Feeling very low after husband's diagnosis.

User

Posted 21 Feb 2018 at 13:40

My husband of 48 years, aged 75, was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer just before Christmas. His PSA was 139 and Gleason Score was 9. He began hormone therapy immediately and is due for his second injection in March. His bone scan and MRI have both been clear, but, with such a high PSA, the consultant felt sure that there would be some micro mets. He was asked if he would like radiotherapy, but, taking into account the side effects, and understanding that it may not make any difference in the long run, decided against.

Although it was a shock, I think we've dealt with the whole thing quite well and have been pretty positive on the whole. However, over the last few days I have been feeling really down. We were very pleased when his PSA reading, a month after the first injection, had dropped to 0.89, but I'm aware that this will change eventually when the cancer cells begin to grow again. I'm spending sleepless nights wondering when that will be. Will it be next year? In five years?

I know I should be living for the moment and I am trying to do that, but, it's hard. My husband doesn't know that I am feeling like this and I don't want him to know. I just wondered if others have felt like this and if anything helped. Words of wisdom required, please!

User

Posted 21 Feb 2018 at 18:27

Dear Genevieve

What you are feeling is totally understandable and normal. I dare say that we have all been there. I know that I have.

You are still in a state of shock as it is not long since your diagnosis.

I remember those days as being the worst days of my life, wondering what we had done to deserve this, what we were going to do, and how we would cope.

As a wife you do feel the need to stay strong and keep positive to help your husband and I am sure that he will appreciate your strength at this time, which you are surely showing, even if you do not feel strong inside.

You are getting your husband through this, you are doing so well, but it is good to talk on here or with someone else who understands.

People don't really understand cancer until they have faced it. You could do to chat to someone who has been there ( like we all have) and let off steam a little. This will help you to stay stronger when with your husband.

I don't really know if these are the words of wisdom that you are looking for. But after a while this situation will become part of your life and you will get used to a new normal. It's not easy but you will get there.

Alison

User

Posted 21 Feb 2018 at 18:57

Dear Genevieve,

I'm sure it's perfectly normal!

Your world has been turned on its head and you've been fighting to stay strong and positive.

Each time a new PSA or scan is due you build yourself up for bad news and that is very wearing.

Now you are looking at what you see as a very bleak future.

I don't know why you wouldn't want to let your husband know how you feel. Has he only been coping because you have been so strong?

I too have been married a long time (nearly catching you up as we had our 47th in October) and my husband is now 77. The only way we get through any of the cancers that have been thrown our way, has been to talk and support each other.

Having said that, for his own prostate cancer he just goes with the flow.

Easy for us to say put it to the back or your mind - not so easy to do though is it.

We have decided to make our memories now, doing the things we have put off over the years. Whichever one of us is left alone will have those to cherish.

As Alison says, we are here to chat to if you need us.

Take care

Sandra

Edited by member 22 Feb 2018 at 15:17 | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 22 Feb 2018 at 11:18

Thank you very much, Alison and Sandra, for your kind words, which I found extremely helpful and supportive. It does make a difference to talk to others who totally understand how we're feeling at the moment.

I do have friends, but I'm always wary of burdening people with my concerns. Both of our sons live 200 miles away and, again, I feel that I don't want to add to their own worries about my husband. So, I'm pleased that I discovered this site and will definitely come on to chat if I need to.

Thanks again, you've helped a lot.

Edited by member 22 Feb 2018 at 11:19 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 22 Feb 2018 at 11:56

Hi Geneivie,

As a member of the PC Club and one i would have preferred not to have joined i think any diagnosis is a shock at first to both the husband and wife and will take time to adjust to the long term effects and outcome of any treatment.

When i was diagnosed in April 2016 it took time and research some on this site to find out what my journey would be like.I needed the help and support from my wife and she came to all my appointments with the Specialist and oncology team and of course she felt like you and of course worried about any future outcome.

We both listened to the advise of the professionals and with more knowledge gathered we decided to fight for the best results for both of us.I had a PSA of 2.19 and a Gleason score of 3+4=7 and with MRI bone other scans showing no breakout and talking to two Specialist we took the Brachytherapy route.

So far my is PSA is dropping well and we are down to six months between blood tests.Good luck with further treatment and i will always be here for any help and support i can give you both.

Regards John.

User

Posted 22 Feb 2018 at 18:15

Genevieve. You need to be positive about this. The PSA nadir (so far, it may drop further) is excellent as in a similar situation over ten years ago. No reason why your husband should not beat my survival. Focus on living for the years ahead rather than worrying yourself and him into a downward spiral from worst fears. He has made a very good start. Now build on that by seeing things through - and enjoy life!

User

Posted 22 Feb 2018 at 19:02

Thank you John and AC, your supportive words are greatly appreciated.

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