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User
Posted 11 Dec 2014 at 23:36
Hi new here just browsing for similar stories to ours ...father in law diagnosed roughly 2-3 years ago with advanced metastatic prostate cancer went on ht, chemo etc has kept quite well up until the last 3 months 1st instance was spinal cord compression to which he recieved radiotherapy which eased the pain, went for a review psa levels 1300 treatment was withdrawn to pain management only suffered another case of mscc and went through same again ...weight is falling off him and has had a really bad 2 nights with pain (poss mscc again), unable to swallow aswell doctor & mcmillan nurses coming out tomorrow. hes quite a proud man so its not discussed openly just wondering if this is the beginning of the end any advice much appreciated
User
Posted 12 Dec 2014 at 02:36

Hi, so sorry to see your post. You ask a difficult question and the medics are better placed than us to give you the answers you need but certainly, I think you have reached a stage where the family need to talk rather than pretend it is all going to go away. You may be reaching the point when people start to say the things in their hearts, to talk about old times and happy memories, to give him lots of reassurance and keep him comfortable. you don't say where the cancer has spread to (apart from his bones, judging from the SCC) - is it any of his organs? Or his brain? Is he confused or as sharp as a needle? The Macmillan nurses and GP will probably want to sort out the swallowing thing to make sure it is simply nature taking its course rather than a new complication.

If there is no new medical situation, then it may be his body refusing to drink rather than a swallowing problem. Human bodies have a reason to stop taking food and water towards the end of life - as the person becomes dehydrated, this releases some chemicals in the brain which act as a natural pain barrier. Hopefully your f-i-l will be more settled and comfortable tomorrow.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 12 Dec 2014 at 10:20

Hello and33.
Sorry to see your post.
The only comment I can make is that my brother-in-law died in July (from pancreatic cancer) which gradually took him away from us.
I do know that while he was still able to talk, both he and his nearest and dearest, gained a lot from being able to express what they felt and their hopes and plans for making the transition easier for them all.
He was much loved by his wife (many many years younger than him) and his stepdaughter and they were the last ones with him and they saw him at peace.
Best wishes to all of you at this time.
Sandra

Edited by member 12 Dec 2014 at 10:22  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 13 Dec 2014 at 10:11
I am very sad to see your posts, it sounds so similar to my Husband Mick who had one very big and untreatable SCC in the centre of his spine and then one at the top of his spine a few months later. The medical staff have probably decided that further RT may be just too much for your FIl to take. When an SCC occurs at the base of the neck and start of the spine it is incrediby difficut to treat, The inability to swallow can be one of the symptoms of such an SCC. This was all explained to me and my Husband by the Palliative care consultant at the Hospice where Mick was being treated. Of course there are other medical and psychological reasons that this might happen.

Lyn has advised you very well as she always does keeping your FIL comfortable and in the minimum of pain is paramount. I am sure he will take comfort from having family and friends with him or nearby. I would ask for a Macmillan specialist nurse to come and talk with you all.

XX

Mo

User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 06:27
This has been a very difficult few weeks, and I'm thinking of you all today. There are no words to describe this twilight time...but sending my love

Sue xx

User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 08:54

Thoughts are with you and your family. To see your father-in-law in peace with no pain, though, will help to ease your own anguish.

Try and keep strong.

Paul

 

Edited by member 08 Feb 2015 at 15:28  | Reason: Not specified

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 09:11

Thinking of you all and33.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 09:51

Am also thinking of you and your family.

Fiona. x

User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 21:12
Sincere Condolences to you and your family, may he rest in peace.
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 21:18

I am so sorry to hear your news, deepest condolences to you and your family

 

Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 23:00

Sorry to read this news.

He is at peace.

My thought are with family and friends.

dave

User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 09:30

I am sorry for your loss and33. At least you know now that he is at peace and out of pain.
Blessings to all of you as you come to terms with father-in-law's passing.
Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 15:52
And33

I am so sorry for your loss my condolences to you and all your family.

Thanks so much for posting to let everyone know that He had a very peaceful and pain free departure from this life at the end of his battle with PCa. That took a lot of courage.

Xxx

Mo

User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 16:04

Condolences to you and your family. To watch a loved one's life end is heartbreaking.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 12 Dec 2014 at 02:36

Hi, so sorry to see your post. You ask a difficult question and the medics are better placed than us to give you the answers you need but certainly, I think you have reached a stage where the family need to talk rather than pretend it is all going to go away. You may be reaching the point when people start to say the things in their hearts, to talk about old times and happy memories, to give him lots of reassurance and keep him comfortable. you don't say where the cancer has spread to (apart from his bones, judging from the SCC) - is it any of his organs? Or his brain? Is he confused or as sharp as a needle? The Macmillan nurses and GP will probably want to sort out the swallowing thing to make sure it is simply nature taking its course rather than a new complication.

