I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error

my dad :(

Email this conversation Print this conversation
User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 15:48
Hi im 27 my dad got dignosed with prostate cancer the other day. You hear the word cancer and think death straight away :( all we know so far my dad has a leason score of 9 n they fount the cancer down the one side of the prostate. They said they will look at hormone injections/ tablets and mayb radiotherapy. He now has to have mri scan plus bone scan. We are so scared we will lose my dad he so fit and well in hisself. Can someone that has experience of this fill me in please horrible waiting game.
User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 16:17

Hi Nat,
as already said, the toolkit is a fabulous thing and well worth ordering.

Gleason 9 is not great news but it could be a 4+5 which is better than a 5+4. The good news is that they believe it is only down one side and that there is a possibility he can have radiotherapy (RT) if his scans show that it hasn't spread out of the prostate.

The hormones (HT) are working already - there are two types. Prostate cancer needs testosterone to survive so one type of HT stops the body from making testosterone (and the cancer starves) while the other kind disguises testosterone so the cancer can't find it (and the cancer starves) . If it turns out that dad is suitable for RT, he will probably have the hormones for a few months first to shrink and weaken the cancer.

Be brave and strong and try not to think the worst. My dad was diagnosed 14 years ago and is fine - goes on far too many holidays and is spending all my inheritance!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 11:25

Welcome, Nat.
I hope you find the replies here helpful. It is a great place to come and share your feelings.
The 'C word' is such a shocker, isn't it? It may not seem like it now, but there are worse cancers, and there are worse illnesses that aren't cancer.
All the thinking about him that you are doing will get your head around all this and you will get used to the situation as time passes. Your life will carry on, and that can be a life line for you when your dad's health is stressing you out.
It is lovely for your dad to have your support. He will enjoy seeing you carry on with your life as well as having you looking out for him. He will need to know his new grandchild has a mum who is at her best, so I agree with the post about throwing yourself into enjoying the new baby.
With best wishes,
Henry

User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 15:57

Hi Nat,


sorry you find yourself here.


The waiting game that you are playing at the moment is a real pain.


If you click on my (or others) name on the left hand side it should take you to our profiles.


Have a look and get confirmation that while it's a shock there are a few more Christmases to got yet with any luck.


Have you or your dad ordered the ToolKit? It's a great source of sensible information. It's free and available on this site.


 


I'm just celebrating my three year 'cancerversary' and still bouncing around.


 


I'm sure others will be along to give you words of wisdom.


 


All the best


 


Kevin 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 16:04
Hi nat
Ok lets take a depth breath
Hello from me
Not good that you are hear but we will all try to help

Dad has the same gleason score as myself i was diagnosed 1 year ago
As u say he his going to have mri and bone scans i have had both once he has had these each scan takes about 2 weeks to wait for the results will seem like forever waiting
Make sure someone goes with him for scan and results
Am also on Hormone therapy this is standard treatment

You need to go on to this site and order the toolkit full of information

At some point they will give you your dads staging this tells you the degree of PCa your dad has
This will be done by looking at the mri and bone scans
And also they can tell if the cancer is contained within the prostate this will determine treatment options

Click on our avatars will tell you more about how our treatment is going


Regards
Nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 10:05
Dear Nat

A different scenario, but similar.

My Oh was diagnosed when I was 8.5 months pregnant so I completely understand how you must be feeling about your Dad.

The pregnancy makes you feel more vulnerable and emotional, and the worry about the new baby additionally adds to the stress of it all.

This is very difficult to do, but don't make the same mistake that I did and let the cancer take away from the joys of the birth and new baby.

I was so upset about my OH that I could not enjoy my baby and I will never get that time back. I regret that so much now, that I could not switch off, just for a few days or even hours.

I hope that before your baby is born that you will get some positive news about your Dad and a solid treatment plan, that will for sure, make you all feel better.

best Wishes

Alison
User
Posted 18 Apr 2016 at 20:08
Thank you so much. My dads been for mri andalso a bone scan today they have gave my dad the all clear that it hasnt gone to his bones which im aabsolutely over the moon. Ive done lots of reasearch fir my dad as hes not really into technology and ive resurered him as I fount as you say alot of men get through this. I do feel better as the days go on and will be happy when they get a treatment plan to start treating this awful illness.
User
Posted 26 Apr 2016 at 19:48

Don't give up hope, my father survived for 18 years after being diagnosed with PCa and he had a good quality of life.

User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 19:14

Hi Nat


 


No i didnt know what to do either as my mind was so mixed up and in state of shock.


A macmillan nurse rang me a few hours after diagnosis.They were a great help for me and my wife.


I strongly recommend that you contact them or contact the hospital dept dealing with your dads case.

User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 21:54

Macmillan nurses work in different ways in different areas. Where I live, they only get involved with people who are terminally ill. In other places, the macmillan nurses act like nurse specialists and support all the men diagnosed, whether they are curable or not. Your dad might not need one.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 28 Apr 2016 at 00:22

We don't have one here but I have heard that in hospitals with a Maggie's Centre, the support is fantastic. Just another option :-)

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 15:57

Hi Nat,


sorry you find yourself here.


