Not a ramble Jayne it's a share. !
We all get/got scared, and it does get a little easier as time goes on but there is nothing else to do but live through it I think.
My John got/GETS grumpy too and is now telling me he's a useless old ***.
Well I have started to agree with the old bit so that shuts him up pretty smartish. I'm always telling him "what do you expect at 75, it's not as if either of us has youth on our side !" He hasn't had to put up with anything like your Paul or a number of other men on here either.
I'm sorry that everything is being made worse by anniversary memories, that's always a tough time isn't it.
Good luck with the counselling. It often helps to talk to somebody who isn't emotionally involved in how you are feeling. You can say it how it is without upsetting anyone.
You've got a lovely Christmas holiday to look forward to as well (Now that is what I call forward planning - are you packed yet!)
xx
Edited by member 30 Jan 2016 at 10:04
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Hi Jayne
So pleased that things are going so well for Paul. It takes a bit of adapting to but it sounds as though you are working together to cope with the changes and challenges.
There will be days that are tougher than others as you have everyday life to contend with as well as your new situation.
I hope things continue to improve for you both and wish you all the very best for the future.
Kevan
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Jayne
great to hear that Paul is getting better every day, continence sounds really good. He will be tired this is a complex operation with lots of bits shifted, detached, cut and re-attached so it takes time.
Remembering the anniversary of a lost baby is heartbreaking and when you have so many other difficult things to deal with it just makes it harder.
Counselling when you are in a bad place mentally can really help, I had none in my life until about a year ago & 9 months after I lost my Husband Mick. I had scorned the idea thinking I had no issues or need. A really special friend saw that was not the case at all and encouraged me to go. I was so shocked to find out that my hurt, grief and anxieties went back far further than I thought. Understanding that and coming to terms with it has helped me so much. I hope it gives you as much help and strength as it has me.
My best wishes
xx
Mo
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Jayne,
Good to hear your update and that your husband has made slow but steady progress. Take care of yourself and go for that counselling, it is hard holding things in that are painful and sad. Very best wishes,
Fiona.
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Jayne
Did he get down the pub or is that still to happen. The incontinence issue sounds promising that will be a great boost if he is continent in a short time. Hope it all continues and as the ladies say look after yourself. I think we men sometimes do not realise what you are going through. Being grumpy that is what we are good at.
Thanks Chris
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Hi Jayne
I'm so glad Paul sounds like he is making good progress. I only had stress incontinence for about 4 weeks after op but otherwise was completely dry . I echo what the others have said about looking after yourself too , especially if you are vulnerable mentally . Its fantastic that you have recognised a need in yourself and taken the correct action with Dr's and tablets etc.Sometimes if you nip these problems in the bud then they go away successfully . I hope talking works for you , and you can talk on here too .
Elaine and I keep planning stuff and mini breaks and meal nights etc. It really helps as you say to have stuff to look forwards too.
Take care both of you
Chris
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Oh you really made me laugh about your hubby and grumpy, it so nice to share π as for the holiday not packed but I have a very excited 16 year old niece who is planning a shopping trip with me and can't wait for the holiday. Jayne x
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Many thanks as usual kevan for your kind words and support.
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Thank you mo for sharing your thoughts. I had counselling two years after we lost our baby and you are right I didn't realise I needed help thankfully this time I recognised the signs early and with help of my Dr am trying to get it sorted so I can be strong for Paul. Take care x
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Thank you Fiona hopefully Paul and I will have some brighter days in the coming months. Jayne x
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Thanks Chris no pint with Ben yet, his 18th is 2 weeks today so well on trackπ just doing an open house in the afternoon for family and friends and then all being well a trip to Scotland at whitsun as Ben as always wanted to go instead of a party. I think Paul has done really well so far and I can put up with Mr grumpy once in awhile. Will let you know how the 18th goes. Take care. Jayne x
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Hi chris hope you and elaine had a lovely anniversary. You are right planning nice things does seem to help the biggest and quickest decision was the Christmas holiday. Paul's brother wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years Christmas just gone and they went away to make happy memories so they could move on and suggested we did the same - next thing we knew they turned up with brochure and bargain package deal with them in the time it took to share a bottle of wine the decision was made π. Know we still have hurdles to get over and hopefully with me getting help I can be stronger for Paul mind you he says I already am he really is a wonderful husband and dad. I know you were low the other day, hope you are feeling a bit better, your support really helped me especially when Paul was first diagnosed. Take care of you and elaine x
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Might sound silly Jayne , but you needing support may be just the thing to take his mind off himself in a good way. Same with me. If I'm busy I feel better , and every man wants to wrap his arms protectively around his wife. It's a caveman thing xx
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Hi chris you have such a lovely way of putting things thank you π