Hi Debbie,
I'm sure all the ladies on this site totally relate to your feelings. It is hard work, emotionally, physically and everything else watching a loved one going through this, the uncertainty and the sense of one's life revolving around illness, emergencies and an uncertain future. There is no straightforward answer. Just 'be there' for your husband, cliched as that sounds, it is often all we can offer, as you say, it is distressing to feel so helpless but that is the reality.
As human beings, we like to feel we are in charge of our lives, and a serious illness absolutely knocks that on the head. To be able to be there for your husband, it's crucial to look after yourself, in whatever form that takes, for me, it was long dog walks, having some distance from my partners situation, having a good cry, talking to others for support. Macmillan have an excellent helpline and the PCUK nurses are also very good, use them if you need to, it becomes impossible to hold everything together. Try to take one hour at a time and find some small distractions for when difficult feelings overwhelm, but dont feel you have to surpress them, they are normal and natural in this context. Use the forum here, there are lots of wonderful, supportive people who completely understand how it is for you so you are never alone, whatever you and your husband are going through.
Fiona.