If there is no new medical situation, then it may be his body refusing to drink rather than a swallowing problem. Human bodies have a reason to stop taking food and water towards the end of life - as the person becomes dehydrated, this releases some chemicals in the brain which act as a natural pain barrier. Hopefully your f-i-l will be more settled and comfortable tomorrow.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 12 Dec 2014 at 10:20

Hello and33.
Sorry to see your post.
The only comment I can make is that my brother-in-law died in July (from pancreatic cancer) which gradually took him away from us.
I do know that while he was still able to talk, both he and his nearest and dearest, gained a lot from being able to express what they felt and their hopes and plans for making the transition easier for them all.
He was much loved by his wife (many many years younger than him) and his stepdaughter and they were the last ones with him and they saw him at peace.
Best wishes to all of you at this time.
Sandra

Edited by member 12 Dec 2014 at 10:22  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 12 Dec 2014 at 16:38
Hi thanks for the reply i honestly have no clue where else apart from the bones his eyes went very bloodshot double vision etc n he had a brain scan but as far as we know it was clear hes as sharp as always a little quiet...they keep it very private maybe their way of dealing with it but the guessing from ourside is horrible ...not saying knowing would make it better. But im quite realistic whereas my partner is oblivious & doesnt seem to understand the seriousness and comes away with hes getting better comments ...i see it as a good day rather than getting better he wont get better any "good days" at this stage is a bonus i think ... So far theres been no news about whats been said today my partner will phone when he gets home from work and i will update with what we know
User
Posted 13 Dec 2014 at 01:24
Update doctor & nurse were out at house today and it is spinal cord compression again but no radiotherapy being given now pain relief doubled at home (morphine) or the other option was to be admitted and pain managed in hospital, as far as im aware the radiotherapy eases the pain of mscc so dont know why he wont be recieving it ...maybe its pointless he doesnt seem to be getting very long inbetween episodes, is the thinking more along the lines of blocking the pain now? making this journey as pain free as poss rather than enduring anymore treatment his mobility has decreased hugely not bed bound but definately housebound!
User
Posted 13 Dec 2014 at 10:11
I am very sad to see your posts, it sounds so similar to my Husband Mick who had one very big and untreatable SCC in the centre of his spine and then one at the top of his spine a few months later. The medical staff have probably decided that further RT may be just too much for your FIl to take. When an SCC occurs at the base of the neck and start of the spine it is incrediby difficut to treat, The inability to swallow can be one of the symptoms of such an SCC. This was all explained to me and my Husband by the Palliative care consultant at the Hospice where Mick was being treated. Of course there are other medical and psychological reasons that this might happen.

Lyn has advised you very well as she always does keeping your FIL comfortable and in the minimum of pain is paramount. I am sure he will take comfort from having family and friends with him or nearby. I would ask for a Macmillan specialist nurse to come and talk with you all.

XX

Mo

User
Posted 13 Dec 2014 at 20:38
Hello

I'm so sorry that your FIL is in this situation, I think it is quite clear from what you say that the end is getting near. Great advice from Lyn, certainly this is how we managed the later stages of my parent's lives and it somehow made their passing bearable and the memories much, much sweeter. We never said anything outright about dying to our parents but we talked together (brothers and sisters) whilst sitting close to them speaking of what wonderful lives we had led as children and laughed and giggled about family stories. My dad was hugely comforted by this, I am absolutely certain of this. Is there a local hospice that offers support to you all? My understanding is that they can be very helpful at end of life.

Mandy (Mo) has had recent experience of SCC and has eloquently described her experience, this was very recent so all credit to Mandy for sharing.

I hope your family gets all the help you need, please let us know how things go.

Thinking of you

Allison xx

User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 00:58
Not been on for a few weeks so thought id do an update ....well hes been in hospital now for a week due to a fractured spine and unexplained bleeding into cathetar and has rapidly declined 1st sedation for pain was thurs and he hasnt woke up since,hospital doubled the morphine dose and stopped taking observations on friday, iv hydration fluids were withdrawn this morning still recieving 4 units of oxygen family are by his bedside 24/7 just waiting. The one comfort we have now is we have never seen him so painfree and peaceful for a long time.
User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 06:27
This has been a very difficult few weeks, and I'm thinking of you all today. There are no words to describe this twilight time...but sending my love

Sue xx

User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 08:54

Thoughts are with you and your family. To see your father-in-law in peace with no pain, though, will help to ease your own anguish.

Try and keep strong.

Paul

 

Edited by member 08 Feb 2015 at 15:28  | Reason: Not specified

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 08 Feb 2015 at 09:11

Thinking of you all and33.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 09:31

Still fighting to stay with us strong hearted man, theres been no change except breathing isn't so laboured and a little slower.

User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 09:51

Am also thinking of you and your family.

Fiona. x

User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 20:09

Sadly fell asleep a few hours ago :-( thanks for all advice and well wishes this forums so helpful with helping people like me understand

User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 21:12
Sincere Condolences to you and your family, may he rest in peace.
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 21:18

I am so sorry to hear your news, deepest condolences to you and your family

 

Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict
User
Posted 09 Feb 2015 at 23:00

Sorry to read this news.

He is at peace.

My thought are with family and friends.

dave

User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 09:30

I am sorry for your loss and33. At least you know now that he is at peace and out of pain.
Blessings to all of you as you come to terms with father-in-law's passing.
Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 15:52
And33

I am so sorry for your loss my condolences to you and all your family.

Thanks so much for posting to let everyone know that He had a very peaceful and pain free departure from this life at the end of his battle with PCa. That took a lot of courage.

Xxx

Mo

User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 16:04

Condolences to you and your family. To watch a loved one's life end is heartbreaking.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 10 Feb 2015 at 19:35
And33

Sorry to hear of you loss, my thoughts are with you.

Chris

 
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