No life

Ah Rose, welcome to the site that I'm sure you do not want to be a member of.

After 44 years, could you really walk away? (unless they haven't all been good years of course and only you know that)

A lot of men find it difficult to discuss their PC. Something else like heart attack or lung cancer etc doesn't get to the core of a man like PC does because it attacks the very things that make him a man and all he sees is his loss of identity.

No matter how many of us wives will tell them we love them because they are who they are, not because of what they can give us in the way of intimacy, we cannot truly understand it from their point of view.
We take the attitude that they are lucky to be alive. For some men they don't see it as life because it isn't complete anymore and they are only half a man.
Women, I think , are probably more practical.

However, that isn't helping you at the moment is it. I have to say that although I do not have experience of the after effects of hormone injections there are quite a few on here who do and the one thing that comes across is the mood swings as a result.

The tears, the nastiness, is all part of the Hormone therapy. Perhaps if you tell yourself that and don't take his nastiness personally it might help you cope with it a bit better.

The way he is at present, you're damned if you show an interest and your damned if you don't. A bit like dealing with a sulky teenager who also can't control his/her hormones .

Only you know what he was like before his diagnosis and what your marriage was like but if this PC has caused him to change for the worse, would you really want to chuck away 44 years?

I hope somebody else will be along to give their take on your situation but you are asking for answers to questions that we cannot possibly know the answer to because only you are living your life.

I know he won't be easy to talk to at present,but have you explained to him exactly how his attitude is affecting you? Two walls of silence are no good since there isn't any conversation to break them down.

Best Wishes
Sandra

(PS I've been married to my husband for 47+  years and have had a few bumps along the way in that time so I know life isn't always rosy)

****

Edited by member 23 Feb 2018 at 09:22  | Reason: Not specified

Unless of course he is abusive. A cancer diagnosis is traumatic and the hormones can change someone's personality but nothing excuses domestic violence, manipulative or abusive behaviour. As Johsan said, only you can judge how serious the problem is but we have had members in the past who made a decision to leave because their already abusive relationship became worse after diagnosis.

Apart from relate have you discussed your feelings with family/friends? Does he treat them the same or is it just directed at you. Only you know what his personality was like before his diagnosis and how close your relationship was.

Is he really a " changed" man or has his behaviour towards you just worsened?

Both your world's will have been turned upside down by this disease but the only way forward to help each other is to be able to communicate. Can you really not sit down with him and explain how you feel and also listen to his concerns.

If you think he is perhaps suffering from depression could you maybe go to see the GP with him. Do you go to see the consultant etc with him?

Take care and try to stay strong. Best wishes for the future. I really hope you can find a way to support each other.

Ann

If you don’t communicate and have that kind of intimacy/support then it sounds hard to progress through this traumatic time together as a couple - rather than 2 individuals experiencing their own difficulties

But your post here is a warning to us guys going through this to not sink into it as a painful personal experience but to keep those close ones around us very much in mind

Ps

There is also another explanation for his seeming isolation - he might be pushing you away - but of course I don’t know anything about your circumstances