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Dad newly diagnosed - freaking out

Posted 30 April 2017 01:27:19(UTC)
Not sure if this will help but a friend told me that cancer forums are helpful and full of like minded people.
My dad has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We find out next week the results of bloods and bone scan to see if it's spread.
Seriously freaking out as to how to deal with it if it has gone into the bones, made the mistake of googling stuff, and just very worried.
Sick of people telling me that prostate cancer is ok and they can whip it out - this isn't the case as it's in the wall where the prostrate is not the actual prostate and docs have said they cannot operate.
Any advice on how to help my dad through this and how to keep myself sane if the news is worst case??
Posted 30 April 2017 10:17:31(UTC)

Hello Liv and welcome to the site.

Yes cancer forums like this one (especially this one) are very very helpful. We have people on here, men, wives, partners, who will all share their knowledge and experience with you.

Could you supply any further information ie

What was his latest PSA
What is his Gleason score

Just because he has been told that the cancer is inoperable does not mean that it isn't treatable, even if it's gone to his bones.

We have men on here in the incurable camp. They know they will never get better and that eventually PC will be their Nemesis but does that stop them living their lives to the full. No it doesn't

Unfortunately you now have it fixed in your mind that Inoperable means his life is over. There are many treatments available now and many more coming on stream all the time.

He is just starting (and so are you) on his new life, his new normal and once you both have the treatment plans in place you will find it easier to calm down and be more accepting.

Please do not despair at this stage.

Please, please, please do not Google random sites because not all of them are relevant to our NHS service and there are a lot of horror stories out there as you have no doubt discovered.

Yes, it is easy to want to deck those kind hearted people who assure you that if you have to get cancer then Prostate cancer is the best one to get because they can just whip it out and all will be well. We had the same said to us. Also the quote that more men die WITH it than of it. No help at all when you've just been given the rotten news

People mean well and often they don't know what else to say so think they are being encouraging.

It is true that if it's caught early enough then treatment can be successful and lead to a full cure.

When he goes for the results it would be best if somebody went with him to take in all the information. Go to publications on this site and download the free Toolkit, a lot of information on which you may be able to base some questions.

Write them down and also write down the answers. You are both unlikely to remember them when you get home, or may well hear the answers differently to each other.

I'm sure you'll get more reassurance from others on here. Sundays, and Bank holiday ones at that, mean the site is likely to be a little quiet so you may need patience.

Best Wishes



We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
Posted 30 April 2017 10:30:40(UTC)

First, stop googling. Most information on the internet is about common prostate cancer and may not be relevant to your dad.

Second, stop trying to guess what might happen - you don't have enough information yet and the information you have is confused.

For example, can you remember more precisely (or if you weren't there, can someone who was tell you) exactly what was said about the cancer being in the wall? This could mean a number of things including a) it has pushed up against the edge of the prostate gland and started to break out b) it has affected the sling of muscles in the pelvis c) it is a very rare type of cancer which affects the outside surface of the prostate rather than the inside.

As you can imagine, the outcomes and treatments for these are significantly different and none of them can be solved by 'whipping it out' so you may be best to stop talking to lots of well meaning people who want to help you but don't know any more than you do. Best thing you can do for dad is to be calm and wait for the full set of results and advice of the doctors next week.

Spread to the bones, if it does happen, is not the worst thing. We have members who are still here many years later despite lots of bone involvement. Find out what you are dealing with first.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 30 April 2017 12:51:50(UTC)
Thans for responding!
His Gleason level is 7 and his psa is 7.4
The cancer is classed as prostate as it is in that area but it's not in the prostate gland itself. It's on the wall of the structure that holds the prostate. Never heard of it before.
Posted 30 April 2017 13:06:20(UTC)

He may have squamous cell carcinoma of the prostate or basal cell carcinoma - these are both very rare and quite difficult to treat so if that is what he is told next week, they will perhaps suggest a combination of different treatments. He may not have either of those though, since his PSA is a little bit raised.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 03 May 2017 12:49:27(UTC)

Thankfully it hasn't spread to the bones. They started him on Casodex and now waiting for appoinment with Oncologist to discuss radiotherapy.

I asked the consultant what his PSA was and he told me that it was irrelevant but it was 5.8 at the last check.

Posted 03 May 2017 14:13:27(UTC)

Not good news Wtf but it could have been a lot worse eh.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of good advice but at least now you both have a starting point.

Best Wishes


We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
Posted 04 May 2017 16:21:47(UTC)

Yes - thanks, it could have been a lot worse.

This forum is good though and there are some interesting stories which help.



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