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User
Posted 17 Jan 2015 at 11:32
I read an article recently about life after treatment. I believe it was by Macmillan.

It was evident that many people find it difficult once the barrage of hospital visits, consultations, procedures end. Some people 'miss' that contact with the medical professionals which can lead to feelings of isolation even when surrounded by family and friends.

Other people may not understand why someone is struggling when they are 'cured'. I think with PCa there is the added dimension of the lack of understanding due to the bad press about this particular kind of cancer...'if you're gonna get cancer that's the one to get'...I don't recall saying to my consultant when he told me I had PCa "phew for one minute there I thought you were going to give me some bad news". Actually thinking back I didn't get told by my consultant. I took a phone call at work from the nurse. I think she told me not to worry as it wasn't going anywhere...bit of a blasé statement and as proven later very wrong. I have wondered since whether news would be delivered in that way to a patient with any other type of cancer.

I can understand why people will struggle after the treatment 'ends'. The feelings of what next, will it come back, can I actually plan now. The article was clear that it is this uncertainty that is one of the hardest things to deal with. To be honest I don't personally talk about my dx that much...I have made that conscious decision as I fear boring people or making people feel uncomfortable. The article talks about patients being the one to make that contact with family and friends. I have found that if I do mention it I am often accused, in one way or another, of being negative or a worrier and I have to say that can also be from other people who are on this road. Unfortunately this can add to the difficulty of coping with the uncertainty that is definitely there for myself.

There is a real danger that some people may become insular as they don't like to mention the C word due to the response they may get. This may lead to a downward spiral towards depression which will obviously make the coping so much more difficult. Obviously there is professional support out there such as counselling if that is needed but there are lots of people who don't recognise the benefits of this.

People will helpfully say there are people in much worse situations than you..equally there are many in much better situations so it is all relative.My situation is my situation.

So there is life during and after cancer treatment but we need to be mindful of how that person is actually coping with that life.

Personally I have no idea what my future holds in terms of PCa or anything else for that matter..I can research and think oh sxxt...the future ain't orange. I will know more in March and if the results are good I shall have my life back...but only for 6 months...and herein lies the uncertainty

Bri

Edited by member 17 Jan 2015 at 19:15  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 17 Jan 2015 at 11:32
I read an article recently about life after treatment. I believe it was by Macmillan.

It was evident that many people find it difficult once the barrage of hospital visits, consultations, procedures end. Some people 'miss' that contact with the medical professionals which can lead to feelings of isolation even when surrounded by family and friends.

Other people may not understand why someone is struggling when they are 'cured'. I think with PCa there is the added dimension of the lack of understanding due to the bad press about this particular kind of cancer...'if you're gonna get cancer that's the one to get'...I don't recall saying to my consultant when he told me I had PCa "phew for one minute there I thought you were going to give me some bad news". Actually thinking back I didn't get told by my consultant. I took a phone call at work from the nurse. I think she told me not to worry as it wasn't going anywhere...bit of a blasé statement and as proven later very wrong. I have wondered since whether news would be delivered in that way to a patient with any other type of cancer.

I can understand why people will struggle after the treatment 'ends'. The feelings of what next, will it come back, can I actually plan now. The article was clear that it is this uncertainty that is one of the hardest things to deal with. To be honest I don't personally talk about my dx that much...I have made that conscious decision as I fear boring people or making people feel uncomfortable. The article talks about patients being the one to make that contact with family and friends. I have found that if I do mention it I am often accused, in one way or another, of being negative or a worrier and I have to say that can also be from other people who are on this road. Unfortunately this can add to the difficulty of coping with the uncertainty that is definitely there for myself.

There is a real danger that some people may become insular as they don't like to mention the C word due to the response they may get. This may lead to a downward spiral towards depression which will obviously make the coping so much more difficult. Obviously there is professional support out there such as counselling if that is needed but there are lots of people who don't recognise the benefits of this.

People will helpfully say there are people in much worse situations than you..equally there are many in much better situations so it is all relative.My situation is my situation.

So there is life during and after cancer treatment but we need to be mindful of how that person is actually coping with that life.

