I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error

Living with a pump

User
Posted 30 Aug 2018 at 16:30

Hello


I had a radical prostatectomy in June 2017. To get clean margins the nerves were removed along with the prostate, so I am now incapable of a natural erection. In November I was issued with a vacuum pump, and I learned to use it over the following month. Gradually we have learned to enjoy a new kind of love life with it, and after several months of practice we are able to make love in a satisfying way (I won't go into details now, but would be happy to share experiences and lessons if anyone needs them. We have learned a lot.


Meanwhile, we have a question for any other couples who may be in a similar position: after years of being able to show arousal in the obvious way - an erection which would in turn arouse my wife - we don't find it easy to sense which of us is in the mood for sex. My wife has no visual clue, and I don't think that just using the pump before anything has happened is a sensitive way to show my interest! Does anyone (especially wives) have any suggestions for ways of learning that the other one is aroused and interested in sex.


 


Thanks


 

User
Posted 30 Aug 2018 at 16:30

Hello


I had a radical prostatectomy in June 2017. To get clean margins the nerves were removed along with the prostate, so I am now incapable of a natural erection. In November I was issued with a vacuum pump, and I learned to use it over the following month. Gradually we have learned to enjoy a new kind of love life with it, and after several months of practice we are able to make love in a satisfying way (I won't go into details now, but would be happy to share experiences and lessons if anyone needs them. We have learned a lot.


Meanwhile, we have a question for any other couples who may be in a similar position: after years of being able to show arousal in the obvious way - an erection which would in turn arouse my wife - we don't find it easy to sense which of us is in the mood for sex. My wife has no visual clue, and I don't think that just using the pump before anything has happened is a sensitive way to show my interest! Does anyone (especially wives) have any suggestions for ways of learning that the other one is aroused and interested in sex.


 


Thanks


 

User
Posted 30 Aug 2018 at 18:31
I’m 51 and 3 1/2 yrs post surgery. I had nerve sparing and am getting full erections now with the help of daily Cialis. I think my lack of erection made us try harder than most couples and actually enjoy foreplay maybe a lot more. I joke that without an erection we were having more fun than most couples. I guess in our case we arranged date nights. Luckily with our budget we could leave the kids and book an hotel. There was no pressure but we both knew what was on the cards I guess. You don’t need an hotel for that !! Pencil in a night and stick to it. May sound cheesy , but music , candles , back-rub , lots of foreplay etc etc ....

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 19:21
I don’t have first hand experience, but I guess it’s all fine unless you cause a proper bleed somehow , and I think this is highly unlikely with proper instruction which you will receive on the day

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 30 Aug 2018 at 18:02
Hello JF45

Although my husband didn't have surgery due to age and Brachytherapy (age more than anything - please don't panic all you younger brachytherapy men!!) we usually have to use a Sildenafil, which puts us in the same situation as you and your wife.

It's lovely that you are sensitive enough to worry about taking lovemaking for granted without knowing how your wife feels at that time.

I don't know how other people manage, but for us, it is really a question of having to ask because otherwise he will have taken a drug that is in his body but for no benefit.

I feel that spontaneity is a thing of the past but really (for us anyway) it's a small price to pay for peace of mind and treatment.

I'm sure that as a man aware of your wife's feelings you are more than capable of showing her you love her. Why not sit together and work out what could be used as a signal in advance of the event so that it doesn't seem quite so planned. There can't be any ambiguity then.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll work something out. I hope others come through with their advice (I might even learn something myself !)
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 30 Aug 2018 at 18:31
I’m 51 and 3 1/2 yrs post surgery. I had nerve sparing and am getting full erections now with the help of daily Cialis. I think my lack of erection made us try harder than most couples and actually enjoy foreplay maybe a lot more. I joke that without an erection we were having more fun than most couples. I guess in our case we arranged date nights. Luckily with our budget we could leave the kids and book an hotel. There was no pressure but we both knew what was on the cards I guess. You don’t need an hotel for that !! Pencil in a night and stick to it. May sound cheesy , but music , candles , back-rub , lots of foreplay etc etc ....

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 31 Aug 2018 at 00:13

Date night exactly as Chris says.. not cheesy but romance and communication to make it clear where things are headed.


