morning peeps
well this will be the first Christmas with my new buddy, I get told how strong, brave and how well I look
probably some of you are like me, people are only allowed to see what I want them to see, they are not allowed to see the times when the tears take over, the bad thoughts and hurt, fears for the future, not just for yourself
all the things we have taken for granted and can no longer do, I look at my wife and give her all the love I can but the physical aspect of our love has all been taken away, so much has gone so much lost
I said at the start of my treatment, I dont want to lose everything that is important to me, well this is starting to happen and I am not sure if I want to spend what is left of my life like this, I did say to my family that one day I may make the decision to stop any treatment so that I can enjoy what I like to do
now I am not sure if some of this is the side affects of the chemo, but I know some issues are caused by the HT, which I will always need as long as it works
this may just because its a really crap shitty day, and I can only hope it gets better
regards
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love' 'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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I understand these sentiments Nidge as the sense of loss which a cancer diagnosis and, probably more significantly the treatment effects, generates is life changing. Some of the treatments are particularly invasive - surgery, RT or in your case chemo - though on all these the impact reduces over time or the very least a new reality is created. As you suggest lifetime HT is a different problem to manage as for those of us with advanced prostate cancer we are likely to have it for life. Each of us reacts differently to this treatment though all suffer the lack of libido and the consequences of that for a sexually active life. I have been on HT for four years and the main cumulative effect is fatigue. I live with most of the effects though have not had the hot flushes some suffer from. But after four years I have had to recognise that fatigue takes its toil and retirement looms for me at the end of April.
Having said all this I continue to make a determined effort to live beyond the diagnosis. By this I make a constant effort to refuse to allow it to dominate my living. I know what is happening and will happen so that's clear and not something I can wish away. So I focus on what I can do to get the most out of each day. That means sometimes calculating in the fact that I feel pain or tired or simply unable to do what I did before. But in between I have many good days when the fact that life is still going after a two year prognosis nearly four years on is enough to make me optimistic. You can approach this with a glass half full or a glass half empty and we all have our own stance to this. I just hope once you get beyond the chemo that you will be able to renew your zest with life and as long as able just put two fingers up to this disease and its effects.
Enjoy as much as you can and have a good time at Christmas!
User
Hi Nidge
I just wanted to say I understand. Everything !! I get it.
I hope you can stay strong and keep smiling through it all , as I'm trying for my little boy. Everyone on here will help you out whenever you need it , as you have supported others.
Try to have a gud Xmas.
Chris
User
hi all
the day has got better I feel better wthin myself, also had the first person to view our house and the love it added bonus is they are a cash buyer, so heres hoping we may get an offer early
regards
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love' 'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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User
I understand these sentiments Nidge as the sense of loss which a cancer diagnosis and, probably more significantly the treatment effects, generates is life changing. Some of the treatments are particularly invasive - surgery, RT or in your case chemo - though on all these the impact reduces over time or the very least a new reality is created. As you suggest lifetime HT is a different problem to manage as for those of us with advanced prostate cancer we are likely to have it for life. Each of us reacts differently to this treatment though all suffer the lack of libido and the consequences of that for a sexually active life. I have been on HT for four years and the main cumulative effect is fatigue. I live with most of the effects though have not had the hot flushes some suffer from. But after four years I have had to recognise that fatigue takes its toil and retirement looms for me at the end of April.
Having said all this I continue to make a determined effort to live beyond the diagnosis. By this I make a constant effort to refuse to allow it to dominate my living. I know what is happening and will happen so that's clear and not something I can wish away. So I focus on what I can do to get the most out of each day. That means sometimes calculating in the fact that I feel pain or tired or simply unable to do what I did before. But in between I have many good days when the fact that life is still going after a two year prognosis nearly four years on is enough to make me optimistic. You can approach this with a glass half full or a glass half empty and we all have our own stance to this. I just hope once you get beyond the chemo that you will be able to renew your zest with life and as long as able just put two fingers up to this disease and its effects.
Enjoy as much as you can and have a good time at Christmas!
User
Hi Nidge
I just wanted to say I understand. Everything !! I get it.
I hope you can stay strong and keep smiling through it all , as I'm trying for my little boy. Everyone on here will help you out whenever you need it , as you have supported others.
Try to have a gud Xmas.
Chris
User
Nidge, I won't pretend to understand exactly how you feel because I can't physically equate to it.
We women have our own problems.
All I will say is that I really hope that today's "down" feeling is caused by a crap day, a really bad crap day.
If it is "just" a crap day your life will get a little sunnier as it improves. I know it can't get back to what it was, but the things that really matter are still there.
Your lass, your children. You need them, just as they need you.
Sometimes I really struggle to say anything to the suffering men on here that doesn't come across as crass or unfeeling but I still feel the need to say something in an effort to let you all know that we are listening and that we care.
I really really hope that your crappy ****** day disappears ASAP and that tomorrow you'll cope a little better
As always, my best wishes
Edited by member 11 Dec 2015 at 13:43
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
hi all
the day has got better I feel better wthin myself, also had the first person to view our house and the love it added bonus is they are a cash buyer, so heres hoping we may get an offer early
regards
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love' 'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
User
Hi nidge,
Likewise have those days, sometimes more frequently and like you seem to bounce back. Looks like we all have them!
Good luck for house sale, well done to get a buyer at this time of year! The smell of baking bread and Christmas cheer in the house must have worked!!
Steven
User
Well wasnt as good as i thought
Temp went up over 38degrees had shakes abd aches cough fekt worse finished up at weston park
Ran tests on blood urinecand a chest extra
Finished up with some antibiotics
Got told off by my daughter for doing to much and running myself down
Think as i have not had a lot of peoblems with the chemo have i have tried to carry on as i was before strarting on it
As she said i need to think of the impact on others with anything that i choose to do
Dr said keep on with my running but think about where and when i am going
So no more park runs or early morning runs
Will also have to stop going to my group runs on tues n thursday till get over this chemo
Its just another couple of months will be finished on jan 14th
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love' 'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
User
Hi, others have said the right things already about feelings but I wanted to give you some thoughts on running. When I had chemo I thought that would change everything and whilst it has slowed me forever I changed what I dud in so far as I bought a running back pack. In this I carried ( and still do), my mobile, money, water, some form of food, spare fleece, waterproof, hat, gloves and trakkie bottoms plus a sheet of paper with my name, address, phone numbers of others and details of my health.
Whilst I never had an outright emergency I did on occasions walk home when a few miles away and the extra clothes stopped me getting cold. The fact I had all the gear gave me renewed confidence and sometimes I even ran further because if it. Hope you have a good weekend. Kev
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
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Originally Posted by: Online Community MemberHi, others have said the right things already about feelings but I wanted to give you some thoughts on running. When I had chemo I thought that would change everything and whilst it has slowed me forever I changed what I dud in so far as I bought a running back pack. In this I carried ( and still do), my mobile, money, water, some form of food, spare fleece, waterproof, hat, gloves and trakkie bottoms plus a sheet of paper with my name, address, phone numbers of others and details of my health.
Whilst I never had an outright emergency I did on occasions walk home when a few miles away and the extra clothes stopped me getting cold. The fact I had all the gear gave me renewed confidence and sometimes I even ran further because if it. Hope you have a good weekend. Kev
Irun
That's very good practical advice.
Confidence in running far is also a problem I have
I'm off to the running shop to get a running backpack.
Paul