Personally I have no idea what my future holds in terms of PCa or anything else for that matter..I can research and think oh sxxt...the future ain't orange. I will know more in March and if the results are good I shall have my life back...but only for 6 months...and herein lies the uncertainty

Bri

Edited by member 17 Jan 2015 at 19:15  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 17 Jan 2015 at 23:35

This is an interesting contribution Bri which challenges how we think about life and about life after treatment. I think we make the assumption that life does not involve future uncertainty whereas of course the reality is that death is a 100 per center, an uncomfortable truth, but a truth nonetheless. We can choose not to acknowledge that and any life threatening diagnosis does bring it into sharp relief but this is the paradox of mortality. Maybe having Cancer brings it all into sharper relief?

My own journey is different to yours and I had the advantage (?) of experiencing Cancer over 32 years ago. That diagnosis was delivered crudely by a surgeon who had me reeling from the manner in which I was told and left alone to try and make sense of it. I was a young man with a very young family and suddenly Cancer was at the centre of my life. For me after treatment and probably for ten/twenty years or more life felt very uncertain indeed. By the time I was fifty I had regained a little of that sense of immortality which helps us see life so positively. But this sense of mortality never fully left me.

Strangely when diagnosed with PCa, and an incurable/terminal diagnosis I felt more equipped to make sense of it and accept it. I guess my earlier experience of Cancer was a factor in this. I think once you have lost that sense of immortality you never fully regain it. It could be a heart attack, cancer or another of many diseases which impact on our life or it can be simply getting older but we have to make sense of what that means to us and to our ultimately time limited future.

You are right for some this can be experienced as depression, anger, injustice or a combination of all those sentiments. And forums like this help people make sense of these negative feelings and hopefully get the support they need. No one can rise above how they feel at any given time but seeking support will help. For others it can be experienced as an almost paradoxical call to life. The realisation that life is compromised can be harnessed to focus on the quality of your life rather than concern with the quantity. This is the route that I have worked hard to understand and to embrace. I believe Barry (Topgun) fully understood this as do/did many others.

We all deal with these dilemmas as individuals with our own motivations and understandings. I am no more asking you to accept my arguments but simply wanted to express a perspective on life and living with uncertainty which can be a more positive and optimistic framing. I do feel that remaining optimistic has got me through three years so far and I feel lucky. I will take whatever time I can because many have experienced much shorter and sometimes painful exits and this is at the heart of life's uncertainties.

This is an important if uncomfortable discussion for many with life threatening diseases. I hope you can find some peace in talking and writing about such often unspoken matters.

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 12:26
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
When Neil was ill, I found it so hard to have any sense of time to reflect. Everything was a constant panic, the constant emergencies, never ending hospital visits and the feeling our lives were going under ..... which had me in tears all the way through, maybe wishing I had done things differently for Neil. But we all do the best we can at the time with the knowledge we have and don't have in some cases !"

Interesting post, Bri, good to get these things out in the open,

Fiona.

Fiona, you were amazing throughout. Try not to overthink and please NEVER think that you could have done more; your determination and ability to cope with the most dreadful of circumstances has been an inspiration to many of us and your honesty in posts here a relief for others who perhaps felt guilty about how they felt.

Edited by member 18 Jan 2015 at 12:35  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 12:32
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

As far as the reaction by others, I spoke last week to some neighbours. People we have known and liked for over 40 years. One asked how we were and I told her about John and their first reaction was exactly as you said.
First there was the shock of what I said (John is well known for being seen dashing here and there and has often had comments about how fit he is at his age) and then "Oh well, if you're going to get cancer then prostate cancer is the one to get"

I really had to bite my tongue. On the one hand you don't want to look like your all doom and gloom, but on the other it sort of niggles because what he has had to go through to get to this stage is being dismissed as nothing.

When people say that to us I usually respond with "Yes, I love that John's boobs are as big as mine and every time he sticks a needle in his willy in the hope that we might be able to have sex, we think how lucky we are". It isn't strictly true any more but I love watching their reactions! Sad that no-one really says it to me these days; I wonder why 👹

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 14:47

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
As far as the reaction by others, I spoke last week to some neighbours. People we have known and liked for over 40 years. One asked how we were and I told her about John and their first reaction was exactly as you said. First there was the shock of what I said (John is well known for being seen dashing here and there and has often had comments about how fit he is at his age) and then "Oh well, if you're going to get cancer then prostate cancer is the one to get"I really had to bite my tongue. On the one hand you don't want to look like your all doom and gloom, but on the other it sort of niggles because what he has had to go through to get to this stage is being dismissed as nothing.
When people say that to us I usually respond with "Yes, I love that John's boobs are as big as mine and every time he sticks a needle in his willy in the hope that we might be able to have sex, we think how lucky we are". It isn't strictly true any more but I love watching their reactions! Sad that no-one really says it to me these days; I wonder why 👹

 

Braver than I'll ever be !!!

