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User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 09:27
Hi all, I have been on HT since February 2015 and had all the usual side effects, tiredness, loss of libido, hot and cold flushes, moobs, lethargy, muscle loss and tearfulness.

I have coped with all of them and accept it as part of the treatment and part of ridding my body of PCa but last week I gradually started to respond differently to things happening in my life and went from being 100% positive to being negative and feeling down. My bouts of tearfulness are usually brief and occur for happy reasons as well as sad ones, I have been unable to do anything about it and My wife and I just laugh afterwards.

On Thursday last week I became a jibbering wreck with uncontrollable crying for hours on end, for no reason whatsoever, it made no difference if I was alone or with my wife , she could not console me, I just sobbed and sobbed. I could not understand what was making me like this.

We initially thought that I might have some form of depression and resolved to go to my GP on Monday to get it checked out if things did not improve.

I managed to get to sleep that night and in the morning did not feel too bad and as the day went on I became" the old me"

My thoughts are that I was dx PCa in Feb last year and accepted what I had without any bad feelings and just wanted to get on with treatment, throughout it all I have been positive and in control of my emotions ( I am a man after all ) it has been seventeen months on HT and I think that I bottled up all my feelings and together with pressures from not being on top of other jobs at home ie diy, gardening through the lethargy it became a insurmountable problem in my mind and I found that I hit the buffers with an almighty wallop and cracked up completely.

My reason for posting is to see if there is anyone else with similar experiences of HT after a period of time and also to bring the subject up as a possible problem to be aware of.

I will either get no response or the floodgates might open.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 18:05

Thanks everyone for your input, it's quite clear that we all have problems but at differing levels but nevertheless HT are at the root of most of them.

I have always responded to other posts on this site and given advice where I can and one thing I usually say is to be positive and not let negative thoughts get in the way of making decisions, being negative does not achieve anything and just brings you down.

I will resist going to the GP for anti depressants but will discuss my happenings when I next see him, I shall also see my oncologist about it as well this week. I do not want to go down the road of anti depressants as I do not feel that I am depressed, it has just been a hiccup in my recovery and will see out the next seven months of HT. I might just treat myself to a pint at the end of it to celebrate, I am a non drinker most of the time as I get a headache on a packet of wine gums.

It has always been my mindset to accept whatever needs to be done and I know there are a few of you that have suggested seeing my GP but there is no way that I will take anti depressants. I think the only thing I will do is see him after Seeing my oncologist, one to keep him in the loop and two, to have it on record that I had a problem with HT.

John I know you are there for me and am grateful for your support on this particular situation, I am also grateful to this site as without it I would not be in a very good place.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 12:06

Hello Chris
I don't really know what to say other than you are not alone mate. It's a tremendous strain and pressure and uncertainty all the time. I'm on HT and have been for 8 months , and essentially incurable now. Add to that bipolar and adrenal gland /pituitary problems , a six year old boy , a teenage daughter , a disabled son. I've just been away for a few days with a friend and all was well. Then I got home and have completely broken down again. It's all simply quite horrible and depressing and an endless ride which I'd like to get off one way or the other.
I hope you can stay strong. There are always good days and weeks followed by bad days and weeks. Best wishes
Chris

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 09:27
Hi all, I have been on HT since February 2015 and had all the usual side effects, tiredness, loss of libido, hot and cold flushes, moobs, lethargy, muscle loss and tearfulness.

I have coped with all of them and accept it as part of the treatment and part of ridding my body of PCa but last week I gradually started to respond differently to things happening in my life and went from being 100% positive to being negative and feeling down. My bouts of tearfulness are usually brief and occur for happy reasons as well as sad ones, I have been unable to do anything about it and My wife and I just laugh afterwards.

On Thursday last week I became a jibbering wreck with uncontrollable crying for hours on end, for no reason whatsoever, it made no difference if I was alone or with my wife , she could not console me, I just sobbed and sobbed. I could not understand what was making me like this.

We initially thought that I might have some form of depression and resolved to go to my GP on Monday to get it checked out if things did not improve.

I managed to get to sleep that night and in the morning did not feel too bad and as the day went on I became" the old me"

My thoughts are that I was dx PCa in Feb last year and accepted what I had without any bad feelings and just wanted to get on with treatment, throughout it all I have been positive and in control of my emotions ( I am a man after all ) it has been seventeen months on HT and I think that I bottled up all my feelings and together with pressures from not being on top of other jobs at home ie diy, gardening through the lethargy it became a insurmountable problem in my mind and I found that I hit the buffers with an almighty wallop and cracked up completely.

