I sympathise with you Roger.
We have had the same thing said to us, once by our daughter who had nursed her then 13 year old son through aggressive inoperative cancer and her own aggressive bowel cancer.
To her, her dad's condition was treatable and therefore the "best" kind of cancer to have. She has since revised that opinion as her friend's dad has just died of it, leaving a wife for whom he was the main carer. She now realises that not all prostate cancers are equal.
She originally spoke through a combination of ignorance and the desire to be positive for us.
I think that a lot of people speak first without processing what they are saying or what it comes out like.
If I say to a man going through the hot flushes "join the club" it isn't intended to diminish what he is going through, rather a way of letting him know that I really DO understand what distress the hot flushes and sleepless nights caused by them mean. If I can then offer advice on what worked for me (allowing for the difference in sex and hormone imbalance) ie how to keep cool in bed, then I hope I've achieve something.
Don't bottle up your feelings, it will just make it worse.
i was going to add a reply to Bill but I don't think it necessary
To all the men on this site, be you a manly man, a big softie, a transgender person or whatever, if I reply to a post you have made where you have asked for advice or just a listening ear, I do it consciously and in the hope that I can/ have been helpful.
When I see a poster has no replies after a bit of a wait and If I don't know the answer or I'm not confident about my knowledge then I'll "bump" them in the hope that somebody else will step in.
If I thought the men on here were all woosies and needed to "man up" then I wouldn't bother would I?
Believe it or not (and I am aware that there are quite a few men on here with very supportive wives and partners) as wives and partners we have a very difficult line to tread.. We need to support, encourage and occasionally get tough.
Those of us other halves that do that are the ones who love and care and the men on the receiving end are the lucky ones because they have us fighting alongside our men.
I've been one of the lucky ones in that John didn't need the HT or had a life changing operation. Doesn't mean I can't empathise with those men who have or their wives and partners who share all that those things entail.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
I too have had similar comments, it no longer hurts me after 3.5 years but inspires me to keep talking about it, keep making a noise with every opportunity as that is how we can do our bit to educate people , spread awareness and perhaps save another’s life through early detection.
In the early days, I got a bit angry and when once a lady said to me regarding hot flushes like you, “now you know what it’s like to be a woman on menopause” I retorted “apart from your menopause is natural but mine is a reminder that I will be killed by prostate cancer”. She went rather red and I should not have said it but it made the point to her.
i also get near constant emails and messages whenever there is a positive development on treatment in the news Even though 95% are irrelevant for me however at least people are noticing and again it enables me to start a conversation.
so now i almost rejoice when I get an uneducated comment as it enables me to have the right to reply and talk about PCUK and why they are so important.
for what it’s worth, I know men Who have had a PSA test after speaking to me or reading things I have posted and found out they have early stage pca, they have now been treated and hopefully will live long happy lives now. Without sounding big headed, I may have saved their lives!
tomorrow I am starting 7 marathons in 7 days with 120 + colleagues off their own bat and not only has that raised lots of money it has massively spread awareness within RBS who I work for. I hope anyone readI got this thinks about how they can do their bit to raise awareness. You too could be saving a life(or more!) , i for one want to be able to think when I am at my end that I did all I could.
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
Dear all,
I'd like to give everyone a gentle reminder about the house rules for the community.
Our house rules are 'be supportive', 'be kind' and 'help us keep the community peaceful':
http://prostatecanceruk.org/get-support/using-the-online-community#house-rules
We don't want to start locking threads and issuing warnings to people about their behaviour so please can I ask for everyone to be considerate to each other and respect differing opinions.
Best wishes,
Carol
Digital Manager
Prostate Cancer UK
|
User
Bill,
What world do you live in?
My husband is living with prostate cancer and the last two years have been very hard. I applaud every ounce of progress made in cancer research, whichever form of this terrible disease it may be, and to suggest women do not care is a hideous idea.