They are lovely neighbours. She looked out for me when I was seriously ill a few years ago, knocking every day to see I was OK and telling me off if she thought I was overdoing it.

It's just that it appears to be an automatic response. Maybe it's just other peoples' way of dealing with the shock.

I couldn't risk offending her anyway. I'm hoping she will look after my new aquarium and fish when I go on holiday. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-wink.gif

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 17:37
Gosh some thought provoking posts, Bri having known you for a little while and having had the chance to reflect I no longer think of you as a worrier more of a thinker of what might be or what might happen. This is a natural state for someone who is a provider and a caring person. Nobody can or should try to tell you how or what you are or should be feeling as you deal with this disease. That is uniquely yours to manage and cope with in whatever way you can.

I think I used to fear and dread the test results for Mick far more than he did, I used to weep with disappointment every time yet another one came back worse than the last I felt so sorry for him when he so desperately wanted to get better,but in truth I also felt sorry for myself. Fiona knows and her post reflects just how I felt too. I try not to dwell on the "what if scenarios" but just like Kev's wife I try to look at the start of each day and say today is a good day even when the ache in my heart is almost too much to take.

I imagine Lesley gets anxious for you in just the same way, that is what happens when you love someone who you want to be around to share in your life and all the surprises, challenges and fun that life brings. You have a major life event in the weeks to come one that I hope brings you enormous joy and happiness.

I am sure the uncertainty is the same at whatever stage this horrible disease presents itself, as Paul says it calls immortality into question and presents mortality as an inevitable certainty.

When it comes to PCa being referred to as a better cancer to have or as one that only old Men get etc. I just roll my eyes and pray to God that the person displaying such woeful ignorance never has to experience the truth.

The most insensitive words ever spoken to Mick by a medic had to have been from a duty oncologist (and a senior consultant at that) when Mick had been left virtually paralyzed by the first spinal cord compression. He looked Mick up and down in his hospital bed and told him he needed to get up and walk around the ward to stretch his legs a little. I am not sure if the look I gave him did justice to the rage I felt but Mick being Mick simply shook his head and said "sir if I could do that I would and I would pin you to the wall until you promise to read patients notes before you offer your advice"

He never did apologise...Dixxhead!!

Best wishes for a great set of results

Xxx

Mandy Mo

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User
Posted 17 Jan 2015 at 23:35

This is an interesting contribution Bri which challenges how we think about life and about life after treatment. I think we make the assumption that life does not involve future uncertainty whereas of course the reality is that death is a 100 per center, an uncomfortable truth, but a truth nonetheless. We can choose not to acknowledge that and any life threatening diagnosis does bring it into sharp relief but this is the paradox of mortality. Maybe having Cancer brings it all into sharper relief?

My own journey is different to yours and I had the advantage (?) of experiencing Cancer over 32 years ago. That diagnosis was delivered crudely by a surgeon who had me reeling from the manner in which I was told and left alone to try and make sense of it. I was a young man with a very young family and suddenly Cancer was at the centre of my life. For me after treatment and probably for ten/twenty years or more life felt very uncertain indeed. By the time I was fifty I had regained a little of that sense of immortality which helps us see life so positively. But this sense of mortality never fully left me.

Strangely when diagnosed with PCa, and an incurable/terminal diagnosis I felt more equipped to make sense of it and accept it. I guess my earlier experience of Cancer was a factor in this. I think once you have lost that sense of immortality you never fully regain it. It could be a heart attack, cancer or another of many diseases which impact on our life or it can be simply getting older but we have to make sense of what that means to us and to our ultimately time limited future.

You are right for some this can be experienced as depression, anger, injustice or a combination of all those sentiments. And forums like this help people make sense of these negative feelings and hopefully get the support they need. No one can rise above how they feel at any given time but seeking support will help. For others it can be experienced as an almost paradoxical call to life. The realisation that life is compromised can be harnessed to focus on the quality of your life rather than concern with the quantity. This is the route that I have worked hard to understand and to embrace. I believe Barry (Topgun) fully understood this as do/did many others.

We all deal with these dilemmas as individuals with our own motivations and understandings. I am no more asking you to accept my arguments but simply wanted to express a perspective on life and living with uncertainty which can be a more positive and optimistic framing. I do feel that remaining optimistic has got me through three years so far and I feel lucky. I will take whatever time I can because many have experienced much shorter and sometimes painful exits and this is at the heart of life's uncertainties.