The waiting game that you are playing at the moment is a real pain.


If you click on my (or others) name on the left hand side it should take you to our profiles.


Have a look and get confirmation that while it's a shock there are a few more Christmases to got yet with any luck.


Have you or your dad ordered the ToolKit? It's a great source of sensible information. It's free and available on this site.


 


I'm just celebrating my three year 'cancerversary' and still bouncing around.


 


I'm sure others will be along to give you words of wisdom.


 


All the best


 


Kevin 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 16:04
Hi nat
Ok lets take a depth breath
Hello from me
Not good that you are hear but we will all try to help

Dad has the same gleason score as myself i was diagnosed 1 year ago
As u say he his going to have mri and bone scans i have had both once he has had these each scan takes about 2 weeks to wait for the results will seem like forever waiting
Make sure someone goes with him for scan and results
Am also on Hormone therapy this is standard treatment

You need to go on to this site and order the toolkit full of information

At some point they will give you your dads staging this tells you the degree of PCa your dad has
This will be done by looking at the mri and bone scans
And also they can tell if the cancer is contained within the prostate this will determine treatment options

Click on our avatars will tell you more about how our treatment is going


Regards
Nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 14 Apr 2016 at 16:17

Hi Nat,
as already said, the toolkit is a fabulous thing and well worth ordering.

Gleason 9 is not great news but it could be a 4+5 which is better than a 5+4. The good news is that they believe it is only down one side and that there is a possibility he can have radiotherapy (RT) if his scans show that it hasn't spread out of the prostate.

The hormones (HT) are working already - there are two types. Prostate cancer needs testosterone to survive so one type of HT stops the body from making testosterone (and the cancer starves) while the other kind disguises testosterone so the cancer can't find it (and the cancer starves) . If it turns out that dad is suitable for RT, he will probably have the hormones for a few months first to shrink and weaken the cancer.

Be brave and strong and try not to think the worst. My dad was diagnosed 14 years ago and is fine - goes on far too many holidays and is spending all my inheritance!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 07:33
I also know everyones different. But have you become very poorly of chemo ?
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 08:30

Nat, don't assume that dad will have chemo - there is a general public view that everyone who gets cancer has chemotherapy as part of their treatment but this is a myth. Chemo does not cure prostate cancer - it can only knock it back - so until recently, it was only given to men in the last stages of their life to help reduce some of the side effects. Recent research has now shown that chemo makes some of the other treatments work for longer but if your dad's scans etc show that he can still have radiotherapy then (fortunately) he will probably never have to think about chemo.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 09:03
Thank you so much. Gosh such a stressful time right now im ready to give birth In july and the thoguht of my dad going through this battle breaks my heart so much. Tears just roll from my eyes and feel sorry for him as its like hes being labelled and everyones getting together like its his last moments :( obv its all new and cancer is a powerfull word and as I said previous you feel as tho he been diagnosed and thats it. I just hope the scans so a little more hope and not another kick in the teeth x
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 10:05
Dear Nat

A different scenario, but similar.

My Oh was diagnosed when I was 8.5 months pregnant so I completely understand how you must be feeling about your Dad.

The pregnancy makes you feel more vulnerable and emotional, and the worry about the new baby additionally adds to the stress of it all.

This is very difficult to do, but don't make the same mistake that I did and let the cancer take away from the joys of the birth and new baby.

I was so upset about my OH that I could not enjoy my baby and I will never get that time back. I regret that so much now, that I could not switch off, just for a few days or even hours.

I hope that before your baby is born that you will get some positive news about your Dad and a solid treatment plan, that will for sure, make you all feel better.

best Wishes

Alison
User
Posted 15 Apr 2016 at 11:25

Welcome, Nat.
I hope you find the replies here helpful. It is a great place to come and share your feelings.
The 'C word' is such a shocker, isn't it? It may not seem like it now, but there are worse cancers, and there are worse illnesses that aren't cancer.
All the thinking about him that you are doing will get your head around all this and you will get used to the situation as time passes. Your life will carry on, and that can be a life line for you when your dad's health is stressing you out.
It is lovely for your dad to have your support. He will enjoy seeing you carry on with your life as well as having you looking out for him. He will need to know his new grandchild has a mum who is at her best, so I agree with the post about throwing yourself into enjoying the new baby.
With best wishes,
Henry

