This is my first post in this section of the Forum. Advanced Pca still applies, but we are moving into a new phase now, where active treatment is pretty minimal and palliative care is the name of the game.
Briefly, Tony's cancer is now in his bone marrow, making further chemo inadvisable, and causing anaemia and low platelet count. He has had one trannsfusion, which has helped a bit, and his pain is still quite manageable. We asked for a prognosis, and the onco says that without active tretament, Tony has probably got mo more than six months. He could fade quite gradually, or it could end in a sudden event at any time, possibly caused by internal bleeding.
But just when I was about to ask for a loan of the virtual comfort blanket, we received a comfort blanket in human form: a visit from the palliative care nurse from the local hospice. She was really helpful and reassuring about the support they can offer us from now on. For the first time since diagnosis, we are being helped in a holistic way - as a couple, as a family, as whole people, rather than a man with Pca and his wife (I always felt up to now that I was seen as part of Tony's support system rather than someone who might also need support).
Our nurse reviewed Tony's pain medication and told us what might be needed further on. We talked about the hospice, and their "hospice at home" care which aims to help people die at home if they wish to. She says Tony is now entitled to Attendance Allowance and a blue badge, which she will help us apply for. We will get a "Just in case" kit of emergency(drugs, syringes etc) to keep at home, also a TEP form about what treatments Tony would wish to accept or refuse. All sorts of useful and helpful things were discussed and explained. She will visit us as required - weekly, fortnightly - at home.
Of course some of this discussion was quite emotional. It's easier to react in a normal way when you're at home in your own surroundings, rather than bottling it all up as you try to in a hospital setting. However, we both feel more at ease with the situation now, and less helpless and hopeless.
The next day was our 46th wedding anniversary. In the morning we had some friends round for coffee and a special chocolate cake, followed later by a glass of our home made mead (Tony keeps bees). We sat in the garden in the sun and it was lovely. Then the two of us had a quiet meal out in the evening. So there can still be good times, and we hope for more when our daughters (consecutively) visit us next week.
Marje