This is an important if uncomfortable discussion for many with life threatening diseases. I hope you can find some peace in talking and writing about such often unspoken matters.

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 06:28
I am already struggling with the future, I am diagnosis +4 months, Gleson 9 T4m1n1a and just started chemo. It is clear from this forum and articles I have read that 5 years would be an acceptable ( can't believe I used that word) outcome but hope for 10. As Bri's article says, everyone does not want me to say that, they are all "10 years + and there should be a cure by then" but other to themselves ( which therefore is their right) that is not helpful to me as they don't get the urgency of life that I feel. I am lucky is so far as I all have is the cancer, all the rest of my situation is fine,family, friends, work, money general wellbeing all good. But I can see from this forum that on the health front things will only go one way ( the battles that I read here are truly heroic and inspirational) which means for me right here, right now, I have to do what I can to live. I have no bucket list apart from the dam marathon and beyond that I find the inability to plan depressing ( I usually booked holidays over a year in advance). I don't want a big cry session with my family about my probable demise but I want (selfish I am sure) them to accept the reality rather than 99% hope that they see, as that may make them understand my thoughts , I know that they could be right but I can't take that chance by not living now too. Not sure where I am going with this now but reading Bri and Yorkhull made me want to get this off my chest! Today is a good day.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 08:59
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I am lucky is so far as I all have is the cancer, all the rest of my situation is fine,family, friends, work, money general wellbeing all good. But I can see from this forum that on the health front things will only go one way ( the battles that I read here are truly heroic and inspirational) which means for me right here, right now, I have to do what I can to live. ..........Today is a good day.

These words struck such a chord with me. Most of our lives are functioning and though we have to acknowledge the ultimate reality there is so much to do in the meantime let,s get on and do it. Time will take care of its itself but I feel so strongly that I want to make the most of that time. For me it's not about a bucket list or planning too far ahead it's just living. Go for it whilst you can!

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 09:32

When Neil was ill, I found it so hard to have any sense of time to reflect. Everything was a constant panic, the constant emergencies, never ending hospital visits and the feeling our lives were going under. There never was a 'life after cancer' and in some ways, there still isnt for me.

As you say, Paul, that sense of immortality is gone and life and everything else is harshly uncertain. One thing that has hugely affected me in terms of compassion and realism has been the recent Radio 4 Reith lectures by Atul Gawande especially the third one where he looks at medical science and life limiting illnesses and which had me in tears all the way through, maybe wishing I had done things differently for Neil. But we all do the best we can at the time with the knowledge we have and don't have in some cases !"

Interesting post, Bri, good to get these things out in the open,

Fiona.

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 09:46

My husband isn't one to tell his personal situation to everyone, certainly when he was first diagnosed he wanted it very private until he got his head round it.

As time has gone on he might discuss it with say, his brother, or if somebody asks him. He knows that, although his was caught early, there is no guarantee that he is safe so is determined that we do what we want to do, when we want to do it.

As far as the reaction by others, I spoke last week to some neighbours. People we have known and liked for over 40 years. One asked how we were and I told her about John and their first reaction was exactly as you said.
First there was the shock of what I said (John is well known for being seen dashing here and there and has often had comments about how fit he is at his age) and then "Oh well, if you're going to get cancer then prostate cancer is the one to get"

I really had to bite my tongue. On the one hand you don't want to look like your all doom and gloom, but on the other it sort of niggles because what he has had to go through to get to this stage is being dismissed as nothing. And John has not had to go through anything like the ordeals of some of you so I can only imagine how irritating it must be when others take such a blasé attitude to it.

Well, we will continue to plan for the future. What will be will be. Where we can help ourselves (diet, exercise, positive attitude) we will.

We will continue to enjoy each other and what we have while it is still there. No bucket list, just every day is a bonus

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 11:07
Fiona,

I am reading Atul's book at the moment, 'Being Mortal: illness and what matters in the end' a terrific and not depressing read. Would recommend to anyone facing these crises.

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 12:26
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
When Neil was ill, I found it so hard to have any sense of time to reflect. Everything was a constant panic, the constant emergencies, never ending hospital visits and the feeling our lives were going under ..... which had me in tears all the way through, maybe wishing I had done things differently for Neil. But we all do the best we can at the time with the knowledge we have and don't have in some cases !"