I too find some people who do not have personal experience of living with the on going effects of hormone therapy can fail to understand how much it changes lives, this applies equally to men and women I think, but I think this probably so with many serious illness.
What I do know is that the support of friends, both male and female, has been vital over the last two years even if they cannot completely understand our situation, and we are both very grateful for their friendship.
Mikesmum
User
I think there can be a tendency to belittle Pca. It irritates me a bit and I started a thread about this and related issues quite recently. It is clearly a problem in terms of getting people to take the disease seriously and the excellent work done by this organisation is helping. The death every 45 minutes slogan is useful stuff and the fact that it is now the third most deadly cancer has had wide coverage.
If I could sum up Joe Public's attitude (I find men no different from women in this regard) it's something like this:
1) Only old men get it and they've had their life anyway.
2) If you do get it it takes a long time to kill you.
Those of us with a family history of the disease know better. My mum lost both her husbands to PCa - my Dad dying at 57.
So more power to prostatecancer.uk - their work is changing perceptions and helping with getting more research.
User
What is factual is that women have had to fight hard for the equal rights for the vote, for entrance to golf clubs, for equal pay and higher positions in companies, fight prejudice, among many other things. They have had to organize themselves better to secure equal rights and it is no surprise that they are more proactive when it comes to health for themselves and for their children. But their concern also extends to their menfolk. Many of the men who have been on this forum confirm it was because of the insistance of a lady partner or femail family member that they went to their GP in the first place.
Yes, women sometimes tease men about the menopause when they talk about 'hot flushes' but there is no reason to assume they don't sympathise and comprehend what men go through just as men can understand how women can be devastated by disease and other things. To levy a diatribe against women in the way Bill has is both unreasonable and offensive. (And Hillary Clinton is more self centered than Trump!!!!?). It is belligerent and self centered men that have caused wars leading to hunger, disease and deprevation throughout history and women who have suffered directly and indirecly as a result of male dominance. So good good luck to women if they stand up for themseves. Men need to be more proactive when it comes to health. Of course men sometimes want to discuss certain things more particularly with men and women with women and often prefer their GP to be of the same sex, nothing controversail in that.
Edited by member 11 Jun 2018 at 18:16
| Reason: Not specified
Barry |
User
Bill in Wales ππππ
the bold text made me laugh
but seriously man, you have serious problems with overgeneralisation
User
I am perfectly serious; Moderators, is there an appetite for a topic area for men who do not want responses from female members? There is nothing illegal about doing so although I suspect that posts in that topic area will sometimes have far fewer replies and less balance.
I think about this sometimes, particularly when we get a new gay, bi or trans member who posts a query. I wait, hoping that someone with the relevant experience (that clearly I don't have) will come along but like Johsan, I worry about posters who get a zero response and end up ploughing in to suggest existing posts or threads that may help. It will be good to know who not to waste time on.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Rogersb, my OH would agree with you to an extent - he was most hurt by his sister who said things like 'well my father-in-law had it and he is fine now" (to which the reply was "oh, that's great; does he use a vacuum pump to get an erection or does he have injections?") and "it's one of the best kinds to get" (to which the obvious reply was "not when you are 50")
He does challenge - it is an opportunity to educate. But I have to say there has been more minimising from men than women, in our case - I have heard jokes about 'not being able to get it up' from men who probably wouldn't have said it if they had stopped and thought for a minute.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Great thread I love Lyn and Bill!!
Edited by member 12 Jun 2018 at 08:28
| Reason: Not specified
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
It gets to me,as well .I suppose they think they helping.its sad but some people I try to avoid.all the best geoff
User
I too have had similar comments, it no longer hurts me after 3.5 years but inspires me to keep talking about it, keep making a noise with every opportunity as that is how we can do our bit to educate people , spread awareness and perhaps save another’s life through early detection.
