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User
Posted 03 Oct 2016 at 19:57

I havent been on this site for a while. I was so sorry to hear of Tony's deterioration. I am thinking of you.xx

Max
"You can only play the hand you're dealt"
User
Posted 03 Oct 2016 at 21:37

It is so sad when someone deteriorates suddenly - hang on in there Piglet, stay strong. I am thinking of you both x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 17:57

It's all happening so quickly now: Tony is deteriorating fast, so tomorrow he is moving into the local hospice. He had thought at one time that he'd prefer to stay at home, and we know the hospice service would have provided extra care to support this, but he's now changed his mind, and we are both happy with this decision.

Tony has very little mobility now; he can't bathe or shower, can't really get in and out of the house without a lot of kerfuffle, can't get out of bed until I pull him, can't get in the car ..... practical measures have helped a bit with some of this but it's all a struggle and a worry. His pain is manageable, but he is totally weak and helpless. What they can't help us with is his mental weariness and vagueness, and his increasing detachment from life, which is so painful to witness. In many ways I am missing him already.

So today I have been sorting out the stuff he'll need to take with him, and tomorrow morning an ambulance will take him away for ever from this house where we've been so happy. Both our daughters have managed to clear their diaries and are coming to stay for a few days, which will be a great support. It all seems quite unreal.

The hospice is a lovely place - we have been to visit and we both know he'll be well cared for.

Glen and other women who have been through this will understand when I say I feel I am now experiencing a gradual onset of widowhood, with tomorrow being a big step in the process.

Marje

User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 18:07
Hello marje, your post is so heartfelt. I feel so very sad for you both at this time, I hope that the hospice will provide comfort for you both and your daughters will be with you every step of the way. Jayne x
User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 18:07

Huge hugs to you. Yes you make complete sense about how you are feeling. So glad your daughters can be there to support you. I think about you each day and send you my very best wishes


Rosy (((Hugs))) xx

User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 19:15
Marje, I am sending you the biggest virtual hug possible I can imagine that the move to the hospice has been a heart wrenching decision and something that I have yet to face.
I am wishing you strength to get through the next few weeks , so glad that you will have your daughters around for you.
Stay strong XX
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 19:29
Marje
So pleased your Daughters can be with you. Your post is full of all the emotions and so thoughtfully worded.
Today I just can't find any words so just sending a really big hug

You are in all our thoughts
xx
Mo
User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 19:33

I don't know if this helps at all but I think it makes sense. Tony will get the care he needs and you can focus on just being with him. I have thought this through for myself and though I am thankfully a year or two away from this with a fair wind, I have already decided that when the time comes I will go in a hospice. I do not have a partner but my children are very close and I do not want them to have to deal with all the medical stuff so I have told them of this intention.

If he gets some peace there then he may be able to engage more with you and your daughters, I do hope so. These are difficult times but unerringly they happen as Tony and you experience end of life decisions. I am thinking of you but no words can help at this time.

User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 19:40

A hug from me too :-((
Keep strong x

User
Posted 04 Oct 2016 at 22:37

Photos Marje. Tony may not be at home but he can still see pictures of home and all it has meant in your lives. One of the best things I did when my Mum was dying was to take the photo albums in to the hospital. She was unconscious for most of the time but when she did wake the photos gave her a lot of comfort.


David

User
Posted 05 Oct 2016 at 07:04

I hope today goes as well as it can Marje.

I do know what hospices are like and my experience is all positive. It seems odd in a way to say that (in my opinion anyway) they are the best place to be at this stage.

Tony will be well cared for as you know and I am sure he will relax and be more positive for you when he no longer has to ask you for help. It will hopefully make this remaining time together more memorable for the right reasons rather than the stress of caring for him at home.

Now you can give him 100% of you without the constant nag of seeing him suffering and struggling and it has to be better for your own health, although I am certain you would have continued at home if that is what Tony said he wanted.

I am thinking of you as I am sure are we all.

****

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 05 Oct 2016 at 09:27

Marje, you know that I completely understand what you are going through, our journey these last few months have been so similar.


I remember Phil being taken by ambulance, first to hospital and then to the Hospice a week later, knowing that it was probably the last time he would see his home, it's surreal, and it was only a month or so ago.


Once in the Hospice Phil and I knew he was in the right place and not once did he hanker to come home. The care is second to none, things such as bathing, there were always 2 Care Nurses to ensure things were done smoothly, quickly and with minimum discomfort. Phil was in such a lot of pain near the end and it couldn't have been managed at home. The Doctors were round a couple of times a day and you know that any medication required is immediately available.


The end is never easy but I do think it was easier him being in the hospice as we could concentrate on just being together and not getting bogged down in caring/medical duties.


It's heartbreaking. You don't want them to go, but then you do to end the suffering and I know that Phil didn't want to live just confined to a bed and totally reliant upon others.


Phil's funeral is on Friday at Skipton Crematorium, so that is my next focus, and things are all sorted. I'm trying to focus on the positives and coming to terms with living a different life now. I'm only 54 and Phil was 61, so far to young to lose him.


Take care and keep strong.