Interesting post, Bri, good to get these things out in the open,

Fiona.

Fiona, you were amazing throughout. Try not to overthink and please NEVER think that you could have done more; your determination and ability to cope with the most dreadful of circumstances has been an inspiration to many of us and your honesty in posts here a relief for others who perhaps felt guilty about how they felt.

Edited by member 18 Jan 2015 at 12:35  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 12:31

Thanks for the replies. Paul I do accept your argument t and do actually believe in seizing the moment.

Lesley and I are a lot closer since my dx. We do more things together and embark on lots of holidays. I do manage to sideline the PCa between tests although it's always lingering in some dark recess somewhere. But this is the thing it will always be there. The fortunate thing about PCa is that it can be monitored unlike most if not every other cancer. But that is a double edged sword as the test is also a constant reminder and source of anxiety. No pain no gain I suppose.

I sometimes say to Lesley that it feels like I am running away..but I'm not sure what i am running away from. Perhaps it is the recognition that I am getting older and recognising that I am not immortal or maybe I am afraid of something else that I just haven't really recognised yet (that's deep for me).

I really do like Kev's wife advice though. If you feel well today then it is a good day.

I've just downloaded the book you recommended

Bri

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 12:32
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

As far as the reaction by others, I spoke last week to some neighbours. People we have known and liked for over 40 years. One asked how we were and I told her about John and their first reaction was exactly as you said.
First there was the shock of what I said (John is well known for being seen dashing here and there and has often had comments about how fit he is at his age) and then "Oh well, if you're going to get cancer then prostate cancer is the one to get"

I really had to bite my tongue. On the one hand you don't want to look like your all doom and gloom, but on the other it sort of niggles because what he has had to go through to get to this stage is being dismissed as nothing.

When people say that to us I usually respond with "Yes, I love that John's boobs are as big as mine and every time he sticks a needle in his willy in the hope that we might be able to have sex, we think how lucky we are". It isn't strictly true any more but I love watching their reactions! Sad that no-one really says it to me these days; I wonder why 👹

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 14:47

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
As far as the reaction by others, I spoke last week to some neighbours. People we have known and liked for over 40 years. One asked how we were and I told her about John and their first reaction was exactly as you said. First there was the shock of what I said (John is well known for being seen dashing here and there and has often had comments about how fit he is at his age) and then "Oh well, if you're going to get cancer then prostate cancer is the one to get"I really had to bite my tongue. On the one hand you don't want to look like your all doom and gloom, but on the other it sort of niggles because what he has had to go through to get to this stage is being dismissed as nothing.
When people say that to us I usually respond with "Yes, I love that John's boobs are as big as mine and every time he sticks a needle in his willy in the hope that we might be able to have sex, we think how lucky we are". It isn't strictly true any more but I love watching their reactions! Sad that no-one really says it to me these days; I wonder why 👹

 

Braver than I'll ever be !!!

They are lovely neighbours. She looked out for me when I was seriously ill a few years ago, knocking every day to see I was OK and telling me off if she thought I was overdoing it.

It's just that it appears to be an automatic response. Maybe it's just other peoples' way of dealing with the shock.

I couldn't risk offending her anyway. I'm hoping she will look after my new aquarium and fish when I go on holiday. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-wink.gif

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 17:37
Gosh some thought provoking posts, Bri having known you for a little while and having had the chance to reflect I no longer think of you as a worrier more of a thinker of what might be or what might happen. This is a natural state for someone who is a provider and a caring person. Nobody can or should try to tell you how or what you are or should be feeling as you deal with this disease. That is uniquely yours to manage and cope with in whatever way you can.

I think I used to fear and dread the test results for Mick far more than he did, I used to weep with disappointment every time yet another one came back worse than the last I felt so sorry for him when he so desperately wanted to get better,but in truth I also felt sorry for myself. Fiona knows and her post reflects just how I felt too. I try not to dwell on the "what if scenarios" but just like Kev's wife I try to look at the start of each day and say today is a good day even when the ache in my heart is almost too much to take.

I imagine Lesley gets anxious for you in just the same way, that is what happens when you love someone who you want to be around to share in your life and all the surprises, challenges and fun that life brings. You have a major life event in the weeks to come one that I hope brings you enormous joy and happiness.

I am sure the uncertainty is the same at whatever stage this horrible disease presents itself, as Paul says it calls immortality into question and presents mortality as an inevitable certainty.