In the early days, I got a bit angry and when once a lady said to me regarding hot flushes like you, “now you know what it’s like to be a woman on menopause” I retorted “apart from your menopause is natural but mine is a reminder that I will be killed by prostate cancer”. She went rather red and I should not have said it but it made the point to her.
i also get near constant emails and messages whenever there is a positive development on treatment in the news Even though 95% are irrelevant for me however at least people are noticing and again it enables me to start a conversation.
so now i almost rejoice when I get an uneducated comment as it enables me to have the right to reply and talk about PCUK and why they are so important.
for what it’s worth, I know men Who have had a PSA test after speaking to me or reading things I have posted and found out they have early stage pca, they have now been treated and hopefully will live long happy lives now. Without sounding big headed, I may have saved their lives!
tomorrow I am starting 7 marathons in 7 days with 120 + colleagues off their own bat and not only has that raised lots of money it has massively spread awareness within RBS who I work for. I hope anyone readI got this thinks about how they can do their bit to raise awareness. You too could be saving a life(or more!) , i for one want to be able to think when I am at my end that I did all I could.
Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019 |
User
morning rogersb,
KevIrun makes good points, but he is a one off, and we all react differently.
If you are having other issues re the mood swings etc due to HT it may be not so easy for you to promote a conversation about PCa. I wish there was a magic pill that one could offer you that would smoothe your treatment. Hopefully you can continue to deal with it and make allowances for others.
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Hi Rogersb
"I especially find it being women, say oh prostate cancer is not bad its not like breast cancer my mother/aunt/sister had and killed her...."
The best advise I can give you is....STOP concerning yourself with what other people (especially women) think. Women will NEVER understand men's suffering or concerns....it is not in their solipsistic and self-centered nature.
To them....YOUR suffering, efforts and sacrifices are irrelevant.....if it doesn't benefit them. In fact I'm willing to bet that most of them would gladly remove all forms of Government funding for Prostate Cancer research (since it does not benefit them)...and spend the money on Breast Cancer research instead.
When you talk about Prostate Cancer with a Woman...they see nothing but a whining man-baby!
If you need to talk about Prostate Cancer...talk to your male friends.
Bill
Edited by member 10 Jun 2018 at 16:00
| Reason: Not specified
User
Bill,
What world do you live in?
My husband is living with prostate cancer and the last two years have been very hard. I applaud every ounce of progress made in cancer research, whichever form of this terrible disease it may be, and to suggest women do not care is a hideous idea.
I too find some people who do not have personal experience of living with the on going effects of hormone therapy can fail to understand how much it changes lives, this applies equally to men and women I think, but I think this probably so with many serious illness.
What I do know is that the support of friends, both male and female, has been vital over the last two years even if they cannot completely understand our situation, and we are both very grateful for their friendship.
Mikesmum
User
Good heavens Bill - who pi**ed on your parade?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Just wanted to add that since my PCa diagnosis a few weeks ago, the person I've received the most emotional support from (and I've found it pretty tough emotionally) has been a woman friend (purely a friend - not in any sort of relationship). My manager at work is also a woman and again couldn't have been more helpful and supportive.
It's not a requirement to have men's bits in order to be able to give emotional support to a man with PCa!
Chris
Edited by member 10 Jun 2018 at 18:40
| Reason: Not specified
User
You have only to look at the number of women who research and support thei rmen and others too on this forum to know they care. Unfortunately, there are a few men as well as women who are self centered but this is probably in most things, nor just PCa..
Barry |
User
Are you being serious Bill ?. If so, how sad you think that way. We are not all the same. Does your comments include all the female Urologists, Oncologists, GP's ,Radiographers , nurses etc that try to do their best for men with prostate cancer ? Would they like to see Prostate Cancer research funding dropped. I don't think so neither would I. If anything I would like to see it increased and so would millions of others I'm sure. Don't tar us all with the same brush.
Regards
Ann
User
Generally,
Rather than attack Bill for his post and how if hurts "feelings",or offends , perhaps look to understand what may have prompted that response, and then offer support?
If his experience is as stated, who are we to critic?
