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User
Posted 05 Mar 2018 at 17:01

I'm just over a year post radical prostatectomy and lymph node removal. I guess I am lucky to be alive as the cancer was quite aggressive and all signs are that my wonderful surgeon managed to remove all the cancer and my PSA <0.02. My sex life before being diagnosed was relatively poor, my wife had lost interest in sex after the birth of our second child and sex had been virtually non-existent since she went through the menopause. I was at least able to have some form of relief through masturbation but since the operation, even this has become difficult but I can orgasm at times. I have tried using a pump for an erection and found it very painful to apply the constriction ring, injections worked but became very painful and there was no real sensation in the penis. I am now trying Sildenafil with limited success but am wondering if this the effect would be better with a bit more encouragement from my wife. And there is the problem, she is not interested and all attempts at any sexual contact are rebuffed. I love my wife but am becoming more resentful over her coldness towards me - am I alone in the way I feel and has anyone else found a solution to this problem?

User
Posted 05 Mar 2018 at 18:16

I’m sorry to hear of your problems I truly am. I guess most of my success now 3 yrs post op has been with the support of a loving interested wife. Indeed I could not masturbate at all post op and it seemed only oral sex was the key. Although the pump seems painful I think it is your best way forward for self relief. You need to use it regularly ok and you may get used to it. I don’t like the rings but if you use one and buy a Tenga Egg from Loveboney or Ann Summers and some lube then it’s the closest to the real thing you can get. Also buy a mini bullet vibrator which can give great orgasms. I can’t really help with your inter marital problems but I know what it’s like with no relief. Very frustrating for a man.
Best wishes

User
Posted 10 Mar 2018 at 09:41

Tricky if your wife isn't interested. Mine actually left me 6 months after my OP having actually told me she was glad I couldn't get it up! Not a great confidence giver!
What I can definitively say now 2 years later is - don't give up. Once I started dating I was pleasantly suprised about how accepting of my condition women were and meeting someone who wanted to be loving and intimate has transformed my situation. I no longer need pills or injections BUT I still try regular workouts with the pump as I can. only get it up during sex and I think you need regular erection to keep the pipes clear! Oh and Chris 's suggestion of a Durex cock ring was s bigger help than anything else.

So don't give up keep at it and maybe try relate or something for advice on rekindling the physical side of your marriage.

User
Posted 23 Apr 2018 at 20:19

I know this is no consolation to you stillgoingstrong but I could have written that post. A few minor edits and the scenario is almost the same for me. After the operation in October 2017 I have had major problems with urinary incontinence that has only just begun to improve. Still need to wear the pants rather than pads. It doesn't help you sexually when you are more than likely going to pee on your partner. Basically if you draw a line from hip to hip everything below is a source of trouble. Constant constipation even taking laxatives and eating fresh veg and fruit in great quantities makes no difference. As for my George he is a total flat tyre with no sensation or feeling. I am using a pump more to keep it alive rather than any other reason. I live in hope of a miracle but I really don't think things will get much better. My wife has not been at all interested in me physically for years. I feel our relationship is like that Christmas balloon slowly deflating as time passes. We are alive that is the main thing.

 

Always in the brown stuff but only the depth varies.

User
Posted 24 Apr 2018 at 13:03

Hi there,

Just to agree that I would advise booking relate. You need an open and honest discussion ASAP and relate can facilitate that. Book a session at a time you know will work for your wife and tell her you have done so. Hopefully she will attend with you.

Good luck

 
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