Can anyone advise - My Dad

Hello Sue and welcome to this site.

I cannot answer your question as I don't have the knowledge and experience but there will be others who do.

When a new member puts a post on there is an initial delay while it is being moderated so please don't think you are being ignored, I'm sure now that I have "bumped" you up the list somebody will see it and answer you.

I do know that hormone therapy causes tiredness but then your dad has a number of other problems too.

Be patient and somebody will be along to help you

All the best
Sandra

Edited by member 16 Feb 2016 at 08:56  | Reason: Not specified

Sorry Sue - questions rather than answers ....

1) have they stopped the hormone treatment?
2) is he on an oncology ward, a urology ward or general surgical?
3) if on urology or surgical ward, do you know that the doctors are liaising with the oncologist? Assume nothing :-(
4) has a new scan been done recently? Has there been any suggestion that the cancer may have gone to his soft organs?
5) are the ward staff talking as if the bleeding is to do with the prostate cancer or do they think it is completely unrelated? If you don't know, it would probably be a good idea to be on the ward at doctor's round time so that you can ask some questions - they may be telling dad all the details and assuming he can pass it all on to you whereas when you have been in hospital for weeks, it can be quite difficult remembering what has or has not been said.

One more thought - it seems that dad was doing okay until this was thrown in as a complication. Had you had any conversations with dad about what he would or would not want in the end stages? Not any easy conversation to have but very much easier to have it sooner rather than later. You say that dad is desperate to come home - are all the arrangements in place for him to be cared for at home once the bleeding is sorted out? Does he live alone? It might be a good time to ask about services like Macmillan, the district nurses or your local hospice outreach service. Sometimes the person is ready to come home but has to delay while all these things are sorted out so probably worth making noises now rather than once he is on the mend.

Yes it is difficult to know what to do for the best sometimes. I am very upfront about these things so had conversations with all the parents & in-laws long before we needed to. I just said 'can we talk about this now rather than later?' and got on with it. Perhaps in your circumstances, once dad is home you could say 'phew - that was terrible and thank God you are back home. But now you're better please can you tell me what you would like to happen if you got really ill? Would you like to be at home, in hospital or in a hospice? Would you want me cleaning your bum or a professional?'

You could try a different approach - I have written down what I want and then shown it to my children, husband and dad - it was easy then to ask dad whether he had changed his mind at all since our last conversation. You know your family best, of course, and are best placed to judge whether a conversation about death would be too shocking - I just found myself in a situation where my brother died and no-one had any clue about his preferences, I swore I would never be in that situation again. Undoubtedly, it is a harder question when someone is very ill than when they are reasonably well.

Thanks so much, will def have that conversation when things improve and he comes home.

For now yesterday was another bad day - Dad was in a lot of abdominal pain, which may be faecal impaction (think that's what I was told) which may be from radiotherapy a few weeks back. Enemas and frequent movicol not helping and more worrying catheter has gone from pink back to very dark red.

Dads really low and not interested in anything, although staff don't seem too worried. Well today's another day....

hi sue
can not add anything just wanted to let you know I am standing by your side if you get my drift
regards
nidge

Thank you so much for your kind comments. Last few days have not been good and after the op Dads bowels stopped working and he had faecal impaction, has been treated with enemas etc. Over the weekend he got really deaf and confused, was so weak and a bit drowsy - he seemed to have taken a huge step backwards.

Today Dads consultant gas come to see me and told me that Dads kidney function is very poor and we are looking at end of life now. He expects Dad will sleep more over next few days and eventually pass away.

I think I'm in shock right now, this time last week we were making plans for him to come home and everything seemed so positive.

Ah Sue, I am very sad for you as once those words are said,it seems to make it so final.

Just be there for him Sue, even if he doesn't appear to be taking anything in.
When my mother was dying at home, the nurse who was a long time family friend, said to carry on talking to her and telling her what we needed to say because, even though she was in a coma, there was a good chance she could still hear us.

I'm thinking of you

Sue, I am so sorry to hear the news about your dad - I hope that his final days were peaceful and as pain-free as possible. In the days and weeks to come, there will be so much to organise and arrange - it is hard to remember to look after yourself in the midst of everything. Take care,
Lyn x

So sorry to hear of your loss, remember the happy times and take care of yourself.

Thanks Chris

So sorry I missed the progress of this post Sue. Sending you our wishes and love and strength.
Chris

I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing, he will be at rest now. One day at a time for you and soon you will be able to look back on happy memories of your Dad's long life.

My condolences to you and your family

xx

Mo

I am very sorry to read your news and send my condolences to you and your family.

Kevan