If someone suffering can not express freely here and ask for help, where can they?
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Countryboy99
Did you notice how they ALL spent their time and effort replying to MY comment?...and trying to show how wrong I am?...and NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That)?........INSTEAD of answering the Original poster's question....the guy WHO actually wanted and needed help?
"Women will NEVER understand men's suffering or concerns....it is not in their solipsistic and self-centered nature."
My reply to the original poster was very clear: If You a MASCULINE MAN and you need help....be strong and SELF-RELIANT first...then seek out MALE friends that understand what it is to be a MAN and understand OUR issues. Do NOT concern your self with NEGATIVITY and with what other people think....specially women.
Watch What They Do...NOT what they say! How many marches and protests have you seen ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD where they will voice their opposition to Breast Cancer Research receiving 200% more UK Government funding that Prostate Cancer Research does....despite the fact that Prostate Cancer kills more Men than Breast Cancer kills women?
How many of the posters here think that we should CUT Breast Cancer Research funding and INCREASE prostate Cancer funding...you know to EVEN things out...or be a bit more "pro-equality"?
When Hillary Clinton said: "Women have always been the primary victims of war."...she was NOT being evil and misandrist (despite being both)...she was just displaying her solipsistic and self-centered nature.
If You a MASCULINE MAN and you need help....be strong and SELF-RELIANT first...then seek out MALE friends that understand what it is to be a MAN and understand OUR issues.
Bill
User
I think my point has been well made by many of the comments posted
User
What is factual is that women have had to fight hard for the equal rights for the vote, for entrance to golf clubs, for equal pay and higher positions in companies, fight prejudice, among many other things. They have had to organize themselves better to secure equal rights and it is no surprise that they are more proactive when it comes to health for themselves and for their children. But their concern also extends to their menfolk. Many of the men who have been on this forum confirm it was because of the insistance of a lady partner or femail family member that they went to their GP in the first place.
Yes, women sometimes tease men about the menopause when they talk about 'hot flushes' but there is no reason to assume they don't sympathise and comprehend what men go through just as men can understand how women can be devastated by disease and other things. To levy a diatribe against women in the way Bill has is both unreasonable and offensive. (And Hillary Clinton is more self centered than Trump!!!!?). It is belligerent and self centered men that have caused wars leading to hunger, disease and deprevation throughout history and women who have suffered directly and indirecly as a result of male dominance. So good good luck to women if they stand up for themseves. Men need to be more proactive when it comes to health. Of course men sometimes want to discuss certain things more particularly with men and women with women and often prefer their GP to be of the same sex, nothing controversail in that.
Edited by member 11 Jun 2018 at 18:16
| Reason: Not specified
Barry |
User
Bill in Wales ππππ
the bold text made me laugh
but seriously man, you have serious problems with overgeneralisation
User
I know without a shadow of a doubt that the criticisms levelled by Bill (and the negative experiences that Roger has had) do not apply to me. I also am fairly sure that Bill has thanked me for responses / info / support offered since he joined.
But this does raise a new issue for us all and to save some of us from accidentally offending a member who thinks women are selfish bitches campaigning to take away funds from men's cancers by replying to his post when all others have ignored it, perhaps the moderators could create a new topic area for men who only want replies from other men? It will be very important though to clarify whether that should only be men who are masculine men, or any men. What about gay men - will they be allowed to reply or does it depend whether they have a deep voice? And the small number of transgender women with prostate cancer - where do they fit in this new world of people who can or can't understand what it is to be a man?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
"...It is belligerent and self centered men that have caused wars leading to hunger, disease and deprevation throughout history and women who have suffered directly and indirecly as a result of male dominance...."
WOW! Man-hating Jessica Valenti or Germaine Greer could not have it said better!
I don't understand the reason for your post (since the original poster had the answers he was looking for)...nevertheless I had fun reading it!
Regards
Bill...a Trump Supporter!
