Hi there
It's a terrible time for you and your wife without doubt. My story is similar .
Diagnosed at 44, Gleason 7, PSA 8, no symptoms whatsoever just an experienced GP giving me a mid life MOT
Because of my age and fitness I was offered robotic surgery route, and fully informed about all possible side effects as well as fully informed about other options
I chose surgery, I wanted it removed and I thought that if I chose radiotherapy then it might return - if I developed cancer cells once, then I'd be likely to develop them again if I kept my prostate gland
I had the surgery 3 years ago, margins clear, lymph nodes removed - also clear
Incontinence happened of course but after 6-7 weeks this disappeared completely.
ED of course 🙁
But using daily cialis and a pump to keep the blood flowing, after 6 months erections good enough for sex returned and shortly after that full function again,
Unlike some others who have lost penis size, I'm pleased to say mine is just the same as it was thankfully, whether that's down to remaining as sexually active as I could (i masturbated to climax every day after about 2 weeks post op- to keep the nerves active )
PSA is still <0.1 and 6 monthly checks continue
All in all I'm in a far better place than I expected to be when diagnosed - but also still feel the creeping "fear" that I will be told in future that my PSA has risen
But till then - it's fingers crossed and enjoying life to the full
It's been a rollercoaster ride all right, but there is some hope for people in your scared position of a shock cancer diagnosis