My reason for posting is to see if there is anyone else with similar experiences of HT after a period of time and also to bring the subject up as a possible problem to be aware of.

I will either get no response or the floodgates might open.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 10:58

Hi Chris. Woody,


You are not alone!


I have been on HT since October 2104 (nearly 21 months) and have had the same side effects you mention.


About 4 or 5 months in to the HT treatment I felt very low in mood - crying a lot - and went to the doctor who prescribed me some anti-depressants (Citalopram).  This helped and I have been on Citalopram for over a year and had a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which helped a lot.  I had CBT at my Oncology centre.  


I'm now coming off the Citalopram because I am near the end of this course on HT and I do feel much better now.  


Best to see your GP - I was pushed by the family to go and was pleased I did. 


Martyn

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 11:20

Hello Chris,

Your body and your mind have been subjected to enormous pressure and you say yourself that you've been positive and in control of your emotions but I don't see how it is possible to control the effect of the substances that are being put inside you.

I really feel for you and your wife and I echo Martyn. Please see the GP and try and get help. You've come a long way on your journey and still have some distance to go so anything that can help you now has got to be a bonus.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 12:42
Chris,

As we've so often said our symptoms have been so very similar. As you know I too hit an emotional wipeout in February this year after 18 months on Zoladex. I just couldn't stop feeling low and was very tearful for a while. That was when I posted about hating HT. Fortunately it passed and I haven't felt so bad since then. There are the occasional ' dark times ' but in general I have felt far stronger emotionally since then and am living my life as before dx , subject to HT restrictions.
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves these moments , after all we have either been or are going through a lot since diagnosis. There is the initial shock of being advised you have PCa , then all the scans , biopsies and subsequent decisions some of us have to make regarding which treatment plan to take. It can all add up but the momentum of the situation keeps us going. Then everything stops and we are left to get on with life but still the monthly or three monthly implants continue !

But for those of you who haven't experienced the side effects of hormone treatment you possibly cannot understand how debilitating it can be. I have no idea at all what it's like to have had RP and what you go through emotionally with that . Of course not everyone suffers from hot flushes ( I know someone who doesn't ) or teariness (again I know another man who doesn't ) but I guess we all feel low generally sometimes and then there is the ED issue to contend with as well. We as men never expected to have these'menopausal moments ' so it is actually quite a shock when they start ( I recall having my first hot flush at work and swearing out loud to the amusement of my colleagues - the usual " now you know what we women have to cope with " was uttered and the men there just looked on in amazement ! Fortunately I had told them that this might happen and they were all excellent about it).

Chris, I know that both our wives are very supportive to us but it must be difficult for them too to see how we are sometimes. And I'm sure that all the others supporting their men in their lives must find it difficult too. As time goes on one would expect to feel better or used to HT , but from my own experience it is not always so. Personally I've adapted to the situation now and accepted it is how it is. But I must confess it was an enormous shock to me to have found how I was in February.
With the help of my wonderful wife, my sister in law and her husband, they managed to pull me through. It must have taken the patience of several saints to have achieved that.
I told my excellent GP what I was going through emotionally when I saw her about starting ED therapy at that time. She was interested in how I was coping and was pleased that I was sorting it out for myself. Otherwise she would have prescribed anti depressants for me , a route I was eager to avoid. With the help of my family and those of you on this site and of course you Chris, ( thanks for your magnificent help !) I'm really proud that I've come through this without the aid of medication.

You always know that I'm here for you at anytime and indeed we PM each other time to time. But it's good that you've posted like this and it's great to have seen the replies already flooding in. I will contact PCUK as we discussed, to see if they can add something that their website. It's just so strange that we both has ' the meltdown' after 18 months !


As ever your virtual mate ,

John ( clue 'n' ) - sorry everyone , Chris is trying to work out my surname and I'm dropping letters here and there to help him in this our game of ' virtual hangman'.
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 18:21

Hey Chris
As you've said , your mindset is that you will do anything that needs to be done. There is no shame in taking mental health medications. They work particularly well for non drinkers aswell. I admire your resolve , but just keep an eye on it between you and speak to your doctor as you said. You're doing amazing but may just need some extra help.

