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User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 13:47

Hello all,

I'm 57 years old and found out a couple of weeks ago that I have localised prostate cancer. I've just about come to terms with it now (this site has helped) and will have robotic surgery at the end of October, after which I need to tackle the after effects!

I work as a self employed IT Consultant (Project Management), so work on 3 to 12 month contracts in various different organisations and industries. Due to a rubbish pension, I also have many years left to work before I can retire!

My concern is that if I let people know, such as my current employer, IT colleagues, friends and recruitment agencies, it will have a detrimental effect on me securing future contracts.

I've always supported Prostate charities and things like 'Movember', so it came as a real shock when I found out that it was my turn! There is still a stigma around the words, once people hear 'Cancer' they think you are a goner!

So far, I've only told family and close friends but soon I will need to tell people that I will not be able to work for 4-8 weeks in November, December. I see my options as being:

1. Use a 'cover story' such as a different and less controversial operation that will keep people from knowing the truth.

2. Come clean and tell people that I have Prostate Cancer and just go with the consequences even if it effects my work.

I would be grateful for other peoples experiences and views?

Thanks

Bill M.

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 13:59

It's ridiculous that you should even have to post this! There are a number of us on this site who have come through robotic surgery recently, and are making good progress in our recoveries. I would be open and make sure that you emphasise it is a relatively short break you are having. You may find yourself able to work from home within a week or two of the op.

Good luck with your op and sorry you have joined our club!

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 14:04

My OH was self employed and faced the same dilemma.

Personally we did not tell anyone, took the time off under a different guise, then explained to them later.

Everyone we told was very understanding, but it was better for us to do it after the event. As you say, most people are frightened by the C word and the stress that may be caused by a downturn in business is one that you could do without at the moment (enough to worry about!!).

People on here will have had different experiences, so do what you feel best for you. If you keep it quiet at first, you can always change your mind later about telling people (but obviously you cant take it back once told!)

Good luck

Alison

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 14:09

Hi Bill,

 

I'm a contractor and I decided when I was diagnosed to come 'clean' - well s*** happens!

I told my manager and she was very understanding. She then took it on herself to tell the director and the team (when I didn't turn up on the day of the op.).

In all, I was out for two weeks (one week catheter, one week due to a urine infection) and was welcomed back with open arms..."look, we've saved you all this work!".  Of course, all my male work colleagues then signed themselves up for a PSA test!

When I bid for work now, those two weeks are lost in that particular contract.

If it came to pass that I needed further treatment in the future then I'm sure I'd do the same thing.

flexi

 

 

 

Edited by member 08 Sep 2014 at 14:13  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 15:33

When I was diagnosed (December 2013) people who I thought were friends / workmates / business associates looked at me as if I had Ebola, it can be a painful experience, even now I cant get my head around some people's reaction, its almost as if its contagious , I must be weak or abused myself in someway to get this disease

I personally would keep stumm now.......it wont take long for people to start thinking he must be getting on a bit, he's got cancer, he wont be fit for work for months, and is he going to be reliable and up to doing the job, etc etc...

Sorry if its a negative view, but thats been my experience, but good luck and wish you well..........john

 

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 18:14

I "came clean" with employers and agencies and had nothing but positive support, including a phased return when recovery took a little longer than expected. I was also an IT consultant (not on the dark side of project management though...!).

Tony

TURP then LRP in 2009/2010. Lots of leakage but PSA < 0.1 AMS-800 Artificial Sphincter activated 2015.

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 19:04

Hi sorry you find yourself here.

I think it's appalling that in this day and age men even have to consider not being open about their condition due to possible negative consequences.

You will be covered by the equality act so should not be discriminated against due to the PCA.

I would be open and honest and explain what your consultant has said which will be that you are cureable. People will remain ignorant and make assumptions unless the facts are explained

Bri

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 19:21
Bill

Once I had come to terms with "my little problem" I told anyone who was in earshot. The guys at work were great and the staff at companies we work for were equally understanding and supportive. I cannot say I got any negative reactions, perhaps beIng open with people made them receptive to my situation. Like any situation in life we all deal with situations in our own way.

Thanks Chris

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User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 13:59

It's ridiculous that you should even have to post this! There are a number of us on this site who have come through robotic surgery recently, and are making good progress in our recoveries. I would be open and make sure that you emphasise it is a relatively short break you are having. You may find yourself able to work from home within a week or two of the op.

Good luck with your op and sorry you have joined our club!

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 14:04

My OH was self employed and faced the same dilemma.

Personally we did not tell anyone, took the time off under a different guise, then explained to them later.

Everyone we told was very understanding, but it was better for us to do it after the event. As you say, most people are frightened by the C word and the stress that may be caused by a downturn in business is one that you could do without at the moment (enough to worry about!!).

People on here will have had different experiences, so do what you feel best for you. If you keep it quiet at first, you can always change your mind later about telling people (but obviously you cant take it back once told!)

Good luck

Alison

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 14:09

Hi Bill,

 

I'm a contractor and I decided when I was diagnosed to come 'clean' - well s*** happens!

