Hi Dave T - I'm a relative newbie to all of this too as a partner of someone with advanced cancer and so know some of what you're going through. It's just horrible - the shock of it all, scary thoughts, disbelief and also the fact that time takes on a whole new meaning (where a week can feel like a month!). It's awful that you're having to go through this. Here's what I have found useful (sorry that it's from a female perspective - I'm sure that others will offer their advice too who you can perhaps identify with more):
Go easy on yourself right now. My fiance felt he should be doing this and should be doing that but it just made him feel more stressed. Cancer has a way of changing your priorities.
Have someone go with you for consultations etc. - you can't possibly remember everything that's said as it is a lot to take in. A second set of ears and a bit of support will be of some help.
Figure out what you would like to ask - it's your cancer so you need to be proactive and find out what is relevant to you. If you don't feel strong enough at the moment have someone that can help you with this. Write questions down as you think of them. I did this for my fiance and found that most of the questions were covered during the course of the consultation but I was left with a couple at the end that helped to clarify a few points. Take a paper and pen with you (or better still delegate this to your second pair of ears!) to jot things down you might forget later on.
If you don't understand something - ask! My fiance didn't know what a PSA test was so got confused when they were talking about it and this meant that he was missing out on some of the other info. When they explained it to him, it meant that other things fell into place better.
From my perspective it has helped me when my fiance has been upfront with me - as an example saying that he was tired instead of soldiering on, saying that he was feeling low etc. If you're upfront then those that are close to you can ultimately help you more - giving you more space, helping you a bit more with something. I think that this has helped both of us because it means that I don't have to be constantly checking if he's alright and I have been able to be more helpful!
Keep using this site - I have found some of the posts and others discussion of experiences invaluable. If you post more on your profile ie. PSA result, Gleason score, I am sure it will help others in their reply to you.
Arm yourself with credible info. You can't go wrong with the information prostate cancer uk provide and they will send out their publications free including their toolkit. I found them most helpful as, of course, they are prostate cancer specific! Some info won't be relevant to you but other things will and I have found it has helped me during consultations to know what the professionals have been talking about. Again if you don't feel up to this (my fiance hasn't) your second pair of ears might.
I remember how excruciating it was waiting for the bone scan and mri scan and then the results. Wanted them to be as quick as possible and yet dreaded knowing the day before! Unfortunately for us the news was not great (my fiance has bone and lymph node metastases) but I am hoping that you will get better news than we did. Regardless, there will be treatments out there for you even if there is no cure so try to keep as positive as you can even though it must feel impossible right now. Once you get your treatment plan you'll be able to get more advice on here (how to cope with side effects etc.)
Paul ("Healey") is right - the amount of time you spend thinking about the cancer does go down as in the beginning it seems to take over every thought you have. We are still at the thinking about it most of the time stage - but it is early days!