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Not coping with dad being diagnosed!

User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 11:12
Hey, my Dad has been diagnosed with prostrate cancer with a Gleason score of 8, 4+4.

He is on hormone implants and is awaiting a scan as they have seen lymph nodes outside the spill area!

If these are cancerous he has to go straight to Chemo!

I'm crying everyday! It's such a hard situation. My dad has been homeless from Christmas 2016, thankfully he has just got a flat close to where I live.

Chemo scares me so much and I think it scares him but he won't tell me how he feels other than "it's just something I might have to go through".

I'm so scared he's going to die from this!

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it

<3

User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 14:25
Hello HollyM,

You will get a lot of help and support from the people on this forum and you can always call the specialist nurses on the 0800 no. on this website.

Go to publications section and either download the Toolkit or phone for a copy, you'll find this very helpful.

As your dad goes along with treatment add the details to your profile, after the Gleason no. there should be something like "T_No M_". this this gives a clearer indication on the PCa. Click on people's avatars to have a look at their profiles, others will come along who have a similar diagnosis to your dad's and will be able to help you.

Best wishes,

Arthur

User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 14:39

Hi Holly

I am not sure whether or how things differ from hospital to hospital but I think I was average and my progress went like this . . .

PSA test, then MRI scan then Biopsy then choice of treatment.

The PSA test produces a number which indicates whether cancer is likely.
The MRI scan shows here the cancer is (on the prostate and elsewhere or not)
The biopsy is done on the part of the prostate shown by the MRI scan to be abnormal.

From what you say 'He is on hormone implants and is awaiting a scan' it sounds like they have started treatment before the MRI scan?

It is worrying and it is stressful (I know) but it is highly likely that you dad's prostate cancer will be treatable with a good chance of a successful outcome.

Edited by member 22 Mar 2017 at 14:40  | Reason: Not specified

User
User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 15:59

Hello Holly.

IF dad has been started on Hormones he may well become a little emotional himself so he will need you to be strong for him.

It is distressing and frightening and the word chemo evokes deep fear because it makes it all seem so scary.

There will be others along to help you but in the meantime, try not to worry too much. It won't help your dad and it will only tire you out when you need to be strong for him.

As the others have said, once you get more information perhaps you could post it for us

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 19:45

Holly, I've just come from my first chemo session this afternoon. It was a piece of cake and so it should have been. This is now a routine procedure offered early to advanced PCa cases. In my case though, after nearly ten years of other treatments. I have Mets outside the local area in lymph nodes so a bit like like your Dad. A bit younger than him at 73, but probably with a similar outlook. You really must not worry or fear death is near. It isn't. After the course of chemotherapy treatment, if other treatments are needed, there is an increasing choice.

Regarding life style choices and diet, just encourage a healthy balanced diet, forget supplements and fads, eat the things and do the things which are good for the heart. Gentle exercise, nothing strenuous, dog walking a few miles a day is great.

Use your times with him to boost his confidence and think positively about the future. I suspect he may surprise you with his longevity!

AC in Leics.

User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 20:15

Hi Holly M ,my OH was diagnosed approx 15 months ago with Gleason 9 and had spread to lymph nodes .we feared the worst and thought he only had months to live , Gary went straight onto hormones and then had 6 sessions of chemo which thankfully went really well with very few side effects and he carried on working all the way through .fatigue was the main side effect but he just took Things a bit slower . Once the PSA level started to come down we felt a lot better . Gary is still working hard and we still enjoy our holidays and intend to for many years to come .
I know it's a scary place to be now but it does get easier ,make sure you're there for your dad and also take care of yourself.
If you need any advice or just need somewhere to sound off to then your in the right place .
Best wishes
Debby

User
Posted 22 Mar 2017 at 20:33

Chemo doesn't cure prostate cancer but it makes the hormone treatment much more effective so nothing to fear. My father-in-law had chemo at the age of 79; he carried on pretty much as normal apart from a few days each 3 weeks when he wasn't allowed to go to the pub due to risk of infection. Three years later he was still going off camping to France for a month at a time.

You say IF it has gone to the lymph nodes he will be straight onto chemo but have they said what they will do if the lymph nodes are clear? It may be that the hormones will be followed in a few months by radiotherapy - if his cancer is contained, there is a possibility that he could get curative treatment.

No point crying every day - even if it has spread to the lymph nodes he might be around for 10 years or more and you would be exhausted!

Edited by member 22 Mar 2017 at 20:34  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 03 May 2018 at 11:46
Hi Holly,

My dad is going through the diagnosis of Gleason 9 now. How are things?

User
Posted 27 Jul 2019 at 22:17

So.…… its been awhile from I updated. Dad has now bone mets and liver mets. his prognosis is now 6months to a year. Hes had several severe infections due to having a catheter fitted, they tried Chemo and hes now on tamusolsin and abireratone (excuse spelling). Its so hard to watch him failing, hes so thin and frail, he isn't eating much at all just the odd chocolate biscuit and he is sleeping on and off all day and night. Hes on MST and Oramorph for pain along with paracetamol, im doing my best to help him as im the only family he has but its really tough as I myself have 2 young boys who are autistic. I really don't think he has a year with the way he is now and sometimes I just wish he would slip away in his sleep so he doesn't suffer any more, then again the thought of him not being here literally makes me freeze and feel sick to my stomach.

 

Holly 

User
Posted 28 Jul 2019 at 10:48
Okay, lots of questions for you:

Is the local hospice or Macmillan service involved?

Have they checked that he is getting all the correct benefits? People who have less than a year to live are sometimes entitled to extra money from the government

Has anyone helped you to look at whether you can get carers allowance?

Has the local council and health service started assessing his care needs yet? He may need equipment, a special bed, or home care assistants who can help with dressing, bathing, etc. District nursing team may also need to be involved at some point.

Have you and he ever talked about the end? Would he prefer to go into a hospice or does he want to stay at home if possible?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

 
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