Hi Steve, I just get back from seeing my counselor today too , and she is requesting permission for more sessions ( I've had 16 so far). This is far in excess of the normal cancer diagnosis number, which is around 4. This is due for me to the HT dragging up some bad stuff from an 'interesting' childhood. Its an interesting journey to say the least.
Is it my past , the present , my future or most likely a combination of all three that is causing me the biggest head ache. All I do know is its very hard to get through as I thought all this childhood stuff was dead and buried.
I do know that my emotions are all over the place at the moment. But my counselor says she thinks my emotions may have been suppressed during childhood and so i have to deal with these 'normal' emotions I've not had before.
All too much for my poor intellect to deal with .....
I don't think much has been made of on here about the mental effect of the HT although i am sure it is different for all of us. I have the depression, anxiety and insomnia and the bringing back of old memories, which is likely linked to the depression. But.... i am lucky not to get any physical effects from the HT or the RT , so I have to count my blessings. Oh of course i forgot the PCa .... hopefully it is now gone forever - fingers crossed, that's a bonus which not everyone gets and i appreciate that.
I have started using anti-depressants (Mirtazapine) which also really helps with the insomnia. Maybe something to discuss with your counselor and doctor.
From what i heard , especially from Mr Angry, now departed from this forum, who i shared some similarities in our childhood with, was that after finishing the HT it does eventually get better. He told me to hang in there, and that is what I am trying to do. I have till October now for the my last injection (Prostap) and I will have a damn party when the effects wear off.....
My counselor said to me today that if i feel like crying then I should cry. Not so easy at work or in a cinema though but i get the meaning. We have to accept these heightened emotions as much as we can without the aid of pills if we can. I am on min. dose for the Mirtazapine and don't want to up the dose if i can help it.
One thing i do is try to distract myself and keep busy. I still work full time and have started back at the gym and running and have entered a Tough Mudder in May. I think making plans for the future helps too so your brain realises that there is a future ahead, may be a different future to the one you planned but it is there.
And lastly, you are not weird. Well , i suppose we all are in a way ....
Good luck Steve, pm me if you wish.