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The fight is over

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User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 00:31
It's all over for my darling husband. He tried so hard but it became too much for him to fight in the end. I read your stories and I am eaten up with worry and pain that I could have done more, could have fought harder for him. Many of you are doing so well and coming through so many trials and troubles, and I am truly happy for you all but why couldn't we I am heartbroken that I have let him down.
User
Posted 07 Aug 2017 at 16:36

Thank you all so much for your condolences and kind words of support. You are all right of course, I know I couldn't have really done any more. Graham was one of the unlucky ones that had the kind of complications that finally took their toll. All I can say right now is that for the last few months of his life it was an honour and a privilege to care for him, I promised him I would be there for him until the very last moment and I, his children his closest friends and even his three beloved retrievers were indeed right there. Lyn your description of being lifted from this world on a cloud really fits, his passing was so gentle and the whole house was full of love as my man went very gently and peacefully on to his next adventure.
Thank you all once again.
Yvonne xx

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 10:26

Sending strength to you. I'm sure you stood right by his side and supported the decisions he made.
That's all us men need is a strong loving hand xx

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 22:04

It is easy to look at other men who go on for years, who respond really well to treatments, and expect (or at least hope) that the same will apply in your case. Your OH just had one of the really persistent aggressive types that does not behave like others ... before you, we saw the same with Mo's husband Mick, with Candyman, with Nimeniton, and with MrsTommofire's husband. Looking at their stories you would see wives, mothers, partners & friends who did everything in their power but cancer has no respect for love. You did everything you could Yvonne; love cannot cure cancer, it simply makes the journey more bearable.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 15:58

Great reply Janet, I should have included you in my list of wives that had been in similar circumstances. You are a constant inspiration to me in the way that you have coped over the 7 years although I can't quite believe so much time has passed already!

Lots of love to you xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:07

Thoughts are with you at this sad time ,
Debby

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:08
Dear Yvonne

This is very sad news indeed. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that precious memories give you strength over the coming weeks and months. You haven't let your husband down at all - seems to me he was a lucky man having you around.

Ulsterman

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:39

So sorry to hear this. Thank you for all your sharing through this time.

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:07

Sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:08
Desperately sad for you, you didn't let your husband down, you were by his side all of the long, hard journey
User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:21
Sorry to hear your news. A sad day for you, even if you don't think so I'm sure you did the absolute best you could.

Best wishes,

Arthur

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:27
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your husband and offer my sincere condolences. He was a lucky man to have a devoted wife by his side during his illness and that is the greatest comfort that any of us blokes could ask for. You were there for him.

God bless

Kevan

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 09:35

Yvonne,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Honestly, what more could you have done? I suspect the answer is nothing. You loved him and he knew he was loved.

David

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 11:03

So sad to hear this news. Please accept my condolences.
He was lucky to have you by his side. Please don't punish yourself.

Bri x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 11:52

Hi Yvonne,

 

So sorry to hear of your loss but i am sure you gave him all your support to the end.None of us can see what the future will bring, our thoughts are with you.

 

Regards John.

Edited by member 01 Aug 2017 at 17:35  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 12:47
I am so sorry to read of your loss, from what you wrote about him, clearly a good man, my sincere condolences to you.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 15:48
So very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved husband. As a wife myself I can understand how you must be feeling but I am absolutely sure you did everything you could possibly do to support him through everything he went through, it's just so hard, my thoughts are with you.

Debbie x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 16:22

Sad to learn of your loss. It might have given more time if the cancer had been found and treatment started earlier but there is nothing more you could have done, so don't reproach yourself.

Barry
User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 17:33

MS

So sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my sincere condolences. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 18:27

Sincere condolences to you and family. Sadly Graham had the type of PCa that didn't respond to treatment as well as it did with others. Nothing you could do about that. What you could do was offer love and support which you did so you let no one down.

Ray

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 19:56

Sad sad news, my sincere condolences to you and yours----Jeff (Valleyboy).

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 20:22

So so sorry for your loss... you didn't let him down. You loved him and cared for him. And you still love him and care about him. That's all we can do. But sadly the cancer still won. For some men, like your husband and my partner, that's how it is.

I have sent you a private message and all my love and empathy.

Ruth

x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 21:21

So sad Yvonne to read of your loss, but I'm sure that there wasn't any more that you could have done, so no blame lies with you. You loved him to the end and the pain will go.

Stu

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 22:33

So sorry for your loss and your pain.

With sincerest condolences.

