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Telling my teenage children

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User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 15:09

Hi

So the news that I have prostate cancer is less than 4 weeks old. I have confided in some damn good friends and obviously my family etc. My children (18 and 16) are currently mid exams and having had the tragic loss of their 21 year old nephew in March to contend with my wife and I feel that they have had enough to cope with currently.

So the question I ask is that both of us are concerned as to the 'best' way to break the news to them when their exams are done!

Do you wonderful people out there have any experiences of this nature to share?

Thanks

 

Edited by member 06 Jun 2017 at 17:10  | Reason: Not specified

Best

Mr P

Live Long and Prosper

User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 17:12

Hello Mr P and welcome

I won't give a definitive answer since our children were a lot older than yours, although our grandchilden were around the same age and we told them very matter of factly, playing it down a bit I suppose.

There are others on here in your shoes, fairly young and with teenage children and I am sure they will be along to offer advice so hold on there and I'm sure somebody with the experience you need will be along to help

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 17:16

Mr P

We're very similar.  I'm 46 and was diagnosed last November and had my Da Vinci procedure in December.  I have recovered well, but as I had non nerve-sparing suffer severe ED.  My PSA also looks like it is on a slow rise.

I have two teenage children.  My 18 year old daughter is doing her A levels this month and my son will do his GCSEs next year.  I decided to tell them both last December as it would have been difficult to disguise going into hospital and having a catheter bag attached to my leg etc.

I told my daughter first.  She is wanting to study medicine and so had attended a medical society lecture at her school on prostate cancer. The professor who spoke told the audience that as bad as prostate cancer is, if a man is going to get cancer, this is probably the best one to get as it is generally one you live with and that you die with PCa rather than die from it.  Of course, even if this is true, it is probably more applicable to those who are older than both of us.  Nevertheless, I was happy to let that be the theme of our conversation.  When I spoke to my son, I generally repeated all of the above.  Some may disagree with me, but that's what I have done and can live with it.  If my condition worsens, and I did tell them that it could, then they know that might happen.  But I left them with the belief that I will live for a very long time yet - and I do believe that is the truth.

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

This forum is brilliant for getting answers to questions and many more members than me have great knowledge of treatments and so on.  It is a great source of support.  Also, the PCUK nurses are super people to talk to. 

Ulsterman

User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 18:01

Hi Mr P
I also have two teenagers. I think it very much depends on your diagnosis. I've had a quick look at your profile and although any diagnosis is a horrible shock it looks like the drs are going to go ahead with surgery which is great. In that situation I think I would have gone with a line like 'I've got some treatment ahead which will have some side effects but the prognosis for this type of cancer is very good and I'm feeling positive.'
Hope the op all goes well.

User
Posted 07 Jun 2017 at 14:20

It is always difficult to know how to tell your relatives. I am one of the lucky ones having had my PC caught early enough so it has never been a years to live issue. As sufferers we probably feel differently about cancer than the general population and although it changes many things in your life it really is just like any other disease. I never had any problems in telling people I was a sufferer, in fact I probably told more than I should have. I have no children myself but my brother (also PC sufferer) has four children and 11 grandchildren - he was reluctant to tell them about my problems without asking me first, but then he did. It helps if only so the grandchildren know why Uncle David (and Granddad) needs to visit the little room rather a lot during the night...

Now, nearly 18 months on from RT, I find the problem now is that people no longer ask me how I am. Our church members prayed intensely for me while I was being treated but it has now been forgotten about even though the long term issues remain. And on that score, the big improvement is in those night visits - a year ago 8-10 trips during the night, now firmly down to 2-3, occasionally just one visit. That at least gives me encouragement that it has all worked (next PSA review in September).

So back to your question, do not be afraid to tell your relatives and others. Better than keeping it to yourself.

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User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 17:12

Hello Mr P and welcome

I won't give a definitive answer since our children were a lot older than yours, although our grandchilden were around the same age and we told them very matter of factly, playing it down a bit I suppose.

There are others on here in your shoes, fairly young and with teenage children and I am sure they will be along to offer advice so hold on there and I'm sure somebody with the experience you need will be along to help

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 17:16

Mr P

We're very similar.  I'm 46 and was diagnosed last November and had my Da Vinci procedure in December.  I have recovered well, but as I had non nerve-sparing suffer severe ED.  My PSA also looks like it is on a slow rise.

I have two teenage children.  My 18 year old daughter is doing her A levels this month and my son will do his GCSEs next year.  I decided to tell them both last December as it would have been difficult to disguise going into hospital and having a catheter bag attached to my leg etc.

I told my daughter first.  She is wanting to study medicine and so had attended a medical society lecture at her school on prostate cancer. The professor who spoke told the audience that as bad as prostate cancer is, if a man is going to get cancer, this is probably the best one to get as it is generally one you live with and that you die with PCa rather than die from it.  Of course, even if this is true, it is probably more applicable to those who are older than both of us.  Nevertheless, I was happy to let that be the theme of our conversation.  When I spoke to my son, I generally repeated all of the above.  Some may disagree with me, but that's what I have done and can live with it.  If my condition worsens, and I did tell them that it could, then they know that might happen.  But I left them with the belief that I will live for a very long time yet - and I do believe that is the truth.

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

This forum is brilliant for getting answers to questions and many more members than me have great knowledge of treatments and so on.  It is a great source of support.  Also, the PCUK nurses are super people to talk to. 

Ulsterman

User
Posted 06 Jun 2017 at 18:01

Hi Mr P
I also have two teenagers. I think it very much depends on your diagnosis. I've had a quick look at your profile and although any diagnosis is a horrible shock it looks like the drs are going to go ahead with surgery which is great. In that situation I think I would have gone with a line like 'I've got some treatment ahead which will have some side effects but the prognosis for this type of cancer is very good and I'm feeling positive.'
Hope the op all goes well.

User
Posted 07 Jun 2017 at 00:17
Thanks to you all so far. Very helpful. Good luck to everyone on their respective journeys.
Best

Mr P

Live Long and Prosper

User
Posted 07 Jun 2017 at 14:20

It is always difficult to know how to tell your relatives. I am one of the lucky ones having had my PC caught early enough so it has never been a years to live issue. As sufferers we probably feel differently about cancer than the general population and although it changes many things in your life it really is just like any other disease. I never had any problems in telling people I was a sufferer, in fact I probably told more than I should have. I have no children myself but my brother (also PC sufferer) has four children and 11 grandchildren - he was reluctant to tell them about my problems without asking me first, but then he did. It helps if only so the grandchildren know why Uncle David (and Granddad) needs to visit the little room rather a lot during the night...

Now, nearly 18 months on from RT, I find the problem now is that people no longer ask me how I am. Our church members prayed intensely for me while I was being treated but it has now been forgotten about even though the long term issues remain. And on that score, the big improvement is in those night visits - a year ago 8-10 trips during the night, now firmly down to 2-3, occasionally just one visit. That at least gives me encouragement that it has all worked (next PSA review in September).

So back to your question, do not be afraid to tell your relatives and others. Better than keeping it to yourself.

 
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