Hello All,
Well it's been 2 months, 2 days without Dad - and something has brought me back to the Community that helped me so much :)
It saddens me to read new posts of Prostate/Advanced Cancer sufferers but at the same time I now have 5 year 6 months under my belt of knowing how truly amazing the help out there is.
My Dad was someone at the worst stages & who fought bravely for so long with so much help - and so much love around him, he never moaned he strived every day for seeing the next year, month, week and day.
It wasn't an easy journey but weirdly it was still a happy one (mostly), sure their were many struggles - but even now Mum & I say Dad didn't struggle until the very end.
One Tuesday, there I was sitting talking to him normally like I did every tuesday (my day off of work) he was sat in his chair in the Living Room, with Debbie the lovely Hospice nurse there to checking in on him, but she was saying Dad seemed frailer (walking was difficult for him and ever so slow) but he still did it with the aid of crutches - Dad held my Hand that day (after having my 2 year old on his lap for cuddles) and said 'have I done okay babe?' tears filled our eyes and I said wow Dad your amazing, I think I knew then what was coming, Dad was letting me know for the first time, he was tired and ready to go - such an emotional day - That night my Mum, Sister and I drove from London to Essex to tell my Brother in person it wouldn't be long. Debbie advised us we had only weeks now - this came as a shock!
The next Day Dad couldn't get our of bed, various things were put in place, hospital beds, a care team, myself and my siblings were there every day for the following week but then the following Tuesday my beautiful Daddy took his last breath. All our hearts were broken and still are.
What I have I learnt? My Dad was determined to live as long as possible - mind over matter (stage 4, spread everywhere and he made it 5 years 7 months later with PSA of over 3000) Never moaned.
I never thought I could cope without him, I'm not sure I am coping - sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I cry - but mostly I am ok, I haven't broken down as I thought I would. Mum is Mum (amazing women she is), always staying tough (I'll do alright with Mum & Dads resilience), she's lonely in their big house with just her and the dog but she's managing (I suppose you just do). I think we've all been suffocating her in our overly caring way but she likes it :)
Our World seems so crazy to me at the moment, but when you go back to basics, love and the love we have had, & still have to come will guide us all through. My Dad had over 80 people at his funeral, for the first time ever I stood and read a tribute and a poem as did my siblings, we celebrated my Dads life & I know we made him proud.
It's not an easy journey, I still wish my Dad was here, I still long for him, I still have a little cry, but I know myself and my family will be okay - after all he made us what we are - so we have to keep going :)
I wish all those just starting on this path a long one and those still on it an happy and pain free one and those that do the 24 care like my beautiful Mum - well you are truly amazing.
and once again I Thank everyone on this Community for taking the time each day to log in and read posts of those that need support, you are all totally amazing....
Cat xx