When it comes to PCa being referred to as a better cancer to have or as one that only old Men get etc. I just roll my eyes and pray to God that the person displaying such woeful ignorance never has to experience the truth.

The most insensitive words ever spoken to Mick by a medic had to have been from a duty oncologist (and a senior consultant at that) when Mick had been left virtually paralyzed by the first spinal cord compression. He looked Mick up and down in his hospital bed and told him he needed to get up and walk around the ward to stretch his legs a little. I am not sure if the look I gave him did justice to the rage I felt but Mick being Mick simply shook his head and said "sir if I could do that I would and I would pin you to the wall until you promise to read patients notes before you offer your advice"

He never did apologise...Dixxhead!!

Best wishes for a great set of results

Xxx

Mandy Mo

User
Posted 18 Jan 2015 at 18:17

Oh I so would have loved to see Mick say that to him Mandy....

I think you are right about me being a thinker although I am also aware that I do sometimes over think things. I'm also sometimes known as a bit of a control freak which doesn't help. I've just started having some improver swimming lessons and I was sat telling the staff at work about it....I said I wasn't too sure about the first lesson as I don't like being told what to do....There was an almost unanimous "no....you don't say" Lol.

From knowing and meeting you and Mick Mandy and from reading your posts Fiona it is blatantly obvious that you did everything you could for the men you so obviously love. I am sure Mick and Neil knew this as well.

Take care

Bri x


User
Posted 20 Jan 2015 at 20:45

A very interesting post with many thoughtful contributions.  Thank you all. El.

User
Posted 10 Oct 2015 at 09:33
Just thought I would cheekily share this thread again as i felt it was a useful duscussoon and may help newbies

Bri

User
Posted 10 Oct 2015 at 11:31

And has your swimming improved?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 10 Oct 2015 at 11:40

its been a good share
just reads irans post on here thought I couldn't have put it better.

nidge

run long and prosper

'pooh how do you spell love'

'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User
Posted 10 Oct 2015 at 11:52

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Just thought I would cheekily share this thread again as i felt it was a useful duscussoon and may help newbies

Bri

 

WHAT A FANTASTIC POST 

What you have said sums up so many of my, and I am sure many others feelings/emotions.

I guess its nice to know I am no different to us all who have this b....y disease.

When I get myself together I will read it, (and the others) again.

All I can say is a big thanks.

 

User
Posted 10 Oct 2015 at 20:57

Bri I can't remember how many huge and in depth replies I have done to this thread too many to count and for one reason or another I always seem to get interrupted and have abandoned them . So Thank you for bringing this back up .

I honestly don't think that anyone's life can ever be the same after a big C diagnosis it brings so many emotions into play that our very core is shaken. We are all different in how we cope , some are for ever changed, some of us see it as a wake up call, some of us take it deep in our souls and have a complete change of attitude or life style.

Your question in how do people cope  after a cure prognosis well I think as I have already said in so many ways probably as many ways as there are different personalities. I did see an advert for life after a Cancer diagnosis and help that is offered but it was only for private patients. What can I say there is always help for those that can pay for it. For us other mere mortals we just have to sort out our lives the best we can.

I do sometimes wonder I know this will sound weird if those in the Cure Camp with the "What if it returns question" hanging over there heads is somehow more troubling than our situation in the "When it returns " . We know our demon and we have faced him, luckily we have had time to come to terms with what life and fate have thrown at us . Would the eternal wondering be some how worse ?

For those that will always have a question mark hanging over there heads what help is there out there, sadly not much , should there be yes I believe there should , there should be help for those that survive  but in all honesty NHS budgets probably wouldn't stretch to that.

We are all so different in our views and our diagnosis but that is exactly why the forum works .

BFN

Julie X

 

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 13 Oct 2015 at 04:24
I think, for what its worth, that reaction to life threatening disease depends upon what stage of your own life you are at. Plus, perhaps, how you have lead your life upto the point of diagnosis and that reality.

I was 62 when diagnosed and 14 months in it does seem that I am in the "cured" camp, post radical op.

Do I worry about it coming back? Not really.

We are all going to die of something and at 63 my time looms on the horizon.

If I had been 40 something then that would have been hard, I am sure.

So now that I have been forced to confront my own mortality I look back and thank the fact that I burnt the candle at both ends, and sometimes in the middle at the same time.

The only regret being some of the hurt I caused in doing so.

 
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