During my husbands recovery from his treatment he upped the ‘text flirting’ so as for a period of time a levitata would need to be taken. A ’ Text flirt conversation’  in the day meant we were on the same page when we met....

User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 09:01

Hi, I am new to posting on the forum but have followed it for some time and found opinion and advice on here have helped me immensely .


I am a 64 year old Gleason 9 who had a RP in February 2018. My surgeon was unable to save nerves as the cancer was quite extensive in the prostate . However the good news is I have returned two 0.00  PSA readings  since the surgery. Whilst incontinence was a problem for 4 months , by 6 months I was dry


Now to the next challenge….getting some action from Mr Happy. He has gone from a very healthy size 7  to a coax able size 6 by using the vacuum pump. I have been on 5mg Cialis from the 3 month stage of rehab.


By using the pump 4 to 5 times a week things are looking a lot healthier down there, although no natural erections.


I have two questions which I would appreciate some help with.


Firstly , the head of my penis and towards the top of the shaft are getting some reddish marks or blotches on them. I am guessing this may be blood vessels which have become damaged. Has anyone else heard of this problem before and do you think I should refrain from using the pump for a while?


Secondly , having had no nerve sparing during surgery , is it at all possible that one day I may gain some form of a natural erection?


Looking forward to your thoughts

All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die

User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 10:36
You may be pumping too quickly - pump, pause, pump, pause is better than trying to do it all in one phase.

Without nerves you cannot get natural erections so the Cialis is a waste of time and money (and possibly unnecessary side effects?). We do have one member here who got some erectile function back after non nerve sparing but his surgeon’s view is that somehow some nerves may have been left behind which then repaired themselves.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 16:16
I have used my pump for 3 1/2 yrs since surgery even though I now get good erections with daily cialis. But I had nerve sparing. Lyn is right that you won’t get natural erections with Cialis , but essentially it will still help with better blood flow to the penis and slowing of atrophy. In the early days I would get blotches and tiny burst vessels and sometimes fluid would stay in the penis even after deflating. I was probably trying too hard. So just rest for a while. With the correct sized ring a good erection is sustainable and penetration good but not quite the same. If you can cope with the thought of injecting your penis , Invicorp 25 can produce really good erections in men with no nerve sparing. It’s nowhere near as bad as you think and worth it !!

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 19:08
i had my prostate removed in April. The incontinence has improved quite a lot so I am turning my attention elsewhere.



Does anyone one have any practical experience of using a pump while on blood thinners. I have read quite a bit and most of the advice says it is a big risk but some say it can be done with care.



I have an ED clinic on Friday where this is being discusseD with a rep. At the first clinic I went to I said about my blood thinners but they have arranged this meeting with the rep anyway.



Just wondered If there is anyone with first hand experience out there.



Thanks
User
Posted 23 Oct 2018 at 19:21
I don’t have first hand experience, but I guess it’s all fine unless you cause a proper bleed somehow , and I think this is highly unlikely with proper instruction which you will receive on the day

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 25 Oct 2018 at 13:41

Arrr.. Targus thanks for posting about the blood thinners  It triggered a possible  reason for my blotchiness which I hadnt thought of


I have had two operations for arterial stents and have been told to take blood thinners for the rest of my life


I will back off with the pump and see how I go. It is very difficult when you have a really sexy and caring wife who is improving with age ( she is amazing even after 42 years of marriage)


 


Maybe I might have to consider a implant?


 

All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die

User
Posted 26 Oct 2018 at 10:09
From what I have read it is very early days to even consider an implant. Thought it was 12 months at least befor you are likely to get any natural stirrings however sexy your wife is. And yes I’m lucky enough to have one too :)
User
Posted 26 Oct 2018 at 10:17
Targus, some men recover erections quickly (we have one recent member who regained erections before his catheter was even removed) but the general rule is that it can take 1-2 years. In our case, it was 3 years. However, Keput had non nerve sparing so natural erections are not going to happen.

Keput, caverject injections can be used by men on blood thinners but you have to be careful about bleeding at the injection site. Cream or pellets may be better - try those before assuming you will need an implant.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
 
Forum Jump  
©2021 Prostate Cancer UK