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Posted 23 May 2016 13:35:53(UTC)

Anyone dealing with a relative who has NPD and has been diagnosed with prostate cancer?

"And so long as you haven't experienced
this: to die and so to grow,
you are only a troubled guest
on the dark earth.” Goethe
Posted 24 May 2016 15:49:54(UTC)
Out of

Sorry I cannot answer you question. We do have some members who may have knowledge of the condition. Replying will bump your post to the top. Sometimes new conversations get missed due to the moderation process.

Thanks Chris

Posted 24 May 2016 17:43:41(UTC)

I think we have had a few ex-members on here that could have been described as having NPD :-)

Seriously, I am not sure that everyone will know what NPD is - I assume it is the personality disorder you are referring to? I can't think of anyone that has posted that either they have it or they support someone else with it, but we do have members with other mental health challenges.

Tell us more and someone vwill probably be able to help

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 25 May 2016 19:15:46(UTC)

Hi Many thanks!!! I am in a situation where my FIL has been diagnosed with early localised prostate cancer with a gleason score of 8 - the last we were informed.

Unfortunately we are not now in contact with my in-laws because of severe personality issues and i desperately want my husband to be updated by my FIL on his condition and for him to have another chance to heal his relationship with him.

I am an empath (and that is another story) ...and my husband has some issues connecting with his emotions but we both are extremely upset at having being deliberately left out of health updates - and further contact - although the reasons for this are more complicated. We want to rise above all issues and maturely communicate with his parents - but being of the more spiritually inclined and more emotionally directed types - it seems that we have been rejected as not being 'safe' people to impart 'family secrets' to - i.e. even minimal health updates?!

My husband is extremely hurt but unfortunately he is very used to this behaviour. Myself I am totally confused as to how someone with a serious diagnosis could keep this information from pretty much everyone in their wider family and ALL friends.
It seems to be controlling and selfish although of course i can understand that it would take someone who is pretty tortured internally to have to torture others with their behaviour.

Sorry to be so heavy and to sound so insensitive if that is how this post comes across.

Help!!! and thank you for your responses so far!

"And so long as you haven't experienced
this: to die and so to grow,
you are only a troubled guest
on the dark earth.” Goethe
Posted 25 May 2016 20:28:36(UTC)

I find it very hard OotW, to formulate a helpful reply.

When your post first appeared I had to look up NPD and now I've had to look up being an Empath since I only had the vaguest idea of what that meant, and only then because of the stem of the word,.

There are obviously family issues here that are unique to yourselves and I for one wouldn't want to comment on the background to it.

The only thing I think I can helpfully say is that your confusion, though understandable, is perhaps coloured by your own personality.

Sometimes when somebody is diagnosed with cancer, they sometimes feel that the only way they can cope, is to "shut out" those nearest to them because they cannot take on the hurt and pain their own condition is now causing others. It's enough to cope with one's own fears without taking on board everyone elses.

In the world of prostate cancer, there will be many who need the love and support from family and friends - there will also be those who cannot bear the thought of people feeling sorry for them. We are all different.

I'm sure that even those who would rather carry their Cancer burden by themselves do not see it in any way as controlling others or being selfish.

We have so many on here who struggle just to get through a working day due to fatigue or depression etc caused by their brush with this horrible disease. I am pretty certain that not one of them could see themselves, or those of us who offer support to them, as "tortured internally to have to torture others with their behaviour"

We have the occasional "spat" on here where comments get made or taken in the wrong way. We don't analyse the whys and wherefores. We give and take because we all know that what each one goes through on their journey can lead to distress and short temper occasionally.

I'm not really sure what it is you are asking of us. Is it your FIL who has the "Narcissistic personality disorder"?
Are you saying that because he had NPD he is incapable of sharing his cancer information with his son?

If he won't relate to his son (whatever the history of that is) then perhaps your husband could make the approach on the basis that PC is often familial and your husband would benefit from being checked by his family doctor for PC so his father's details would be beneficial.

I hope somebody else will come along and perhaps give more clarity to your post. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful but quite honestly I'm a bit lost

Best Wishes

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
Posted 25 May 2016 20:34:37(UTC)

Can't say that I am in a position to help.  However, would just say that on a number of occasions we have had  family members including even wives  on the forum saying that their much loved refuses to discuss their PCa, so it can be something that some men even without other issues want to keep to themselves. But particularly difficult for you.  Perhaps help from an experienced counsellor might help?

Thanked 1 time
Posted 25 May 2016 21:41:46(UTC)

FIL has been diagnosed with a treatable cancer but the treatment will give him dry orgasms, and may leave him incontinent and impotent or growing breasts - that's enough reason for a lot of men to decide they don't want to discuss the ins and outs with family members! I have a friend for whom it was only made known that he had PCa some years after he died - he swore his family to secrecy. A neighbour has just died of a brain tumour and they kept it secret because he didn't want to see people pity him. I had a breast removed and the only people who know that (apart from close family) are my friends on here. Personally, I think it is for the person with the cancer to decide whether they want that to be known.

I agree with the above comment though - if your husband wants a way of starting a conversation then there is sense to pointing out that he needs to know what's happening because he may now be at significantly more risk and will need to think about getting tested at some stage.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Thanked 3 times
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