Feeling selfish

Wishing you all the best.

Edited by member 06 Nov 2015 at 15:45  | Reason: Not specified

First of all I think you need to contact the moderators and ask them for help to change your user name and then perhaps the other kind members here could each edit their post to remove your name - unless of course you have already understood the implications and are using a made-up name.

Realistically, I suspect that surgery will end your swinging days. No ejaculation, probable shrinking of the penis, leaking urine during intercourse or oral sex etc may be manageable in a partnership but you will find plenty of evidence on here that for some men, ED is unbearable or causes huge distress anyway. It certainly is distasteful to some of the wives / partners even if they don't always tell their man. In a swinging environment, I think that some women are unlikely to want to engage in sexual activities with an incontinent. Nor might it be very easy for a man to use a vacuum pump with non-regular partners but on the other hand, if the events tend to involve a lot of sex toys then maybe that wouldn't be such a problem?

What I think might be the biggest issue would be for an impotent man to witness his partner engaging in sexual activity with other men who are fully functioning. For some men, that would probably be their worst nightmare. I also know that there will be men who can at least get off on seeing other people having sex but maybe for the non-regular partners this would be a step too far.

You could broach whether to see an oncologist and talk about brachy or radiotherapy but as both of these options usually involve hormone treatment (often with the associated loss of libido, shrinking penis / testicles, etc) I imagine that swinging would still be very difficult for a while.

Why do you feel you can't discuss it with him? My worry would be to ensure he has a realistic idea of how much your lives might change so perhaps you will need to upset him a bit now in order to avoid greater distress later.

First of all you posted in the right place both times however many of us just read recent conversations which does not differentiate the categories.

Next up

You may not have your partners full diagnosis details if he has not shared them with you. It is important info that you should add into your profile and add to it as you get more. You can check out a profile by clicking on a person's avatar, but only when you are signed in.

And the next...

This is a PCa forum first and foremost so usually the posts are just about all that entails and asking for generic info on that.

If your partner has PCa then you are among those supporting someone with the disease. Some will not understand your personal choices and it is only natural for some to be upset when they read a post by a partner who seems more anxious about their own sex life than the life of their partner. I'm sure you have come across this many times with your "hobby"

I neither condone or condem your activity as I believe what goes on between consenting adults in their own private homes is up to them.

A lot of people on this forum have all sorts of mental and physical issues due to the disease and side effects of treatments. So using your own words you do come across as not just feeling selfish but actually being selfish. However, for some that is just their honest feelings you are probably in that group.

You should also understand, just occasionally, we get a troll who manages to get posting on the forum, people who use the forum for entirely the wrong reasons. In general they get unearthed very quickly.

There are several of us on this forum who straight talk, we tend to look out for each other so if you can't handle some criticism of your feelings or lifestyle as well as taking the genuine advice then read your responses selectively.

I hope my post does not offend you as that's not my intention.

Regards

Mo

Edited for typos

Edited by member 09 Nov 2015 at 17:16  | Reason: Not specified

Not much I can say to that is there really!!

Have updated my profile now.

Edited by member 09 Nov 2015 at 18:15  | Reason: Not specified

Ffs - does anybody get that this is now an open website which is fully Google-able by Joe Public, whether they register as a member or not.

So, anyone who Googles 'swinger' and 'cialis' or 'incontinence' may find this at the top of their search list, and will know that Adam and Andrea are swingers. For your own sakes, I hope that these are either pseudonyms or you don't mind if any family member or work colleague accidentally stumbles across your thread.