Glen


x


 


 

User
Posted 05 Oct 2016 at 19:36

Hi piglet
No words just prayers and (( HUGS)) for you both 🙏🏼

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
User
Posted 05 Oct 2016 at 22:04
Your pain and bravery is here for all to see Piglet. For what it's worth this is the right decision and I'm so glad it's been made. John has said he wants to go into the hospice when the time comes for the same reasons really, havgin seen how hard it is to look after someone at home these last few weeks (and our situation isn't as bad yet) I doubt I could cope, being honest.

We are all holding you both in our hearts.

With love
Devonmaid xxxxxxx
User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 21:49

It was so quick. A week after moving into the hospice, my darling Tony has passed away. It was in the early hours of this mornng and I was with him. His death was utterly peaceful and his pain was well controlled right up to the end. The hospice staff were truly amazing, and the care he - and I - received was loving, patient and tender.
I may post more about this later, but it's been a long day. My two daughters are with me now, and we have spent the evening drinking wine, reminiscing, crying and laughing.
Good night, all my forum friends.
Marje

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:03
My thoughts are with you ..... no words are adequate ...you were there xxxx
Leila xx
User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:05
My sincere condolences, thank you for sharing this sad time.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:07
M

So sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my sincere condolences.

Thanks Chris
User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:19

Sincerest condolences to you and your family

Bri x

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:24

love to you and your family x

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:37

So very sorry. Love Eleanor

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:51
I've followed all your posts, many heartbreaking to read.

So sorry to hear of your loss, I wish you and your family well.

Arthur
User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 22:54

I am so very sorry for you and your family. You have put so much into caring for Tony. Now it is time to be kind to yourself.


Take very good care


Big hugs


Rosy xxx 

User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 23:19

So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself.xx

Max
"You can only play the hand you're dealt"
User
Posted 12 Oct 2016 at 23:44

So sorry you have lost Tony to this rotten disease. You knew it was coming but still a shock when it happens so I hope and trust you get good support at this sad time.

Barry
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 00:15
Marje,

So very very sorry to read this.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

Take care of yourselves.

KRO...
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 00:20
So sorry to read this.
Take care
Linda
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 01:06

Piglet, I am so sorry to read this. You are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 01:23
I'm so sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Steve x
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 06:55

:-((
Thoughts are with you. So sorry x

User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 07:54
Have followed you throughout your journey, sincere condolences
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 09:45

Such sad news. Tony is at peace now and you gave him your everything. RIP Tony. Thinking if you all at this time.

User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 10:38

Also sending all my love and thoughts to you and your family.


 


Fiona. xxx

User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 12:27

So very sad to hear this news, sending love and prayers to you and your girls
🙏🏻

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 13:02
So sorry to read your news. You all did everything you could and he is now at peace. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Kevan
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 13:25
Thinking of you and your daughters at this sad time. Lovely to read you were sharing memories last eve together. Jayne x
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 14:41
So sorry to read this, my condolences to you and you family
Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 15:23
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my sincerest condolences.
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 17:03
Thinking of you all I am so sorry to read this Marje. My sincere condolences.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 18:54
Marje
I am so very sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and all your family. It is comforting for me and others to hear that Tony passed away peacefully with the person he loved most there at his side and others close by to look after you and each other when he had gone.
Thinking of you
xxx
Mo
User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 19:44

Dear Marje,

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. Linda and I send you our love.

My three contemporaries have all passed on. I never met them but I developed a fellow feeling for them through yours and Glen's and Rosy's posts.

If there is a hereafter I will share some Jennings' Cocker Hoop with Phil, some of his homemade mead with Tony and a G&T with David.

User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 20:35

Dear Marje, I really am sorry to hear this, but you know that we have followed a similar journey these past few months. I know exactly how you feel. I found it quite difficult between the passing and the funeral, but kept and still am keeping myself busy. I'm not a person who falls to pieces and my way of coping is to crack on with things. It is different for everyone though. Nice to hear of you drinking a toast to him.


Keep strong, it's still early days for me too so I can't say time is a healer, although I guess it will be. All I know is that life is very different now. I'm fine keeping busy, but today I saw an advert for a 1940s dance locally and that set me off as it would have been something we did together.


Thinking of you and sending love.


CoIU-FC, Phil certainly will want to have a pint of Jennings' Cocker Hoop!


Take care


 


Glen


xxx


 

User
Posted 13 Oct 2016 at 21:28

Dear Marje, I have been away and have only just picked up your thread,


I am so sorry and I offer my sincere condolences to you and your famiy.


Best Wishes


Sandra
*********

Edited by member 13 Oct 2016 at 21:29  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 15 Oct 2016 at 11:48

I just want to add something I wrote nearly two years ago. It will be obvious who it was addressed to but I'll bet all of the OH's who have passed on will have felt the same way.


Chapters of Life
There have been three chapters to my life. The first concluded when I started work in July 1968. The second finished on 26 December 1970 when we got together. The third chapter will be the last. It has been the best of the three.
You might break down your life into a different number of chapters to me. However, for you the current chapter will not be your last. I hope you can move on to the next chapter. It won’t be the same as the last one but it can be as fulfilling. Embrace the new chapter. Look back on the previous one with a smile, not with regret.

User
Posted 18 Oct 2016 at 20:43
Hi marje
I'm so sorry to read your sad news, please accept my sincerest condolences. Sending you a big hug.
I haven't been on line for a little while, have needed to take a short step away.
All my love
Lesley xx
 
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