I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search



Is sex still on the menu?

Posted 31 January 2017 22:36:30(UTC)

Hello to everyone,

I'm 56 years old and I was diagnosed with PC yesterday by my Macmillan nurse. I am reeling over this as I had no symptoms and up until a blood test was totally unaware of this. I'm angry because there is no cancer in my family on both my mothers and fathers side right up to three generations. I have a great sex life with the Mrs and this freaking issue just attacks everything about being a man. In other words my main concern is that I go from 'Hero to zero' peeing my pants and looking like a wimp. 

Can anyone give me anything positive on this or not?

cheers Mike

Posted 01 February 2017 01:18:21(UTC)

I'm 46 and had robotic, non-nerve sparing surgery just before Christmas 2016. I don't have too many issues with incontinence but ED is a huge issue. As my nerves couldn't be spared, I will probably end up reliant on injections to assist erection.

It is horrendous having to face the possibility of ED, dry orgasms and even possible penile shrinkage. Each man with a PCa diagnosis has to find a way of coming to terms with this.

It would be helpful if we knew more - your TNM and Gleason score and proposed treatments.

I'm 8 weeks post op and not a bit of movement down there. But others have managed to achieve erections and I'm sure they'll be along to offer their wisdom.

Posted 01 February 2017 01:42:38(UTC)

I suppose you just find a new 'normal' - sex will never be the same again but that doesn't mean that you will never have sex again.

It took my husband about 3 years to regain natural erections; he continues to struggle with the dry orgasms which he feels re-define him as a man, and he does still have some ED but this is psychological now rather than mechanical. The trick is to get a really good ED nurse (check that this service is available in your area before making your choice of treatment) and to be open minded about what you will / will not try

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 01 February 2017 07:24:12(UTC)

I was exactly the same as you. The thought of ruined sex life which was great before nearly stopped me having treatment. I won't lie it has been a massive 19 month battle post surgery to regain erectile function , and most of it has been my own hard work and determination and demanding on treatments. I think this all depends on how really close you are pre treatment because we have had a whole load of laughs and closeness and adventure without an erection or ejaculation. Sure , I've had a load of grief too at losing my best pal and wing man. If you pick surgery it's virtually guaranteed you will have severe ED for a good while. Other treatments like RT and brachytherapy will also cause it but with a time delay after treatment. I'm on your side. I understand. Some people just talk of living but being saved and having no erection can devastate some men and make life not worth living , especially us younger ones. No guarantees , but it is possible to have an exciting , new fulfilling sex life. Keep strong and keep posting

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
Thanked 1 time
Posted 13 March 2017 02:41:20(UTC)
Erections non existent now for me for the last 2 months. That would have been 6 months after the brachytherapy treatment. I'm really disappointed and depressed. If I had known this was going to happen, I wouldn't have bothered going for it I'd say. A terrible situation to be in at my age. 50. Tablets don't work any more.
Posted 13 March 2017 08:52:57(UTC)

Hi Kautostar,
probably best to start your own thread so that replied to you don't get muddled with others. Are you on hormones as part of your brachy treatment?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 13 March 2017 09:32:09(UTC)

Hi Mike

Sorry you find yourself here. As the other guys have said, it's crushing blow - first the cancer and then the realisation of what the treatment brings. 

As Ulsterman suggested, make sure you update your profile so people can provide appropriate responses. This is a great resource, the members are incredibly open about the challenges they have faced, and they are very supportive. The thing to do is get informed. Read the toolkit, read the many threads on here, research further afield, and ask questions.

There are positive stories, so don't think it's all doom and gloom.

Good luck with the journey.



Posted 13 March 2017 14:57:34(UTC)
Ok. Thanks. I will.
©2018 Prostate Cancer UK