Dad diagnosed i don't know what to do help - Being diagnosed with prostate cancer

User

Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 19:28

Hi,
My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer recently. He hasn't been for his biopsy or scans yet, but he had the psa test done. The doctor has already given him hormone tablets. If anyone could reply and just tell me what I should think about this!? I'm only 16 and my little sister is 11 I just don't know what to think right now or what's going to happen in the future. My dad doesn't really talk about it which is why i've come to this website. I think he has stage III because when examined, the doctor said he could feel abnormalities and, from what i've read online, you can only feel abnormalities if the cancer is stage III or more. I'm just extremely worried about the outcome of this when you type in 'survival rates' it suggests that a high percentage of men live more than 5 years after being diagnosed. But 5 years is so short! heellllpppp!!!!

User

Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 21:49

Hi Lily,
I don't think it would be responsible of any of us to help you or give you information that might be wrong or that your dad doesn't really want you to know. I think the most important thing right now is that you talk to your parents or to another adult in the family that knows what is going on. Your dad might not need a biopsy - sometimes the PSA is so high that there is no other explanation or the examination leaves no doubt - the fact that dad has already started taking hormones suggests that he and his doctors have already discussed what stage he is at.

Your parents may not know that you have been googling stuff - and unfortunately Google is not a very reliable way of getting information about a specific patient. Tell your dad (or your mum) that you are worried because you have been looking at the internet - then ask them to tell you some facts and promise them (and me) that you won't google any more.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 22:43

Hi lily

I echo What lyn has said about talking with mum or dad, find out what they know and tell them how worried you are being kept in the dark. You are a young adult now and able to digest information so you need the correct information.

Stick to PCUK site and ask away when you have more details, but first and foremost keep speaking to your parents and come to us if you need explanations.

Best wishes, Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User

Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 22:50

Hi lily

You must be feeling very scared. My dad was diagnosed when he was 60. I was 32, and I was scared. So here's a bit of advice.

There's nothing worse than searching stuff on Google, because 99% of it wont apply to your dad. Everyone is different. My husband also has prostate cancer. The doctor could feel that there was an abnormality, but he doesn't have stage III. Google can't look at your dad and take his set of symptoms and diagnose him.

Go and sit down next to your mum or your dad or both. Tell them you're scared. Tell them you're imagining the worst, and ask them to help you understand what's happening.

Louise X

User

Posted 02 Jan 2016 at 10:05

Hello Lily

Well you are not alone with this anymore are you.

Please try not to be frightened by what you've googled. There is a saying "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing" and that is what you have.

The fact that a doctor (a hospital doctor, not his GP?) has already given him hormone tablet means that somebody is taking this seriously and by that I mean taking notice - not that the situation is as serious as you fear.

Nobody on here could realistically or morally advise you since we don't have all of your dad's stats.

I would think that your dad is waiting for more information before loading you up with more than you can currently take in. He can't know that you have googled or he would already be reassuring you. I don't know what sites you've looked at and I don't think they can be British ones since you talk about stages (ie 111) and survival rates. As far as I am aware, Prostate cancer is staged differently and not by these numbers so you are taking in information that really isn't relevant.

If you have been passing this information onto an 11 year old you are not doing her any favours either, just scaring the life out of her like it's being scared out of you. Please try to keep calm for both your sakes.

You aren't stupid I know but you are causing yourself un-necessary panic. Whatever stage your dad is at it will be dealt with.

I get the sense from your post that it's you and your sister and your dad? so perhaps you are worrying about the future?

What I will advise you very strongly about is being there for your dad and your little sister. Puffingbilly says you are a young adult and I'm afraid that, difficult as it is, you are going to have to grow up very quickly in order to be a support to both of them. By that I mean trying to understand that your dad and sister need you to be calm and supportive. You dad may well get a bit "ratty" on the hormones.

He might get tearful and that will distress you and your sister but these reactions are due to the drugs so accept it as that and not because he doesn't love you both.

I don't know what else to say to you accept come to us if you are upset and please be careful what you say to your sister.

Love Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 02 Jan 2016 at 11:38

Hi lilly
You have not done anything different that most of us have already done by that i mean going on google
At the moment its all about waiting but it seems you are a very sensible young lady
All i can suggest is just give dad the support you can let him know you want to be involved in his visits
Dads like to protect their families especially daughters so if he holds anything back and it comes out later dont be to hard on him
Regards
Nidge

run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User

Posted 06 Jan 2016 at 20:35

Hi Daniel,
I am sorry about your grandad but it would be best to start your own thread.

It is great that you have joined Men United - we need lots of young men to join and learn how to have good prostate health.

Thank you for deleting the post - we all look forward to your new thread about your family's experience of this horrible disease :-(

Edited by member 07 Jan 2016 at 01:39 | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 06 Jan 2016 at 21:28

Sorry Lyn. I will remove it. I was just feeling sorry for her that's all.

User

Posted 23 Jan 2016 at 12:53

Hi, my dad was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and at the same time he was also told he had cancer in his spine. I went into panic mode, I have a little boy who was 2 at the time and I straight away I thought I would soon have to explain to him about his grandad being poorly and at worst case explain him no longer being here.

I resisted googling information as I think it's the worst thing to do, I did read quite a lot on this website about the types of treatment just so I had a better understanding.

My parents have been completely honest with us throughout all of dad's treatment which has really helped and we talk about it a lot as a family. i feel not talking about it is unhealthy, it should be talked about as you are all going through it.

In October after almost 2 years of treatment both cancers are in remission.

Ive found it has helped talking about it, I will talk to anyone who will listen - my friends have been great. Don't bottle anything up, say how you feel and ask questions if unsure.

Best wishes :)

User

Posted 26 Jan 2016 at 12:10

Hi,

I firstly want to say I'm sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis - I hope that he's been doing well since you posted this. My dad was diagnosed when I was 16 too, (I'm now 18), so I understand how you feel to a certain degree. As cliche as it is, you have to try to be as optimistic as you can about the situation (I know it seems like there is nothing to be optimistic about, I hated when people said this to me, but just remember that your dad's cancer HAS been found). My dad was slightly different as from his PSA you couldn't tell he had cancer - he opted for a biopsy because of his family history, and they very fortunately found the cancer. Now that your dad's has been found, he can have a treatment plan made and can only be helped from here on out.

I hope you've been able to talk to your family, especially your dad, since the diagnosis. Just try to remember that as scared as you are, your dad is also scared. My mum was the one who told me and my siblings because it was too hard for my dad at the time; however, time really does heal. I promise you that. I want to send my best wishes to you and your family- remember that you're no alone through ANY of this. And as others have also said, don't believe everything you read online. I was given Macmillan leaflets about having a parent with prostate cancer, and was passed on info that my dad's consultant told him etc... I know it's tempting to go online and find out as much as you can, but a lot of the time it does more bad than good. Also, remember everyone's case is different - what one person tells you may be very different from what you experience. I hope this has provided some level of comfort for you.

Best wishes x

User

Posted 26 Jan 2016 at 12:31

Hello Jenn and welcome to the site.

Thanks for your personal experience which, if she is still watching, I'm sure lillylillylilly will find reassuring and helpful.

I also admire your desire to be proactive as far as a future helping others in the same situation as your dad. Well done you

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

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