User
Hi Lyn
I just gave you another Thanks (just to show that I'm not a meanie bas**rd)
...and NO I don't think "....women are selfish bitches..." ...I think YOU are a very caring person!
As far as a "Men only" forum...I think that "Male Only" spaces are probably illegal in the West (unlike Women only safe spaces)***.
Regards
Bill
*** sarc/
Edited by member 11 Jun 2018 at 20:09
| Reason: Not specified
User
I am perfectly serious; Moderators, is there an appetite for a topic area for men who do not want responses from female members? There is nothing illegal about doing so although I suspect that posts in that topic area will sometimes have far fewer replies and less balance.
I think about this sometimes, particularly when we get a new gay, bi or trans member who posts a query. I wait, hoping that someone with the relevant experience (that clearly I don't have) will come along but like Johsan, I worry about posters who get a zero response and end up ploughing in to suggest existing posts or threads that may help. It will be good to know who not to waste time on.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Rogersb, my OH would agree with you to an extent - he was most hurt by his sister who said things like 'well my father-in-law had it and he is fine now" (to which the reply was "oh, that's great; does he use a vacuum pump to get an erection or does he have injections?") and "it's one of the best kinds to get" (to which the obvious reply was "not when you are 50")
He does challenge - it is an opportunity to educate. But I have to say there has been more minimising from men than women, in our case - I have heard jokes about 'not being able to get it up' from men who probably wouldn't have said it if they had stopped and thought for a minute.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
|
User
Lyn thanks for the response
Unfortunately in the past PCA was regarded as something all men had and died with and not from. This is so untrue but still not acknowledged even today when more men die from prostate cancer than women from breast cancer.
what is needed is some education of both men and women. Prostate cancer is a serious cancer and if advanced is a 5-10 year death sentence - the sooner this is understood the sooner responses can be more supportive i suggest.
The data below from Prostate Cancer Uk is telling as to how serious a disease this is:
There are around 11,500 prostate cancer deaths in the UK every year, that's 31 every day (2014-2016).
In males in the UK, prostate cancer is the 2nd most common cause of cancer death, with around 11,600 deaths in 2016.
Prostate cancer accounts for 13% of all cancer deaths in males in the UK (2016).
Mortality rates for prostate cancer in the UK are highest in males aged 90+ (2014-2016).
Since the early 1970s, prostate cancer mortality rates in males have increased by around a fifth (21%) in the UK.
Over the last decade prostate cancer mortality rates in males have decreased by more than a tenth (13%) in the UK.
Mortality rates for prostate cancer are projected to fall by 16% in the UK between 2014 and 2035, to 48 deaths per 100,000 males by 2035.
Prostate cancer deaths in England are not associated with deprivation.
In Europe, around 92,300 men were estimated to have died from prostate cancer in 2012. The UK mortality rate is 15th highest in Europe.
Worldwide, more than 307,000 men were estimated to have died from prostate cancer in 2012, with mortality rates varying across the world.
User
Sorry data was Cancer Research UK
I would also add
Five-year relative survival for prostate cancer ranges from more than 100% at Stage I to 30% at Stage IV for patients diagnosed during 2002-2006 in the former Anglia Cancer Network.
User
Great thread I love Lyn and Bill!!
Edited by member 12 Jun 2018 at 08:28
| Reason: Not specified
User
and these statistics from the American Cancer Society reinforce the message on advanced or spreading prostate cancer
-Local stage means that there is no sign that the cancer has spread outside of the prostate. This includes AJCC stage I, II, and some stage III cancers. About 4 out of 5 prostate cancers are found in this early stage. The relative 5-year survival rate for local stage prostate cancer is nearly 100%.
-Regional stage means the cancer has spread from the prostate to nearby areas. This includes mainly stage IIIB and IVA cancers. The relative 5-year survival rate for regional stage prostate cancer is nearly 100%.
-Distant stage includes stage IVB cancers β cancers that have spread to distant lymph nodes, bones, or other organs. The relative 5-year survival rate for distant stage prostate cancer is about 29%.