Clare

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 13:11

So desperately sorry to hear the sad news, Yvonne. Please do not reproach yourself. You were by his side throughout and that's all any of us blokes could ask for. 

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 14:50

Dear Yvonne,

I am so sorry to hear your news and also that you are feeling that you could have done more.This is a completely natural way to feel but I am sure you did all you could and you were there for him which is what matters most to our men. Some cancers are just so aggressive and all circumstances are different with men reacting differently to treatments. If he could have been saved I am sure he would have been, but you shouldn't blame yourself.

I do understand, having lost my husband to an aggressive cancer seven years ago. Other men had been fighting for years and my husband lost his fight 20 months after diagnosis. I felt how you describe, but eventually I managed to forgive myself and I hope you can too. It suddenly dawned on me that if all the experienced medical folks couldn't stop the progression of the disease how on earth should I think I could, but at the time I did feel I had let him down.

In time I drew comfort from knowing I was there for him and knowing he knew that. Today's painful memories and thoughts do turn to a more comfortable feeling, but it all takes time. 

If you feel it would help to talk to someone I am happy for you to message me, or the Specialist Nurses on 0800 074 8383 can put you in touch with someone who has 'been there'.

Take care, Janet

 

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 23:12

I'm so very sad to hear of your loss,
Take care
Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 23:30
Dear Yvonne,

If only we could cure with love , please don't reproach your self , love is in our hearts it's the one emotion that endures through time and beyond and you had that in abundance.

With love also comes feelings and memories I hope that one day you will be able to look back with memories filled with Love .

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 03 Aug 2017 at 23:04
Oh Yvonne

Such a sad post, for your loved husband but mostly for you, how could you have done more? Impossible, you loved him and helped him in his hour of need, now you need that help and love. Please accept my sincere condolences and love across the airwaves

With love and sadness

Devonmaid xxxx

User
Posted 04 Aug 2017 at 17:01

Dear Yvonne

I've only just picked up your post and I write to say how very sorry I am to read of your darling man's death. Please accept my condolences.

There is nothing any of us can say to ease your pain, because it is too raw at the moment.

You let him down? I really don't think so. That is your pain speaking. I'm totally sure that you would have done anything in your power to save him or ease his burden.

Give yourself time to grieve and then relive those precious, happy moments that you shared. I'm certain that as part of a loving relationship, it's what our husbands would want and expect of us.

You are in my thoughts

Best Wishes

Sandra

Edited by member 04 Aug 2017 at 17:02  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
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User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:07

Thoughts are with you at this sad time ,
Debby

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:08
Dear Yvonne

This is very sad news indeed. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that precious memories give you strength over the coming weeks and months. You haven't let your husband down at all - seems to me he was a lucky man having you around.

Ulsterman

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 07:39

So sorry to hear this. Thank you for all your sharing through this time.

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:07

Sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:08
Desperately sad for you, you didn't let your husband down, you were by his side all of the long, hard journey
User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:21
Sorry to hear your news. A sad day for you, even if you don't think so I'm sure you did the absolute best you could.

Best wishes,

Arthur

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 08:27
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your husband and offer my sincere condolences. He was a lucky man to have a devoted wife by his side during his illness and that is the greatest comfort that any of us blokes could ask for. You were there for him.

God bless

Kevan

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 09:35

Yvonne,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Honestly, what more could you have done? I suspect the answer is nothing. You loved him and he knew he was loved.

David

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 10:26

Sending strength to you. I'm sure you stood right by his side and supported the decisions he made.
That's all us men need is a strong loving hand xx

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 11:03

So sad to hear this news. Please accept my condolences.
He was lucky to have you by his side. Please don't punish yourself.

Bri x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 11:52

Hi Yvonne,

 

So sorry to hear of your loss but i am sure you gave him all your support to the end.None of us can see what the future will bring, our thoughts are with you.

 

Regards John.

Edited by member 01 Aug 2017 at 17:35  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 12:47
I am so sorry to read of your loss, from what you wrote about him, clearly a good man, my sincere condolences to you.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 15:48
So very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved husband. As a wife myself I can understand how you must be feeling but I am absolutely sure you did everything you could possibly do to support him through everything he went through, it's just so hard, my thoughts are with you.

Debbie x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 16:22

Sad to learn of your loss. It might have given more time if the cancer had been found and treatment started earlier but there is nothing more you could have done, so don't reproach yourself.

Barry
User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 16:27

Very sorry for your loss.

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 17:33

MS

So sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my sincere condolences. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 18:27

Sincere condolences to you and family. Sadly Graham had the type of PCa that didn't respond to treatment as well as it did with others. Nothing you could do about that. What you could do was offer love and support which you did so you let no one down.

