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Anyone on here with a husband that has prostrate cancer

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User
Posted 24 Mar 2020 at 21:02

So sorry in my very late reply, but i had alot going on.  I have only been married to my husband for nearly 6 years so we don't have any children together.  This is awful to say but his daughter doesn't want anything to do with him and my children don't believe that his cancer is advanced as he says as hes lied about to many things in the past about his health and life. He apparently got a part time job a few weeks ago but have since found out that that was a lie and my epileptic daughter had to come home to stay with me as she was so ill and the whole time he was saying that his bones were hurting, (which i know is a huge sign that the cancer has spread)but refused to see a doctor or gp to hospital because of this Corona virus but was laughing and joking with people on his ps4 game and now shes gone home hes not mentioned the pain once.  I don't know what to think anymore 😢

User
Posted 24 Mar 2020 at 22:05

I’ll start with saying, obviously, I don’t know either you but if I had written your posts, and you were reading them...

 

Honestly, what would you be thinking? 😔x

Mel

User
Posted 24 Mar 2020 at 22:46
I suspect that you are experiencing a form of domestic abuse called coercive control. Being stuck in a house with him for the next 12 weeks is not in your best interests and with COVID, your daughter probably needs you more than he does right now. Is it possible that you could go and stay with her until the worst of the virus is over?

His bones can't have been hurting that much if he wouldn't see a nurse or doctor to get any pain relief. You are being played.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 07:39

I was trying to help you see it for yourself. However, had momentarily forgotten about CV19, and the risk to you isolating with him. 

I must say, I totally agree with Lyn. This behaviour can escalate too (I have been there). So please, DO NOT put yourself at further risk, make arrangements to move out ASAP. If you can’t go to your daughter. There are helplines set up for domestic violence UK wide. Please contact one. 

Take care, 

 

M 

Mel

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 11:40
Does he have an assigned Oncologist who reviews his blood test results?

If not who is instructing his surgery to administer the HT?

Maybe worth accompanying him on his next visit. At our Oncology reviews my wife asks more questions than me.

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 21:33

Ok i don't want to sound naive or stupid.  The facts are that when we separated he was saying that he was having scans and biopsies nearly every week.  I asked him to come back as i felt guilty for not looking after him.  Since he's been back which has been just over 2yrs he has not had 1 hospital appointment or letter asking him to go.  I have made him go for a doctor's appointment once last year but they said that they didn't have any of his information so couldn't tell us anything but when i mentioned that he had terminal cancer he had a panic attack and we had to leave the room.  I know that he has injections because I've been there but i don't know who has authorized this as no one can tell me anything.  I tried to call his bluff last night on him telling him that his bones were aching and said i was going to phone the doctors today and this morning he said that it was only because of his reflux that made him feel like that. Hes also not had a letter because of him being venerable about self isolating which i thought he would have as he has terminal cancer.  Could he just be scared since coming back or am i just not wanting to believe that my husband is not telling me the whole truth 

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 21:38
I think you are just not wanting to believe that someone you love could mislead you.

Too many bits of his story make no sense.

Aside from anything else, if he was terminally ill you would expect him to be under the care of his local hospice or palliative care team as well as seeing the oncologist regularly.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 21:40

Out of interest, when he had the injection that you saw, where was it injected?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 21:44

He has McMillan if he needs them, that must mean something surely 

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 21:45

In his bum cheek

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 22:21

Does he have a specific MacMillan Nurse?  Anyone can ring them if they want to.

You wouldn’t tend to have scans & biopsies every week due to the time it takes to report on them.  Also, as Lyn says it would be very unusual to have his level of diagnosis, and not have any form of frequent medical input. 

 

 

 

Mel

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 23:06

Again this is only what he was telling me when we lived apart.  As for McMillan he has only said that they claimed his benefit for him 6 months ago 

User
Posted 25 Mar 2020 at 23:36

Just a thought why don’t you look up the guidelines for Prostate cancer treatment to see for yourself if any of what he is telling you adds up?  M 

Mel

User
Posted 26 Mar 2020 at 07:47

That's a good idea, thanks Mel 

 
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