User
Posted 18 Apr 2016 at 16:34

Hi Nat

I cant add much to all the excellent advice already given. But I can say that i found a local support group 3/4 weeks after i was diagnosed. Many men had experienced diagnosis and treatment and all come through it all with different results, but mostly positive.alot of men, and maybe even your dad, find it difficult to talk about such things. But i found it so helpful to discuss my feelings and listen to others experiences.
In the last post HenryA said alot of what i was thinking of writing about the whole experience The first 3 weeks after diagnosis was so difficult. So hard to get my head around the C word and that it was happening to me. But then after speaking to many people i realised that this cancer is not one of the serious ones and my chances of beating it were good. In time you can start accepting you have it and then how to deal with it. But its not easy and that goes for the immediate family too.
over 2 years on and i have passed a number of blood tests and they have all been clear. I am back working normally and continue to do all the things i did before.
finding this site was also a big help. so if you have any questions or just feel a bit down about things please dont hesitate to post

User
Posted 18 Apr 2016 at 20:08
Thank you so much. My dads been for mri andalso a bone scan today they have gave my dad the all clear that it hasnt gone to his bones which im aabsolutely over the moon. Ive done lots of reasearch fir my dad as hes not really into technology and ive resurered him as I fount as you say alot of men get through this. I do feel better as the days go on and will be happy when they get a treatment plan to start treating this awful illness.
User
Posted 20 Apr 2016 at 22:02

Hi Nat

Thats great news about the scans. What a great relief for you and your dad. It means things are not as bad as first seems so treat it as a positive. positivity is so important to deal with this.
its so good you are there to do the research. my wife was brilliant in this respect. i really didnt know where to start as i wasnt mentally up to it.
still a way to go yet with the next steps of which treatment. make sure notes are made at all meetings you go to and make sure your dad takes his time with the decision he makes. there is plenty of time.
thanks for update and keep us informed .

User
Posted 20 Apr 2016 at 22:35

Well done, Nat.

User
Posted 20 Apr 2016 at 23:11
Yh thanks for the message just fount out today that the results actually wasnt hes clear he was free to go n they had everything they needed abit of confusion so still no wiser to knowing weather its gone to bones #dissapointed. But fingers crossed for the result still in no wiser land atm. Im going to go on results day so I can fire questions n be clear on full diagnosis
User
Posted 26 Apr 2016 at 19:48

Don't give up hope, my father survived for 18 years after being diagnosed with PCa and he had a good quality of life.

User
Posted 26 Apr 2016 at 21:16
I think the waiting and not knowing whats happening is the torture hoping he receives the letter from consultant this week to determine exactly what we r facing and treatment can start. X
User
Posted 26 Apr 2016 at 22:03

Hi Nat


 


yes i agree the waiting is awful. Every day seems to drag and your mind and your fathers are both working overtime.


You should hear something this week


I was informed about my scans results by my macmillan nurse. Has your dad got a macmillan nurse? i presume so. mine was a great support, chasing things up for me and giving me information.


Keep us informed and keep positive....yes i know its not easy!!!


 

User
Posted 26 Apr 2016 at 22:11
No he doesnt have one I think it myt b wise just so hes got some extra support if he needs to ask questions. They did offer him to talk to someone wen he first got dignosed but I think with the shock of it all he didnt no wot to do
User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 19:14

Hi Nat


 


No i didnt know what to do either as my mind was so mixed up and in state of shock.


A macmillan nurse rang me a few hours after diagnosis.They were a great help for me and my wife.


I strongly recommend that you contact them or contact the hospital dept dealing with your dads case.

User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 21:40
Yh had a chat today with my dad and have said that we should think about getting mcmillion nurse involved he did agree. Got his nwxt appintment with consultant for 13 may im a little optimistic but with ot being couple weeks away makes me feel a little more postive as it if it was really bad surely they would have called him in sooner
User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 21:54

Macmillan nurses work in different ways in different areas. Where I live, they only get involved with people who are terminally ill. In other places, the macmillan nurses act like nurse specialists and support all the men diagnosed, whether they are curable or not. Your dad might not need one.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 27 Apr 2016 at 22:56
Yh tbh I work in health and did think the same it was for terminly ill just ask at the consultant meeting thank u x
User
Posted 28 Apr 2016 at 00:22

We don't have one here but I have heard that in hospitals with a Maggie's Centre, the support is fantastic. Just another option :-)

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 14 May 2016 at 20:02

Hi Nat


 


Any news from meeting yesterday?

User
Posted 15 May 2016 at 08:49

Hello Nat and a belated welcome from me.

I have read through your whole post and you come across as a very caring daughter. I do hope the results were the best that could be expected.

Has dad been given a treatment plan yet?

If either of you need answers other than advice from us then you can always contact one for the nurses on here. Our members speak very highly of the help and advice they have been given.

Our local hospital has a "MacMillan" room where there are lots of helpful leaflets etc and usually a volunteer to point you in the right direction for information. Might it be possible to check with dad's hospital to see if there is any counselling available.

There is often access to complementary medicine in the form of Reflexology, massage etc available and you may be able to get advice from your hospital as to the availability of these. They really do seem to help

Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
 
Forum Jump  
Email this conversation Print this conversation

Join the online community now.

Click through to become a member and gain access to support, information and real time replies.




MenuTop ▲
©2025 Prostate Cancer UK