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 21:53

Chris. Woody

It could be depression, leave that for the doc to decide. Or it just could be your emotional side being higher due to HT. You may not read too often what HT side effect is missed but for me I miss the life is mostly greys perspective. Pre HT my outlook on life was logical black and white. Then HT came along and the world went grey - so that's what the CNS meant when she said your emotions are going to be all over the place :-) It took many years after HT ended to revert back to the black and white world and sadly harder. I miss greatly the more grey softer world. So don't see how you feel now as all unwanted cos you might want some of it back :-)

Ray

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 08:11
Ray,

Your post interested me. My wife says I've become 'softer' and more 'loving' since I've been on HT and wonders how I will be after it ! Time will tell. But I can't wait for the HT to stop - only 14 months to go now ( hopefully).

John
User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 10:47

Good luck with everything - as you say you are a very supportive member and I am sure this post will also help others who are going through this too. My fiance hit a similar bump a couple of weeks ago (after about 6 months of HT). I think that it is a combination of the HT itself and then also the actual realisation of everything that is going on (we both still can't quite get our heads around the cancer diagnosis - it's such a lot to take in). Add to this other things such as side effects of treatment and symptoms of the cancer itself, then it is little wonder that you reached that point! I hope that you are feeling better in yourself today.  

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 13:27

Ray and John, my wife is the same, she says that if it had not been for HT I would not have allowed her to have a German Shepard puppy six weeks ago and that I am now a soft touch and she admitted she took advantage of me.

On another note I have seen my trials nurse and she says that a visit to the GP to discuss things is a good idea and a short course of antidepressants should not be ruled out but to also play it by ear and see if it happens again. I thought to myself that it will not happen again as I will not let my guard down that much again.

I know that makes me sound a bit arrogant ( I can assure you that is not the case) but I am determined to sort this as much as possible by myself.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 15:11

You won't need anti-D's with a new best friend !! Lots of walks and mindfulness.
Best wishes

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 16:52

Good news on the dog. After much encouragement from a neighbour I was 68 before I walked a dog. My hesitation was because they were aggressive on my walks. Strangely since then instead of approaching me growling they now wag their tail which I guess is because I'm less uptight?

As your shop browsing increased since being on HT. Mine did greatly and it still continues although the wife points out it never increased the amount of times your hand went in your pocket - I'm thankful for that :-)

Your determination to keep your guard up is fine but never forget there's no shame in seeking help.

Good luck on your journeys and remember all being well each morning is one day less before HT ends

Ray

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 16:59
We had a Yorkie for 14+ years and my wife wants to get another one as it would encourage me to go out for walkies which would be beneficial to both me and her!!

Arthur
User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 19:05

A cat on a lead ? Do you wear a skirt when you do that 😀😀😀😀
But NOW you have a very roughty-toughty German Shepard. Well just a jolly ball of fluff at the moment I expect. My wife is a professional dog groomer ( just won a competition ) so dogs are a major part of both our lives. A dog fills a house with love , is utterly faithful ( Alsatians more than most ) , and would rather be kicked than ignored as the old saying goes.
I hope it brings a new happiness amongst difficult circumstances

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 10:58

Hi Chris. Woody,


You are not alone!


I have been on HT since October 2104 (nearly 21 months) and have had the same side effects you mention.


About 4 or 5 months in to the HT treatment I felt very low in mood - crying a lot - and went to the doctor who prescribed me some anti-depressants (Citalopram).  This helped and I have been on Citalopram for over a year and had a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which helped a lot.  I had CBT at my Oncology centre.  


I'm now coming off the Citalopram because I am near the end of this course on HT and I do feel much better now.  


Best to see your GP - I was pushed by the family to go and was pleased I did. 


Martyn

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 11:20

Hello Chris,

Your body and your mind have been subjected to enormous pressure and you say yourself that you've been positive and in control of your emotions but I don't see how it is possible to control the effect of the substances that are being put inside you.

