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Talking about sex - Sex,Relationships

Posted 25 Jan 2016 at 14:46

Hi everyone

I’m Minal from the Health Information team.

We know that some men find it difficult to talk about sexual problems after prostate cancer treatment. Therefore, we are producing some information to help men have these conversations and get the support and treatment they need.

I’d like to hear about your experiences of how you raised the subject with your doctor and/or a sexual partner and what they said. Please could you answer the following questions.

- How did you tell your doctor or a sexual partner about sexual problems after prostate cancer treatment?
- What did they say in response?
- Was there anything they said that was particularly helpful or unhelpful?
- Do you have tips for someone about to have these conversations?

Please comment below or you can contact me directly if you’d prefer: minal.smith@prostatecanceruk.org
You will be helping us to ensure that our information is as useful as possible for men with prostate cancer.

Thanks for your help.


Posted 27 Jan 2016 at 13:58


I am having this discussion with my Hospital at the moment. I have had prostrate problems over 2 years. I have had a lot of pain this last six months. Late Sept I could not pass hardly any urine. I then got a severe infection in the bladder a catheter had to be fitted I am on my 9th catheter dont ask. 

The main thing for me and my wife is survive and enjoy my retirement pension from work in two years time. We can live just as happy without sex but the world seems obsessed with sex. There are so many other things to do. 

I would like to take the subject of sex out of my treatment. I am happy to go without it as is my wife and have my prostrate removed. 

Too some of us sex has been good but is no longer a main focus in life Is there anyone out their that has had their prostrate removed can give advise. 

Posted 27 Jan 2016 at 16:21

Hello Island Butty and welcome to the site.

It's good that sex isn't affecting any decisions you may or may not make regarding treatment and yes, life itself is more important than the physical act of intimacy and if the pair of you, as a couple, are content with that then it's very very good.

There are younger men on here (I know 58 isn't old - oh to be 58 again!!) but when you have men (and their young wives) in their very early 40s who have their future diminished by this disease then it's a different story.
A man of say, 43, will have had 13 years less than yourself and if you know that your cancer is aggressive and that you are unlikely to make old bones, then sex must be one of the things you'll miss sharing. For many, sex isn't just about the physical act it's about the intimacy that goes with it.

I'm sure many of us, especially the older ones among us, will say that sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship and we can manage without but for others it's very important.

Good luck with the prostate operation. There are many men on here who have gone that route and I'm sure will be willing to offer their advice. Do you know what kind of operation you are looking at ie open surgery, robotic etc.

Keep watching and posting  and I'm sure somebody will be along to offer their take on your post

Best wishes



Edited by member 27 Jan 2016 at 16:23  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
Posted 19 Apr 2016 at 18:39

Sex. What's that?  :(


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