covers his concern and worry.

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User

Posted 20 Oct 2014 at 15:42

About 7 years ago my husband was told he would treated as having a low grade prostate cancer as cells taken were on point of changing .Doctors felt his would be best option rather than saying no- there is nothing of any major concern- and possibly not catching a change in the future. They felt most appropriate action -after removing half of prostate(which was heavily inflamed) was to monitor by psa tests -his last count was still on the low side of average.

He didnt really ever want to talk about it -almost as if by talking he would bring it back. So, to a certain extent the topic is never raised by him-I have occasionally tried to gently see if he wants to talk .But -no- and so it has been left.Until the other day.He has been concerned about several things at the moment and had looked worried. Then quite suddenly while we were out-talking about our 2 adult boys he suddenly looked on the point of tears,He then admitted he has been worried about what happened 7 years ago.He said every now and then it all just bubbles up again. I gave him a hug and didnt know quite what to say-except "dont bottle it, please tell when you are feeling like this " .He hasnt wanted to talk anymore about feeling this way.

If anyone can comment or suggest something I am all ears.

User

Posted 20 Oct 2014 at 20:58

Hello Cherry and welcome to this forum.
Everyone deals with cancer in their own way. His fright 7 years ago has obviously been preying on his mind.
When we brood over things, without talking about them, the thoughts become monsters in their own right.
You can't force him to talk things over with you. He probably doesn't want to lay that burden on you and thinks he's being brave by soldiering on by himself.
Do you think he would be prepared to talk to one of the nurses on this site. He could discuss his fears and talk about what happened all those years ago.
Perhaps he thinks he's living with a time bomb inside him and he's frightened of the future.
He would find it beneficial to talk to somebody. Would he consider asking his doctor to refer him for counselling?
Sorry can't be more helpful.
I'm sure there are other members on here who will have experience of what you and he are going through.
Just hang in there until somebody comes along.
All the best. Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 20 Oct 2014 at 22:44

Cherry,
Apart from the nurses on the Site, PCUK also do a "one to one" volunteer chat scheme that hubby might consider.

We all deal with this disease in different ways, most of us on here are very open, and I feel that it would help you too to consider asking any questions that YOU have and want answers to.

When you say "on the low side of average", it is the actual numbers that we all go by, my PSA has never gone above 14, and is at present less than 0.1, whereas others on the site are in the thousands, it's all a numbers game, so if you know what his readings are then we may be able to help a bit more, otherwise it is only guesswork.

If you click on anyone's name you will see their profiles and what they have and are going through.

Hopefully others will reply to help you further.

Best wishes.

Chris.

User

Posted 20 Oct 2014 at 23:39

Hi Cherry,

Bottling it all up is not uncommon.

This is the best place to spill all, IMHO.

In addition you have a PM.

Dave

User

Posted 21 Oct 2014 at 08:28

Cherry

That people, and men in particular, find it difficult to talk about heath and relationship issues is a bugbear of mine. It is cultural, and it drives me mad! I will talk openly at my situation with the guys and ladies at my golf club, not because I particularly want them to know where I'm up to, but to encourage them to think and deal with their own concerns more easily.

My grandad got to the stage where he needed to have his prostate removed as an emergency because he ignored symptoms and didn't deal with them. I hope opening up will now encourage your hubby to get properly checked out. Maybe suggest arranging a GP appointment. Offer, but don't push to go with him. You both need to know exactly where you are up to- you will be naturally worried too - I wonder if your husband realises that.

Gentle persuasion will help him, but try not to make it nagging - sweeping it under the carpet will not help - I hope you find a solution that will help you both.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 21 Oct 2014 at 14:21

Hi Cherry,

There just isn't a "one size fits all" emotional response to cancer.

I, personally, am inclined to bury my feelings - kind of put them on a back burner - and focus on "doing" things, kind of dealing with what needs to be dealt with. That's o.k.(ish) - taking a pragmatic response - but it then usually leaves a whole lot of unresolved feelings about it all which eventually kind of pour out and swamp me and put me in a rather dark place from time to time.

I sneakily suspect that perhaps your OH is kind of trying to protect you from upset and worry. I can kind of understand that, but he probably would be better off trying to walk this particular path with you.

But, some will find it easier to talk about these things than others.

There can be a lot of anxieties and fear, some more justified than others. Many of which, perhaps not all, will feel less fearful after they've been addressed.

I hope you can get him to either open up a bit to you about it, or find someone who he is able to talk with it about.

Life is a journey. You can't move forward on a journey AND stay in the same place.

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