User
Hi Lyn
Great post....and it is a perfect example of the difference between Men-Women and what I posted before.....
Your Post:
OH's sister said: "well my father-in-law had it and he is fine now"
Womansplaining Translation: "Man Up you big baby!"
VS:
Dudebro said: "jokes about 'not being able to get it up"
Mansplaining Translation: "LOL....You are A Gay!"
See the difference there?
For a Man (not for me...since I don't care what women think....and I know the shaming tactics they constantly use) to be told BY A WOMAN to "Man Up you big baby" is offensive and hurtful....
Why don't Women see that?
Because...."Women will NEVER understand men's suffering or concerns....it is not in their solipsistic and self-centered nature."
However to be called "GAY" by one of your mates is normal, funny and shows they care....although offensively homophobic and politically incorrect.
Regards
Bill
*****Sorry to post this again Lyn...I deleted the previous one by mistake.
Edited by member 12 Jun 2018 at 10:31
| Reason: Not specified
User
We all seem to have the same experience, and comments made when people learn we have prostate cancer.
Let's just accept that everyone is concerned and tries to help. It's just that they dont know how best to do it, and sometimes get it wrong.
That's a lot better than being disinterested and uncaring.
My response to "its a good cancer to get" is "yes I know, and I'm a lucky chappieπ"
User
Dear all,
I'd like to give everyone a gentle reminder about the house rules for the community.
Our house rules are 'be supportive', 'be kind' and 'help us keep the community peaceful':
http://prostatecanceruk.org/get-support/using-the-online-community#house-rules
We don't want to start locking threads and issuing warnings to people about their behaviour so please can I ask for everyone to be considerate to each other and respect differing opinions.
Best wishes,
Carol
Digital Manager
Prostate Cancer UK
|
User
Uh-oh!.....somebody has been naughty!
Oh..wait....WHO GRASSED ME UP?
User
I sympathise with you Roger.
We have had the same thing said to us, once by our daughter who had nursed her then 13 year old son through aggressive inoperative cancer and her own aggressive bowel cancer.
To her, her dad's condition was treatable and therefore the "best" kind of cancer to have. She has since revised that opinion as her friend's dad has just died of it, leaving a wife for whom he was the main carer. She now realises that not all prostate cancers are equal.
She originally spoke through a combination of ignorance and the desire to be positive for us.
I think that a lot of people speak first without processing what they are saying or what it comes out like.
If I say to a man going through the hot flushes "join the club" it isn't intended to diminish what he is going through, rather a way of letting him know that I really DO understand what distress the hot flushes and sleepless nights caused by them mean. If I can then offer advice on what worked for me (allowing for the difference in sex and hormone imbalance) ie how to keep cool in bed, then I hope I've achieve something.
Don't bottle up your feelings, it will just make it worse.
i was going to add a reply to Bill but I don't think it necessary
To all the men on this site, be you a manly man, a big softie, a transgender person or whatever, if I reply to a post you have made where you have asked for advice or just a listening ear, I do it consciously and in the hope that I can/ have been helpful.
When I see a poster has no replies after a bit of a wait and If I don't know the answer or I'm not confident about my knowledge then I'll "bump" them in the hope that somebody else will step in.
If I thought the men on here were all woosies and needed to "man up" then I wouldn't bother would I?
Believe it or not (and I am aware that there are quite a few men on here with very supportive wives and partners) as wives and partners we have a very difficult line to tread.. We need to support, encourage and occasionally get tough.
Those of us other halves that do that are the ones who love and care and the men on the receiving end are the lucky ones because they have us fighting alongside our men.
I've been one of the lucky ones in that John didn't need the HT or had a life changing operation. Doesn't mean I can't empathise with those men who have or their wives and partners who share all that those things entail.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Until my operation and subsequent recurrence, I used to get annoyed by the idiocies, insanities and inanities being perpetrated at each end of the various (overlapping) social, cultural, gender, economic, political (or whatever) spectra.
