Am I doing the right thing?

User

Posted 26 Apr 2018 at 23:30

I had results of my recent blood results which highlighted an increase in my PSA from 3.0 to 4.0 within 9 months.
I have no symptoms and had a urologist perform DRE which showed some slight enlargement but otherwise unremarkable.

I'm having MRI next week and follow up appt to see Urologist a week later.

My wife is a natural worrier and I don't want to raise uneccessary worry and upset her without knowing the outcome of diagnostics. I have decided to keep it to myself for now to protect my wonderful wife. I know she'll be on the dreaded Google and diagnosing me accordingly.

I'm feeling incredibly guilty about not sharing this with my wife albeit in her best interest.

Damned if I do or damned if I don't seems to be my scenario at the moment.
Not sure if I'm doing the right thing but I know my beautiful wife and that she will think the worst instead of being measured, pragmatic and positive.

I'm in turmoil but think I've done the right thing albeit guilt ridden!!! ++

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 00:16

Only you know which will be worse - to have her knowing, googling and panicking now - or the storm if / when you have to tell her that you kept it from her. Of course, there is every chance that you will get the all clear and never have to admit to this transgression but ......

If you hold your present line, I hope you will consider owning up in time for her to be able to attend the urology appointment with you the week after the MRI?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 04:44

Tell her!

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 08:13

Hiya Kev,
Nobody can really advise or tell you what to do mate.Only you know what is possibly the best action.Like you say "damned if you do" etc.I chose to keep my diagnosis from my,already under pressure,son until I was nearly due for RP.This probably turned out to be a mistake as he now sometimes thinks I may be keeping information from him.All the best,and I hope things work out for you.
Paul

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 09:56

I'd tell her, but tell her the truth - and don't allow the conversation to grow beyond what is known. In cricketing terms, it's called playing with a straight bat.

The truth is that you have a slightly raised PSA, which can be due to lots of things, of which cancer is only one. The GREAT NEWS is that you know and it'll be sorted.

Nobody knows what's going on, the consultant will have no clue until he has the results from a scan and biopsy, even if it gets that far.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss, speculation should be banned, as should google. If necessary, get the dog to eat the router!

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 12:06

Having to deal with the wrath of an angry woman and PCa - that's too much for any man. I'd tell her. The other thing is, if you do turn out to have PCa, she will have to walk the journey with you and sadly face the side effects of treatment.

Up to you, of course.

Ulsterman

User

Posted 27 Apr 2018 at 12:31

I think you should tell her too. My wife knew what was happening all the way through my diagnosis but I was so far down the denial road I went to get my biopsy results on my own. I received a positive result from the biopsy with no one there to support me and a consultant who neither had the time to talk to me or the inclination to have any empathy for my position. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It was the lowest I'd ever been and not having her there was horrible.

Andrew.

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