:34  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 15:32
I’ve been doing LOADS of fancy cooking and really enjoy planning a nice meal. Sounds like hubs should apply for Masterchef !! Quality tucker. Replace the beans with mushy peas though lol

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 15:42

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Chris, I reread "clitoral" several times to make sure that's what it said...

Some of my friends are in what I call the “death insurance” business = ‘Financial Advisor‘ and ‘clitoral’ is what they call ‘critical’ insurance by way of a joke.

We are all ex-pubic schoolboys in our sixties who have never grown up.


Edited by member 16 Aug 2018 at 16:01  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 16 Aug 2018 at 16:56

Bollinge, on diagnosis, one of the first things we both did was get out the policies to see if the mortgage was covered. On reading the small print, we realised that to claim the funds OH had to be classed as terminal outside of the last 2 years of the policy! 

"Well, let's hope that I am, otherwise we're f****d" was his response.

I've worked in insurance claims departments but I'd not come across this before. In terms of policy knowledge, this last year has been a steep learning curve. 

P.s Chris, mushy peas are yuck.

Edited by member 16 Aug 2018 at 16:57  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 07 Sep 2018 at 22:12

Latest results.

Psa 20

Appointment was brought forward to today, Dr has changed treatment from Bicalutimide to Abiterone. It'll be a couple of weeks before oh starts the regime.

Oh is disappointed that none of the treatments so far have worked for very long. Anyone out there in the same position?

What can he expect from the Abiterone?  I've read the side effects but it's much more helpful to have your first hand experiences.

Feeling a bit down :(


Posted 08 Sep 2018 at 14:59
Kentish, I had nearly three years on ago before it began to fail. No symptoms at all. Some men don't get the benefit for so long as I did, but there may be a few for whom longer treatment works. I hope your oh is one such.


Posted 14 Oct 2019 at 06:46

Hi, I’m new to this site. My husband was diagnosed in sept 2017. Advanced with a Gleason 9. Bone mets in his hip both sides and right shoulder. Started hormone therapy straight away for life and had 6 sessions of chemo. We also have children 15,13,11

   So far the 4 monthly checks have been fine and his psa was back to 0.5. However we are due for the next check up this week and  worried as he’s been feeling quite off. The side affects from the hormone therapy really affects him. He gave up work a year after diagnosis as he just lacks the energy he used to have. 
    How are things with your husband and how do you get by every day? We’ve been having as many lovely holidays and experiences together as we can now which has been a real positive. 
    I feel it is good to talk to people that are going through this as not everyone understands. 

Posted 14 Oct 2019 at 08:30
Vicki unfortunately Kentish lost her husband earlier in the year and hadn't visited this site since July.

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