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User
Posted 28 Sep 2017 at 14:00
Hi.

My husband was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer just over 3 years ago. I am 60 and my husband is 65. He had hormone treatment and radiotherapy but the radiotherapy wasn't successful and the cancer went to his lymph nodes. He is now on enzalutamide and has been since June and his PSA is now down to 0.2 and the lymph nodes have shrunk by half. This is all great news and my husband is coping well and he always has done. It's been the hardest 3 years we've known and our lives have changed totally. He is still working but due to retire after Christmas but he has a good quality of life and is very active. I am a very fit 60 year old, I've run marathons, half marathons, numerous 10ks. But....what they don't tell you is just how much your life changes emotionally when sex is no longer in the agenda! To say I miss it is an understatement- my husband doesn't miss the physical act as he lost the urge a long time ago, but we both miss the physical contact and i hate how it has changed our relationship. We still love each other and I have no inclination to have an affair, the only person I want sex with is my husband. We have discussed it but my husband feels so bad for me that I rarely bring it up. I have just read other people's experiences on this site about the same subject and although it's upsetting it has made me realise I'm not on my own. Putting this down in words has been very therapeutic today and I have taken comfort from reading others experiences.

User
Posted 28 Sep 2017 at 14:00
Hi.

My husband was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer just over 3 years ago. I am 60 and my husband is 65. He had hormone treatment and radiotherapy but the radiotherapy wasn't successful and the cancer went to his lymph nodes. He is now on enzalutamide and has been since June and his PSA is now down to 0.2 and the lymph nodes have shrunk by half. This is all great news and my husband is coping well and he always has done. It's been the hardest 3 years we've known and our lives have changed totally. He is still working but due to retire after Christmas but he has a good quality of life and is very active. I am a very fit 60 year old, I've run marathons, half marathons, numerous 10ks. But....what they don't tell you is just how much your life changes emotionally when sex is no longer in the agenda! To say I miss it is an understatement- my husband doesn't miss the physical act as he lost the urge a long time ago, but we both miss the physical contact and i hate how it has changed our relationship. We still love each other and I have no inclination to have an affair, the only person I want sex with is my husband. We have discussed it but my husband feels so bad for me that I rarely bring it up. I have just read other people's experiences on this site about the same subject and although it's upsetting it has made me realise I'm not on my own. Putting this down in words has been very therapeutic today and I have taken comfort from reading others experiences.

User
Posted 29 Sep 2017 at 09:29

I feel so sad for everyone in this situation and am literally DREADING this happening to me which won't be far away I've been told. It took me two whole years to recover sexually from the surgery but it was unsuccessful and I have a rapidly rising G9 psa. Only a matter of time before HT and Chemo begins. I'm 50 and can't imagine a life without sex or even wanting it anymore. It's been a key part of my life and I'll be terrified my wife is going without :-(.

User
Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 07:42
Hey Chris you are an inspiration and your advice re the Durex "love rings" has transformed my post surgery sex life. thanks again.
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User
Posted 29 Sep 2017 at 06:34

Hi gillianmarie1957
First of all welcome to the site ,secondly I'd like to appogise as I read your post yesterday and apart from being quite busy with grandson it was a bit close for comfort to my/our situation .my O/H was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago at 55 (me 51) with almost the same scores PSA 23 ,Gleason 4/5 spread to lymph nodes ,Gary is on hormone injections ,also had early chemo which went with out any problems apart from fatigue and is now on stampede -arm j which involves 2 more hormone tablets .
The first year was ok as everything still functioned ok ,but the last 6 months have been pretty much nil .We had a pretty good sex / love life and to go to this is strange but we just get on with it not really discussing it but to us it's not a problem we still cuddle , hold hands and every morning when Gary leaves for work at 6 am he kisses me on the head ,which he's always done .
I get told I love you at least 6 times a day and life goes on . Maybe it helps as I'm perimenipause so my labido is not as it used to be !
If it became a problem with us I'm sure we would tackle it , maybe you both need to speak more about the impact it's having on you , it's a differcult one but one that needs to be addressed or it will eat away at you .
Sometimes just talking to someone helps, all I keep thinking about is cherish what we have because tomorrow it could all be gone .
Good luck and best wishes
Debby

User
Posted 29 Sep 2017 at 09:29

I feel so sad for everyone in this situation and am literally DREADING this happening to me which won't be far away I've been told. It took me two whole years to recover sexually from the surgery but it was unsuccessful and I have a rapidly rising G9 psa. Only a matter of time before HT and Chemo begins. I'm 50 and can't imagine a life without sex or even wanting it anymore. It's been a key part of my life and I'll be terrified my wife is going without :-(.

User
Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 07:42
Hey Chris you are an inspiration and your advice re the Durex "love rings" has transformed my post surgery sex life. thanks again.
User
Posted 14 Nov 2017 at 23:22

HI

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN ON THE FORUM ALTHOUGH I HAVE READ LOTS OF POSTS.  EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND LIKE WE WERE TOLD - EACH INDIVIDUAL HAS THEIR OWN SET OF RESULTS, TREATMENT AND OUTCOME - NO ONE PERSON IS THE SAME 

TO SAY THIS PROSTATE CANCER IS LIFE CHANGING IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.    AWARENESS IS AN ISSUE IN THE UK AND EARLY DETECTION IS NOT GOOD 

HE HAD A HORMONE INJECTION IMMEDIATELY AND HAS HAD CHEMOTHERAPY AND RADIOTHERAPY      

A WHOLE YEAR OF TREATMENT AND THANKFULLY HIS PSA IS UNREADABLE NOW AT 0.01    

INTAMACY IS AN ISSUE BETWEEN US - HE THINKS ANY FORM OF AROUSAL OR AFFECTION MAY PRODUCE TESTOSTERONE  -  ITS IN HIS MIND AND IT WONT GO AWAY NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS HIM   

WE HAVE HAD AN APPOINTMENT WITH A VERY GOOD ERECTILE DISFUNCTION SPECIALIST TO EXPLAIN THE ISSUES INVOLVED AND WE HAVE TRIED CIALIS DAILY ALTHOUGH THIS HAD SIDE EFFECTS SO HAD TO STOP.  

THANKFULLY I DONT HAVE A BIG NEED BUT I MISS THE INTIMACY DREADFULLY AND FEEL A KISS AND I LOVE YOU COULD BE JUST A BIT MORE FUN SOMETIMES 

 

IT MAKES HIM FEEL BAD AND GUILTY SO I DONT MENTION IT IN CASE IT UPSETS HIM -  I FEEL THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE NOW

 

 

 

 

 
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