I really feel for you and your wife and I echo Martyn. Please see the GP and try and get help. You've come a long way on your journey and still have some distance to go so anything that can help you now has got to be a bonus.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 12:06

Hello Chris
I don't really know what to say other than you are not alone mate. It's a tremendous strain and pressure and uncertainty all the time. I'm on HT and have been for 8 months , and essentially incurable now. Add to that bipolar and adrenal gland /pituitary problems , a six year old boy , a teenage daughter , a disabled son. I've just been away for a few days with a friend and all was well. Then I got home and have completely broken down again. It's all simply quite horrible and depressing and an endless ride which I'd like to get off one way or the other.
I hope you can stay strong. There are always good days and weeks followed by bad days and weeks. Best wishes
Chris

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 12:42
Chris,

As we've so often said our symptoms have been so very similar. As you know I too hit an emotional wipeout in February this year after 18 months on Zoladex. I just couldn't stop feeling low and was very tearful for a while. That was when I posted about hating HT. Fortunately it passed and I haven't felt so bad since then. There are the occasional ' dark times ' but in general I have felt far stronger emotionally since then and am living my life as before dx , subject to HT restrictions.
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves these moments , after all we have either been or are going through a lot since diagnosis. There is the initial shock of being advised you have PCa , then all the scans , biopsies and subsequent decisions some of us have to make regarding which treatment plan to take. It can all add up but the momentum of the situation keeps us going. Then everything stops and we are left to get on with life but still the monthly or three monthly implants continue !

But for those of you who haven't experienced the side effects of hormone treatment you possibly cannot understand how debilitating it can be. I have no idea at all what it's like to have had RP and what you go through emotionally with that . Of course not everyone suffers from hot flushes ( I know someone who doesn't ) or teariness (again I know another man who doesn't ) but I guess we all feel low generally sometimes and then there is the ED issue to contend with as well. We as men never expected to have these'menopausal moments ' so it is actually quite a shock when they start ( I recall having my first hot flush at work and swearing out loud to the amusement of my colleagues - the usual " now you know what we women have to cope with " was uttered and the men there just looked on in amazement ! Fortunately I had told them that this might happen and they were all excellent about it).

Chris, I know that both our wives are very supportive to us but it must be difficult for them too to see how we are sometimes. And I'm sure that all the others supporting their men in their lives must find it difficult too. As time goes on one would expect to feel better or used to HT , but from my own experience it is not always so. Personally I've adapted to the situation now and accepted it is how it is. But I must confess it was an enormous shock to me to have found how I was in February.
With the help of my wonderful wife, my sister in law and her husband, they managed to pull me through. It must have taken the patience of several saints to have achieved that.
I told my excellent GP what I was going through emotionally when I saw her about starting ED therapy at that time. She was interested in how I was coping and was pleased that I was sorting it out for myself. Otherwise she would have prescribed anti depressants for me , a route I was eager to avoid. With the help of my family and those of you on this site and of course you Chris, ( thanks for your magnificent help !) I'm really proud that I've come through this without the aid of medication.

You always know that I'm here for you at anytime and indeed we PM each other time to time. But it's good that you've posted like this and it's great to have seen the replies already flooding in. I will contact PCUK as we discussed, to see if they can add something that their website. It's just so strange that we both has ' the meltdown' after 18 months !


As ever your virtual mate ,

John ( clue 'n' ) - sorry everyone , Chris is trying to work out my surname and I'm dropping letters here and there to help him in this our game of ' virtual hangman'.
User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 18:05

Thanks everyone for your input, it's quite clear that we all have problems but at differing levels but nevertheless HT are at the root of most of them.

I have always responded to other posts on this site and given advice where I can and one thing I usually say is to be positive and not let negative thoughts get in the way of making decisions, being negative does not achieve anything and just brings you down.

I will resist going to the GP for anti depressants but will discuss my happenings when I next see him, I shall also see my oncologist about it as well this week. I do not want to go down the road of anti depressants as I do not feel that I am depressed, it has just been a hiccup in my recovery and will see out the next seven months of HT. I might just treat myself to a pint at the end of it to celebrate, I am a non drinker most of the time as I get a headache on a packet of wine gums.

It has always been my mindset to accept whatever needs to be done and I know there are a few of you that have suggested seeing my GP but there is no way that I will take anti depressants. I think the only thing I will do is see him after Seeing my oncologist, one to keep him in the loop and two, to have it on record that I had a problem with HT.

John I know you are there for me and am grateful for your support on this particular situation, I am also grateful to this site as without it I would not be in a very good place.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 18:21

Hey Chris
As you've said , your mindset is that you will do anything that needs to be done. There is no shame in taking mental health medications. They work particularly well for non drinkers aswell. I admire your resolve , but just keep an eye on it between you and speak to your doctor as you said. You're doing amazing but may just need some extra help.