Afterwards, I took a long look at what was important and realised that letting go of what was out of my control (and in the main was the extreme and exception in hindsight) was far healthier and less stressful. I am trying to concentrate on what I can control, which is my diet, my lifestyle, my thoughts, feelings and whatnot. It is early days but I feel that it is the start of a positive journey that I may not even had made where it not for this bloody disease.
To use a metaphor that I am very confident Bill understands...
The people in the matrix are not the enemy. The enemy is Prostate Cancer AKA Agent Smith. The best weapon we have is to remain positive and act positive to ourselves and others. I know damn well that stress and negative thinking played a huge part in my initial diagnosis and recurrence. I won't let being angry at myself or others have the same negative effect it did before. If someone p***** me off, I either nod and smile or if it stresses me then and there, I go away and reflect on it until it no longer does.
To refer to another great film - "be excellent to each other".
P
Edited by member 12 Jun 2018 at 16:36
| Reason: Not specified
User
I think there can be a tendency to belittle Pca. It irritates me a bit and I started a thread about this and related issues quite recently. It is clearly a problem in terms of getting people to take the disease seriously and the excellent work done by this organisation is helping. The death every 45 minutes slogan is useful stuff and the fact that it is now the third most deadly cancer has had wide coverage.
If I could sum up Joe Public's attitude (I find men no different from women in this regard) it's something like this:
1) Only old men get it and they've had their life anyway.
2) If you do get it it takes a long time to kill you.
Those of us with a family history of the disease know better. My mum lost both her husbands to PCa - my Dad dying at 57.
So more power to prostatecancer.uk - their work is changing perceptions and helping with getting more research.
User
Hi Johsan
Great post…and also a fantastic example of what I’m trying to convey!
“…If I say to a man going through the hot flushes "join the club" it isn't intended to diminish what he is going through, rather a way of letting him know that I really DO understand what distress the hot flushes and sleepless nights caused by them mean….”
When you tell a chemically castrated man (that thinks about dying 24-7)…"Join the club" after he told you about his hot flushes….what precisely was the reaction you expected?
Did you expect him to NOT listen to the words you SAID but instead understand YOUR intention for saying it?
Let me flip the script here…..
Scene 1
Part 1
Lady (Miss. Robinson…..mid forties) meeting male millennial co-worker (Mr BluePill) at Starbucks for a coffee.
Miss Robinson: “I’m so upset…..I stopped having my “Ladies Time” last month….”
At this point Mr.BluePill is in panic mode…trying to remember what happened last month…
But then he realises that he is NOT going to be a baby daddy….when THESE WORDS come out of his mouth:
Mr BluePill: "Well my grandmother went through the same thing and she is fine now"
************************************
You see….Mr BluePill did not say these words to be nasty…..his single mom raised him to be sensitive and caring.
He did not intend to diminish what she is going through, rather a way of letting her know that he really DOES understand how distressful….(being a single lady in her mid-forties…and no kids) can be!
After all His MEANING and INTENTION is what counts is it not?.....Nope.
But of course no man (that wants to remain employed…and out of jail) would EVER say THAT to a female co-worker…or any other woman!
Why? Because he was well trained and domesticated from a young age to put a woman’s feelings and well being…above his own.
Walking on egg-shells around women (especially now) is what most men do….and when they fail…they will pay a heavy price for it!
Sleeping on the Couch is the punishment married man get after behaving like Insensitive Bas***ds!
If however you are a woman….men are simply suppose to “get it” that the “Meaning” of what you said (not the words) are important….. and they should just Man up!
If one is put on a Pedestal from a young age (women)…caring for the feelings of those beneath (men)…. is not natural.
So…..when a woman (from her sacred pedestal) tells a guy to “Man Up you big baby” or “Stop whinging…this is not so bad”….they may as well give him a rope and tell him to go and F** himself…and they are.