To tell or not to tell!

User

Posted 18 Aug 2018 at 20:35

Situation crisis, I have PC. Do I fess up or keep it to myself ( wife excluded) I have told my male siblings in case it concerns them, but do I tell elderly parents? Basically confused.com.

I'm at the point where surgery is my only option, hard to hide a few weeks of not being there to help out when one is normally there to help!

User

Posted 18 Aug 2018 at 22:03

That’s a tough call! I decided to be completely open about mine right from the start and it helped me and my family massively and I believe that I’ve contributed to saving 2 peoples lives, via early diagnosis, as a result of being open and raising awareness. I only had a Mum in Law left but she’s been great about it all. I was incurable from diagnosis and faced chemo. Pretty hard to explain if you aren’t open about it! Good luck

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 09:19

HI Blighty

I plumped for telling everyone including my 92 year old mother. I found out all I could about the PCa first so that I could calm any worries that others might have and in doing so it made me less concerned about things.

I was having the op and so everyone was aware that I wouldn't be able to carry out some of my normal activities for a while and when salvage RT came along there was little explaining to do. Now on HT and experiencing some of the side effects everyone around me is at ease with the slightly altered me.

Because the people I know sure aware of what is happening it has prompted some of the men to talk more openly about it, but more importantly my wife has been able to talk to her friends openly when she has felt the need for a bit of support.

I think that being open about it all takes away any pressure and puts it all into context, or it certainly has for us. If there is ever a time when I might be tempted to feel a bit sorry for myself my wife will generally listen, give me a smile and say "Don't big up your part sunshine". This makes me laugh and things are back to normal.

You know yourself, your family and friends best.

All the best with your treatment.

Kevan

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 09:52

I put my diagnosis on Facebook, and glad I did!

Those who cared gave me support, those who didnt, didnt.

Before I did that, I felt like I was hiding, alone, in the trenches. Afterwards, I had a team on my side.

If you aren't open, people who had heard rumours, don't want to say anything in case they say something wrong, so they avoid you, which can be hurtful.

The days when people whisper the word "cancer" are long gone.

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 10:22

I never even considered not being open about it with my family, and I'm very glad I did. I live alone, and my family, including my 85-year-old dad, have provided me with a great deal of emotional support when I've been feeling down, and I had plenty of "down days" while waiting for test results. In my own case the emotional situation was made much harder by the fact that my mum died only two weeks before I was diagnosed with cancer, so it was a "double whammy", so to speak.

Chris

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 10:46

Just be aware that some people will say "if you have to have cancer, PC is a good one to get, and did you know that far more men die with it, than of it?"

Some men think they are minimizing it, saying it's not really important and find that comment very unhelpful.

Remember they are only trying to be kind and helpful.

Just smile and move on😊😊😊😊

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 20:54

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Just be aware that some people will say "if you have to have cancer, PC is a good one to get, and did you know that far more men die with it, than of it?"

Some men think they are minimizing it, saying it's not really important and find that comment very unhelpful.

Remember they are only trying to be kind and helpful.

Just smile and move on😊😊😊😊

kind and helpuL Sorry but they are ignorant to the reality. Do they know anything about the emotional impact any cancer dx has. Do they understand the devastating impact a PCa dx can have on a relationships. Do they understand what it feels like to have the sword of Damocles hovering above your head everyday. I very much doubt it.

User

Posted 19 Aug 2018 at 22:48

This is a difficult one and I feel that much depends on how the news might be taken by parents. My own parents were in their nineties and frail. My Mother was one of the world's worst worriers and had serious health issues of her own. I decided it was kindest to keep my diagnosis and treatment from them, as it would only have added to their worries to no purpose. (Dad died at 98 and Mum at 101 so I think it saved them years of worry.

Barry

User

Posted 20 Aug 2018 at 17:57

Barry, Thanks for this, as it happens my parents are in the same age range as yours were at that time, sort of confirms what I was thinking about!

User

Posted 20 Aug 2018 at 23:14

I understand that elderly parents do worry and to pile the pain and worry on them may not be recommended.

However I told everyone, family and friends that I had PC and spread the word that I, like many others had no symptoms.

It resulted in all my friends of similar age getting checked out.

Being upfront and talking about it may help someone else.

User

Posted 20 Aug 2018 at 23:36

I've only got my wife and her relatives. I decided to tell no-one. From time to time I wondered if it's right but 2 days in hospital and a couple of days lying low isn't too hard to explain.

I don't want people asking me or my wife how I am and relating stories about cancer. You never know people could avoid us. She is a very private person and isn't wanting that attention.

As far as I'm concerned nothing has changed except for a six monthly blood test. If I ever get obviously ill I might change my mind.

User

Posted 21 Aug 2018 at 01:09

Agree, I told no one. The press repeatedly get it wrong when judging men and their motives. If you tell it changes the world around you for ever. If you like normality and don’t want to allow PCa to contaminate you private life then park it out of sight. You have a choice in a social context, you can ether be defined by your disease or not. I can not be bothered to spend a second of my social time explaining to friends and family how I’m doing relative to an incurable disease, that would be insane.

Fresh

Base jumping without a parachute should be frowned at, never criticised. Fresh

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