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User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 12:00
Hi, I lost my dad this morning to this disease.

Can anyone help me with after care for myself. I'm heartbroken but need to be strong for my kids. However I've been in a living nightmare this week away from my children and hard to see how one feels better and how long. This is my first experience of this.

Thanks.

Ellie

User
Posted 22 Jan 2017 at 20:15
Hi all,

This is so helpful - thank you.

Dad had care at home from a private care company with district nurses and palliative care visiting.

I've contacted Cruse so that looks good but will check out the other recommendations. They sound great.

My kids are 8 and 10 and I tried the book "Waterbugs and Dragonflies" which they seem to love. Had to buy it twice so they had one each!

x

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User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 12:59

Hello Ellie and sorry to find you here and sincere condolences on the loss of your dad.

Death of a loved parent is very hard at any time but when you have children of your own that makes it much more difficult.

Firstly, you have to think of yourself now and try and tell yourself that dad is no longer in pain.

Yes, you do have to be strong now but please try and get help if you can. Try your GP to ask if there is somebody you can talk to.

There are also groups out there that deal with the loss of a loved one. Cruise I think is one of them. You could ring one of the nurses on here (number at the top of the page) and see if they can point you in the right direction. ~There is always the Samaritans to if you just want to offload on to somebody.

Then there are us too but I think perhaps you'll need specialist help initially as this is so hard for you

You've missed your children too as i've no doubt they have missed you.

You don't say what age your children are. Depending on their ages of course, it will be difficult to tell them about granddad.

I hope other members with this kind of experience will come and advise you. My own children are all grown up so were able to take the death of their grandparents in an adult way.

Everything is so much worse at the moment. You are tired and distressed and as you say, heartbroken and none of this will make sense to you.

I wish you peace and acceptance. Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 13:03
Ellie,

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

I'm not in a situation where I can write much just now but wanted to send my heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

We're all here for you.

Steve x

User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 17:03

Hi Ellie
So very sorry to hear this and a shame you couldn't find us earlier. My condolences and strength sent to you. I urge you to make use of the nurses on this site and they can help you and point you in the right direction. Talking to ANYONE is key. Getting your feelings out etc. If you have a Wessex nearby they are brilliant. I get a massage and councelling every month and tea and biscuits with the ladies. And I hope you find that actually having a family and having to keep busy will help you too. Please find someone to chat with. Xx

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 19:56

Dear Ellie

So sorry about the loss of your dear dad. My sincere condolences. I don't have any advice except to endorse what others have said about getting professional support for yourself as soon as you can. This is too much to bear alone, especially when you are so emotionally exhausted with everything that has happened.

I know that there's a section for those who have lost loved ones on the Macmillan community forum. People there will understand exactly what you are going through and will, I'm sure, give you both practical and emotional help.

Love

Eleanor

x

 

User
Posted 19 Jan 2017 at 22:23

Hi Ellie

So sorry to hear about your dad. Was he in a hospice or cared for by hospice at home? If so they will offer counselling for members of the family including children.

Best wishes x

User
Posted 21 Jan 2017 at 21:58

Hi Ellie,

 

Rosy makes a good point. If your Dad had hospice care they offer a very comprehensive bereavement support service. I had individual counselling then was offered a bereavement group after my partner died. If you are on Face book, there are a number of groups. The Rainbow Room was set up for women who have lost husbands, partners, Dads to PCa. The Good Grief Trust was also recently set up to support and advise people going through bereavement. Think the founder lost her partner to cancer. There are services out there, just a question of chasing them up and acknowledging you need time, and support to care for yourself. We are always here on the forum as well, many of us have lost a much loved man to PCa so you are not alone in whatever you are going through. Hope you find the help you need,

 

Fiona. x

User
Posted 22 Jan 2017 at 20:15
Hi all,

This is so helpful - thank you.

Dad had care at home from a private care company with district nurses and palliative care visiting.

I've contacted Cruse so that looks good but will check out the other recommendations. They sound great.

My kids are 8 and 10 and I tried the book "Waterbugs and Dragonflies" which they seem to love. Had to buy it twice so they had one each!

x

User
Posted 31 Jul 2017 at 23:14
Hello.

Months down the line and what a journey. Cruse were excellent and so good to talk to and reflect on what happened.

Still very hard though but it does seem to get better slowly. Guess it never really leaves you x

 
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