User
Posted 13 Jun 2016 at 21:53

Chris. Woody

It could be depression, leave that for the doc to decide. Or it just could be your emotional side being higher due to HT. You may not read too often what HT side effect is missed but for me I miss the life is mostly greys perspective. Pre HT my outlook on life was logical black and white. Then HT came along and the world went grey - so that's what the CNS meant when she said your emotions are going to be all over the place :-) It took many years after HT ended to revert back to the black and white world and sadly harder. I miss greatly the more grey softer world. So don't see how you feel now as all unwanted cos you might want some of it back :-)

Ray

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 08:11
Ray,

Your post interested me. My wife says I've become 'softer' and more 'loving' since I've been on HT and wonders how I will be after it ! Time will tell. But I can't wait for the HT to stop - only 14 months to go now ( hopefully).

John
User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 10:47

Good luck with everything - as you say you are a very supportive member and I am sure this post will also help others who are going through this too. My fiance hit a similar bump a couple of weeks ago (after about 6 months of HT). I think that it is a combination of the HT itself and then also the actual realisation of everything that is going on (we both still can't quite get our heads around the cancer diagnosis - it's such a lot to take in). Add to this other things such as side effects of treatment and symptoms of the cancer itself, then it is little wonder that you reached that point! I hope that you are feeling better in yourself today.  

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 13:27

Ray and John, my wife is the same, she says that if it had not been for HT I would not have allowed her to have a German Shepard puppy six weeks ago and that I am now a soft touch and she admitted she took advantage of me.

On another note I have seen my trials nurse and she says that a visit to the GP to discuss things is a good idea and a short course of antidepressants should not be ruled out but to also play it by ear and see if it happens again. I thought to myself that it will not happen again as I will not let my guard down that much again.

I know that makes me sound a bit arrogant ( I can assure you that is not the case) but I am determined to sort this as much as possible by myself.

Regards Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 15:11

You won't need anti-D's with a new best friend !! Lots of walks and mindfulness.
Best wishes

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 16:52

Good news on the dog. After much encouragement from a neighbour I was 68 before I walked a dog. My hesitation was because they were aggressive on my walks. Strangely since then instead of approaching me growling they now wag their tail which I guess is because I'm less uptight?

As your shop browsing increased since being on HT. Mine did greatly and it still continues although the wife points out it never increased the amount of times your hand went in your pocket - I'm thankful for that :-)

Your determination to keep your guard up is fine but never forget there's no shame in seeking help.

Good luck on your journeys and remember all being well each morning is one day less before HT ends

Ray

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 16:59
We had a Yorkie for 14+ years and my wife wants to get another one as it would encourage me to go out for walkies which would be beneficial to both me and her!!

Arthur
User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 18:46

Ray and Arthur, I absolutely hate shopping so am the taxi and sit in the car park while my wife "nips" in to the shops, very rare that I go with her and trot about and carrying the bags. I am not tight but most things she buys are unnecessary and firmly believe that the shopkeepers rub their hands together when they see her as she is a dream customer, it could be any shop whatsoever and she cannot come out without purchasing something.

As far as the dog goes it will be great when we get to walk her(1week to go) but at present we have a silver tabby cat that she does not let out of the house unless it is on a lead and guess who gets that important, interesting job!! Standing for ten minutes just looking at a mouse hole in the hope of pouncing or staring vainly at a bird in a tree and waiting for it to come to her so it can be killed, no chance, boring or what!

The joys of pets!!

Cheers all Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 14 Jun 2016 at 19:05

A cat on a lead ? Do you wear a skirt when you do that 😀😀😀😀
But NOW you have a very roughty-toughty German Shepard. Well just a jolly ball of fluff at the moment I expect. My wife is a professional dog groomer ( just won a competition ) so dogs are a major part of both our lives. A dog fills a house with love , is utterly faithful ( Alsatians more than most ) , and would rather be kicked than ignored as the old saying goes.
I hope it brings a new happiness amongst difficult circumstances

User
Posted 15 Jun 2016 at 21:30

ChrisJ, the puppy is not so small now 5.7 kg two weeks ago and now 8.8 kg long gangly legs and razor sharp teeth and Deffinitely does not want to be ignored .

John(surr33) your in box is full so make some space please!! Delete something.

 
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