I told my manager and she was very understanding. She then took it on herself to tell the director and the team (when I didn't turn up on the day of the op.).

In all, I was out for two weeks (one week catheter, one week due to a urine infection) and was welcomed back with open arms..."look, we've saved you all this work!".  Of course, all my male work colleagues then signed themselves up for a PSA test!

When I bid for work now, those two weeks are lost in that particular contract.

If it came to pass that I needed further treatment in the future then I'm sure I'd do the same thing.

flexi

 

 

 

Edited by member 08 Sep 2014 at 14:13  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 15:33

When I was diagnosed (December 2013) people who I thought were friends / workmates / business associates looked at me as if I had Ebola, it can be a painful experience, even now I cant get my head around some people's reaction, its almost as if its contagious , I must be weak or abused myself in someway to get this disease

I personally would keep stumm now.......it wont take long for people to start thinking he must be getting on a bit, he's got cancer, he wont be fit for work for months, and is he going to be reliable and up to doing the job, etc etc...

Sorry if its a negative view, but thats been my experience, but good luck and wish you well..........john

 

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 18:14

I "came clean" with employers and agencies and had nothing but positive support, including a phased return when recovery took a little longer than expected. I was also an IT consultant (not on the dark side of project management though...!).

Tony

TURP then LRP in 2009/2010. Lots of leakage but PSA < 0.1 AMS-800 Artificial Sphincter activated 2015.

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 19:04

Hi sorry you find yourself here.

I think it's appalling that in this day and age men even have to consider not being open about their condition due to possible negative consequences.

You will be covered by the equality act so should not be discriminated against due to the PCA.

I would be open and honest and explain what your consultant has said which will be that you are cureable. People will remain ignorant and make assumptions unless the facts are explained

Bri

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 19:21
Bill

Once I had come to terms with "my little problem" I told anyone who was in earshot. The guys at work were great and the staff at companies we work for were equally understanding and supportive. I cannot say I got any negative reactions, perhaps beIng open with people made them receptive to my situation. Like any situation in life we all deal with situations in our own way.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 21:02

Thanks to everyone who replied, some really useful comments on a tricky situation.

Yes, I shouldn't have to even think about not telling people, but the IT industry is very competitive and in general (at least in the contracting business) people will look for reasons not to employ you.

I'm going to wait a while and see how things go, maybe use a different guise and explain afterwards like Alison's OH. I'm also more reassured and hope that the operation will go well, the after effects will be minimal and I will be back at work in two weeks like Flexi.

Here's hoping!

Thanks to all
Bill M.

User
Posted 08 Sep 2014 at 21:20

You haven't given us any info about your diagnosis but assuming you have been caught early with a low or medium risk grade, you could perhaps consider opting for active surveillance until the next contract is up or see an oncologist about brachytherapy which may need much less time off work. You don't have to have surgery.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 12 Nov 2014 at 12:24

ok so i see some of you work in a office so thats all fine and great you can go back to that , but i,m  a self employed truck driver so my question is no pension no benifits and a policy that only pays out when i,m in the box  where do i look for help finacially and whats dvlas rules on this  

i,m only in 1st stages of testing but really wanna have a plan in place should it come to it 

 

thanks in advance 

User
Posted 12 Nov 2014 at 18:01

Markev1,

 as your probably aware the self employed live in an entirely different world from employed persons, youre on your own, no one gives a toss,

I personaly wouldnt say anything to the DVLA, your a professional driver and no one knows better that you when your fit and able to go back to work, you maybe able to state claim benefit for a few weeks but it wont be enough to live on, being self employed its tough when your taken ill, I'm asuming if you cant physically get in the cab and work the money stops !

   I'm sorry if I appear negitive but thats my personal experience, I wish you well and good luck....john

User
Posted 12 Nov 2014 at 20:02

I was in a Company noted for it's inhumane dealings and generally derided by contractors - folk would laugh at me me if `i phoned them with an offer to join.

On my diagnosis, I offered my resignation. Not only they talked me out of it, they laid on taxis to and from home and arranged a two day a week working regime for a year before I finally called enough (at 70).

You can never tell how people will react; there are some real human beings out there as well as the usual suspects.

Good luck, God speed, kindest thoughts to you and your family
b0b

User
Posted 13 Nov 2014 at 17:52

Markev1,

 

I have had several forms of treatment including surgery, radiotherapy and Hormone treatments. From the driving point the only thing that stopped me was the few weeks just after surgery whilst the incisions healed up internally & externally. About three or four weeks seems the norm.I don't know if it would be different on trucks with tighter rules on insurance - you'd have to check with your insurer.

With radiotherapy there may be a bit of fatigue towards the end of a course of treatment but I still did the driving there.

The biggest problem has been the combination of radiotherapy + hormone treatment which resulted in much fatigue. On hormone treatment this continues. I would struggle with daily long distance now.

 

So although surgery would knock you out short-term, radiotherapy + hormone treatment could affect you for much longer.

 

I'd urge all self-employed to cover themselves with a health insurance. Even if it's only a relatively short-term health plan. The permanent ones are expensive.

User
Posted 14 Nov 2014 at 13:09

thanks folks 

 
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