Ray

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 19:56

Sad sad news, my sincere condolences to you and yours----Jeff (Valleyboy).

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 20:22

So so sorry for your loss... you didn't let him down. You loved him and cared for him. And you still love him and care about him. That's all we can do. But sadly the cancer still won. For some men, like your husband and my partner, that's how it is.

I have sent you a private message and all my love and empathy.

Ruth

x

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 21:21

So sad Yvonne to read of your loss, but I'm sure that there wasn't any more that you could have done, so no blame lies with you. You loved him to the end and the pain will go.

Stu

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 22:04

It is easy to look at other men who go on for years, who respond really well to treatments, and expect (or at least hope) that the same will apply in your case. Your OH just had one of the really persistent aggressive types that does not behave like others ... before you, we saw the same with Mo's husband Mick, with Candyman, with Nimeniton, and with MrsTommofire's husband. Looking at their stories you would see wives, mothers, partners & friends who did everything in their power but cancer has no respect for love. You did everything you could Yvonne; love cannot cure cancer, it simply makes the journey more bearable.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 22:33

So sorry for your loss and your pain.

With sincerest condolences.

Clare

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 13:11

So desperately sorry to hear the sad news, Yvonne. Please do not reproach yourself. You were by his side throughout and that's all any of us blokes could ask for. 

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 14:50

Dear Yvonne,

I am so sorry to hear your news and also that you are feeling that you could have done more.This is a completely natural way to feel but I am sure you did all you could and you were there for him which is what matters most to our men. Some cancers are just so aggressive and all circumstances are different with men reacting differently to treatments. If he could have been saved I am sure he would have been, but you shouldn't blame yourself.

I do understand, having lost my husband to an aggressive cancer seven years ago. Other men had been fighting for years and my husband lost his fight 20 months after diagnosis. I felt how you describe, but eventually I managed to forgive myself and I hope you can too. It suddenly dawned on me that if all the experienced medical folks couldn't stop the progression of the disease how on earth should I think I could, but at the time I did feel I had let him down.

In time I drew comfort from knowing I was there for him and knowing he knew that. Today's painful memories and thoughts do turn to a more comfortable feeling, but it all takes time. 

If you feel it would help to talk to someone I am happy for you to message me, or the Specialist Nurses on 0800 074 8383 can put you in touch with someone who has 'been there'.

Take care, Janet

 

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 15:58

Great reply Janet, I should have included you in my list of wives that had been in similar circumstances. You are a constant inspiration to me in the way that you have coped over the 7 years although I can't quite believe so much time has passed already!

Lots of love to you xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 23:12

I'm so very sad to hear of your loss,
Take care
Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
User
Posted 02 Aug 2017 at 23:30
Dear Yvonne,

If only we could cure with love , please don't reproach your self , love is in our hearts it's the one emotion that endures through time and beyond and you had that in abundance.

With love also comes feelings and memories I hope that one day you will be able to look back with memories filled with Love .

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 03 Aug 2017 at 23:04
Oh Yvonne

Such a sad post, for your loved husband but mostly for you, how could you have done more? Impossible, you loved him and helped him in his hour of need, now you need that help and love. Please accept my sincere condolences and love across the airwaves

With love and sadness

Devonmaid xxxx

User
Posted 04 Aug 2017 at 17:01

Dear Yvonne

I've only just picked up your post and I write to say how very sorry I am to read of your darling man's death. Please accept my condolences.

There is nothing any of us can say to ease your pain, because it is too raw at the moment.

You let him down? I really don't think so. That is your pain speaking. I'm totally sure that you would have done anything in your power to save him or ease his burden.

Give yourself time to grieve and then relive those precious, happy moments that you shared. I'm certain that as part of a loving relationship, it's what our husbands would want and expect of us.

You are in my thoughts

Best Wishes

Sandra

Edited by member 04 Aug 2017 at 17:02  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 07 Aug 2017 at 16:36

Thank you all so much for your condolences and kind words of support. You are all right of course, I know I couldn't have really done any more. Graham was one of the unlucky ones that had the kind of complications that finally took their toll. All I can say right now is that for the last few months of his life it was an honour and a privilege to care for him, I promised him I would be there for him until the very last moment and I, his children his closest friends and even his three beloved retrievers were indeed right there. Lyn your description of being lifted from this world on a cloud really fits, his passing was so gentle and the whole house was full of love as my man went very gently and peacefully on to his next adventure.
Thank you all once again.
Yvonne xx

 
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